


Primary and Secondary

by Dyzzyah, Epithimia



Series: Primary and Secondary [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexuality, Crossdressing, Dom/sub, F/M, Het and Slash, Kink, M/M, Male Slash, Photography, Rival Relationship, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-06-10
Packaged: 2017-11-02 16:52:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 86,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyzzyah/pseuds/Dyzzyah, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epithimia/pseuds/Epithimia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux just wanted Aradia to stop bitching about him not going to a real school. Eridan just wanted some ass. Funny how they ended up sharing a dorm bathroom together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. >Sollux: Be the Badass

>Sollux: Be the badass.

That’s a load of shit and you know it. You are basically what nerd equates to in those shitty movies from 2001 where the nerd looks like a rebel with his Hot Topic clothes, but says cavalier things to let you know that he’s actually cool. You know what, fuck it. You can be a goddamn renegade if you want (if your WoW stats are anything to go on). Look at your in your sunglasses in spite of the lack of daylight. Actually, it’s a pretty stupid thing you do, but you do it anyway because of reasons. You have many reasons, but that’s neither here nor there because there’s shit to do. Important shit.

>Sollux: Wait for the bus.

Very important. Um, you've BEEN waiting for the bus. For the last 20 minutes. It's April, but the temperature is in the lower 60's. This morning it was nearly 70, so naturally you were stupid enough to just leave the house in a hoodie today. Whatever, you're running hot today and the wind isn't THAT hard to ignore. Besides, the chill isn't the worst thing about this city; the city itself is just the worst thing period. Pittsburgh is a wide swath of filth that spreads out for a few miles and burns off its sludge at the borders. The shithole is gracious enough to offer a bus route that leads straight from your apartment to your community college. 

>Sollux: Skip ahead to when you are already on the bus.

All right. Now what?

>Sollux: Check your phone.

You lift your sunglasses for a second, just long enough to check the time.

There are two text messages. One is from Aradia. 

_y0u have t0 c0me t0 the cafe s0metime s00n, i want t0 try a new drink on y0u 0u0_

As you attempt to type out a reply, your ringtone blares. She decided to call you right now. Fantastic. 

>Sollux: Drop ridiculous pretense strictly to answer your phone.

Sollux numbly answered it, “Hello?”

"Hi Sollux! How's it going? Did you get home yet?"

"Almost. Bus took forever."

Aradia's voice was a cheerful melody as usual, "Oh bummer. Listen, I have to tell you...First, we have to hang out this weekend. We didn't last weekend, and that's just not right."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had plans."

"That's okay, but the second thing...I don't know if you checked your email, but I maaaaay have spammed you with financial aid forms, hahaha...but seriously! You gotta come to my school, Sollux! And don't keep telling me no, because if I can get a scholarship, I know you can!"

"You spammed me with WHAT?" Halfway through her rambling he took the phone away from his ear and sighed, rubbing the side of his head with his fingers, "Woman, I'll get around to it, ok? I already applied there, I just can't do the whole huge fucking commute all the way to New Jersey every day."

"That's why you get a dorm, dur! You think that wasn't an issue for me, too?"

It was getting difficult to come up with reasons that sounded as logical outside of his head than inside, "Look, I'm fairly certain that this place is amazing as shit or whatever, but I don't get along with roommates as well as you do. If they had some fucking co-ed deal and I could stay with you I'd be fine with it, but me and a roommate? Right, that's gonna work."

"Come on, Sollux...it would be fun to go to school together, don't you think? We'd get to hang out sooo much more, and we wouldn't have to do this stupid twice-a-month-if-we're-lucky thing. I miss you. Just...think it over, would you? Please?"

He sighed in defeat, "You know, it is really, REALLY hard to say no to you, right?"

"I know. It's one of my superpowers. But you will, won't you?"

"You're willing to put me through hell with some dumbass jerk-off of a roommate just so I can put up with you all the time. Bluh bluh you're a huge bitch."

"Or I could be trying to socialize you and re-introduce you to the general population. Come on, Sollux, it'd be good for you to be among people. But hey, I know it's not my decision. Just think it over, okay?"

He heard his ringtone go off right in his ear and nearly dropped the phone with a yelp. He hit a random button just to shut it off, "Yeah yeah, just for you. I have to see what this text is, I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Remember, this weekend! No backing out! Later, Sollux!"

He groaned out the most guttural sound imaginable, "FIIIINE. BYE."

>Sollux: Re-establish ridiculous pretense and check text message.  
The text message is from a restricted number. It's a picture message of a clock. You immediately delete it and check out the window to see how far you are from your stop. Just a couple more. Your feet bounce impatiently, your heart pounding in your chest.

>Sollux: Get to your apartment building.

There already. What now?

>Sollux: Check your mail.

There's a manila envelope with just your name written on it. 

> Sollux: Open it.

You can't open it here, dumbass!

> Sollux: Then go somewhere you CAN open it!

You grip it tightly in your hands and run up the stairs to your apartment on the third floor without thinking to catch your breath, you unlock the door quickly and lean against it once inside.

> Sollux: OPEN IT!

You carefully open where the package is sealed. There is money inside. Your eyes widen at the sight. The bills are all $100 bills. 

> Sollux: Count how much is there.

You take a deep breath and count out how many are there as carefully as you can to make sure you don't make a mistake. There are 50 $100 bills there. You calculate that to be $5,000. You currently have $5,000 in your hands.

> Sollux: Drop ridiculous pretense out of sheer shock.

Sollux's hands were shaking as he stared at the money on his floor. This was dirty money. Dangerous money. Definitely illegal money, but nonetheless it was his. And as he had been assured by his employers, untraceable for the most part. And he would continue to receive this amount at least once every couple of months if he kept doing what he did best. He could actually keep his promise to Aradia to contemplate going to school. First though, he had business to take care of.

An hour later, he was back at his apartment and on his laptop, wading through the emails that Aradia had sent her throughout the day. He was wearing his first indulgent purchase of the last couple of years, a pair of designer sunglasses he had had his eye on for the last few months. Round black frames with red and blue lenses. He was about ready for college as he would ever be. Nobody could tell him what to do.

>Narrator: Understand implication of protagonist’s statement and grumble to self.

Askhfkajshfsakdjfhaskj. >:/


	2. >Aradia: Deal with Tardy, Cantankerous Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein we meet Aradia and jokes at the expense of Tumblr and masturbation are had.

_September_

Aradia Megido grumbled at her phone, scowling at it, as she stood outside the dormitory. Her texts had come to nothing, and she glared up at the building one more time, finally calling Sollux properly. If nothing else, she could have the satisfaction of yelling at his voicemail.

Sollux had heard the phone go off the first time and ignored it. Then again. Then again. Then a few more times, each one just as ignored as the first. Then, finally, the ringtone for a phone call came through and he growled and rolled over, feeling around for it on the desk beside his bed, he answered without looking at who it was, "Hello?"

“Finally! Sollux. Do you remember what time we agreed to meet for breakfast, as soon as I got back in town?"

He rolled onto his back, smacking his forehead with his free hand, "Right. That was today, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Sollux, and it was also almost an hour ago."

"Wait, an hour ago..." He tried to figure out what time it was based on her information, but couldn't even recall what time he had actually gone to bed. Somewhere closer to dawn than should be healthy.

"It's 9:50. We are officially in brunch territory, I hope you're happy. Are you coming down, or not? I haven't seen you all summer!"  


He cackled with laughter that caused him to turn over on his side, "All right, all right just give me like five more minutes. Ten if you let me brush my teeth."

“Deal. I'm outside now. Can't wait to see you!"

Sollux hung up his phone, took a breath and rolled out of bed sideways, landing on the tile floor with a thump, "Fuck." He pulled a pair of jeans on and went into the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, he looked at the second sink the bathroom had. By the end of the day, he would have to share the bathroom with another guy. His gaze shifted to the door which he kept locked for strictly logical reasons. Like hell was he going to let someone break into his room through the other one.

He rinsed and spat into his sink before slipping his sandals on for convenience. He put his keys, phone, and wallet in his pockets, put on his sunglasses, and walked out. He passed a couple of people who were coming up the stairs, lately there had been more of them trickling in. He walked out of his building into the bright sunlight, causing him to blink rapidly for a few seconds. At the first sight of the gangly man, Aradia was at a full run. 

"Soooollux!" she squealed, his only warning before she tackled him in a big bear hug.  


He nearly fell over from the embrace, only barely catching himself on a railing as his free arm went around her, "Good god woman, I'm blind, don't go knocking me over!"

"Shhhh. Now is the time for hugs," she giggled, giving him another squeeze before pulling him along. Her skin was a darker shade than usual, and her cheeks ruddy, proof of another summer spent working outside on her uncle's farm. "Jeez, Sollux, did you even leave your room other than to go to class or get food? You don't look like you've seen a day of sunshine all summer!"

Sollux rose an eyebrow, dark against his pale skin, "Hello to you too, lambchop."

"Oh hush, my first five texts said hello. I'm helloed out!" she exclaimed, with mock protest, as she led down the sidewalk towards the bus stop. "Where do you want to go for brunch--and yes, it is brunch now, shut up. Also, tell me everything. I've missed you so much!"

He strolled behind her, hands in his pockets as he looked up toward the still green trees. He tried to figure out what to say about his summer, "I got the newest version of WoW and leveled up to 34 in 5 weeks."

She spun around, walking backwards, pointing to him defiantly, "Aha! So you admit to staying basically indoors all summer?"

He snorted, "Well not exactly, I had like 3 classes, so I had to leave my room at SOME point, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but I'm going to guess that it was just for class, food, and possibly laundry. Am I right?"

"Laundry's across the hall." He slapped his hand over his mouth as soon as he realized what he'd indicated.

Aradia smirked, "But I'm right, aren't I?" She spun back around, arriving at the bus stop. "Living the rich college experience, aren't we?"

"The internet connection here is balls so I got my own wi-fi router, but otherwise I can't really complain. I like the privacy, don't got my mom coming in every few hours asking if I'm dead." He looked pointedly at Aradia, "That joke is seriously not as funny as you guys think it is."

She held her hands up in surrender, stifling a giggle, "Wasn't going to say a thing!"

"Since my summer was damn near perfect, how about yours?"

“About the usual. My uncle always saves the wool for when me and the others visit in the summer, so we spent most of the time dying and spinning yarn. Still, it was fun in its way! And the new alpacas are pretty cool. Oh! Right!"

She dove into her bag, pulling out a soft yellow scarf and handed it to Sollux. "Made this one for you. It's too warm now, but in a couple months, I'm sure it'll come in handy."

"Damn, that's really soft, thanks Aradia." He held onto it, feeling it between his fingers as he smiled, slinging it around his neck.

"Genuine angora rabbit, and I dyed it myself!" she beamed proudly, as the bus arrived. "Soooo...Denny's?"

"Works for me, you know the area better than I do." 

A few minutes later, the bus arrived. Thankfully the buses ran smoother here away from the city. A thought occurred to Sollux as he paid and sat, "So wait, classes start up again on Wednesday, right?"

"Yeeup," she replied, sitting next to him, smoothing out her skirt and crossing her ankles. "What are you taking? Maybe we can fit in some lunches or study parties."

He looked up at the ceiling, "Calculus 2, cell and molecular biology, physical anthropology, file and data structures, and something involving writing somewhere. Can't remember."

"...Yeah, we're not having any classes together. Let's compare schedules later, though, okay? I didn't drag you all the way to this college to not hang out with you. It's going to happen, Sollux. The hangouts, they are coming."

"Clearly. You might need to either remind me ahead of time or expect me to not be completely conscious though. You have any idea how much sleep I actually get?"

"Less than a human needs, but more than a robot?"

"Robots don't sleep."

"Hence, you get more than that."

"Ha, ha, ha, so clever." He rolled his eyes as he used the top of her head to push himself up as he got off the bus.

"Ooof! Jerk..." Aradia followed him off the bus, skipping up to his side, and leading him towards the restaurant. "You really haven't done much besides schoolwork and WoW? No new friends, nothing?"

"Psch, even if I was interested, basically everyone in my classes were commuters. Or hipsters. Or just plain fucking stupid. I mean seriously, biology is not that fucking complicated."

Aradia wrapped her arms around him, taking a mournful tone, "Oh, my poor Solly...I leave for a couple months, and this is what happens to you? You've been all alone! Not to worry, we'll get you used to human interaction in no time." She took his arm and pulled him into the restaurant.

He went limp like a doll and had to be dragged by Aradia until he decided to walk again, "It's funny how YOU'RE the one who gets all concerned about this shit." When they were sat at a table, he continued complete with typing motions, "It's not like I have a tumblr full of dumb text posts going 'zomg nobody loves meeeeeee.'"

"Hey! I never say 'zomg,' and I don't even post stuff like that very often, either," she pouted. "And nobody ever said I had to like being single."

Sollux looked honestly perplexed, "I didn't even know you had a tumblr. Congratulations, you just outed yourself as a 15 year old girl. Gotta say, you had me fooled a long time."

Aradia blew a raspberry, before hiding behind her menu, blushing. "I use it to reblog tons of Shut Up Sollux. Shut Up Sollux is my favorite fandom."

“Pfft, I'm part of the Sollux is a Braying Jackass fandom and the Sollux is Fucking Awesome as Shit fandom. There's lot of warring. And sloppy make outs."

"How do you manage to have makeouts in a fandom of one?" she snickered. "I'm feeling like pancakes. You?"

Sollux's expression grew disturbingly serious as he made a series of hand gestures relevant to what he was talking about, "It's all about context. Or possibly me just jerking it after I've suitably spat in my own hand enough, but in any case, I'm getting whatever qualifies as pancakes as well."

Aradia blinked at him, before dissolving into laughter. After a moment, she regained herself, wiping her eye, "Holy cow, Sollux, I can't take you anywhere, can I? Hahaha...well, it sounds like you're not glad to be single, either, huh?" She raised her glass, "To better luck for us both, this semester."

He raised his glass with his left hand, "I'll do you one better and pool all my luck towards you. If I get you out of my hair, it's just more time for me and Miss Sally here." He waved the fingers of his right hand suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at his own hand.

Aradia snorted, shaking her head, "Whatever. I wish you both a long and happy life together, and may you never lose your attachment to one another. But it might not hurt for you two to take a living, breathing human as a third.”

"Oh." He leaned forward with his right hand draping over the seat behind him, "Wouldn't dare talk about that with the missus," He leaned in and whispered, "She gets jealous way easily." He gave a somber nod and a wink over his glasses.

She met his nod and wink with a bemused gaze, propping her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. "Not even so much as a dalliance with your left? That's pretty strict. I don't know if I could be okay with such a confining relationship."

“Oh, well Celine's more inexperienced than Sally so Sally sort of has to help her along with any sort of... well yeah." He wiggled the fingers of both hands, "Lovely ladies."

"Glad I didn't make you gloves, then. I'd hate to cover up those free spirits."

"Well if you ever need help getting your ladies to help some other guy along... you know who to ask."

She laughed, shaking her head, "Sollux, at this point, I don't know if you're offering to hook me up with someone to hold hands with them, or asking me for a hand job. This metaphor or whatever it's morphed into? It's officially too far gone for me. I'm now afraid not only of holding your hand, but also ever applauding again, because that might be an S&M threesome."

“You realize you're implying that I'd be clapping OVER my dick, right?" Sollux pushed his thumbs up against the ridges just over his eyes, "Never mind, lambchop, you've just gone over the edge."

>Narrator: End conversation for sake of confused metaphor.

Once they walked back from the bus stop, they immediately noticed the huge influx of cars and students and their parents walking around with suitcases.  
Aradia whistled, watching all of the people pass by. "Huh, everybody and their mother is here today."

"Yeah really, makes me glad I don't have to deal with all this shit-" He stopped in his tracks, "Fuck. I forgot to unlock the bathroom door."

"Hoo boy, you'd better take care of that..." She wrapped him into one more hug, "I'm gonna go see if Nepeta's at the dorm, I haven't seen her in waaaay too long. Catch you later, okay?"

"Yeah, see ya later!" He tied the scarf around his neck as he bolted up the hill back toward his dorm.

By the time he had gotten back to his room, he saw that the bathroom door was unlocked. That was really weird. Did the other guy’s bathroom unlock from that side? He sighed and took off his two-tone sunglasses, checking the bags under his eyes in the mirror as his heterochromatic irises stared back at him as always. His left eye was blue while his right eye was sort of a light brown color. Both were surrounded by dark circles; he’d only gotten 4 hours of sleep before Aradia woke him up. 

He left the glasses beside his computer and fell onto his bed. He grabbed his DJ headphones from the side of his computer and put something on, almost immediately falling asleep on his side.

Through his headphones, Sollux heard a faint knock on his door, when he looked at the clock on his laptop, the time read 7:05. He unplugged his headphones and draped them around his neck as he opened the door, seeing Karkat standing with his usual scowl.

"Sup KK." Sollux nodded, leaning an arm on the doorway.

"Do you have any idea what time it is??" Karkat interrupted sharply.

"You can't yell at me for curfew if I'm already in my room, KK."

"If you're trying to fake cool and acting like you fucking don't know that everyone is supposed to go to the floor meeting, I'm going to literally throw you down this hallway."

"I'd honestly love to see you try that."

"Your housing contract states that you're required to go to all meeting mandated by the Rooming Assistant, which is me, in case the fucking MONTHS we've spent here over the summer hasn't been any indication," Karkat sounded like he'd eaten the manual and decided to vomit words back up at him for fun, "And if you don't drag your skinny malnourished ass out of that room and GO to the meeting, I'm writing you up for a citation with the rooming board."

"You're fucking kidding me," Sollux looked down over his glasses.

"If you were anyone else and I didn't expect, no, TOLERATE the fact that you're already fucking late, I'd have already written you up for this crap. In fact, I already should've written you up for making me have to unlock your bathroom earlier-"

"What? That was you?"

Karkat's tirade hadn't ended when Sollux interjected, "Now do everybody a fucking favor and just get out here already."

"And by everybody you mean you," Sollux thought for a second, "You know what? I'll take my chance with the citation."

"GET OUT HERE DAMMIT!" Karkat barked at this point, thankfully the hallway was empty enough that the noise didn't draw any attention.

"Oh come on, KK, we're friends!"

"I'm an RA first, and I take my responsibilities seriously. We can't all go willy-nilly and ignore the rules, or everything would end up fucked. I'm talking about utter chaos, the kind where conflicts go unresolved, interpersonal disputes unmediated, toilets malfunctioning... is that what you want, Sollux? An anarchy of broken toilets? No. No, you do not, so you're going to put up with the shit that makes things run smoothly, and not question it. Now get your ass out here."

Sollux had begun subtly hitting his head against the doorjamb and when Karkat was finally silent, he asked, "You don't even have any citation slips left, do you?"

At that point Karkat yanked Sollux by his skinny wrist and jerked him out of the room barefoot as the door slammed shut behind him. "Concussions will do you no good. You'll still have to wait until after the meeting before I drive you to the hospital."

"No, no, leave me in the meeting room. I'll be the example of what happens when you let your RA take responsibility for your wellbeing. Because you'd totally let me get a cerebral hemorrhage before your meeting was done."

"Like anybody could tell the difference, all the socializing you typically do."

"If I'm bleeding out of my ear after 10 minutes with these people, it'll be hard to tell if it's a concussion or I just fucking hate them all."

"Will it shut you up? Because either way, I can mark that up as a win."

"If I'm dead by the end of this meeting or have blood coming out of ANY opening, I blame you! I'll be dead with my computer still on!" 

As Karkat walked away, Sollux stood in the doorway awkwardly for a moment before tucked his headphone jack into his pocket, pretending to be listening to music. Big fuckin' deal, like he needed to know anyone on his floor. He already knew the rules about dorm living from being there all summer anyway. He walked across the room and settled into an empty seat near the window. 

>Narrator: Shift perspectives briefly to establish incoming character.

Eridan sauntered into the room, clad in a turtleneck and vest, not one speck of dust or debris on his designer pants and leather loafers.

He peered at all the people, a decent crowd of dorm-mates. Over there, a pretty hot chick, nice ass on her. Over there, two guys who were talking like they knew each other well, and damn if he couldn't see himself on either one of them. Near the door, a sweet little mousy dame, clearly not glad to be there...yeah, tits like that? Fuck, he'd give her something else to think about...hm? 

Over by the window, he spied someone he hadn't seen before. Two-color sunglasses, surly disposition, scrawny-cute in an emaciated kind of way...nice. He wandered over and sat next to him.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly at his presence. Sollux pretended to not see the hipster douchebag sitting next to him. Maybe if he just kept looking out the window, he could pretend his music was too loud and he didn't see him.

A challenge, huh? Cool. Eridan tapped on the man's chair, extending a hand, "Hey, how's it goin'. Eridan Ampora, and you are?"

Sollux cocked his head and looked at him strangely. He had to have heard that wrong, "One more time?"

"Eridan Ampora, an' I'm askin' your name. I'm assumin' you got one, or should I just refer to ya by some sort a complicated hand gesture?" He grinned, smug but personable.

Sollux blinked a couple of times, expression unchanging as he asked slowly, "Are you drunk?"

"Not yet, dry as a bone. I make no promises about later, though. Why?"

His eyebrows furrowed slightly at that response, "Because you sound... wait, this is what you normally sound like? You're not putting on an act or anything?"

Eridan leaned back in his chair, smiling. He had heard this before, nobody could ever quite place his accent, and he liked the uniqueness of it. "No actin' here, this is just how I talk. Have since I was barely more'n a babe in my mam's arms."

"What, you sounded drunk when you were a kid too? Shit. That's rough." He settled back into his chair, looking out the window idly.

He rolled his eyes, "Funny. But you still ain't told me your name yet."

Sollux ignored him, drawing a knee up and wrapping an arm around it, pretending like he didn't hear him. Maybe if he just kept looking out the window, he would just leave.

"You always this charmin' or did I get you on a good day?" he asked, eyebrow cocked.

"Which part was charming, the part where I pretended you weren't there or the part where I assumed you were a drunk hipster?"

"Those, an' the part where you fail to grasp the subtle notion a sarcasm, No-name."

Side-eying the annoying asshole again, he replied, "The name is Sollux."

He chuckled, "You got a last name, Sol? It might do to know, in case I find myself gettin' your mail."

"Right, because you totally don't want to confuse me for any other Solluxes in our hall, you know there's just so many of us flying around."

Fair point, but Eridan didn't feel like backing down. "Humor a bloke. For all I know, you could be losin' a shitton a mail to some other S. Smith."

Sollux jerked his headphones around his neck, "I don't want to humor a bloke, the only reason I'm here is because KK literally dragged me here."

"Kar? Clearly he's the more personable an' lighthearted a the two a you." Eridan shrugged, slumping in his chair, finding it hard to get comfortable. He cast his eyes around, watching others filter about the room. 

"And yet you're still talking to me." Sollux stared poisonously with an eyebrow raised.

"Wouldn' be the first bad decision I ever made. Here, let's try this again, eh? Eridan Ampora, pleasure to meet you," he said, extending his hand again.

His eyes darted between Eridan's hand and his face before he pushed himself to his feet, "Nope. Not doing this." He walked towards the door and Eridan could see he was barefoot.

Eridan snickered, "Fuck, he really did drag you here, didn' he? Hah, that's Kar for ya."

He opened the door wordlessly and walked back to his room, thankfully having his keys in his pocket when he was forcibly abducted.

After the meeting and a little more socializing, Eridan made his way to his own room, head abuzz with his new floor-mates, including a dumb blonde jock with a nice ass, two hot broads who were obviously together but probably not up for a threesome, and that scrawny douche with the sunglasses. Nice options all around, if only from a certain aesthetic point of view, but Eridan liked to take in the sights, and who knows? Hope springs eternal.

In his room, he stripped off his vest and turtleneck, reaching for the doorknob to the bathroom, brows furrowing as he realized he was locked out. Shit. He put his turtleneck back on and went to hammer on the door of his suitemate.

From within, he could hear Sollux groan loudly, "Goddamn it KK!" 

A few footsteps were heard until Sollux wrenched the door open with an annoyed expression, only to have it melt into sheer confusion, "Wait. What the hell are you doing here?"

Eridan stood, glaring, "You locked me out a the bathroom, Sol. Mind fixin' that?"

"Wait, you're my...." He pointed, a few pieces seemingly coming together in his head, "Oh motherfucking- You knew didn't you? And KK? He's the one who told you I was your suitemate, didn't he?"

He shrugged, still looking aggravated, "He said some guy named Sollux lived over here, he didn't say it'd be the kind a guy that'd hold a man's ability to pee for ransom. Now I'm givin' you the benefit a the doubt, maybe you didn' know anybody was livin' next door, but would you kindly unlock the bathroom like a decent fuckin' human bein'?"

"Oh for the love of..." He rubbed the bridge of his nose with one hand while nodded, "All right, fine, just go back to your room and I'll unlock it."

Eridan's posture eased, "Thanks," he waved idly, as he went to his room and waited outside his bathroom door.

Eridan heard a quick click as well as the slamming of the door on the other side with a series of swears and what sounded like something falling onto a bed. 

He tested the door, opening it, and stripped down to his trousers, readying for his shower. Having this short-fused foaming asshole for a suitemate, hot or no, was either going to end up awesome or the worst disaster ever.


	3. >Aradia: Be the giggly barista

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we introduce more of our players. *plop*

You are Aradia Megido, widely understood to be enthusiastic (unless you’re dead tired), silly, and able to brew a damned good coffee. 

You just had a great brunch, even though your best friend Sollux totally slept way too long, but you can’t stay mad at him for things like that. Well, you probably could, but you don’t bother. Life’s too short! Anyway, you’re really glad he finally decided to come to your school, and you’re hoping he sees the wisdom in your nagging soon too, hahaha!

>Aradia: Fondly regard roomie

Back at your room, you find Nepeta, who was out when you moved your stuff back in. You missed her! She’s an awesome roommate and an awesome friend, even if she does keep wearing cat-hats and hanging out in roleplay forums. Oh well, she’s your best friend at this school, next to Sollux, and you’re glad to see her!

>Aradia: Hug the strange cat girl

Done and done, with a girly squeal to boot!

You and she talk excitedly for a little while about your respective summers, before getting distracted by your phone. Hey, it’s the coffee shop…

>Aradia: Drop this storytelling format in favor of a more direct one.

Aww. Well, okay.

>Narrator: Transport characters to suitable locale.

“I can’t believe they’re making you work today!” pouted Nepeta, dragging her feet behind Aradia as they both made their way to the coffee shop. “You just got here! It’s not faiiir.”

Aradia shrugged, “Not a whole lot I can do, Nepeta. I need money, they pay money if I work, so, I work. Capitalism, what are you gonna do?” 

“Hang out with you for your whole shift?” smiled Nepeta, doffing her blue cat-eared hat as Aradia held the door for her, opening the interior door to the coffee shop.

“Sounds like a plan!” Aradia curtseyed to her friend and bustled in after her, greeting the other baristas and relieving one of them. She tied on her apron and busied about behind the counter; there were a lot of customers at the coffee shop--privately owned and within walking distance of campus but not actually on the premises--but many of the local students had come for their first coffee of the year, and most had brought their relatives and friends who had helped them move in. Aradia mixed and brewed and chatted with the other girls and with Nepeta, who leaned too far over the counter. Towards evening, the customers began to dwindle, and Aradia had more time to talk with Nepeta; or, to be more exact, to listen to Nepeta chitter on.

“Oooh and I got these new paints that I’m just going crazy with, it’s a new brand I’m trying, and I think they mix better than the old ones. Oh hey, I should paint you! I’m trying to work on faces and heck, you have a face and I know where you live, heehee! Seriously though would you mind if I did? I keep feeling like I’m not getting skin tones right...hey, can I get another cookie? Thanks. So anyway, you said there were rabbits on your uncle’s farm? Oh, that is so cute, I would just spend all day hugging them and stroking their fur, I wouldn’t even care. I don’t suppose you had much time to meet people, though, did you? Oh, did you hang out with that cousin I met that time? You know, the one with the teeth? No? Just as well, I can’t remember his name anyway…so anyway, did you meet anybody cute? I did! But you first!”

Aradia just smiled, “No, lots of pretty people, but nobody I clicked with. Now you, who’s this cutie you found?”

Nepeta giggled a squeal in her voice, “His name is Karkat, and we had a class together over the summer! He comes off as a really angry guy, and if you get him started, he’ll just keep saying angry things, and he just won’t stop talking, like ever, he just keeps going and going…”

“Already I can see why you like him,” Aradia teased. Nepeta stuck her tongue out. “Sorry, I’m still listening.”

“Anyway, but yeah, we’re both talkative, I know that, but he’s actually really sweet! I was doodling in class one day, feeling really down, and he told me my drawings were awesome! Okay so he didn’t use that word, that’s my word, but he said they were really, really good, and I let him flip through my sketchbook, and he cheered me right up. We talked for a while, and I was surprised how nice he was! He’s adorable when he goes on his rants, but when he’s just being nice, he’s actually very good-looking! You kind of just want to hug him, you know?”

“Soft-hearted sweetie in a crunchy shell, huh? I wish you luck!” smiled Aradia, as Nepeta’s phone buzzed.

“Hold on, got a text.” Nepeta checked her phone, eyes widening, “Crud! I gotta go, I forgot I was gonna hang out with somebody…shoot!” 

“I’m not somebody?” Aradia teased, tossing Nepeta her bag. 

Nepeta caught it, groaning, “You know what I mean…geez, I’m so late…”

“It’s fine, I get it. See you back home.”

Nepeta ran off, finally reaching her friend’s apartment complex. The text—longer and more lecturing than a text had any right to be—had mentioned he would be in the parking lot, so she jogged off, looking for either her friend or his oversized car.

> Be her friend.

That would be a most generous assumption given how long you have been made to wait for your notoriously flighty friend. Nevertheless you would never stoop so low to call her anything but your closest friend. Nay, for while you may have to excuse her tardiness and excessive use of cat-themed inappropriate actions, she is Nepeta. 

You are Equius Zahhak, an engineering student and animal enthusiast. You are currently making repairs to your vehicle as you await Nepeta, once again having to excuse her behavior. You have pulled yourself out from beneath your Hummer in order to see if she has responded to your text message or arrived in a less than timely manner. You place your sunglasses back on your face just before you are made aware of a familiar voice.

> Equius: Drop second person perspective at once.

Spying the hummer, Nepeta yowled out, "Equius! I'm so so so so so so so sorry!" as she ran over to him. "My friend got back into town today and I went to hang out with her at work and I got so excited because I missed her SO MUCH over the summer and it really sucked not having her around even though I still got to hang out with you but she's my best girl-bud and I lost track of time and I'm SO SORRY!"

Equius casually wiped his forehead with the back of his arm as she rambled at him, "Clearly occupying her time at her place of employment is a much more enjoyable activity than giving me any of your time. I see how it is. I do believe I'll make a note to visit her job as well, as it seems that it must be of a most jocular caliber in order to make me wait nearly forty minutes for your arrival."

Nepeta sighed, slumping, "Sorry...it's just...you know what it's like, not seeing a friend for months, right? And then you see them again? I missed her, is all..."

Equius refused to show any source of vulnerability, as though Nepeta needed to know that he had felt slighted at her absence, "I do suppose I can see your plight. Is she another of your friends which pretend to be anthromorphic animals or knights?"

"No, she's my roommate. But she's super nice, and she's always there for me if I have trouble and can't find you...well, not over the summer, she was gone then, but you know what I mean. But you're always gonna be my bestest friend, Equius, you know that, right?"

"In spite of my better judgment at times, I must mirror your sentiments as well, Nepeta." He rubbed the top of her head, his hand smudged with some sort of black grease.

"...Did you just mess up my hat?"

Equius peered over his sunglasses at his fingers and then her hat, "I do not believe so."

She pulled off her hat and inspected it for grease. "Oh whew." Satisfied, she put it back on, looking sheepish, "Anyway! I'm really sorry and stuff...but, um, besides that! How's it going?"

He sat ramrod straight against his car, "Thus far my day has been uneventful. I decided for the sake of convenience as well as safety to inspect my car. There are little places near my abode in order to properly spread out beneath it to assess any damages should I be looking for them."

"Did everything check out okay?"

"Appearances would dictate so. If you would allow me to properly stow my tools, we can make our way back to my apartment."

Nepeta smiled and agreed, "Of course!"

>Equius: Properly stow tools in your vehicle.

You are meticulous in your efforts to organize and capatalogue (such a term has been lifted from Nepeta in her curious choices of speech) your tools in the trunk of your car. While in your youth you were most reckless with your brute strength, Nepeta has come to serve as your gentle foil. You would not be nearly as patient if not for her and her unintentional tests and feats that amplified your patience; some of which you care not to recall. You remove your stained gloves and place them in your pocket before unlocking your car and getting inside where Nepeta was already waiting.

>Equius: Give emotional admission.

"I've missed you as well."

Nepeta hugged his arm tightly before he could start the vehicle. "Sorry...but we're hanging out now! That's all there is to it!"

"Quite. Should I be impressed or display worry at how you were able to access my car while it was locked?"

"Impressed, of course!" she grinned.

He sighed in a defeated manner before starting up his car, "Roguish little thief."

"You say it like it's a bad thing! I'll have you know I'm chaotic good. That means not-bad."

"We've conversed on this topic before, I am lawful good. Therefore I find means of chaotic good still unsettling."

"Chaotic's more fun. More likely to involve water balloons, too," she snickered. She saw the look he gave her, before giving up, "Okay, okay, I'll behave."


	4. >Eridan: Be the hipster douchebag.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Eridan laments on a common fanfic writer issue and is possibly a crossdresser.

>Eridan: Be the hipster douchebag.

This kind of introduction is way too mainstream. Cut that shit out.

>Fine.

Eridan grabbed a copy of the school paper as he left the lecture hall. He had some time before his next class, and he flopped down on a bench near the campus center, brushing some dust from his tight jeans, custom tailored to fit and flatter him. He loosened his scarf, one of his many, and opened to the classifieds to see if his ad had been run.

“Wanted: Male model, good physique, for photography student’s portfolio. Weekends preferred. Compensation negotiable.” Eridan double-checked the phone number and email address, satisfied. Short, simple, concise. Good. Hopefully he’d have his set done and dealt with by the end of the month.

He hazarded a furtive glance around, and, satisfied that nobody was looking too intently, he pulled out his tablet to see if there had been any new reviews or comments on his most recent Harry Potter fanfic.

Nothing.

Assholes clearly don’t understand the perfection that is Draco/Neville.

Fuck it, true genius is never appreciated in any format, much less the world of fanfiction. Besides, it was just ahead of its time, that’s all. Eridan shrugged, putting his tablet away and standing to head back to his dorm. Just then, his text alert went off.

 _-ERIDAN! I )(ad a t)(oug)(t…you said Karkat t)(oug)(t you and your suitemate would get along swimmingly, rig)(t? Maybe )(e could be your model!_  
Eridan scoffed, walking, thumb flying as he responded. 

_nice thought fef but im pretty sure kar wwas bein sarcastic seein as the guys a stone cold asshole_

_Are you sure it isn’t just your natural c)(arisma? 3XP_

_you insinuatin somethin fef_

_Of COURS-E not! )(ee)(ee_

Eridan smirked, he could never stay mad at Feferi, his oldest, truest, occasionally most infuriating friend. All things considered, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, under normal circumstances, to ask a suitemate to do a little modeling, and fuck all if Eridan wouldn’t be just fine with having some photos of another hot guy around, but the guy came off as an utter dickwad. Still, how much did Eridan really know about the guy? All of his information came from Karkat.

> Some days in the past, but not many…

There was a sudden and aggravated pounding at the door. "Kar. Kar! Get your ass out here, I need all the might an' majesty that only a RA can offer." Eridan ran a hand through his hair, a practiced move that let him fuss through his locks without ruining their deliberately distressed look. He stood in turtleneck and vest, his designer jeans devoid of all signs of manual labor, while his work crew set up his room. "Kaaaar. C'mon out, I need you."

After a few moments, the door quickly swung wide open with a short, dark-haired young man glowering up at him, "What? Eridan for God's sake, I thought even YOU could handle in moving on your own, you're not some fucking freshman!"

Eridan rolled his eyes and looked down at him. "Yeah well, whoops, left my lockpicks back home. Whoever I'm sharin' a bathroom with locked me out before I even got here."

"And I supposed it'd be too much to ask for the little prince to wait for his suitemate to get back?" Karkat leaned on the doorjamb.

"Yeah, that was my first thinkin, but I been movin' in for the last hour, an' next to everythin' else is set up, but look at that, neither hide nor hair a him. Forgettin' for the moment that this is a most inauspicious start to the year, I got business to be doin', an' I can't be waitin' around all day to see if he shows up long enough to get him to open it. Now, either I can wait around an' accuse him a crime against all a bladderdom, or I can get you to open the fuckin' thing an' we can all get on with our lives."

Karkat rolled his eyes at his tirade, "Ok! Fine! Fine... whatever. What room at you in?" He took out his ring of keys and walked down the hallway briskly.

"This one here," he said, leading back to his room. "Thanks Kar. By the by, how was your summer?"

"All things considered it was pretty- Oh." He noticed what room it was, paused and nodded as though something just clicked in his head, "Ohhhh. You're Sollux's suitemate."

"You know him?" 

"Oh yes. He was in my Digital Theory class over the summer and we kind of hung out a bit. I only say 'kind of' because he basically spent every moment he wasn't in class in this room." Karkat gestured to Sollux's room, which he promptly unlocked.

"Over the summer, huh? Guess it didn' much matter nobody was in my room, then." Eridan shrugged his shoulders, "So I prob'ly won't have much trouble out a him, huh?"

"Like I said, the guy's basically a fuckin' hermit. He has some kind of software design job he does from here." Karkat unlocked the bathroom door from the inside and came back out, "The guy didn't even buy the book. Apparently he already knows the low level material. He only flipped through my book on the first day and figured out he didn't need to actually buy it."

"Huh..." Eridan was a little impressed, actually. "Well, I guess I'll find out for myself. Hey, once everythin's set up, you want to hang out? Been too long, man."

"Can't right now, I'm supposed to be on call for anyone who needs help figuring out any bullshit their room needs. Plus I have to make sure everyone on the floor goes to the meeting at 7, it's mandatory. You'll probably run into Sollux there. You can tell him yourself to keep the damn door unlocked."

"Fair enough, but we got to hang sometime soon, Kar," Eridan smirked, pinching Karkat's cheek. "I missed my little rage fairy."

Karkat squawked and jumped back, brandishing his keys menacingly as he sarcastically countered, "Oh yeah, you and Sollux are gonna get along juuuust fine. You got plenty enough fairy in you for both of us."

Eridan laughed, "Fuck Kar, you know you ain't my type. You're just fun to rile up. Seriously though, come drinkin' with us sometime, we need to catch up. Fef sends her best."

Karkat nodded with a grunt as he walked away.

>Back to the present

Eridan supposed he didn’t know much about this Sollux guy at all. He didn’t think he’d do well for this photo project—too skinny—but it couldn’t hurt to get to know him, could it? Eridan idly wondered what it would take to get Sollux out and among the daylight folk, as he reached his floor, walking down the hall to his room.

On Eridan’s door was a yellow sticky-note written in Sollux’s familiar chicken scratch. 

_unlock the bathroom door or im peeing on this one next time._

Eridan remembered why he hadn’t bothered to get to know Sollux, what with all those lovely social graces and all. He pondered less bladder-reliant means of getting him out among people as he proceeded to the bathroom. He unlocked Sollux’s side, banging on the door, “Hey, it’s open Sol.”

On the other side of the door, Sollux picked himself up out of his desk chair to go to the bathroom, taking the bottle he’d pissed in earlier to dispose of it. Not once did he take his eyes off his phone as he read Aradia’s text message.

_s0llux i am s0000 b0red_

_amuse me 0u0_

He typed back, _‘amu2e you how? iim doiing computer 2hiit you wouldnt get anyway.’_

Sollux poured the bottle into the sink and rinsed out the sink. As he dropped the empty bottle into the shared garbage pail, he noticed a container of eyeshadow on the edge of Eridan’s sink. He heard a buzz from his phone and picked it up.

_there is n0b0dy at the sh0p and nepeta isnt 0ut 0f class f0r an0ther h0ur_

_there are 0nly s0 many times i can re0rganize the c0ndiments_

He tapped back, _‘at lea2t you dont have a diickhead a22hole douchebag 2uitemate who keep2 lockiing you out of your own bathroom. also ii think he2 a cro22dre22er’._

Almost immediately she replied.

_0h? d0 g0 on_

As he tried to type a response, it was interrupted by another text from her.

_h0w d0es he l00k in a skirt? 0u0_

He groaned and continued, _‘you need two 2top textiing me 2o fuckiing fa2t every tiime ii try to type an an2wer!’_

As he began to type her his findings, she interrupted once again, causing him to swear in frustration.

_0kay_

He rolled his eyes hard at the simple one-word answer and responded quickly, _‘There2 a thiing of eye2hadow next to hii2 2iink’._

She replied;

_0h?_

_what c0l0r?_

_im curi0us_

He stepped over to it and looked down, it was a black disc of dark purple eyeshadow with the word M.A.C. written on top.

_dark purple_

_nice_

_w0nder if he gets the same brand i d0_

_is it sparkly?_

_i like sparkly_

She was getting way too excited about this, _‘yeah iit 2ay2 MAC‘_.

_00h fancy_

Great. His suitemate wore fancy, sparkly purple eyeshadow. Fantastic. He tried to change the subject as bluntly as possible as he exited the bathroom, _‘Whatever thii2 ii2 dumb’._

Soon enough he got an answer from her. 

_anyway y0u sh0uld c0me by s0metime_

_its b00000ring_

He let the phone be for a while, trying to ignore the weird, creeping feeling that maybe Eridan was gay or something. He did sort of have a gay vibe to him, didn’t he? He thought back to first meeting him; his hair was done, but that didn’t really verify anything. Lots of guys did their hair. 

Why was it so hard to find the middle ground with this guy? It was like some weird line between gay and metrosexual that the guy decided to swish his way across just to piss him off. This really was dumb. So the dude does his hair every day, that’s not really unusual. So what if he WAS gay? 

All right, that thought needed to derail despite of how many people were in his theoretical mental train car and may die bloody deaths. 

He picked up his phone and typed out to Aradia, _‘all riight, iim comiing over there iin a whiile, 2ee you 2oon’._

He put his sneakers and jacket on, equipped himself with his wallet, keys, and headphones, and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epithimia: The eyeshadow is Star Violet from MAC cosmetics XD


	5. >Aradia: Make minimum wage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia and Nepeta spend a shift at the coffee shop, with cameo appearances.

Aradia passed Nepeta a sweet iced coffee. The coffee shop was almost bereft of people, and she was thankful to have Nepeta come and spend time with her. "So how are things going with that boy of yours? The angry one? Any headway going there?"

Nepeta sighed, "No, I don’t have any classes with him this semester, but if I see him around, I think I’d like to get to know him better. Equius doesn't think very highly of him, but, whatever! Karkitty sure is cute, though! Heehee! How about you? Anybody caught your eye?"

Aradia shook her head, "Nope, not lately. I mean, sure, there's lots of good-looking people around and all, but, nothing clicks, you know? Hey, I've been fiddling with a new drink I want to try on people. Know anybody who likes their coffee strong? I'd ask you, but you usually prefer things with more milk and such."

“Actually, I—“ Nepeta began, cut off by the bell on the door. “Perfect timing!”

Equius came into the coffee shop, thumbs in his pockets, hair hanging in his face. He spotted Nepeta at the counter and approached her with a firm nod, "Hello Nepeta." His sunglasses were firmly in place as usual, and the hanging veil of hair blocked most of the view of his features.

Nepeta ran over and hugged Equius, leaving her coffee on the counter, "Hii!"

He chuckled briefly, not exactly returning the hug, but not pushing her away either as he tucked some of his hair behind his ear, "I see your day has been going well."

Aradia, meanwhile, looked up, and was struck dumb. Broad shoulders, Chiseled features, Long hair. Ooooh, hair... Her cheeks flushed, while she failed to notice she dropped a plastic bottle of honey.

Nepeta grinned, "Bright and shiny! Ooh! You're perfect, you drink things strong, don't you?" She began to drag him towards the counter, while Aradia had ducked down to retrieve the honey and compose herself.

"Yes, but I fail to understand why you frequent this place if you could easily get your coffee elsewhere, is it strictly due to its proximity to campus?" Equius rambled at her as he was pulled over by Nepeta.

"The coffee's really good! And I've got a friend here, anyway." Nepeta peeked behind the counter, "Aradia? Hellooo? I got you a test subject!"

"A test what? You will not 'subject' me to anything-" He was cut off by Aradia's arrival.

"Ah! Sorry! Dropped this, haha...” Aradia popped back up, honey in hand. She ran a hand through her hair, hoping to smooth it a little, as well as her nerves, “Hello, nice to meet you! Equius, right? I've heard so much about you!"

He stared at her for a moment, having gone completely silent. She couldn't see the intensity of the stare behind his sunglasses, but his eyes slid over her features. She was petite, lovely, dark haired, and had the most beautiful eyes. His fingers twitched for a moment as though to remove his sunglasses, but didn't, instead clearing his throat, "Ah, yes. My name is Equius Zahhak."

"Aradia's one of the best baristas around! And if she's trying a new thing, I'd bet money it's gonna be good, so you're going to try it." Nepeta declared, leaving no room for refusal.

Aradia, for her part, could hardly hear Nepeta, her eyes drawn up over all of him that she could see over the counter. Big strong hands, muscular, calloused slightly, but hadn't Nepeta mentioned he worked out a lot? He must, judging by those arms, arms she wanted wrapped around her like a scarf. And the breadth of his shoulders! That fitted shirt hugged closely enough to hint at his abs, and pecs you could eat dinner off of. A strong, thick neck, a jaw like stone and cheekbones cut like diamonds, lips that she wanted to get lost in, and that HAIR."A, a pleasure, mister Zahhak..."

Nepeta cleared her throat, and Aradia startled a little. "Oh! Yes, right! I've been working on a new blend of specialty beans, and I was hoping to get some feedback. Would you give it a shot? My treat, of course!"

Equius was able to remain calm in spite of his racing heart, she called him Mr. Zahhak. It was positively endearing. He nodded at her request, "All right then, just because you seem to have much better manners than Nepeta."

"Oh, thank you! Just a moment, uh, please! Make yourself comfortable," she blurted, turning around and busying herself over one of the machines, hoping against hope that her blush hadn't been detected.

Somewhere in Nepeta's mind, a gear clicked, and a grin spread across her face, while Aradia prepared his coffee.

His demeanor remained largely unchanged to both ladies as he had great self-discipline, but that didn't mean that he was completely made of stone. Instead of moving to sit, he remained at the counter, not even leaning against it, but simply standing as if awaiting an order.

Aradia allowed herself a giggle, humming lightly and wiggling her hips a little, before finishing the drink and turning around, "Oh!" she startled. They hadn't gone to sit down, that was...unexpected. Oh jeez, she probably looked like an idiot. She handed him his coffee, "Ah, please, let me know what you think, but I hope you like it."

Her hip shaking had not gone unnoticed by Equius, his expression having relaxed somewhat at the sight he had dubbed lewd. He looked back up at her and accepted the drink readily, "Thank you very much, Aradia." He cautiously sipped it, scalding his mouth with a wince and pulling back, "Pardon me, it needs to wait for a moment. I trust you can wait?"

"Oh, yes, of course!" she said, mentally kicking herself, as she scooted aside to wipe down one of the machines, needing another moment of composure. 

Nepeta leaned far over the side of the counter and whispered, low enough Equius could not hear her, "He's single." Aradia's face flushed, and Nepeta giggled, sitting on the counter and kicking her feet as she sipped her iced coffee.

Equius tapped his fingers on the counter as he stared at the cup, as though it would cool itself off and stop being disagreeable should he stare at it long enough, "I do apologize, I don't really drink coffee. I wasn't aware it would be as hot as it was." He then took another sip. Then another, finding it at a better temperature.

"Really? But it's strong coffee, isn't it?" asked Nepeta to Aradia, who nodded. 

"A stronger blend than usual, but still with a pleasant flavor. I selected the beans to blend myself, and I'm thinking of asking the manager to make it available, but I want some outside opinions first."

Nepeta looked at Equius, "There you go, you love strong things. So don't be a baby."

"I find it quite brisk." Equius placed the half empty cup on the counter, still with his fingers gripping it, "I do like it." His lips quirked up in a flash of a grin towards Aradia before his face became impassive once more.

Aradia's face lit up in a bright smile. "Thank you! I'm so glad you like it!" she chirped, and Nepeta snickered. Quietly, Aradia wondered what he might look like if he smiled more often. She wondered how it would be if he smiled at her. She wondered what it would be like if he smiled at her all the time. 

Nepeta wondered if either of them would notice if she tied their shoelaces together right now.

He raised his eyebrows slightly and grinned once again at her reaction, her smile was captivating and radiant. "You made this yourself from scratch, you said? I greatly enjoy it."

She blushed all the more deeply, torn between wanting to hide her face and wanting to look at his smile forever, "Thanks, I like making things people like, hence the whole barista thing, and I just sort of wanted to try an idea, you know? I'm glad you like it."

Equius had the STRONG desire to lean forward and touch her cheek, run his thumb along those lips and feel the heat of her skin against his palm. Alas, instead his hand remained clasped around the paper cup, squeezing it just a little too tightly and feeling it begin to buckle under his grip. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and clicked it open single-handedly, examining it.

Nepeta hopped down from the counter, smiled to Aradia, "Hey, can I get couple scones?" as she opened Equius's wallet, lifted from his person while he was distracted by Aradia.

He glared at her, plucking his wallet from her hands as his face burned red, "Nepeta! Theft is completely unbecoming and immature! For god's sake you're an adult!"

Nepeta laughed and Aradia giggled, pulling out two scones and handing one to each of them, "Here, on me, okay?"

Caught off-guard, Equius looked somewhat sheepish, "Thank you, but I have to leave now actually." He gave the scone to Nepeta and nodded toward Aradia, "I hope to see you again soon."

She saw him turn to leave, and without thinking grabbed one of the scones from Nepeta's hand and a to-go bag. "You can take it with you!" Aradia said, vaulting over the counter to follow him and give him the bag. "Here! Come back anytime, okay?"

His eyes widened behind his glasses, this was the second time he had gotten caught off-guard by a frisky young lady today! He nodded, "Err, thank you. I will." His eyes lingered on her face before he left briskly. His heart would not stop racing. Damn it all, damn he had to leave, damn he was feeling so bizarrely.

After he left, Nepeta dissolved into cackling laughter, Aradia turning to her, face bright red. She slumped into a chair, "Neeeep, I looked like such an idiot! Augh!" Nepeta giggled madly, and Aradia shot her a dirty look, though with no real malice.

Nepeta batted her eyes innocently, as she sipped her drink, before sputtering into more giggles. "I told you about him lotsa times!" she said, once she regained some degree of calm.

"Yeah, but you never said he was gorgeous!" Aradia shot back, and Nepeta answered her with more giggling.

Sollux strolled through the front door and went immediately to the condiment island, squeezing honey into a dixie cup and walking over to Aradia with a slight wave.

“Hey Sollux…” Aradia sighed, dragging herself up from her seat. “What’ll it be?”

Sollux gave a singular wave, looking at his cup of honey, "Oh right, I'm supposed to get a drink or something with this, aren't I? I guess you could give me some green tea or something."

Aradia poured him a green tea, and Nepeta ordered another iced coffee. Aradia made that, too, before slumping over the counter, covering her head with her hands.

Sollux peered over the counter, eyebrow quirked as he licked a spoonful of honey, "Got a problem there lambchop?"

She groaned into the counter, "Nepeta's friend--gorgeous friend!--came in, and I made an idiot of myself."

Nepeta sat back on top of the counter, patting her shoulder, "Aw, you didn't look bad! You were your usual cutesey self!"

"She's probably right,” said Sollux, “I can't imagine you being a COMPLETE spaz or anything. Not unless you got a brain tumor in the last day or so, but since you seem to be upright, I'm going to guess you're mostly all right."

She looked up, "I'm pretty sure I did my happy wiggle." Nepeta giggled.

Sollux snorted, "Well then. Unless he's blind or retarded, I'm sure he noticed that. When's the wedding?"

Aradia groaned and sank to the floor, sitting in a pool of her skirts.

"I call flower girl!" squealed Nepeta, raising her hand.

Sollux rolled his eyes and sighed, "Is he really that dreamy?"

She scrambled to her knees, peering just over the counter at him. "Long hair and broad shoulders, and better muscles than Indiana Jones. Yes. I liked him. Okay?"

Nepeta hopped down and came behind the counter, hugging Aradia. "It's okay! I'm sure it's fine!"

Sollux rested his chin on his hand, "He sounds like a harlequin romance novel cover."

"He's a big bossy fussyface, but he's still my best friend," said Nepeta, helping Aradia back up to her feet.

Aradia sighed, "I know, I'm probably being melodramatic, but, oh, you'd think I could have kept some level of non-durrrr-itude!"

Sollux made the (in)appropriate arm gesture to go with his statement, "Your 'durr-itude' is one of your better qualities. Brings all the boys to the yard and then they try to put you in a nice mental facility."

Aradia threw an empty honey bottle at his head, before sticking her tongue out at him.

He picked it up off the ground and held it upside down, waiting for any residual traces of honey to reach the top of the bottle, "Nice. Very ladylike."

"Everyone gets flustered around people they like, though!" said Nepeta. 

Aradia nodded, "That's right. I'm sure even you have gotten flustered once or twice in your life, haven't you?"

"Oh yeah, once upon a time I peed myself in class and freaked out until I noticed that everyone did too. That's just how amazing I am." He opened the bottle and squeezed out the scant drops of honey at the bottom and licked his fingers.

This time, Aradia threw a sealed box of straws. When it hit him in the shoulder, Nepeta threw up both hands, laughing, "It's a hit! Two points!"

"Ok, I might've deserved that," Sollux brushed off his shoulder and threw the empty honey bottle away, "And besides, there's a reason I don't interact with the daywalkers and landwellers all that often. Hint: it's because they don't get me."

Nepeta rounded the counter and handed back the box of straws. "How do you mean?" Aradia asked, as Nepeta hopped back onto the counter. Aradia had long since given up trying to keep her off of there when the shop was slow.

Sollux rubbed his temples with a shrug, it was hard to explain his intricate, stand-offish mindset to people who seemed to be pretty all right with who they were. So as usual, he deflected, "It doesn't matter, I don't need a lot, I just need my friends."

"Well, if you ever want a partner, I hope you get one, Sollux," Aradia smiled, softly, checking the syrup inventory.

Nepeta, however..."Well maybe you just aren't looking the right places! What kind of person would you want to date, if you could?"

Sollux thought for a moment; the only person he could think of offhand that he’d met recently was Eridan. That thought was enough to make him grimace, “No one! Don’t need to date anyone, it’s just too complicated!” 

He took a long drink from his tea as Nepeta rolled her eyes at him.

"Of course they'd be complicated! People are complex, whether they're friends or sweethearts or bedbuddies or what, but they're still worth being around, aren't they?"

He then quickly thought of how he slept each night by himself and then got a flash of Eridan in his head for some reason. He have another shrug while looking down, sticking his finger in his cup of honey and sucking it.

Nepeta held up her hands in a surrender gesture, "Fine, fine, but if you ever change your mind, I have a lot of single friends. Girls and boys, in case you're interested, heeheee."

Sollux's eyes widened and his pale face went pink, "Boys? Why would I be interested in boys?? I'm not a fag or anything."

Nepeta raised an eyebrow. "Language!" scowled Aradia.

Nepeta shrugged, "How am I supposed to know? But the fact remains, I know a lot of single people."

Sollux waved dismissively, "Yeah, yeah. You and Aradia, I swear. It's like you guys are worried my bloodline's going to dwindle or some shit."

"It's not fun going through life alone, and it's nice having someone in a romantic quarter. If you want it, you should be able to have it, is all!" Nepeta said, as Aradia nodded. "And giving up on something you want just because it's kind of complicated or sort of a hassle, that's just not good."

"Did it not occur to you guys that I'm just not interested?" Aradia knew that huffy, overly defensive stance of his, shoulder slumped and hands in pockets; like he never aged past 9.

"Okay, but IF you're interested, and IF you need to meet people, THEN I'd be willing to introduce you. How's that for clear?"

"Guys, it's not worth fighting over, is it?" Aradia asked, hoping to soothe the situation before it got heated. She had no interest in seeing her two best friends fight.

Sollux rose an eyebrow at his half finished tea before pointing at Nepeta, "She started it."

"She's just trying to offer help, Sollux." Aradia then turned to Nepeta, "Even if she is a meddlesome matchmaker."

Nepeta snickered and shrugged, "I gotta be me."

Sollux placed the cup of tea on the counter, "Oh look, free tea. I'm heading back to my room now. I'll talk to you later Aradia. Nice to see you, Nep."

"Later Sollux."

"I know romantic asexuals too!" Nepeta called after him with a laugh, "In case that's more your speed!"

Sollux gave her the strangest look over his shoulder before walking into the autumn chill. He wasn't asexual, that was definitely not the case. It was just that his slight fascination with cock had become slightly exacerbated with hormones and age and access to his own computer that he didn't have to worry about search histories for his mom to find and question. And it wasn't anyone's business. No one's. Well all right, Aradia could find out eventually. When he felt like it. He headed back toward campus, headphones full blast.

The girls watched him go, and Aradia threw out his trash, clearing her throat, "So, Nepeta...mind telling me a little more about your friend...?"


	6. >Nepeta: Spot a Karkitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Karkat is oblivious and Eridan has many hat analogies.

Nepeta balanced her tray and looked around the cafeteria for a place to sit. There were a few empty tables where she could spread out her things and work in her sketchbook, but she didn't feel terribly like drawing today. Nor did she think she would be able to find Equius or Aradia, or even that Sollux guy Aradia was so fond of, to talk to. Her heart fluttered a little, however, when she saw a familiar mass of black hair and knotted brows hunched at a table by himself. 

She wove her way past the other tables, nervous and excited at the same time. "Hey Karkat, how's it going? Mind if I sit here?"

Karkat's head rose up in confusion, barely recognizing the girl making the request, "Huh? Oh yeah, sure."

She sat, unwrapping her fish sandwich, "I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

He shook his head, fiddling around with his phone and not really paying attention to her. He was mostly just checking the time, but he had this feeling that he should remember her from somewhere, "Were you in a class of mine over the summer?"

Okay. So he forgot her. It's okay, she told herself, a second chance at a first impression, just be easy-going and pleasant. "Uh, yeah...we were in creative writing together. Guess I wasn't too memorable..." She smiled brightly, "Nepeta Leijon, a pleasure to meet you again."

Karkat looked up, gesturing with his hands as he spoke, "No, no, it's not that you weren't memorable or anything, I was just ridiculously fucking busy over the summer. I mean it's supposed to be summer BREAK, you know? And I'm an RA so naturally I had to stay over the break for any of the summer semester students and it's not like THEY were going to do anything bad but nope. Still had to be up here. Just a bunch of shit going on all at once. So it's not that you were boring or anything, I just have a shit memory."

Nepeta smiled, it was cute when he started talking fast and ranting. "It sounds tough! I don't know if I could be an RA, personally, I just don't think I could deal with that responsibility. Weren't you able to manage anything fun at all over the summer?"

"Spent most of my free time hanging with some guy I met down the hall from where I live and watching stuff from the Nostalgia Critic. Guy basically fucks and rips apart everything I love from the 80's and 90's and somehow my eyes stay literally adhered to the screen the whole time."

"Like what?" she asked, canting her head to the side. "What're some of your favorites?"

He leaned forward, pointing at the table, "Ok, so Saved by the Bell is probably one of the best things to come out of American media what with its staunch, groundbreaking views they had on topics like feminism and environmental issues and drug use, but he totally took it out of context so hard that I'm pretty sure the windows in whatever room he was recording in at the time must have shattered into nine hundred fucking pieces and killed his dog."

"I remember a couple episodes from that show! I liked it, but I didn't watch all that regularly. What did he say about it? I think I remember...wasn't there like a spin-off series or something? I think I remember not liking that."

"There were actually two spin-offs, a college series and another highschool series with a new class. But if you seriously want to get technical about this, Saved by the Bell itself was a spin-off series from another show that was actually about their homeroom teacher, but it wasn't as possible. Can't imagine why it would be, sounds boring as hell. Why would you want to make a comedy show about teachers in the 90's? I mean for fuck's sake, Welcome Back Kotter was good for its time but did anybody really have the need to watch some crap about Miss Bliss? I mean even her fucking name sounds boring as hell."

Nepeta grinned, "So I guess you recommend watching the series, huh? Oh, want a fry?" she asked, nudging her tray closer to him.

"Hnn? Oh, thanks." He took one and pointed with it, "And yes. It's something that any infantile mind uncultured to the ways of the 1990's should be exposed to. But only one show stands above even that." 

He then ate the fry as he paused for dramatic effect, "It's a story about how one young man's life got flipped, nay! TURNED upside down."

A coy smile curled across her face as she replied, "Well, if you'd like to take a minute, I'll sit right here and you can tell me about how he became the prince of Bel Air."

He slammed a hand down on the table, "Yes! Oh fuck yeah, it's literally the nostalgic monolith of our times! You ever notice that just by saying that one line to people our age you can get them to all chime in? It's like the Pokemon theme only better because you don't have to catch a damn thing except the funk!"

If Nepeta had a tail, it would be twitching. "I know, right? And that was what got Will Smith into acting in the first place, right? So we pretty much have that to thank for all his other work!" She slurped her soda, musing, "It's been a long time since I saw any of it, though, like, waaaaaay too long. I wish I could watch it again."

"I got all of it on DVD. All of it. Every goddamn episode I've seen at least three times. It's pure fucking magic on those discs. Since clearly you've got the chops and the decency of man to appreciate it, I can let you borrow it sometime if you're interested in re-watching."

Not an invitation to watch it together, but it was something! Still... "Awesome! I'll have to get some of my pals to watch it with me...It's more fun to watch things with friends, don't you think?"

Karkat thought for a second, "Well only if they can really get into it, you know? I mean it's a matter of testing the water and seeing how much blood surfaces when you throw the meat out there. Watched a bunch of the Nostalgia Critic with the guy down my hall and he got pretty into it. Didn't get as mad at him as I did though, he basically agreed with him. The guy hates Good Burger. I mean how is that conceivably fucking possible to hate Good Burger?"

"By mistaking it for a different movie?" she offered, "Or by having one's head jammed up their butt? Ooh ooh! Or head wounds that result in brain damage?"

"Kel Mitchell is in my personal opinion, the forgotten heir to the throne of Will Smith." He saw Eridan approach the table from behind Nepeta, "Eridan! Eridan, you need to settle something for me! Kel Mitchell, new Will Smith or not?"

Eridan strode over, shrugging, "Frankly I'm amazed you're thinkin' anybody can follow up Will Smith. If you ain't his biggest fanboy then I shudder to see the depths a fanboydom that does take up the title." He nodded to Nepeta, "Hey. Ain't you gonna make some introductions?"

"Oh yeah," Karkat pointed at Nepeta, "Uh, this is Nepeta, we were in creative writing over the summer."

Nepeta wiggled her fingers in a wave, and Eridan gave a little bow. "Eridan Ampora, pleasure's mine." 

He turned back to Karkat, "You inflictin' your opinions on the poor thing?"

"Hey, SHE sat down to talk to me! Just shows how fucking charismatic I am!" He waggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly.

Nepeta giggled, "It's true, I did, and I--" she began, cut off by a phone alarm. "Shoot! I have to go. Let's talk again sometime, okay Karkat?"

"Bye!" Karkat waved quickly with a cheeky grin.

Nepeta grabbed her tray, bounding off, a song in her heart and a bounce in her step. That went very well!

Eridan watched her go, before taking her vacated seat. "Cute. Anyway, what's been goin' on, besides sweepin' impressionable chicks away an' your personal jihad against the critic guy?"

"Had to watch a movie that was three fucking hours long with no breaks for my film class. What the hell was it about? Absolutely fucking nothing! It was seriously just a bunch of fucking scenery just moseying by on the damn screen like it was a huge statement of art. Maybe you in all your pretentious fucking glory can explain this shit to me, but in the scheme of all things artistic and minimalistic, how the fuck can this school get away with that crap?"

"You knew the risks when you became a film major; specifically havin' to watch artsy shit from time to time even though we both know it's a load a bullcrap. An' as for how they get away with it? I'm thinkin' nobody looks too hard at the curriculum, an' the dipshit runnin’ the show wants time for a two-hour nap an' a five-minute wank, with time to clean up an' play innocent."

Karkat looked completely bewildered for a moment before turning to face him, "I seriously can't fucking contemplate how you managed to throw masturbation in there. In a classroom? The teacher- what- is this some twisted fantasy of yours or have you just not gotten any yet?"

"God you take a joke too far, Kar. Here I am, just sayin' that the teacher is clearly not givin' any shits about his chosen career in film or in teachin' or whatever, an' I throw in a li'l humorous speculation to show exactly how little I think he can be arsed to give the aforementioned shits, an' you go an' slander my fantasy life an' my ability to get laid in one fell swoop." He huffed indignantly, inspecting his nails. "Though if you're askin' I ain't had so much as I'd like, as a late." 

Karkat rubbed the side of his head, "Nice, I love that somehow I've been designated your open ear for all of your worldly fucking woes. While I'm at it I might as well ask how Sollux has been."

Eridan rolled his eyes, "Complete an' utter asshat. An a big one t'boot. He is no mere assfez, Kar, no assbeanie, he is beyond even bein' an assmitre. He is an asshat a such magnitude he belongs squarely atop one a the heads a Mount Rushmore."

“Clever names for headwear aside, I gotta know what the hell he did? Is he still locking you out of the bathroom?"

"A’ course he is. It's like he thinks my bladder owes him money an' he means to make it miserable 'til it pays up. Fuck him. Seriously, fuck that guy."

"Seriously? That's it?" Karkat sat back in his seat with a huff, "There are guys in your hallway that seriously threaten each other. Threatening as in the ’Get the fuck out of my sight or I’ll gut you’ way. Going out of their way to fucking make their roommates' lives miserable and you just have this sheer fucking abundance of pissy annoyance at a guy you don't even have to look at every day."

"Well...Kar, I'll be honest, it ain't just that. He's anti-social basement-dweller minus the basement, he got no regard for other people's shit when it comes to bathroom care, the guy uses...fuck if I even know, dish soap or some shit for shampoo an' body wash, he got nerve enough makin’ mockery a my accent when he’s got a lisp like he’s got two fuckin’ tongues in his head, an..." Eridan looked around, and leaned in close, "Worst fuckin' taste in music. Sol likes Ke$ha, Kar. I'm beginin' t'think he was specially crafted from the pits a hell."

Karkat flushed dark red before responding, "Well for what it's fucking worth, I basically spent my entire summer with the guy and he's actually a decent enough guy as long as you don't act like a spoiled dickhead over a few of his idiosyncrasies. AND I LIKE KE$HA!"

Eridan reeled back in mostly-mock disgust. "Kar, it's like I don't even KNOW you."

Karkat's head rolled back to lean off the back of his chair for a moment with a long groan, "Your spoiled, shitty attitude aside, as your RA I can tell you that if you feel like he's doing something particularly abhorrent or annoying, work it out with him because you have to spend the rest of the fucking year with him, so you might as well make it so you don't have to have a passive aggressive sticky-note war in your bathroom for the entirety of it."

“You heard about the post-its, then."

“Couldn't help but notice that you too are having some difficulty in remembering which side of the lock means LOCKED," He looked back over at Eridan, "It would seriously make my job a whole shitload easier if I didn't have to worry about the possibility of my friend pissing in public because you decided you had to teach him a lesson."

"Yeah, fine. He's a dick, but I'll try to mind it, if only for the sake a my favorite grumpy gnome." Eridan fiddled with his phone, raising an eyebrow. "Huh."

"What?"

Eridan grinned, keeping his eyes on his phone. "Got a headshot a the guy who's offerin' to model for me. Gotta say, he ain't too hard on the eyes..." He pocketed his phone, cheeks split in a smile as he rubbed his palms together. "Who knows? Maybe I can find an end to my li'l dry spell after all."

"Great. Might as well fuck Sollux while you're at it, then maybe you'll shut the fuck up and stop whining for once in your damn life." Karkat's face twisted up in a grimace as he put his garbage on his tray, "You have to be anywhere?"

"Nah, I'm free for another hour an' a half...an, for the record, sure enough if he'd be willin'. Guy's a prick, but he's got somethin' goin' for him, an' I wouldn' say no to tappin' that."

Karkat dropped his tray with a blankly terrified expression, "There you go with the whole- GRAH I can't fucking deal with you sometimes, you know that!?"

"You genuinely have no libido, do you?" Eridan stood, picking up Karkat's tray for him. "C'mon, you baby."

"Do too! I just know better than to shit where I eat."

Eridan threw out Karkat’s trash as they passed the can on their way out of the cafeteria. "Neither a those things ought t'have much t'do with fuckin'. 'Course if the buttnugget wouldn' lock me out a my own fuckin' restroom...fuckin' ass..."

"Just keep in mind if you decide to shove that bejeweled monster of yours anywhere near Sollux and shit goes sour, I'm just going to laugh my ass off at the both of you. RA or not."

“You laugh at me anyway. You laugh at shit that ain't even funny. How am I supposed to find this a threat, Kar?" 

"Because I get this feeling if you fuck this up bad enough, either your dick's going to need rehab or maybe you'll turn into one of those mopey assholes from the third act of a romcom that walks around in slow motion and sighing wistfully at everything and it'll be just too much fucking fun to not follow you and play Someone Like You from a boom box or something."

Eridan rolled his eyes, "I just want some ass, Kar. I ain't lookin' to get hitched or anythin'. You're blowin' this way way out a proportion."

"You know what? You're right. Sollux is probably smart enough keep his wacky water weasel from yours anyway," Karkat made his way outside with Eridan, "Plus he's probably not gay."

"Hey, I ain't gay, I just got an appreciation for everybody is all." Eridan grumbled, "An' seriously, Kar? 'Wacky water weasel" are you for fuckin' real?" 

Karkat punched Eridan in the arm, "Shut up, they can't all be golden you douche."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Nostalgia Critic. He remembers it so you don't have to. http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic


	7. >Equius: Lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius has medical issues. Not life-threatening, but certainly inconvenient. And we find out who he's been texting.

Some days were better than others. 

Equius stared into his bathroom mirror after his morning shower. He’d had a successful workout, used his new razor for an immaculately close shave, but regardless, today was not a good day. 

His eyes were especially jaundiced that morning and he had just run out of spinach the night before. His anemia was a constant source of frustration for him, even on a good day, the whites of his eyes always had a yellow tinge to them. The best he could do was make sure to get a good amount of protein, exercise, and be sure that he was as healthy as could be. 

He held his wet hair back from his face with both hands as he sighed heavily.

He didn’t have time to go to the grocery store before class, he would have to go later. He had hoped that he wouldn’t have to go for a couple more days, but nonetheless, he needed to keep his apartment stocked with what he needed. 

The mere fact that he was living on his own was a test of his parents’ faith. He had only barely managed to be able to keep this apartment, not due to any financial strife, but due to his parents’ worry over his health. He was only able to move out into his own apartment strictly because it was closer to his school. 

He tied his damp hair in a ponytail as he made his way into his bedroom. His clothes for the day were laid out on a table near his computer; an act of foresight he had done the night before. He dressed himself in a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and sneakers. 

He had his more physically involved engineer and repair classes today, so he had to be sure he wore clothes with the intent of getting them dirty. If he was lucky, he would remain dry for a good while before any sort of sweat broke out on his skin. In preparation of such activity, he applied two layers of deodorant and went so far as to place the stick in his duffel bag. 

Once clothed, he inspected his iPhone beside his bed. He read over the messages he had sent over the last few days. 

_D-- > I am inquiring about the position for which you have placed an ad for in the newspaper  
D--> Upon my inquiry I w00ld hope that you could e%pound further about said position so that I c00ld properly e%plain if I may be suitable for your position_

_swweet wwell okay im lookin for a male model wwith a good build wwho can hold a pose an take direction  
photogenic is a plus but i can wwork wwith wwhatevver so long as you dont squirm too much_

_D-- > I do believe I may be what you are looking for_  
 _D-- > I am available most days yet I would be most appreciative of some fair warning for an e%act day and time you w00ld prefer  
_

_monday wworks for me but before wwe go any further can you send a photo a some sort so i can see wwhat im wworkin wwith an figure out howw im goin to run this  
_

_also wwhat kind a compensation you thinkin here_

His most recent messages were still at the bottom.

_D-- > I have sent you two pictures_  
 _D-- > As for compensation I require little_  
 _D-- > In fact I w00ld STRONGLY prefer to be compensated in free prints of pictures I myself need for my friend to use as a model_  
 _D-- > You see I've been told I have a physique MOST e%cellent for all forms of art purposes_

He had hoped that the photographer whose ad he had answered would be less spasmodic in returning his messages. The unprofessional attitude was quite unbecoming of a potential business relationship. Nepeta had asked him recently if he would be able use his form for a series of photorealistic pictures for her drawing class. 

In place of requesting he stay prone for more time than he had available for her disposal, she elected to tell him that having a series of photographs taken would be more helpful to both of their schedules. Theoretically this would prove true, however time was dwindling before he decided he would seek photography help elsewhere.

He slid his phone as well as his keys and phone into his pocket before leaving the room.

Once he had gotten to campus and parked, Equius carried his toolbox in one hand and a messenger bag over his other shoulder. He had been surprised by the day suddenly turning warm on him. The coat he had brought in anticipation of the chill he had been expecting was draped around his shoulders as he made his way to his first class of the day.

He walked at a brisk pace before a familiar head of wooly hair caught his eye. A serene figure sat, shawl draped over her lap as she read from a book. She picked idly at a plastic tub of cut vegetables she had beside her. He found this curious; was she especially despondent? Was that why she had her own food with her? Perhaps she could not afford the school’s meal plan.

He stopped in his tracks as he watched the serene girl. Ariana? Adrianna? Damn it all why couldn't he recall the girl's name? He felt a twinge of guilt at easily bringing forth her visage, but not her name. There was something classically beautiful about her, brightness and energy; light without being as overpowering as other young women.

She stretched her arms over her head, smiling broadly, eyes still closed under the warm sun and pleasant breeze. He tried to tell himself that it was unseemly to stare at a young woman without her knowing. Especially for what felt like such a lengthy period of time. 

Or to possibly hold up the flow of walking traffic. 

These thoughts did not stop him from smiling briefly at her actions.

She turned her head from side to side, as if trying to pull the stiffness from her neck, as her eyes fluttered open. She turned her head again and caught sight of Equius, stock still and stoic amid the bustle of life around them. A light flush filled her cheeks as she waved to him.

His back straightened even further, she saw him! He waved just slightly with his free hand, reluctantly taking the initiative to walk to her. 

Even carrying a toolbox and a messenger bag, he had no difficulty with the weight. He nodded a greeting, "Hello."

"Hi! It's Equius, right?" she smiled, offering her tub of vegetables, "Care for a snack? Or a seat?"

The warmth that radiated off her was purely infectious. Radiate. Aradia was her name! He couldn't help but smile, "Only if you are offering, Miss Aradia." 

"I am. In fact, I am insisting."

He strode over to the bench and took a piece of pepper that had not been touching any of the others. His fingers were quite good at finding small, stray objects and picking them out easily. He was nearly a stranger to her and yet she was so accommodating; such a charming girl.

She helped herself to a celery stick, "So, you're a good friend of Nepeta's, right? She's told me a lot about you."

He cocked an eyebrow, not sitting, but staring down at her in confusion, "Did she?" 

What could Nepeta have possibly told her?

She canted her head in a playful sort of manner, "She did indeed, she said you're a proper gentleman and a good friend, and I gather that you try to keep her out of trouble. Sometimes, you even succeed, it sounds like. And everything I've heard makes me curious to know you better."

A grin spread across his face as he nodded, "Ah yes. Nepeta happens to be of a special sort who hasn't exhausted herself on my presence. She and I have been close for many years. While I make the effort to help her exercise precautions in her activities, I often fail in keeping her grounded."

She shrugged lightly, "She is, but I know her already. I don't know you well at all. I understand you're in engineering, but that's about it."

"If what you've heard of my hobbies came from her, certainly you are ill-informed." The grin turned into a smirk as he pushed some hair out of his face, "I am quite talented at most electronic repairs, including robotic equipment. It requires expertise that most do not have, you see. Untalented hands are not fit for what I do." 

If any insecurities were to be had in any area it would not be this; he carried nothing less than a great deal of pride in such abilities.

"I suppose they wouldn't be, would they? You seem very sure of yourself, I'm sure you're very good." She reached for a carrot stick, "What else do you like to do? What are some of your other interests? I hope you don't mind my curiosity..."

"Interests..." He pondered a moment, trying to come up with something on the spot, It was so difficult with her watching like that, "Aside from robotics I have a great appreciation for the outdoors. Often do I enjoy visiting the stable close to campus to engage the horses."

"Stables? Oh, I didn't even know there were animals nearby!" she bubbled, "I'm very fond of animals, myself, I spent the summer on my uncle's farm, in fact." 

Common ground, common ground was good. It made for a start, at the very least. Had her face been as flushed before? Was she ill? 

She asked, "Er, would you like a seat? Or, I'm not keeping you, am I?"

Equius withdrew his phone from his pocket and indeed, his class was close to starting without him. All the curses and inflamed senses! His eyebrows furrowed behind his sunglasses, still managing to appear as impassive as always as he spoke, "Damn, I actually must be going. I did strongly enjoy this bit of conversing with you and I hope to see you again soon."

"And I as well! I'd love to get to know you better, and any friend of Nepeta's is a friend of mine!" She beamed, hair wafting so slightly in the breeze that rolled through.

"Farewell." The corner of his lips quirked up on a quick grin as he began to walk away. He wished he had the time to spend at her side on this warm day, the capacity to not let his nerves get the best of him as they had in the past. 

There was great misfortune to be had in his hesitation, but there was little he could do to bypass it aside from taking that leap. Nevertheless, at that present time, he was already late for class. 

Before he stepped into the room, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He withdrew the phone and read the message from his potential photographer.

_uh yeah  
this is totally wworkable  
an yeah that sounds fair though i wwas expectin some kind a financial deal but sure i can trade you some free prints as long as youre posin anywway_

He typed out a quick response and sent it before walking into the room.

_D-- > MOST e%cellent  
D--> This seems fair and reasonable_


	8. >Eridan: Go to Bathroom Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Sollux is petty about his wi-fi and Eridan shops for shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be wonking. By which I mean masturbating. Oh look, we're approaching the stuff that earns us the Mature rating.

Fuck. Not again. 

Eridan slammed his door behind him, grumbling. Fucking nerd has to fucking lock him out of his own fucking bathroom like the fucking douche that he is, when sometimes a guy just has to PEE FUCKING BAD. He pounded on his bathroom-buddy's door, "Sol! Fuck, Sol, get out here, asshole, you did it again!"

Sollux jumped as he heard someone pounding at his door. He didn't even turn his headphones off, just unplugged them and left them hanging around his neck as he answered the door, having not heard what Eridan said. He pulled the door open, "What?"

"Bathroom, asshole, you locked me out again, an' my kidneys got choice words for you an' your timin'."

Sollux rolled his eyes and groaned, "I had the fucking door locked the entire summer. I'll adjust so just stop losing your shit everywhere." He walked away, assuming the door would shut behind him as he went to the bathroom to unlock the door. 

Eridan followed him in, taking a moment to glance around. Something loud and mostly lyrically illegible to Eridan's ears was playing off of Sollux's laptop. A post-it note by the computer caught his eye, "wifi pass 147258369" scrawled on in Sollux's hand. He pushed past Sollux as the door was unlocked, and shuffled inside, grunting a resentful "thanks."

"What the fuck- you came in my room?!"

"I wasn't gonna wait, now was I?" Eridan hollered through the shut door, minding his mission.

"Could've gone through your own damn door and not, you know, through MY room!"

"You are vastly underestimatin' the urgency of the situation, Sol!" 

Sollux gave up with an eye roll and flopped back into his computer chair, placing back on his headphones.

After flushing and washing his hands, Eridan unlocked and opened the door to Sollux's side. "You're a fuckin' urinary terrorist, is what you are."

At the sound of the door opening, Sollux spun around, not even hearing what he had said, "Stop opening my door!"

“'Scuse me, Sol, you kept talkin' so I was doin' the proper thing an' answerin' face to face. Dickbag." He slammed the door behind him, locking it--it'd serve the bastard right--and went to his own room. He sat down at his computer and checked for available wifi.

"Amys wifi"? Nope. 

"qwertyuiop"? Nah, that wouldn't be it. 

"FBI Surveilance"? That one sounded like Sollux. Eridan put in the sequence of numbers as he remembered it, and on the second try, got in.

After a few minutes of silence on his end, Sollux got a notification at the corner of his screen that read 'Eridan's PC has connected to your network'. 

Oh no. 

Oh FUCK no. 

Sollux took off his headphones, pushed his chair back and went to knock on Eridan's bathroom door, only to find that his was locked. "Motherfucking fuck are you fucking kidding me?!" 

Sollux tore out of his room and punched Eridan's door twice, "Eridan get the fuck out here!"

Eridan opened the door, smug smile in place, "Ain't so nice gettin' locked out, is it? Say please an' I'll let you in."

"Get the fuck off my wifi!" His face was flushed pink as he glowered up at him.

Eridan's face blanked "...How'd you know?" 

"I know because when you connected, it had your fucking name on it! And you call ME a terrorist? At least I'm not fucking hacking your damn computer!"

"Who's hackin'? I'm just usin' wifi, Sol, you know ours is shit."

"Yeah, hence why I got my own, buy your own fucking router and get off my wifi!"

"Whatever Sol, it costs you nothin' to let me use it."

"No, but it slows it down when other people connect to it. How the hell did you even get my fucking password? Oh wait, it must’ve been when you came into my room without my permission!"

"It seems plenty fast to me," he grinned, "even with two a us online. An' is it so outside a reason that I might be handy with computers too?"

Sollux's eye twitched very slightly behind his blue lens, "Get off my wi-fi or I'm telling Karkat that you broke into my room."

"Right. Broke in. 'Cuz I'm such a sneaky son a a bitch an' all. Kar knows me better'n that, an' I'll get off when I'm good an' ready, so you got my sincerest invitation to suck it."

Eridan slammed the door in Sollux's face. Maybe later he'd be the bigger man and unlock Sollux's bathroom...maybe he wouldn't. Meanwhile? He had a faster connection than he had in years at the school, and he had a mind to abuse it.

Sollux stood there, flabbergasted and furious all at once. Fine, he was going to play it like that? He'd show him what being connected to his computer was good for. He went back into his dorm and went into a few choice folders on his computer. He couldn't kick off Eridan off his network, but he could find a few choice things to do with the vulnerable little ISP he found.

In the other room Eridan made full use of the high-speed wifi, starting with his usual site for the most recent important news; The Onion. Sadly, it had not updated in the last few hours that he had obsessively clicked it. He might as well go back to Cracked.com, at least there were things there he could always reread. 

He huffed and sat back in the plush computer chair he had brought from home, checking his phone. He might as well take the opportunity to get back to his model. Hmmm. Not much had happened, just him agreeing that their arrangement was mutually beneficial. He texted, " _monday at twwo an im sendin you directions to the studio_ "

He went onto Google maps and sent the address to the place to the same phone number.

He decided to check his online wishlist as well. What was he looking for this week? 

Shoes and a ring. Easy enough. The stone of his former ring had cracked badly recently and he was sick of one of his fingers feeling naked while the rest were decked out in shiny finery. There, chaorite, unusual and elegant; something in a circular cabochon. 

As for shoes... well how the hell could he resist? 

He sought out the nicest pair of Pleaser shoes that he could find, but found himself checking out the lingerie section as well. Not that he wanted any of the cheap shit this site was hawking, but these girls were pretty fucking gorgeous, no matter what shitty lingerie they were in. Plain bodies, sure, not a thing special or unique about them, but he could appreciate them all the same, but oh…what he’d give for something different.

He leaned his head back and opened his email, checking out his model for Monday. Nice. Very, very nice. He smirked. A thought occurred to him, he probably should unlock the bathroom door if just to be the bigger man and not have to listen to the lisping asshole's bitching again. 

He took a note from Karkat and took out a sticky note and a felt-tipped pen. He pressed down delicately upon the paper, leaving behind his looping calligraphy. He quietly unlocked the bathroom door and left the sticky note on Sollux's mirror, "Leavve the fuckin door unlocked, dickhead."

After an evening of ill-gotten wifi being thoroughly taken advantage of, Eridan went to bed.

==>

Sollux poked around through the shared folder he had set up, nothing really interesting in there. Still, it was good to have just in case he ever needed it to ruin the bastard's life. Or steal one of the thousands of photographs he had on there. Shit, there were a LOT there. Once he actually settled down about his theft, he couldn't help but be a little impressed at the asshole.

Sollux noticed when Eridan disconnected from his network. He contemplated for a moment, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal if he let him on the network. It would just be the two of them and there was no way that Eridan was as good with computers as he seemed to think he was. He snorted a chuckle as he recalled the conversation. He decided to change the password to something longer and more to the point; if Eridan wanted the wifi, he’d have to ask permission first. 

He then proceeded to more recreational net-use. 

Sollux clicked around through a few websites; that old itch was rearing its head again. It was late, he was bored, he felt a stirring in his groin. He slid off his sunglasses, blinking at the sudden brightness invading his eye-sockets. Fuck. He really needed to stop wearing them so late. It wasn't like anyone was going to be bothering him this late anyway; a quick glance at the clock allowed him to assume that Karkat was probably busy and Eridan was probably asleep.

He went to xtube.com and stared at the searchbar, uncertain of what he wanted to see. Probably a blowjob. Hard to go wrong, there, right? He typed in his search and got the usual garishly disgusting preview images associated with such. He scrolled down, looking for something with…brunettes, tonight. He flipped through a few pages, assembling a few tabs as they quickly loaded with his private wifi connection. He stared intensely at the screen, trying to get himself excited in spite of the poorly constructed scene.

Girl on her knees, guy smugly demanding she suck him off, her being overly willing. Probably a lesbian when she wasn’t on the job. He leaned his head back. Dammit, this wasn't the time for this. He clicked out of that tab and played another. 

Same general scenario, different people. Both with brown hair. Girl was kind of unnaturally tan. Orange, really. The guy wasn't bad looking though, however he wasn't even pictured in the video. It was mostly this girl, her purrs, her lascivious come-ons and her weirdly exaggerated lisp. His eyes were focused on what little he could see of the guy. His tan skin, but at least his looked like actual skin.

Tight body, tight red boxers, and a voice as deep as the ocean. Dammit why the fuck did the camera keep looking at HER? She wasn't attractive, she was just gross and slutty. And _orange._ However, Sollux’s hand hadn’t got the message and was already in his pants, as his eyes decided to stare at her lips around the guy’s cock. Well, around them in the sense that she kept kissing him all over in that same overdramatic way. Sollux licked his own lips; it looked like it felt good.

Soon enough her tongue was gliding up the underside, wriggling excitedly. He squirmed a bit in his seat, a low whimper in his throat at the sight of that cock jump. Nice, nice, he thought, biting down on his lip. But then she let out a lusty growl and drawled out how she wanted to stuff it in her more. 

'Stuff it in her?' The fuck kind of dialogue was that? Sollux tried muting it, but found that the sound of his flesh beating against his palm was distracting him from the sight of that tan flesh, that nearly red cock and how he was thrusting it deeper in her mouth, but ew. The way she swallowed it was awkward and kind of hard to watch. Did she have no teeth or something? Because it looked like she scraped him or something.

He closed the tab and minimized the window altogether, choosing to put something loud on in his headphones. He settled on a track and pulled his jeans down further, exposing himself to the air with a quick inhale from the chill. He hunched over his own cock, twisting the flesh up with one hand and cupping his sac with the other. He spread his legs and leaned his head back once more, the music catching him and allowing him to cease all thoughts for his private duration.

He wished he had something wet, something to make him imagine a slick mouth around him. Actually AROUND his cock as he pushed in deep, whoever it was had no gag reflex, no shame, no qualm with how was treating them like an object. Mind wandering, he contemplated the thought of how it would feel to suck dick. He licked his lower lip and pushed his tongue out, imagining the firmness of a hard cock before him, how his tongue would curl and mold to the shape. How he'd drop down and swallow-

Fuck dammit no.

He shut his legs and stared up into the infinite, shadowy abyss of the ceiling. Fuck. He shoved himself back in his pants and crossed his legs on the seat. He clicked out of every window he had open except for the ones he had started with. The song changed to something equally as embarrassing as fantasizing about fellatio. 

He sang quietly to himself "Pon pon wei wei wei, pon pon wei wei wei pon pon..."

==>

The next day, after classes were over and done with, Eridan sat at his computer, ready for more of that sweet speedy connection. Aww yeah--wait. Password not accepted? Shit.

Eridan entered the bathroom, noticing that a sticky note was now stuck across his own mirror in the bathroom, reading “unlock your door too”.

He rolled his eyes and knocked on Sollux's bathroom door. "Hey, Sol, I can't get online."

Sollux didn't even get up from his chair, simply draping his headphones around his neck, "No shit, because I changed the password."

"Why? It's fast enough even with me on for anything you could possibly need, Sol! C'mon!"

"How the hell do you know?"

"C'mon man, it ain't gonna kill you to be civil an' share for once in your life. Let me just use it for a while, yeah? No harm done, an' I'll be out a your hair."

Dear fucking GOD he was persistent. That was about as close to asking permission as he was going to get. He sarcastically snorted, "You just don't understand the word 'no,' do you? It's Eridan, get your own wifi because you can totally afford it asshole. No spaces."

"Fine. Be that way!" Eridan stormed back to his room, grumbling. Asshole. He flopped back into his chair, thinking...meh, worth a shot. He put in the password "eridangetyourownwifibecauseyoucantotallyafforditasshole" and was honestly a little surprised when it worked.

Eridan immediately heard Sollux crack up laughing from the other side of their doors. Clearly this amused him in some capacity.

Eridan chuckled, opening his bathroom door and calling out, "Thanks for the wifi, asshat, you're a true pal."

Insults or no, he had some streaming to do.


	9. >Equius: Arrive at Studio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius models for Eridan and goes about as well as you'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4/13 guys!
> 
> This chapter requires warnings for foot worship, a bit of dubious consent, humiliation, and the first twinges of D/s. Happy reading!

Eridan was setting up his space, a tiny studio he had rented for the afternoon. He adjusted the lighting and checked his equipment, and even though it was still before when his model should arrive, he disliked waiting.

Equius knocked on the door to the studio, he was clad in his usual sunglasses, black fingerless leather gloves, a tight button-down navy shirt, a black tank top, and black dress pants. He had a dufflebag with props he might have needed, including some of Nepeta’s make-up ("You want to look perfect, don't you?"). His hair was tied back in a ponytail.

Eridan answered the door, having dressed this day for comfort rather than for fashion for once. A plain loose teeshirt from some suitably obscure band, and tight faded jeans. The studio was his for the rest of the day, and he went barefoot for comfort as well. He grunted a simple, "Hey, wipe your feet" as he showed Equius inside. “Equius, right? Eridan.”

“Well met.” Equius nodded and knocked his feet against the ground a couple of times before going on, "So I'm told you are quite a good photographer."

“You heard right," he smirked, leading Equius to the room he had set up. It was a bare space, a rug laid out on the ground, a chair available but set to the side, and a few things one could hold or lean against stacked in a corner. "The deal was, some pose pictures for your artsy friend t’use as references for drawin’, an’ in exchange you help with my portfolio after that, right?"

Equius nodded, pushing his glasses up while clearing his throat, "That's right. Kanaya said you gave her some quite excellent pieces for her use." He cast his eyes over the space; bare white walls, draped sheets, bright lights glaring down on the rug where he felt reasonably sure he would be posing. A professional-looking set-up, though he had little experience to draw from on such matters.

"Kan? Yeah, it was actually kind a fun to work with her and her girls. So what does your li'l artist need? Anythin' particular? Might as well get that out a the way before we get to my shit."

"I was thinking of something majestic and strong, anything that exemplifies my strength and calm power." Equius spoke in sort of a flowery way, twirling his fingers midair as though trying to find just the right way to describe his vision.

"...An' that's how your art-buddy phrased it. Right. That helps a fuckin' lot," he said, rolling his eyes and gesturing towards the well-lit space and the middle of the rug, as he picked up his camera. "Well, show me what you were thinkin' an' we can go from there."

Equius unbuttoned the first couple of buttons of his shirt. He strode before the camera, crouching low to the ground and looking up from behind his sunglasses, his fingertips barely touching the ground. His triceps bulged slightly from the angle and the pressure on his arms.

Eridan regarded the pose. Not bad, he could work with it. Nice musculature, good tone...yeah, he could work with this pretty well. He took a few quick shots, varying the angle slightly, crouching now, standing to the side slightly now, to get a selection of pictures to choose from.

Equius licked his lips and swallowed before speaking, "All right. I'll need the wall now." He walked back toward the wall and leaned against it, unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them up slightly, enough to actually show his triceps to the photographer. He ran a hand in his hair, loosening some of the strands of hair before looking back into Eridan's eyes, then the camera lens.

Eridan took a few pictures, from different angles again, stepping closer. Nice physique...style wasn't totally mainstream...yeah, he'd definitely need a few shots all around, see if that ass was as hard as those shoulders looked...

"You're actually not too bad, Eq. Hold it like that," he crouched down, only a few feet away, getting an upwards-shot of his face and torso.

Equius nodded, appearing mostly confident, but beginning to sweat just a little bit, not terribly, but a light sheen was visible around his hairline. His fingers tugged at his shirt collar, he leaned his head back, but found Eridan was still taking pictures of it. This made him sweat a little more, "You wish to extort pictures of me when I'm rather undignified?"

The photographer snorted, not stopping, as he stood and took some three-quarters profile shots. "Part a the key to havin' good pictures is t'make sure you take lots a 'em, an' pick out the ones that look best. Not everythin' looks good from a straight-on, my-height point a view, so you gotta take lots a angles."

"I suppose you're right. Extraction is key to perfection." Equius rubbed the back of his neck and looked up in an almost sultry manner before nodding, "All right, I believe anything I need is done. You can tell me what to do now." The way he said that last sentence was almost a little choked, but his expression stayed as stoic as ever.

He quickly snapped another two pictures of that look, grinning. "Okay, first? You look like you know how to do some fightin', so give me your best defensive stance an' look at the camera like it insulted your mam."

Equius relaxed his arms and breathed in, raising his fists and giving the camera a fierce scowl. His teeth were bared just slightly before letting it evolve into an actual snarl. His forehead appeared to glisten a bit more.

A shiver ran up Eridan's spine, and he took several photos. "That's it, get real fuckin' mad, be so fuckin' angry you can't stand it...fantastic...just like that." Click click click, "Okay, for the next one, take your gloves off an' sit on the rug like you're meditatin' or some kinda zen shit like that. Give me serene an' tranquil."

Equius couldn't stand it anymore, the way he was getting commanded was getting to be too much for him. Thankfully he was told to calm down, that should cool him off a bit..."Give me just a moment, I need a towel." He crouched once again and unclasped his gloves and left them in his bag. He took out a towel and dabbed his forehead and the back of his neck before sitting on the floor.

Eridan took a photo or two, then scowled, "No, you're lookin' tense, Eq. Tranquil, like some kind a monk or saint or somethin'. Ugh, can't you manage that?"

Equius took a breath, then another, taking his hair down from its ponytail and letting it fall around his face and the bottom of his neck. He took off his sunglasses, eyes still closed, and allowed his face to relax.

"Hmph. That's better, I guess..." he took a few more shots, not quite sure on the angle, coming close and towering over Equius and photographing from above, then getting a couple of close-ups of his face.

Equius tried to think of Aradia, her smile, her laugh, the sheer sweetness of her form. He grinned for a fleeting second before sensing Eridan's presence above him. He opened his eyes and looked up, beginning to glisten once again.

"Good. Next shot, button your shirt back up. You got a tie or anythin'? I'm gonna need you dignified as fuck for this." He turned his back and walked to a desk, getting another memory disc for the camera.

Equius slid his sunglasses back on and went to his dufflebag. He had a dark gray tie, which he tied around his neck quite easily. By the time he was done, Eridan had been staring at him.

"Okay, yeah. We'll start with the glasses on, then move to glasses off. Leave your hair down, though, but sweep it back behind your shoulders. Now, look dignified, look aristo, look like you're some fuckin' nobleman." He raised his camera once more.

Equius was able to do that quite easily; it was his default expression after all. He became stoic, dark, his expression quite snobbish.

A few shutter-clicks, and Eridan reached over and took his sunglasses. "Okay, same but without the shades this time."

A rush of blood went through Equius' face as those shades were taken. He looked quite startled, feeling vulnerable and quite out of character. He tried to calm down, but found himself quite flustered at the helplessness.

Eridan smirked from behind his camera. Ha, so this was how to throw the big lunk off his game. Click click, a few vulnerable shots for personal consideration.

Equius tried to pose calmly in the same manner for those pictures, but didn't pull it off quite as well as the first time. His eyes ended up darting around a bit, as he was self-conscious about his jaundiced eyes and the dark circles beneath them.

"Okay, shirt comes off now. Tie, too. Hurry it up, will you?" Eridan barked, seeing if he could get a rise out of him. This could be fun, this could be fun indeed.

"What? Is-is this for your portfolio?" Equius' chest rose and fell quickly and that fitted shirt was leaving little to the imagination.

It was, in fact, but Eridan was having too much fun toying with Equius, "It doesn't matter, you're here to do what I say now, ain't you?" He tossed Equius a thick silver-tone necklace, "An' wear that."

Equius gasped and began unbuttoning his shirt without thinking, he was definitely being commanded now, oh god this was so degrading. So LEWD. He jerked the tie off from around his neck.

Eridan watched, his eyes drinking in every motion. Equius was clearly enjoying this, he had been able to detect that much, but he wanted to play with him a little more before going in for it. "This time, you're gonna kneel, arms outstretched to your sides, like you're prayin' or some shit. Move all your hair to one side, I wanna get some shots a your back, too."

Equius did as he was told, gingerly sliding his hair to the side of his shoulder, his tank top exposing most of his bare shoulders, but still covering his back. He dropped to his knees, breathing heavily as he closed his eyes.

"Hm, better take off the tank, too. I need pics of a strong back an' chest, an' it's gettin' in the way."

Equius pulled the shirt off without hesitation, feeling something stir between his legs. He had been called strong by another. Another man of all people. He dabbed at his forehead with the back of his hand before clasping on the necklace.

Eridan raised his camera, circling Equius like a vulture, taking photos, "Fuck, perfect. That's right, just like that. Look at that back, fuck..." Click click click. Some of these were definitely going into his personal file. He circled around to stand in front of Equius. "Okay, stay down, but get prostrate. Bow like I'm your fuckin' god."

"A-All right..." Equius couldn't stop panting at this point; the way the photographer was treating him was unfortunately making him hotter than he'd been in a long time. He never imagined he could be ordered in such a manner by someone so close to his own age. He bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, his cock was growing so hard.

One, two, three photos for the portfolio, and about eight more for personal use, of his back, his the arch of his body in profile, and his ass up in the air. "You fuckin' love this, don't you. This is a dream come true, isn't it? You ain't foolin' me, I see how hard you're sweatin'...you're enjoyin' the shit outta this, ain't you? An' don't you lie to me."

Equius' pale face had flushed pink, his ears burning red. He hissed through his teeth, tucking his thighs together, unable to look up at Eridan as he murmured, "So degrading..."

"That ain't an answer!" he growled, low, standing above Equius, a smirk on his face. He grabbed Equius's hair by the root and yanked up, forcing Equius to look up at him. A gamble? Maybe, and the larger man could probably snap him in twain, but Eridan had a feeling this would pay off. "Answer me when I'm talkin' to you."

Equius actually whimpered at the tug, inhaling through his teeth again as he gasped, "Oh damn it all yes! Ohhh..." His eyes hadn't opened yet, but his tone and purely submissive attitude spoke volumes.

A shiver shot though him, and he gently cupped his chin, squatting down to his level, though not bowing, never bowing. "Then we're gonna keep goin', 'cause I'm enjoyin' this too. Kiss my feet."

He released Equius's chin, pulled a chair over, and sat down, offering a foot and wiggling his toes.

Equius' breath had caught in his throat at Eridan's touch, but completely stopped at the command. He stared at the foot before him and with little hesitation, leaned down and pressed his lips to the back of it, the smoothness rubbing against his mouth. He didn't stop at a single kiss, he covered the top portion of his foot with light pecks from his lips.

Eridan smiled, aroused and victorious, but be damned if he'd let his new toy know about it just yet. "Now lick my toes. Slowly."

Equius' hot breath puffed out against his foot. He thought briefly of how Eridan had been barefoot, his unwashed feet and the dirt and dust of walking around unprotected, but quickly perished the thought as his tongue peeked out. He slid his tongue up the biggest toe, trying to not think of the taste, but the subjugation, he was being made to do it. He obeyed, licking and swirling his tongue around the second toe as well. Quite dexterous his tongue was.

Click. That lovely little photo was going into the personal file. Eridan grinned down wickedly, "Nice. Now, kiss my hand..." He held out his hand, the one not holding the camera.

Equius pulled himself from Eridan's foot, grasping the more slender hand in his own and pressing his lips to the back of it, his expression gentlemanly despite his perspiration. The flesh was just as smooth as the top of his foot. 

"Good..." quickly, Eridan thrust two fingers into Equius's mouth, pressing down on his tongue. "Now suck."

Equius' expression grew shocked as those fingers were forced into his mouth. He quickly adapted, sucking quickly and efficiently, neither drooling nor allowing anything of the sort of happen. He moaned softly around the digits, but also allowed his tongue to twine and slither around them, tilting his head just so for the right angle. He felt so filthy, it was amazing.

It is hard--not impossible, but hard--to take good photographs one-handed, but Eridan managed. He took several, from the initial shock, to that oh-so-hot, wanton expression. 

He thrust his fingers back and forth, once or twice, "Yeah, just like that. You dirty li'l bastard, you like that. Fuck, you want more? You want more to suck on, you filthy li'l whoreson?"

Equius ran his tongue along those fingers before relaxing, allowing them to penetrate his mouth again and again, his eyes rolling in the back of his head just slightly. Eridan could feel Equius moan against his fingers, on his tongue. Equius' cock hardened further along with his nipples, a rush of pleasure across his skin causing goosebumps, as his eyes were exposed to Eridan, humiliating him all the more.

Fuck if this wasn't getting Eridan plenty fired up. He pressed down on Equius's tongue with his fingers, gripping his chin with his thumb, and pulling his head up to look him in the eye. "You did real good with my fingers. Real good. Good enough you can suck my cock next. You're goin' to treat it real good too, ain't you?" 

He set down his camera and used his free hand to unzip his pants and free his erection, standing proudly before Equius. "Pretty sure you can handle that. Go on, make friends." He slowly withdrew his fingers, and leaned back, camera back at the ready.

Equius barely even nodded before that cock was before him, erect and flushed. He breathed out hotly through his mouth before leaning in, his tongue sliding up from the base to the tip. He repeated the act several times, his eyes drifting shut before he let his tongue curve and slide around the stiff cock.

"Fuck, you're a natural at this...keep goin', let me see what you can do," he said, firing off several more photos, and glad for having so much digital storage space still free. One hand worked through Equius's hair, encouraging him.

Equius groaned around the organ before getting up further on his knees and beginning to suck the tip hard, he dipped his head down and then back up, beginning to bob his head, his teeth scratching up against the shaft for a second before continuing.

Eridan arched his back, pleased, groaning a little, "That's it, li'l slut. Keep goin'."

Equius was drooling at this point, his eyes screwed shut as he pressed his own cock against Eridan's leg. He grunted in his throat before lapping his tongue against the head again, pretenses of dignity left behind, his expression softer and more wanting than he could have expected.

Eridan gripped Equius's hair, his knuckles tight against his scalp. "No, you get me off, then you can get off, but I fuckin' come first. You got that? You fuckin' get me off the best way you know how."

Equius' lips molded around the head for a moment before moaning, "Mmmmm so degenerate I'm... mmmmm..." He kept licking and drooling around the beautiful cock in front of him, tongue eager to taste and pleasure him.

Eridan took another photo, before just giving up on the camera for a while, enjoying the feeling. "Yes, you are. You're a filthy degenerate, an' you're doin' great, you fuckin' fantastic bastard. You're goin' to fuckin' swallow my cock, you hear me? An' when I come, you're goin' to swallow every drop a that, too."

Equius nodded with a thrust of his hips against Eridan's leg, immediately shoving his mouth down as far as he could onto Eridan's cock. He choked a bit, his eyebrows furrowing, but he lifted his head and forced himself down again, determined to swallow him as much as he was able.

Eridan was loving this entirely too much, and he could feel himself getting close, but wanted to delay for a little longer. He distracted himself by taking one more photograph, one centered on the shape Equius's lips took, wrapped around his member, and he tried not to squirm too much. "Take that in, whoreson. Eat my cock like it's all you know how t'do, you fantastic sweaty douche..."

Equius groaned long and sweet around his cock, shuddering as he sucked harder, bobbing his head like he was told to. He sucked eagerly, his tongue writhing and squirming all across the underside, flattening his tongue to grow thick and soft, thickly striping the underside.

"Fuck..." he hissed, under his breath. "You're goin' to get somethin' to snack on soon, I'm gettin' close. Keep it up, fuck..." The hand in his hair gripped him again, tugging lightly, encouraging him.

Equius whimpered again, completely concentrated on the commands given to him. He got up further on his knees, sucking and sliding lower, flicking his tongue, trying to do just as Eridan wanted him to, needing to taste that come in his mouth, needing to be a degenerate, filthy slut.

Eridan watched him, just watched him completely worship his cock, as he began to peak. He let his head roll back, spilling his seed into Equius's willing throat, a single, strangled blasphemy escaping him as he did.

Equius drank in the sound of Eridan's moan as he eagerly swallowed, sucking and sucking the head as he held himself over that cock. He let the pulses ride out in his mouth, against his tongue.

Eridan relaxed, lifting his head to watch Equius swallow the last of his come, sneering, "You liked that, huh? That probably got you fuckin' hard as shit, right?"

Equius' lips, swollen and fat from their labor, popped off the top of Eridan's cock. He nodded, his thighs and hard cock pressed against Eridan's shin.

Eridan checked his camera. Still plenty of photos left. Good. He made no move to tuck himself back in his pants, but leaned forward, grinning wickedly. "Good boy, Eq. I think I'll let you get off now. Go ahead an' jack off, an' I'll just watch."

Equius rubbed himself through his dress pants, causing himself to buck into the touch. He groaned and leaned his head forward, feeling those eyes on him, on his bulge, his hard cock. That thought made Equius shudder and spread his legs further.

Eridan adjusted his lens and took a choice picture, capturing his pose and his expression beautifully, with no room for doubt of what Equius was doing to himself. "Get that cock a yours into the air where I can see it, then frig yourself fuckin' insane. That's a fuckin' order, Eq."

Equius undid his pants and slid his cock out for Eridan's hungry eyes to see. His length was immense, a good deal larger than Eridan's, completely erect and weeping precome. Equius quickly began stroking himself with both hands, one at the base and the other squeezing and teasing his head as he squirmed on the floor. He writhed like an eager whore and let his head fall back.

Another photo, and Eridan let his greedy eyes feast on Equius. God, this man...once a man, reduced now to nothing more than a plaything, a whimpering, needy wreck, a slave to pleasure and to his own dirty desires...Even without the photographs, this sight would be enough for Eridan to stroke himself to for months...and so, he watched.

Without even thinking, Equius spit into his palms and kept rubbing himself, stroking and stroking as he panted. He let his knees fall further apart and thrust mindlessly, his voice even growing higher as his hips twitched and twisted. "Oh god..."

Eridan leaned forward, watching intently, drinking in the sight of him, the pathetic little sounds he made, and even the smell of his sweat. "Keep goin', Eq. I command it. You fuckin' come or else."

That command forced Equius over the edge after a few more swift pants and tugs at himself. He growled and let out a long sigh of pleasure, spilling his seed all over his hands, some of it even getting rubbed into his cock. He jerked and shuddered pathetically as his breaths dwindled.

Three more photographs, expertly timed, a little come in the air in two of them, and he smirked, camera at the ready for one last shot. "One more thing, Eq. Lick your fingers."

Equius came down from his euphoric high, sucking and licking his fingers just as Eridan had requested. His taste didn't seem to bother him, at that point he had the taste of both of their seed in his mouth as Eridan’s camera clicked. Equius then stared at him in a plaintive sort of manner, unsure of what to do with himself.

Eridan settled his cock back in his pants, stood, and fetched the used towel from the floor. He threw it at Equius, "Good job. get yourself cleaned up. If you wanna do this again, be here, same time on Saturday. You understand me?"

Equius nodded absently, rubbing himself clean before throwing the towel in his bag once again. He also put his cock back in his pants, swallowing the bitter taste, "You are quite excellent at being commanding."

"You were a pretty good model," he chuckled, "An' if you come back on Saturday, I'll have your pictures ready. Consider that incentive.”


	10. >Eridan: Receive Undesirable Text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Eridan whines to Kanaya and she likewise has issue with the complexity of women.

Eridan scowled at his phone as he arrived back in his room, his mood piss-poor with a bit of bad news. He had gotten a text from his most recent model-and-lay, and he was none too pleased. 

He stopped off in the bathroom to wash his face, and spied three sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, taped one after the other, that read in Sollux’s hand: “Douchebag: a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself.”

Eridan’s eye twitched, and he had enough. He peeled the sticky-notes away and went back to his own room, finding a Zippo lighter and heading outside. He was barely in the lobby when he heard an instant message chime from his phone. Kanaya. Well, that’s good, at least.  
 _Are You Available_

He answered her just inside the dormitory door.  
 _hey kan howws it goin_

Outside, he heard the return chime. He checked his phone and answered before getting to work.  
 _Women Are Entirely Too Complex_

_sounds like theres a story there_  
 _wwhats goin on_

He ignited the offending paper and let most of it burn, blowing it out when there was only a little sticky corner left. He was returning to his room when he heard an instant message chime from his phone.  
 _Women Woes_  
 _Shall We Sink Our Fangs Together Into Said Woes Or Shall I Bleed Out my Anguish Upon More Private Pages_

Eridan carefully placed the char-edged remainder of the sticky note back on the bathroom mirror, and returned to his computer to answer Kanaya.

_you been hittin the vvampire fics again aint you_  
 _but go ahead im listenin_  
 _sounds like you got some real shit goin on_

_I Will Have You Know They Are A Most Entertaining Read_  
 _Not So Much The Lady Whose Attention I Had Tried To Attract And Hold For A Fortnight_  
 _So Many Chapters And Volumes I Decided That Book Must Be Shelved Posthaste_

_you mean that chick you wwas moonin over_  
 _shit kan im sorry_

_In So Many Words Yes_  
 _I Am Gracious For Your Sympathy_  
 _This Is A Difficult Thing To Deal With_  
 _Its Hard And No One Understands_  
 _How Are You Faring_

_honestly it could be better_  
 _in a pretty fuckin awwful mood right now_

_Oh I Am Sorry To Hear It_  
 _Spin Me Your Tale And I Will Listen With Utmost Sympathy_

Good ol’ Kanaya, always willing to lend an ear, always willing to inflict advice upon others, a friend and a confidant at the same time, even when she had her own troubles.  
 _And Also Tell You What You Did Wrong_

…Yep. Good ol’ Kanaya.  
 _yeah_  
 _that guy i wwas tellin you about before_  
 _the hot one wwith the shoulders_  
 _yeah he texted sayin he aint up for another go_

_Well Fuck_  
 _I Must Say That Is A Really Undesirable Situation_  
 _This Semester So Far Is Not Only Underwhelming But Greatly Disappointing_

_seemed like a good fit too_  
 _hot guy likes gettin bossed around_  
 _responds wwell to talkin_  
 _but no dice_  
 _just no thanks an thats it_

_Did He Seem Embarrassed At All By Your Invitation_

_he seemed kinda off but i figured that wwas just him bein flustered at gettin laid so easy_

_It Seems To Me That You Tend To Come On Very Strongly_  
 _You Appear Overly Eager At Times As Well_

_okay yeah maybe_  
 _but he wwas into it i swear_

_I Gathered_  
 _You Are Desperate But Not A Rapist_

_swweatin like somethin you wwouldnt evven imagine_  
 _an yeah that wwas kind a gross_  
 _but evvery indication wwas that he wwas game_  
 _fuck there wwasnt any real coercion or anythin just me talkin an suggestin_

_In The Heat Of The Moment We Tend To Say Things We Might Not Necessarily Mean_  
 _The Same Could Be Said Of This Gentleman_

_guess youre right_  
 _but i swwear if i thought for a hot second that he wwasnt wwantin it like i wwas i nevver wwould a_

_Perhaps There Is The Chance That He Might Not Bat For Your Particular Team_  
 _He Might Have Been Experimenting_  
 _Many Use Their College Years To Do So_

_possible i guess_  
 _just_  
 _fuck_  
 _you know_

_What_

_it just sucks_  
 _wwe both deservve to get laid proper an regular_  
 _i mean pardon the speculation at my end but youre probably a hoot an a holler in the sack_  
 _an i dont exactly get any complaints_

_I Appreciate The Compliment_  
 _Were I Interested In Men At All I Would Give You The Proper Consideration Before Letting You Know I Was Not Interested In Your Advances_

_i knoww better than to make a pass at you kan_  
 _but failin that i think i knoww wwhat wwe both need_  
 _an need badly_

_My Sexual Desires Can Be Equated To The Thirst Of A Camel_  
 _You However Seem To Be Steadily Losing Your Higher Brain Functions After A Mere Four Days Of Remaining Unquenched_

_theres layers a difference betwween disappointment an stupidity_  
 _but wwhat im suggestin is booze_  
 _wwe need booze_  
 _copious amounts a booze_

_That Is A Fine Suggestion_  
 _One That I Would Be Willing To Face Expulsion For_

_wwell_  
 _booze an fef_

_Absolutely_

_maybe kar wwould be wwillin to join in too_  
 _wwe need a neww vvenue though_

_Feferi And I Will Make A Note Of Such_  
 _Also She Greets You From Our Dorm_

_the bleachers been taken ovver by a pack a potheads i noticed_  
 _an you knoww theyll come dowwn on us if things get boisterous_  
 _hey fef_  
 _uh_  
 _she dont need to knoww too much about the state a my sex life okay_  
 _awwkwward_

_I Promise I Will Keep This Between Ourselves And The Screen_  
 _No Point In Getting My Hands Dirty With This_

_i can handle the fetchin if you twwo can figure out a neww spot_

_Like Ive Said Before We Shall_

_just makin sure wwere on the same page_  
 _ill get your usual favvorites_  
 _i knoww howw you like a selection_

_I Would Take Great Pleasure In That_

_aces_  
 _howws tomorroww sound_

_I Am Certainly Looking Forward To It_  
 _Feferi Is As Well_

_looks like im makin a booze run_  
 _an thanks for listenin_

_Youre Welcome_  
 _Try To Refrain From Any Rash Decisions Anytime Soon_  
 _As A Personal Favor To Me_

_cant promise that kan but i promise ill try_

_Its The Most I Can Hope For_

Eridan signed off, grabbing his keys and putting them in his pocket, where he found his lighter. Oh, right…well, Sollux wanted to escalate things? Fine. Two could play at that game. Eridan did a quick Google search and printed out the Wikipedia page on Bipolar Disorder and carefully taped it to the bathroom mirror above Sollux’s sink. He then checked his wallet and grabbed a fold-up rolling cart and a cardboard office supplies box that would fit inside it, and left for the liquor store.

He returned a good while later, dragging the cart full of clandestine libations behind him. The campus was dry; technically speaking anyone caught with liquor or the like on their person could be expelled, although this was rarely enforced. No one was really investigated unless they proved disruptive, but Eridan supposed it only seemed proper to be appropriately sneaky about his goings-on. He opened the box and surveyed the haul, enough for a few good drinking sessions, and he’d get ice the following afternoon.

He stripped his shirt and scarf and went to the bathroom to shower, finding the printed jab he had left for Sollux had been moved to the mirror above his sink, “WIKIPEDIA IS NOT A CREDIBLE SOURCE” scrawled in bright red marker across it.

Eridan couldn’t help but laugh.


	11. >Sollux: Wander like a lost gazelle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Kanaya is observant of Eridan, Eridan is observant of Sollux, Sollux is a lightweight as well as unobservant, and Feferi wants everyone to wear superhero costumes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11 chapters in and we get our first awkward EriSol "flirting". Awwww yeah. Fetish discussion ho!

Sollux walked out of the library at near dusk. He stretched his arms above his head and cracked his neck and toes in the process. It was still relatively warm out, so he wore sandals with his jeans and t-shirt that evening.

Eridan was wandering down the path, furtively, dragging a cooler behind him. He had decided to take a less-used pathway, but he was none too keen to get caught, all the same. He had brought with him an impressive store of liquor, and he had a couple of ladies to meet. He spied Sollux, and, after a moment's consideration, jogged up to meet him. "Hey, Sol? What're you up to?"

Sollux eyed him and the cooler warily. What was his angle? "Going back to the dorm..."

"Borin'. C'mon, we're goin' drinkin'," Eridan clapped Sollux on the shoulder, pushing him along as he walked. "Friend a mine figured a prime drinkin' spot where nobody goes."

"Wait, wh-what?" He didn't necessarily stop him, but was more surprised than anything, "Do you have any idea how much trouble you can get into for that?"

"What're you, a teetotaler? C'mon, you don't have to drink or anythin', you can just watch, but bein' somewhere besides behind a monitor'll do you some good. Shit Sol, I can see the fuckin' ubuntu symbol burned into your cheek. Now march."

Sollux glared, but was rendered pretty much speechless by his argument, "Fine, but I'm drinking too and I swear if we get caught I'm selling your ass up the river so fucking fast."

As they took the path, further and further from the more populated bits of campus, Eridan grinned. "You got a sweet tooth, yeah? I got the fancy shit." He stopped and opened the cooler, taking a chilled bottle out and handing it to Sollux. "Mead."

He looked at the bottle in mild shock, "Damn, I don't know anyone else who even knows what mead is. Are you a fucking unicorn?"

“You're gonna know a couple. That's one a Fef's favorites," he grinned. "Quality stuff, too, from a local brewer."

Sollux smirked and sang quietly, "Always I wanna be with you and make believe with you..."

Eridan smirked, "An' live in harmony, harmony...oh love..." 

Sollux started laughing as Eridan finished the song with him. 

Eridan led the way towards an old abandoned theater. No one else was on the path, or even in recognizable view from here. 

They went through a darkened entranceway that gradually became lit as they went further in. Soon they were in an auditorium complete with fold-out seats and a stage with wings. Video tapes, whole and broken were scattered all over the floor, strips of the magnetic tape winding around several chairs. The stage itself was intact, but several large hammers, pipes, and even a chainsaw lay near the furthest wall beneath several holes and lines. Sollux looked around curiously, rubbing the bottle in both hands as he turned completely around.

"Creepy, ain't it? Still, nobody bothers comin' 'round, an' there's nobody to complain about the noise. Hey Fef, hey Kan," he called out, waving to two ladies perched on the stage, chatting. They waved, as Eridan bumped the cooler down the stairs to the stage.

"Hiiii!" called the tall girl in pink and faded denim, her flowing strawberry-blonde hair streaming behind her as she hopped down from the stage. 

She bounced her way over, tackle-hugging Eridan, before even noticing Sollux, "Oh, hi! A friend of yours, Eridan? Hi, I’m Feferi!"

Sollux looked between Eridan and the girls, hesitating for a few seconds before answering, "Uhh yes? Sollux. Sollux Captor." 

The other girl had mocha-brown skin and wispy black hair; reserved in dress and manner as she strolled up after Feferi, "That seems unlikely, but at the very least it seems like you actually KNOW Eridan."

Eridan rolled his eyes, "Real funny, Kan, except not at all. Good to see you, too. Fef, Kan, this is Sol, the asshole what keeps lockin’ me out a the bathroom. Sol, Fef's my best girl since we was fry, an' Kan...is Kan. Though she’s called Kanaya if we’re bein’ proper.” He smirked toward Kanaya with no malice as he gave Feferi another squeeze around the shoulder. He pulled himself from her side and dragged the cooler up to the floor in front of the stage where the lighting was decent. He pulled out a mead for Feferi, "Kan, what're you having? I got a bunch a shit."

Kanaya shrugged delicately, walking back to them on the balls of her feet, "If you have any scotch or vodka, I would appreciate it."

Sollux walked over as well, carefully minding his step as he wasn't aware of just how much debris was on the floor. He twisted off the top of his bottle of mead and took a drink from it, his eyes still examining the ceiling.

Eridan crouched by the cooler, a clinking of bottles could be heard, when he found what he was looking for. "Single malt," he said, passing her a large bottle of scotch and a plastic cup. "You take it straight, no rocks, if I recall. Kar couldn’ make it but sends his best anyway. We’ll get him next time, I’m sure." He got himself a bottle of local microbrew lager and popped the lid with a keychain bottle opener. 

Feferi raised her mead, "To drunken revelry!"

"Cheers," toasted Eridan, before taking a swig.

Kanaya poured her glass, raising it with more grace than the plastic deserved with a slight, wry grin before sipping. She sat beside Sollux, "So what DOES bring you with us this evening?"

"I was abducted," Sollux quipped back.

"I can tell. I like your shades." Kanaya pointed to her cat-winged lined eyes as an example.

"Thanks." Sollux grinned back.

"It's nice to meet Eridan's friends, he doesn't have all that many!" smiled Feferi, and Eridan made a bitter face at her. "You don't. Anyway, mind telling us about yourself? I think I've seen you around, but I don't think we've had any classes together."

Sollux couldn't say no to such a sweet girl. He smiled at her, but put on the spot as he was, he couldn't quite think of anything impressively verbose to say. Sollux picked at the label of his bottle and looked off to the side, "Oh, um... I'm a computer science major with a software concentration."

Kanaya's eyes widened, "Must be time-consuming."

Sollux nodded, "Yeah. Lot of outside work." He failed to mention how much 'outside work' was school-relevant. And legal.

"He spends all his time in his room, is what he's sayin'," chimed in Eridan, gesturing towards Sollux with his lager, "Saw him wanderin' around like a lost gazelle an' dragged him along."

Sollux raised an eyebrow at him, "Oh great, and of course you took me here to eat me. Fantastic. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you." He raised his hands in the air in exaggeration as Kanaya snickered.

Kanaya chimed in, "Pay me no mind, I only drink the blood of women."

"Yeah, like I'm gonna waste Fef's mead on somebody what wouldn't see the mornin'," Eridan muttered, rolling his eyes. Feferi shot him a look, and he continued, nonchalantly, "If I was plannin' on killin' somebody, they can damn well make do with Pabst."

Kanaya shuddered with disgust and dismay, "Ugh, were I to kill anyone for their blood, I'd be sure to give them something exquisite for their final night. Clearly you have no etiquette for murder, Eridan."

"Fuck, a guy can't make a joke?" Eridan grumbled.

Feferi giggled, "Being fair, he hasn't had any convictions yet."

"So if he HAD theoretically murdered anyone, you guys would know about it?" Sollux gestured with his bottle, not letting the joke die.

"Had Eridan murdered anyone, I'm certain that not even HE would be able to keep quiet about it for long. Especially since he is NEVER silent." Kanaya took another sip.

Feferi took a sip of her mead, giggling at a memory, a red expression on her face. Eridan knew this expression well, and he blurted out a warning, "Fef, no, don't you dare!" before realizing that that was probably the last thing he ever should have said. 

“But it’s such a funny story!” she protested, to which Eridan answered with a glare.

Sollux laughed, "Tell me tell me come on please I'll do anything!"

Eridan swore quietly, and Feferi flashed Sollux a wide grin, "Aaaanything?"

"Oh god I knew I shouldn't have gone there." Sollux rubbed an eye under his sunglasses with a chuckle.

"Can I wear your sunglasses? Or are they prescription? Oh, and if I tell you this secret, you have to tell one, too!"

Sollux pushed his sunglasses up his nose self-consciously, "Uh sorry, I have really, really bad eyesight. Blind as fuck without them." A lie, of course, but he was self-conscious about his two-tone eyes, and the tinted lenses helped him to hide in plain sight.

Kanaya raised an eyebrow, reading his body language easily.

Sollux continued, "I can definitely trade you a secret for something about this douchebag."

“Deal!" Feferi grinned, taking a drink, as Eridan buried his face in his hands. "Okay, so Eridan has a history of assault, kind of.” Sollux’s eyes widened in terror, but Feferi continued, a Cheshire grin across her lips, “See, the first time he got really drunk was during a game of truth or dare with some of our friends, and long story short, he ended up in a harvest festival after dark, in his underwear, beating a scarecrow into submission with a hockey stick. On video."

About this time Sollux fell over laughing, sure to keep his bottle from tipping over at all, "You're fucking serious? That's fucking amazing!"

Kanaya laughed as well, kicking her feet up, "Fearsome warrior!"

Eridan groaned. "It was the first fuckin' time I got wasted, okay? Also, all our friends were dicks."

Feferi laughed, "He smelled like straw and pumpkin guts for three days! Heeheeheee! It was pretty epic, really."

Kanaya gasped, "He did? Oh goodness I wasn't there for that part, was this when I had to go back to New York? I’m sorry to have missed it, that sounds just wonderful!"

Sollux picked himself back up and stared at Eridan, trying to imagine him younger. Damn, he must've been even worse as a teenager.

"Oh you never saw the video? I'll have to send--"

"NO." interrupted Eridan. "Just, no, Fef." He sighed, eager for a topic change. "Sol, you owe the lady a secret. Get on that," he sighed, taking a fresh lager from the cooler.

Sollux tapped his foot briefly, trying to think of something to say, looking completely baffled, "Uhhhh... I don't know. I can, um... touch my nose with my tongue?"

Kanaya snickered, "That isn't exactly a secret, it's more of a talent."

"You'll have to come up with something better, I'm afraid, but let's see it anyway!" cheered Feferi

Sollux placed his bottle down and sat in a relatively comfortable position. He tilted his head slightly and furrowed his eyebrows, pushing his tongue out and somehow managing to do as he said, the tip of his tongue touching the tip of his upturned nose. He smirked and rubbed his nose on his sleeve, looking at Feferi and Kanaya, "See?"

Kanaya applauded, "That appears to be a borderline courtship ritual."

Feferi clapped politely, and Eridan shrugged, though he did wonder about better uses for a tongue than that.

"Yep, I'm a circus seal." Sollux nodded before taking another drink, finishing his mead, "That's my secret. I'm actually on leave from the Dark Carnival of the Mirthful Messiahs to get an education."

"Explains the smell a fish comin' from your room," said Eridan, altogether annoyed, even if he did have to admit (and, truth told, sometimes had admitted) that the scarecrow-beatdown story was pretty good. But he felt entitled to some proper dirt on Sollux, and if he couldn't get it, maybe he could at least make him feel uncomfortable.

"Yep, put it there just for you, sugar. Glad you like." He winked with a tic of his cheek.

Eridan stuck his tongue out at Sollux, and Feferi smacked Eridan lightly in the back of the head. "For real, though, a good secret! Or something amusing. That's fair, isn't it?"

"All right. Um, this is kind of embarrassing and dumb as hell, but whatever. You know that band Bitchtits?"

Kanaya cocked her head curiously, "That, um rap group?"

Sollux looked back at her, abhorrence more apparent on his face, "Yeah. Well, my best friend was really close with the drummer, Tavros."

Eridan couldn’t help but be somewhat impressed by the admission, as Feferi asked, “Was he anything like Gamzee?”

Sollux shook his head, “Nope. He’s actually a pretty decent guy, just dorky as fuck. He and my best friend Aradia used to LARP together. He was some kind of elf fairy thing or something gay like that.”

Kanaya’s eyebrow arched at that statement, “I resemble that remark.”

“What? A fairy?” Sollux blurted before realizing what he said, “I mean, uh, gay?”

Kanaya giggled lowly, sensing no malice from the young man, “I prefer the fairer sex.”

Feferi asked, "Did you know any of the other band members?”

Sollux had to think about that for a second, "Uhh, not really. I mean I sort of knew Tavros through my best friend, but Gamzee is apparently from Newark or something.”

Kanaya looked like a predatory cat at that last statement. 

Sollux noticed, "I take it you don’t approve of him?”

“Not exactly," Feferi said, answering for Kanaya as she leaned over and finished her mead. Eridan handed Feferi another, "Uh, Kan, would a change a topic be called for, then?"

Kanaya refilled her cup, "Yes please."

"So what are all your majors anyway? The jedi here never told me his.” Sollux jabbed a thumb towards Eridan.

"Biology, hoping to get into pre-med," chimed Feferi.

"Art, photography focus," said Eridan.

Kanaya answered, "Biology with a Botany concentration. Very small concentration."

Sollux raised an eyebrow, "Good place to meet girls?"

"Not really, most of the biology majors are guys. Asian guys. Generally not interested in anything."

Sollux made a gesture between his hands toward Feferi and Kanaya, "So are you two...?"

Feferi giggled, "Nah, just good friends. Very good ones! But no, we aren't lovers."

Sollux asked, genuinely curious, "You dating anyone at all?"

"Not right now. Not looking seriously, either, honestly, but I'll get around to it sooner or later, I'm sure. When I feel like it."

Having not heard from Eridan in a while, he looked back at the guy, "You're quiet for once."

Kanaya chimed in, "Indeed, you can't possibly be drunk already."

"Theoretically I could, but I'm not. An' secondly, shut up. I ain't the motor-mouth you two take me for, I can be quiet an' contemplative an' shit, same as anybody else." he huffed.

Sollux looked surprised, placing his empty bottle at his side and crawling toward him for another, "You're the one who's always running his mouth at me. Hell, you up and kidnapped me, remember?"

Eridan simply took another swig, unsure about the situation. He had wanted Sollux to get along with his lady-friends, but maybe not this well. And that little flirtation with Feferi hadn't gone unnoticed by him, although he wasn't jealous. No, that particular ship had sailed, crashed, caught fire, and sank long since, but she was still dear to him anyway. If anything, he was protective of her, although he didn't think she or Kanaya had anything to fear from this scrawny asshole. Still, adding another comrade to their drinking nights could be a good thing, and he was right, he did think it was good for Sollux to be out among the living now and then.

"Hey." Sollux poked the side of Eridan's head, "Yo. Can I have another mead?"

Eridan squinted at the sharp jab, those fingers were sharp and slender, not that he could have imagined otherwise. He turned his head quickly, catching sight of one of Sollux’s irises behind his sunglasses. Hm. Interesting color. 

He passed Sollux another mead, "Here you go. Hey, you ain't a lightweight, right? Am I gonna have to carry you home?"

Sollux snorted, "Like you could."

He shrugged, "Okay, am I gonna have to seat you on the cooler an' drag you back, then?"

Sollux had twisted the top off and was taking another sip as he rolled his eyes. 

Kanaya meanwhile mused on the newcomer, who was clearly hiding something behind his double-tinted shades, and whispered a stray idea to Feferi that made the girl giggle.

Eridan cocked an eyebrow. "Mind cluin' us in, or more importantly, cluin' me in?"

Kanaya said, "Oh nothing. Nothing at all." Her smile said otherwise. Sollux just looked confused and a little apprehensive. Fuck. She saw through him. She had to have. She was a smart bio major, she was onto him. She had to have figured out he was into guys by process of elimination from his slip-up before. Fuck!

Feferi snickered, leaning over and plucking Eridan's glasses away, "Hey, are you as nearsighted as ever?" She put them on her eyes, going a little cross-eyed. "Whoa, yep!" Eridan scowled at her, but was pretty used to this behavior. Feferi put the glasses on Kanaya's face, "See? Eridan's glasses plus beer goggles, whee!"

Kanaya giggled and made a pose like a cosmetics model, trying too hard to be sassy and understated. Sollux inched over to Feferi and handed her his two-colored sunglasses while rubbing his left eye, "Wanna try on mine? Hope you don't go blind!"

Feferi winked to Kanaya, taking the hipster-specs back and putting them on Sollux, trying on the sunglasses herself. "Check these out! Oh wow, everything looks weird like this! How can you walk around with two colors going on?"

Kanaya took the opportunity to note the colors of Sollux’s eyes; Eridan tried to do the same, but his nearsightedness made it a futile effort for the moment.

Sollux shrugged, blinking a few times before keeping his eyes closed, "Holy shit ED, you are seriously blind. What the hell? So the thick lenses aren't because you're a fucking hipster?"

"Fuck you, Sol. Fuck you in the face with a shovel." He scooted over to get his glasses back. Wait, the eye he had open wasn’t the same as the one he had seen before. 

Heterochromia? Interesting. Captivating, even.

"Such a charmer. Doezzat bring all the boys to the yard?" he replied, his words drifting out lazy and easy. It was entirely possible that the haze of honey wine starting to seep in. Sollux couldn't tell that Eridan had seen his eyes, having been looking in another direction with a hand over his eye pretending to rub it. On the other hand, Sollux, despite his bravado, was indeed something of a lightweight.

Feferi snickered, handing back his shades. Eridan rolled his eyes. Great, if Sollux was this gone after so little, he'd end up with puke on his shoes for sure.

Sollux slid his shades back on smoothly, looking back and forth as though he hoped no one saw a thing. Kanaya grinned with white teeth behind her black lipstick, "Well that was certainly fun. Did you know there's a sexual fetish for glasses in Japan?"

"In fact, I did not." said Eridan, taking his own specs back. 

Feferi shook her head, "There's probably a fetish for just about anything though, I think."

Sollux nodded, "Yeah, the glasses fetish thing is really big over there. They also have this thing for a girl's thighs above her stockings but below her skirt."

Kanaya's smile grew, "Strange people."

"Being fair? The short skirt and stockings thing is pretty cute," smiled Feferi, balancing a bottlecap on her nose.

Kanaya nodded, "It is. Her thighs just wouldn't the thing I'd be the most concerned with."

Eridan shrugged, a grin crossing his lips, "Coverin' skin just right is always gonna be hot. It's like puttin' it in wrappin' paper, you know? Makin' a pretty package makes you wanna take it off that much more."

The thought of having his shirt torn off by Eridan flashed in Sollux's mind for a second, utterly unbidden; he scratched his scalp, clearing his throat and nodding. 

Eridan took another swig, continuing, explaining to the ladies, "See, an evenin' dress, right? Say one that covers the torso, but shows a li’l cleavage, a li’l leg, an’ the shoulders. Enough t'remind you that there's a flesh body underneath, but covers it almost completely. That can be just as hot as somebody in lingerie, if it's done right. An' men? A guy in a button-down, tie loose an' top buttons undone just enough, an' on the right guy, that's hotter'n if he was in his skivvies. You follow?"

Kanaya grinned, "You have quite an astute eye. It's true. A girl who knows how to dress herself well is quite a turn-on. I've heard girls say the same about a guy who can dress himself too. It's a pity I don't know any of either."

Eridan blew a raspberry at Kanaya. 

Feferi huffed, "I look okay!"

Eridan rounded on her, "It's keepin' you dressed what's the problem, Fef." He turned to Sollux, tossing his thumb towards Feferi, "Chronic skinny-dipper."

Sollux blushed at that lovely little piece of information, "Really?"

Feferi shoved Eridan's shoulder. "It's not like you haven't done it, too! You weren't even drunk enough to use that as an excuse, either." 

Eridan shot back, "You're never drunk when you go dippin'. Couldn' keep you out a the pool back home, an' fuck if you didn't give the maid a heart attack that time she caught you."

Kanaya laughed, "You actually have a maid?"

Sollux desperately tried to not think about Eridan naked. Or Feferi. Or both of them at the same time. Fuck fuck fuck, He had to be drunk or something. Wait, that reminded him of something he’d been thinking about for the last few weeks.

"Um, I've been sort of curious Eridan, what kind of accent is that you have anyway?"

Eridan rolled his eyes yet again. As much as he liked the uniqueness of his dialect, he had tired of explaining it long since.

Feferi piped up, "Eridan's mom is from Ireland, and his dad is from Texas. Even though we grew up near each other, he's just always talked this way! Though, he didn't swear this much when we were little."

Sollux shrugged without a beat, "Could've fooled me. The way you swear you might as well sing for Bitchtits."

Kanaya's eyes widened as she chuckled, "I like your friend Eridan!"

"Drinking buddy achieved!" Feferi laughed, holding up her almost-empty mead.

Sollux pumped his fists in the air and leaned his head back, "Yes!"

Feferi laughed, and even Eridan snorted. Kanaya couldn’t help but notice that Sollux was especially fun to prod into little fits. “So, Sollux… what are your ’interests,’ then?"

"What? You mean other than computers?" Sollux looked confused again, cocking his head like a puppy.

"You know, illicit activities." Kanaya leaned forward, chin in her hands after another sip of scotch.

"You know all about us now, after all!” Feferi said, “Kanaya likes the ladies, I skinnydip, and Eridan is a one-man army against the impending scarecrow invasion. So what are you into?"

Sollux didn't quite know how to begin with that. He hated being put on the spot like this. He flicked his fingers over his bottle's label as he cleared his throat, speaking as casually as he could muster, "Oh well, you know, dirty talk is kind of hot."

Eridan raised an eyebrow. Despite the warm buzz of quality lager, he felt sober enough to make use of this, and so far as he knew he might well be the only one sober enough to make sense of it. The ladies were occasionally forgetful drinkers, after all, and he was toasted just enough to follow through with bad ideas, "How dirty are we talkin' here, Sol?"

Sollux gave a shaky grin, "Well, I dunno, I haven't really thought too hard about that kind of shit." Aside from porn and blowjobs and guys and his slight oral fixation, the thought jabbed at the back of his mind with a sneer. Wait that last one wasn’t not too weird, right? "I kind of have an oral fixation too I guess?"

Interesting indeed. "So it's all about the mouth for you, is it? Either what's goin' in or what's comin' out? You didn't say what end you liked bein' on, though, for either a those things."

Kanaya sensed something was going on and continued to watch out of sheer entertainment value. 

Sollux meanwhile struggled to deal with the numerous options given to him in his somewhat intoxicated state, "Well, I'm not really that good with words, I think I'd rather just hear someone talk dirty to me."

Feferi glanced over at Kanaya, winking and snickering quietly. Eridan didn't even notice, his gaze focused intently on the other young man, "An' that fixation… givin' or recievin'?"

"Um, either. I'm not really picky." Sollux really hoped that he didn't come across as a virgin, after all he hadn't really had the chance to figure out WHICH he liked better.

Likes to give and take. Jackpot. "Anythin' else interestin’?"

Sollux sighed, trying to deflect attention off of himself, "Well what about you, you haven't said anything YOU like yet."

"Fair enough," he said, taking another swig. "Toppin', dressin' well, an' unique features."

Kanaya piped in, "There's an understatement. He has an adoration for the strange as well as cock!"

"Fuck you, Kan, I got standards about what that cock is attached to, too, y'know."

Kanaya rearranged her legs as she sat, recalling how his last photoshoot went with a musical laugh, "Oh yes. RICH, strange, and ambiguity to gender."

Eridan carefully balanced his drink on one knee as he proceeded to give Kanaya both middle fingers.

Sollux rubbed the tops of his eyesockets, feeling a twinge of pain for a second.

"Are you okay?" asked Feferi.

Sollux nodded, his eyes going back to Feferi before looking at Eridan again. In his inebriated mind there was something kind of hot about that bad attitude he’d been forced to deal with for the last few weeks. And that death stare he was giving Kanaya. 

Kanaya responded in kind by snapping her teeth playfully at Eridan, who stuck his tongue out at her, and almost dropped his drink. 

Feferi wrapped an arm around Eridan and nuzzled him. "It's okay, just calm down. Don't be rude in front of a guest." 

Eridan gave her a brief squeeze with one arm, "Sol? He ain't a guest, he's a scrawny mead-leech. Fuck me, I'm gonna have to get more a this for next time if we got two a you drinkin' it. Hey Sol, you busy Saturday night? We're doin' this again."

Sollux's absent stare sharpened as he scoffed, "I can pay for myself, I'm not a a girl!" Kanaya then directed a subtle stare at him, "No offense, I mean I'm not some fucking wilting flower, ED."

Before Eridan could respond, Feferi leaned over and flicked Sollux on the forehead. "We all chip in, Eridan just handles fetching and carrying, so be nice." 

Eridan grinned, "No, no, Fef, sounds like Sol here just volunteered himself for helpin' me with that, an' if I got me a new lackey, I ain't complainin'."

"Jeez, way to make me sound like your sidekick. Does this mean I have to find my own latex costume and insignia? Because I'm kind of feeling the name 'The Psionic' or 'Megamind' or something."

Kanaya clapped, "Oh I can see it already, you want a lab coat?"

Sollux smirked, gesturing with his arms, "Yep! Latex costume with goggles and a lab coat!"

"Don't you mean spandex?" snickered Feferi, "Dipping you in latex would just let us see everything, heehee..." 

Eridan shooshed her, "Now now, Fef, if the man wants to go runnin' around in a skin-tight layer a somethin’, with everythin' on show for the world to see, well, ain't that just his god-given right to look like an idiot?" Nevermind that in his own mind, he was already picturing tight, tight fabric, not a suit so much as a second skin, clinging to every bulge and bump and jut of bone...

"Wait, is that what comic book heroes wear? I never actually knew." His eyebrows crinkled in such a way that he was actually serious about that, "Oh shit, well then I guess spandex is what I'm thinking of?"

Kanaya bit her lip lightly with an eyebrow up, "I don't know, I mean, spandex WOULD be easier, but I think you could actually pull off latex."

Sollux looked at her, "Easier how?"

Kanaya continued, "Well, in every aspect really. Latex clings to everything. And I mean Everything." She emphasized with a wink, "Such as your coat."

Eridan snuck a glance at Sollux's nethers, his fuzzy mind fixated on how the bony man would look, exactly how many drinking sessions it would take for Sollux to actually go through with it, and how many more it would take to photograph that lanky, latex-lined ass, before realizing that a lab coat would probably get in the way. Fuck. Meanwhile, Eridan's wandering eyes had not gone unnoticed by Feferi, who giggled and giggled.

Sollux looked at Feferi with a snort, "Is it really that funny?"

Kanaya replied first, "You aren’t exactly debunking any computer nerd stereotypes you know."

Feferi kept giggling, glancing at Eridan, who blushed. Fuck, she noticed. "She gets like this when she's been drinkin'. Fef's a fuckin' giggle machine anyway, so it's not too surprisin'," he shrugged, playing it off. 

Feferi snickered and nodded, playing along, "Oh! Yeah! Right! I do. Drinky drinky wheeee! Not that all this talk of ridiculous costumes hasn't played a factor." she laughed.

Kanaya smiled, "Feferi, I can definitely see you in a bikini with a trident. Maybe some goggles. Most intimidating. Now Eridan..." She pondered, uncertain as to what he could possibly wear to fight crime, "I can't even think of anything for you."

Sollux pointed with the hand holding his bottle, "D'ya like pirates? You sound like a pirate anyway. 'Oy ya fuckin' crime lords, get your fuckin' corruption right outta our fairrrr city."

"Who said I'd be stoppin' crime? I could make a fuckin' ace villain," Eridan sneered.

"No you couldn't, there aren't enough scarecrows to victimize," teased Feferi, before dissolving into yet more snickers.

Eridan rounded on her, trapping her in a headlock and giving her a noogie, crying out, "Fear my villainy! Let my fuckin' reign a terror commence!"

Sollux subtly blushed, biting his lip and looking in another direction, trying desperately to not think about Eridan as a villain, holding a gun on him and threatening to kill him while simultaneously pulling his collar down. Fuck. He probably would make an excellent villain.

Kanaya drummed her fingers on her glass, still contemplating, "What colors though? I mean Sollux is obvious; red and blue, Feferi's pink, classic for those two to pair up, what about you?"

"Royal purple!" came Feferi's muffled response, as she tried to shove Eridan off her, “You should use your old RP name too!”

He let her go, smirking, "You think I should bring back Dualscar, eh?" 

Feferi smoothed down her hair as best she could, sitting upright and regaining some dignity. "Absolutely! You're snooty enough to go for something regal, and if you're Sollux's nemesis, well, red and blue make purple. Think of the comic book covers! Perfectly complimentary!"

Sollux's nemesis, huh? Eridan admitted, he liked the sound of that. Plotting against him, being his downfall, crushing him beneath his feet, but not a textbook villain, of course. No deadly traps, just keeping the hero on his toes, bending him to his whim...viva la villainy.

Sollux scratched his arm before taking another long drink, "Actually, um, I kind of like yellow."

"Even better. Yellow and violet are on opposite ends of the color wheel. That goes just as well with the red and blue all three primaries!" Kanaya seemed to get quite excited about this.

"It begins..." sighed Eridan, hopefully masking the whirling thoughts in his mind. 

Sollux in costume, complete with a lab coat, flapping in the wind, posing heroically, his costume managing to show more than even bare skin could, a welcome change to those baggy shirts that hint at the structure underneath but reveal nothing. Himself, in something appropriately dramatic and alluring, clothed in layers of fabric and intrigue, an evil genius devoted solely to the sexy, sexy downfall of one single hero. Trapping him in his machinations, in his grip and at his mercy. Do you expect me to talk? No, Mister Captor, I expect you to scream.

Sollux looked confused, pointing at Kanaya, "Is this something she does often?"

"I make character and costume designs in my spare time. Fashion and costuming are hobbies of mine outside of my major," Kanaya spoke flippantly, but with a peek of pride in her words.

"Oh, should I be expecting some character sketches along with that video of Eridan fighting scarecrows you're inevitably going to send your new friend within the next few days?" Sollux waggled his eyebrows hopefully at her.

"It is entirely possible. Don't worry, I'll be gentle." She papped Sollux on the shoulder as they both laughed.

Feferi giggled, "I'm the one with a video, expect an email soon!" She shot two thumbs up, and Eridan shot her a look that, if looks could kill, would have at least caused her severe discomfort.

Sollux gave a huge smile, "Yes! KN, KN, if you draw me, draw FF too!" He looked over at Feferi, "I bet you look really cute in a bikini. Best sidekick."

Kanaya chuckled at their newly appointed nicknames, seeing Eridan's face, and played along, "I'll see what I can do."

Feferi scooted over to Kanaya, "Can I get thigh-high boots? I like those.” 

Sollux imagined that for a second, "Would you even be able to walk in boots like that?"

Feferi continued to gush uninterrupted, “Oh, and gloves! I need sexy gloves! And Eridan needs a piratey costume too and...oh. Ooooh. Ooooh!!!" 

Her eyes went wide and she began to bounce around as she sat, "You guys! You guys you guys you guys! You know what we need to do! We need to do this! April Fools day, let's get costumes and chase each other around the campus! We have to do this! This is a thing we have to do!"

Eridan choked on a sip of lager, "Fef, that's a terrible idea!"

"I know! Let's do it anyway!" she laughed.

Kanaya raised her hand, "I'm game. I'm sure we can find more people interested if we tried."

Sollux immediately thought of Aradia and looked at Feferi, "Aradia would be interested. Like I said, she used to LARP in high school. She kind of reminds me of you."

"Oooh! Bring her! Yes! Oh, this is gonna be great! Hehehehe!"

Eridan snickered despite himself. "If we're gonna go through with this complete idiocy, I'm gonna need a proper coat, an' if we got too many heroes, we're gonna need a few more villains. I ain't got time to chase all a you, I gotta be selective.” 

Sollux and Feferi continued to prattle back and forth to each other, seemingly not noticing how Eridan was giving the two of them a hard stare, “Kan, I'll talk to you about the costume when I'm sober enough to know better. I think we best get back to our rooms, though. Sol, you're helpin' me drag the cooler back."

Kanaya saw exactly what was going on, but didn't fight it, instead waving with a knowing grin, "I'm sure there are plenty with just as much villainy as you, Eridan. Good night!"

Sollux finished his mead with a nod, "Sure, all right. Because let's have Gumby do some heavy lifting, that makes sense." He made his way to his feet, "I'll ask AA if she can come next week."

"Stairs, you idiot, an' this thing is full a melted ice an' glass bottles. You get the back an' I'll get the front. We're stoppin' at the recyclin' bin before we dump out the water." Eridan stood, picking up his half of the cooler, waiting impatiently for Sollux, before heading up the stairs towards the exit.

"Yeah yeah yeah." Sollux rolled his eyes and obeyed, walking out with him. 

When the two men were out of sight, Kanaya laughed, "Oh those two. Eridan has it bad."

"No kidding, I think this is going to be interesting! Oh, I'm excited to see what happens!"

"I'm drawing those two the minute we get back to our dorm."

"Show me tomorrow at lunch," she giggled, "I want to see before they do."

Kanaya cackled wickedly.

==>

Meanwhile Sollux and Eridan were walking back towards the dorms, Sollux just sort of absently humming something since Eridan had been quiet for the last couple of minutes.

Eridan's mind, though a mite hazy, was atwitter with almost uncomfortably Sollux-themed thoughts. Enchanting eyes. Snarky little sass-pot with a sense of humor and a low alcohol tolerance. Superhero costumes. Dirty talk. Oral fixation. Oral fixation with a tongue that can touch his nose. Eridan was quiet, alright, but only because his mind was screaming, and his loins had woken up from all the noise.

Mid-hum, Sollux let loose a long sentence, "I like your friends, FF's really nice. Oh damn, can I get their names for Facebook?"

Eridan blinked, shaken out of his thoughts, at least enough to register that he was being asked something, "Hm? Sure, I'll tell you tomorrow. Right now I think I just wanna get t'my room." 

He had no intention of mentioning what he planned to do before sleeping, of course. What one guy does, thinking about another guy, is nobody's business but his own, and fuck anybody that doesn't understand that. Sol probably does the same thing sometimes in his room, doesn't he? Whoa. Eridan's cheeks flushed and he walked a little faster as his mind filled with what Sollux might do with his own privacy.

As they approached a recycling bin, Sollux dropped his end of the cooler gently, "Hey you're not mad at me are you? I didn't mean to piss you off or something. You've just been quiet and weird and you're the one who's supposed to talk my fuckin' ear off, you know?"

Eridan opened the cooler, and began to throw the bottles into the bin, as he shot back, "Sometimes a body can be quiet an' just think, can't he? Fuck, Sol, you make it sound like a guy can't think without sayin' somethin', which does not speak well for how much you're capable a thinkin', considerin' how quiet you are all a the time, believe you me."

Sollux took a couple of bottles and threw them in as well, emphasizing certain words with a loud clang, "Oh, all right then, pardon me for thinking you had some fucking EMOTIONS all in you or something. Because you know it's not like I know how it FEELS to get your feelings all weird because your friends don't know when to shut UP. Thought you might've been an angry DRUNK or something."

"You think those two'd let me hang 'round if I was an even bigger bastard when I was drunk? Fef'd never speak to me, an' Kan'd tear me in two. Goin’ back to somethin’ you happened to let slip out a while back, you sayin’ we're friends now?" he asked, grinning, looking over the rim of his glasses at Sollux, as he dumped out the water and melting ice from the cooler onto the grass.

"I guess so considering your immunity to me telling you shut the fuck up and leave me alone. That and the whole letting me go to your illegal booze party thing so sure, I guess so." Sollux spoke as they poured, not looking at him, but at the ground to make sure his sandaled feet didn't get soaked from the icy water.

Eridan humphed, tipping the last of it out of the cooler and putting the unopened bottles back in the cooler. He began to drag the cooler back along the path, "I'm immune to everybody's shut-the-fuck-ups. You sure there ain't somethin' special about me, eh?"

"Pfft, like that's not a talent?" Sollux chuckled slightly, "But given you're a redneck pirate, I'd be more surprised if you didn't."

Eridan doubled back, scooping up a handful of not-yet-melted ice and throwing it at Sollux, "Fuck you, Sol!" before taking off, dragging the cooler behind him, laughing.

"Oh you fucking asshole!" Sollux, unable to run in his sandals, instead chose to take them off and throw one at Eridan, hitting his back as he held onto the other one, running after him.

Eridan laughed, the iceless cooler bumping behind him, unopened bottles clinking inside, running towards the dorm. Getting Sollux worked up and hissy was entirely too fun, and if he wasn't sure before, he now knew what his new hobby was going to be.

Sollux picked his shoe off the ground, somewhat pouting as he continued to walk barefoot, leaving Eridan to drag the cooler alone. Once he caught up with him, he rolled his eyes with an exasperated smile, "I fucking hate you."

Eridan wrapped an arm around Sollux's neck, in an affectionate headlock. "Nah, you're gonna love me. You got nobody else, an' I'm the one who can get you mead."

"Oh Mr. Ampora!" Sollux adopted a fake southern belle accent and pretending to swoon while dropping down to slide his shoes back on.

He shrugged, “Way to a man's heart is through his liver." 

Reaching the dormitory, he waited at the door, holding it open for Sollux. Sollux didn't think anything of the gesture, instead choosing to push the elevator button, knowing that Eridan was going to need it to get the cooler upstairs. He stood waiting casually, bouncing his foot slightly, not dropping the voice yet, "Oh yes Mistah Ampora I know exactly what youuu need."

A shiver ran through Eridan, but he didn't let it reach his face. "Go on?" he asked, in what he hoped seemed like a disinterested, bored sort of manner.

Sollux chuckled sheepishly, his voice breaking back into his low one before piping back up, "Oh uhh, I don't know, um. A lady isn't so inCLIIINED to think but I'm sure you wouldn't mind a little of MY honey."

Behind Eridan's eyes, he entertained brief flashes of Sollux, particularly drunk Sollux, painted in honey. With any luck, he was too drunk to notice the awkward boner that was had been threatening for far too long already. "I dunno, Sol, you're pretty sour. Probably wouldn' even be worth tryin'. How sweet you think you can get?" he grinned.

Sollux smirked before making doe eyes at Eridan, complete with batting eyelashes, "I can be as swEEEEEt as tea for you, sugar!"

If ever there was a time when making out drunkenly in an elevator sounded like a good idea, this was that moment. Steady on, old boy, he's too drunk to mean that. But still...no harm in playing along, is there? "Sweet as tea? Unlikely, you're sour as lemons, through an’ through, Sol. I'm not sure I can believe it 'til I see it." He dragged the cooler out of the elevator, down the hall, towards their dorm rooms.

Sollux’s voice dropped to a low drawl, completely abandoning the attempted falsetto, "A lady don't kiss and tell."

Eridan had no sassy come-back for that, just fierce blushing he hoped Sollux hadn't seen, as they came up to their rooms. "Well Sol, here we are. See you tomorrow, if you ever bother comin' out a your room. If you don't, I'll come an' drag you for the next booze run."

Sollux rocked on his heels a bit, not quite looking up, "Um, uh, you can knock if you want. You know. Because even if I said no you would ignore it anyway?"

Eridan quirked a brow. Was that an invitation? "Sol, the recluse a the whole world, are you askin' me to come in an' fuck with your routine? Careful, Sol, a guy'd think you was sweet on him."

Sollux snorted and unlocked his door, "Dude, opening a door doesn't mean I want to fuck you."

Oh that was it; he needed to take the damn opportunity. 

Eridan abandoned the cooler in front of his door and took the few steps necessary to lean just beside Sollux’s doorjamb, "Didn' say you did, Sol, but let's face it, you talk to hardly anybody else, your social circle practically fuckin' doubled tonight...you're a fuckin' hermit, Sol. An' I got the keys to unlockin' you, now, so you're pretty much my bitch now, ain't you? You're jus' a little more honey-wine away from lettin' me make that honey mine. If I felt like it, heh."

Sollux then went completely red with not a single comeback aside from, "Fucking corny weirdo." 

He stepped inside and shut the door, immediately locking it behind him as he leaned against it, trying to catch his breath and feeling a strong pulse in his jeans. Fuck.


	12. >Sollux: Be Uncomfortably Aroused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein definition is given to the term "nerdgasm". There will be wonking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for slash, solo masturbation, D/s themes, superhero kink, knives.

Sollux could still hear Eridan’s laughter as he leaned against the door. Only when he heard Eridan’s door shut did he let himself exhale, pulling himself from the door and walking to his bed, mind still hazy with booze and flirtation.

Sollux kicked his sandals off under his bed and fell onto it, immediately beginning to rub himself through his jeans, he thrust his hips up with a soft breath, feeling himself harden further. Dammit, Eridan really did this to him? Fuck, he was annoying, but he was actually kind of fun to hang out with, but he was an asshole, but he was hot, BUT HE WAS STILL AN ASSHOLE. Sollux undid his jeans and pulled them off, rubbing himself through his underwear as he threw his head back. What if they really were rivals? He imagined himself breaking into Eridan's hideout, poised and eyes dark.

No, he couldn’t be thinking about Eridan that would be too damn weird. What was that name he used? Dualscar? Sure, good enough. That’d work just fine. After enough teasing and rubbing through the fabric, Sollux spread his legs further and brought a second hand down into his underwear; gripping and squeezing as he momentarily choked on his breath. He then just shut out his logical sense and allowed a scene to play out behind his eyes…

Dualscar waited in his lair, yet another maniacal plan in the works, a marvel of planning and cunning, with more than a fair share of masterful manipulation. He would have his greatest victory to date, to the downfall of his nemesis.

The doors of the room flew open, and the Psionic burst forth, "Dualscar, I have you just where I want you!" The Psionic was clad in his latex black and yellow jumpsuit with a white labcoat over it, one red glove and one blue to match the goggles over his eyes. He stood before Dualscar with a menacing glare.

"I been waitin’ for you," Dualscar sneered, looking down from a raised platform, lounging upon a throne. He stood, drawing himself up to his full height, the harsh overhead lighting playing on his long purple coat and tall boots, doffing his plumed hat and bowing in false reverence. "Welcome to my lair, Psionic. We have business, you an’ I. A score to settle, if you will."

"I can see through your nefarious ways, you cunning snake. Tonight is the night I will bring you to justice!" The Psionic stepped forward cautiously, defenses high as though anticipating an attack from his nemesis. His goggles were still firmly set over his eyes, boots quiet as he stalked closer, never taking his eyes off Dualscar.

"So you say, Psionic, though I fear our merry rivalry will indeed be comin' to an end, this night. I’ve drawn you to my lair for one reason, to resolve this little...dispute a ours." He perched his hat atop a carven skull that decorated his throne, sliding off his jacket, revealing no shirt but an ornate jerkin and trousers, and thick belt. He tossed the knife from his belt down to the floor before the Psionic "You an' I, we will settle this as men."

"You better believe it. By my honor and pride, I will end this tonight for the good of all. Even if I should fall." The Psionic slid off his labcoat and let it pool around him, stepping closer and retrieving the knife from the floor, flicking it open. His jumpsuit had sleeves that came halfway down his bicep, otherwise covering every inch of his body down to his black combat boots.

Dualscar flicked open a second knife, before jumping down from the platform, lunging at the Psionic, eyes crazed with the thrill of a challenge.

The Psionic ducked back and parried, arm stretched out further in an effort to not be stabbed in the chest. He stung Dualscar's cheek with a red electric spark as a distraction.

Dualscar flinched, but recovered, and he dropped down, sweeping his legs to knock down the Psionic from underneath.

The Psionic fell to the ground, reaching for his knife, but it was just out of reach. He tried to crawl after it with a quick jump from his knees.

Dualscar was fast, and lightning-quick he was on his feet, kicking the knife away, laughing. "What now, Psionic?" he jeered, delivering a quick kick to the ribs.

From his position on the floor, as he struggled to get up, he burned Dualscar's cheek and shoulder with his lightning.

Dualscar winced, and delivered another kick, before reaching down and grabbing the Psionic by the hair, yanking his head up. "You've lost, mate. No knife, an' nothin' but your sparks to save you. I could cut your throat an' watch you bleed to death, with no more consequence than havin' to wipe the blood from my floor. What do you say to that?"

The Psionic twisted and writhed in Dualscar's grasp, refusing to surrender to such a reprehensible man, choosing to spit in his face instead. His vision was still meshed blue and red behind his goggles.

Dualscar's grip tightened as he wiped his face with his forearm. He pulled the Psionic's head up further, leaving the hero on his knees, whimpering in pain. He leaned down, to growl in the Psionic's ear, "What's this? A li'l rain to go with your piss-poor lightnin'? I'm not impressed. I expected more challenge out a you. I expected some fuckin' fight. Where's the fire in you? Or is that all you got?"

The Psionic gasped as he felt that voice up against his ear, causing a wicked jolt of energy to pass through his body, across his already overheated skin. He was slick with sweat from his exhausting night, from finding and fighting his way through Dualscar’s lair, he had no strength to fight without his resources. He didn't want to beg for mercy, he couldn't, he wouldn't!

The Psionic prayed this night would not be his last.

Dualscar laughed, running his thumb along the blade he held. "Always gettin' in my way, ain't you? No more, I say, no more. Ah, but you are too fun to simply murder an' be done with!" He pushed the Psionic to the ground, kneeling down, one knee in the center of the Psionic's back. "An' you've presented trouble in enough a my plans where I got a mind to take some special payment out a you."

The Psionic glared over his shoulder, tensing and twisting to the best of his abilities in that position, uneven teeth bared in a grimace, "You're insane, Dualscar! You think you can properly punish me for my pursuit of justice? Well go ahead!"

"Justice? HAHAHAHAHAH! Justice don't exist, fool! A concept a fairness that ain't ever been achieved in reality! A sweet ideal that ain't ever possible! No, Psionic, if you believed in bein' right an' fair, you wouldn' keep gettin' in my way when I try pinchin' a few measly priceless gemstones from a bunch a greedy bastards what bought 'em with stolen money an' received bribes. You'd a brought them to justice already yourself. No, no, Psionic. I'm not punishin' you for tryin' to pursue justice or fairness or the tooth fairy." He pressed harder with his knee, leaning down to grasp the Psionic's head with his hand. "If anythin', I'm punishin' you for bein' a fuckin' fool."

The Psionic wilted under that grasp, another whimper of pain coming from that throat. He only barely moved his head, his voice a low whisper, as he tried to push himself up, "Nnnng please, let me go..."

"Beggin' me for mercy, eh? Maybe you ain't such a fool as I figured. Maybe I will be merciful, maybe I won't." He traced the point of the blade along the Psionic's shoulder. "I can't well have you foilin' my plans again, but...heh. Maybe I could be persuaded not to kill you, either."

The Psionic tensed as he felt that point travel across his back, his breath quaked and his body shook as he was left in the goodwill of DUALSCAR of all monsters. He ground his teeth, gloved hands in fists pounding on the floor.

"That's enough a that." Dualscar held down one of the Psionic's arms and slipped the knife point up one of the Psionic's thin sleeves, twisted the knife, and pulled gently up, splitting the fabric. He slid the blade along, slicing the fabric with surgical precision, a faint scratch being drawn across the Psionic's arm, shoulder, and the side of his neck. "Let's see the man under the costume, shall we?"

"You wouldn't..." The Psionic gave another quick gasp, leading to the faint scratch carved into his skin out of sheer surprise. Under his hands, Dualscar could feel the hero seemingly shrink into himself, showing more and more vulnerability than he had ever seen from him before. The Psionic was not about to cry or panic or anything so pathetic, but his nerves were certainly being tested better than any other trial Dualscar had put him through before. If the villain heard close enough, he could hear and feel the breath catch in his body as he sliced through.

"Wouldn't I?" he said, simply, drawing the blade down the hero's side, slicing though the cloth over his shoulders, his ribs, his belly, finally his hip, leaving behind a thin red legacy of the knife's path. "I won, Psionic. I won, with no tricks. Even you can understand that. The prize is now mine to do with as I see fit."

The Psionic remained silent, the skin Dualscar could see at that point was flushed pink and slightly moist from his sweat. He seemed to hiss through his teeth as the salt literally was pushing into his wounds. He refused to look at Dualscar again, his eyes squeezed shut, "You depraved monster..."

"There are two ways a respondin’ to allegations like that, Psionic," Dualscar sneered, neatly slicing down to the Psionic's knee, before coming back up to start afresh on the Psionic's other side, starting with the sleeve. "Either I could protest an' try convincin' you otherwise, or I could prove you absolutely fuckin' right. One a these sounds more fun than the other." He paused his blade mid-hip, leaning down to growl, his breath hot against the Psionic's neck. "Guess which one I'm gonna do."

The Psionic tried to pull away from the source of Dualscar's low voice, the touch of that blade still serving as a stinging reminder that he was defeated, he was through, and unless he played his cards right, he would be killed. He gave no answer aside from a tiny hiss of pain and a gasp of breath, allowing Dualscar to continue as he saw fit.

"Now I could kill you. You come into my lair, my home, an' you challenge me to a fight you lost fair an' square, so I figure, I got the right to kill you quick if I want. Your life is mine. You got nobody to save you, an' no hope 'cept for my mercy. What will you do?" Dualscar shut his knife and, with a good strong yank, ripped the fabric the rest of the way. The Psionic would keep his gloves and boots, but if he were allowed to stand, the rest of his clothing would fall away. "What are you gonna do, hero?"

Those words were doing strange, strange, illicit things to the Psionic's mind; almost as though Dualscar had his own set of psychic controls. That was impossible, only he had the Gemini gift; the source of his psychic powers. In any case, he tensed and ducked his head down, "Take my body. Do what you will with me, just let me live..."

Dualscar threw back his head and laughed, reveling in his victory. He combed his hand through the Psionic's hair, gripping tightly and pulling up as he rose to his feet. "Up, Psionic. You're goin’ to be my new pet." He withdrew a remote control from his pocket, and flicked a button. The raised platform with his throne descended, and as it neared ground level, the Psionic could see that Dualscar's throne had been fitted with a new addition: A wide leather collar lay on the floor, bound to the throne by a thick chain of rubber-coated links. "Your sparks will have no effect on this, my lad, Hahaha!"

Completely naked, flushed down to his chest, the Psionic tried to do what he could to cover his nudity, but failed utterly. He peeked for a moment at the addition and realized in a horrified manner, "You were planning this all along, weren't you, you fiend? It was always your objective to make me your slave?"

"Slave? No, that implies I got some work for you. No, Psi, you're goin’ to be my plaything. I dislike mixin' business an' pleasure," Dualscar shoved the Psionic forward, "Now put this on."

Much to his humiliation, his body was reacting to this treatment in a less than dignified manner, his flesh burning with sensitivity and his cock beginning to harden. Without hesitation he dropped to his knees, strictly to hide his erection, but also to obey his first order.

He had secretly hoped, had secretly had some horrible dark desire within him to be given this objective. After so many fights and mental duels, he was aware of the flaws and faults and failures of the man. The final stop was a cruel one, a disgusting one, one that his sidekick Miss Mist would never have understood should he have had the chance.

"Good," nodded Dualscar, sitting in his throne. "You've earned another day a life. Do my biddin' an' you'll be treated well, or as well as I see fit to treat you. Disobey me, an', well, you can probably guess the consequences. I hope you won't give me cause to kill you, Psi, as I would a been much more entertained by your antics had they not crossed my plans. Now, you're free to entertain me while still stayin' properly out a the way, hahahahaha!"

The Psionic stared plantively up at Dualscar while biting his lip; letting it slip between his teeth before requesting softly, "Kiss me."

Dualscar grinned, beckoning the Psionic with his fingers. "Sit in my lap, an' I will."

The Psionic crawled forward and did as he was told without a single complaint. He sat across Dualscar's lap, nude aside from his gloves, boots, and goggles. His slender, toned thighs were pressed together against the outside of Dualscar's right leg while his pert, fine ass was seated on his left thigh. His arms wound around Dualscar's neck, lips parted and moist.

Dualscar slipped one arm around the Psionic's waist, pulling him closer into his lap, his other hand fingering the chain that bound the former hero. He lightly bit the Psionic's lower lip, before kissing him.

The Psionic gave a little squeak in his throat before kissing back, his hands cupping the back of Dualscar's head, sliding his tongue out to try and taste his new master.

Dualscar was pleased by how eager his plaything was, and he parted his lips, letting his new acquisition taste him and explore as he wished. He let his tongue meet his, flicking it lightly, before retreating back into his mouth.

The Psionic chased his master's tongue, straddling him his throne and pushing his tongue in his mouth. He tilted his head to the side and kissed him deeply, their chests pressing together as the Psionic's hard cock rubbed against Dualscar's stomach. He whimpered softly in pleasure, lips parted against his master's.

Dualscar let his hand drop down, squeezing one ass-cheek, letting his nails dig in a little. As his nemesis's tongue probed his mouth, he trapped it with his tongue, sucking on it.

The Psionic purred and thrust his hips, lifting his arms just enough to work both of his gloves off slowly and dropping them at the sides of the throne. When his hands were bare, he slid them around Dualscar's neck, rubbing lightly as he continued to moan in pleasure.

He released the Psionic's tongue, tugging on his chain. "Good boy, you'll be a fine toy indeed. Show me what you can do."

The Psionic tugged his goggles up, letting them rest on the top of his head while he licked his swollen lips with a grin, "Tell me what you wish of me, sir."

The eyes staring back at Dualscar were light brown and a dirty blue, hazy with desire.

"You're just achin' to please me, ain't you?" he smirked, tugging again at his chain. "Stroke yourself, let me see that face when you're doin' yourself."

"Yes sir just PLEASE don't stop talking!" The Psionic used one hand to grip the arm of the throne while the other circled the base of his cock with a firm grip, beginning to jerk and stroke at his erection with a pleasured keen; his head leaning back and his eyes shut.

A harsh tug at the chain, "You don't get to tell me what to do, you got that? I am your god damned MASTER. I am makin' that fuckin' clear right now, you got that?" he barked, and the Psionic bit his lip, eyes wide and demeanor meek. 

Dualscar eyed him with approval, as he leaned back and grinned, "Though out a my own benevolence, I see fit to comply with your request, simply because it pleases me to do so. So you keep strokin' yourself, you quixotic piece of fuckin' trash, an' make noise only loud enough where you can still hear your new fuckin' god."

The Psionic was soothed by the backhanded approval from Dualscar. His expression relaxed somewhat as his hand returned to teasing his cock, his fingers teasing and pinching the head. He simply breathed, not making any sound louder for fear of displeasing his new master, this was so fucking perfect. It was so degrading but he wanted it, he was his, with his awful disposition and that smirk on those lips, the way he pulled him out of himself and wanted him to be his, he must've known what he was doing to him he wanted it, he wanted more, oh fuck. Fuck, he already felt his orgasm approach as the name came out of him, "Shit, oh fucking god...I-I can't oh god Eridan please fuck!"

Sollux came explosively in his hands, riding out the pulse of his orgasm with a long moan, his neck and back arching. He couldn't help but feel complete, but so dirty at the same time, it was pure euphoria. The textbook definition, right there in his hands. As he came down, he panted, eyes wide open as he realized that, fuck…he had just jerked off thinking about Eridan.

He cleaned his hands off on his shirt, took it off and threw it in the hamper. He walked over to the bathroom, opened the door and looked in the mirror. Good god what the hell was wrong with him?


	13. >Nepeta: Spend downtime with Bossy Fussyface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Equius is a reluctant brony and nopony must know.

Nepeta pulled her laptop into her lap, sitting on her bed next to Equius. She nudged the laptop halfway onto his lap, using her free thigh as a mouse pad as she pressed play. The screen lit up and the music began, "My little pony, my little pony, AaAaAaAaaah..."

Equius stared dully, an eyebrow raised, "You thought to include me in this viewing, why?"

“Because ponies, dummy! I like the show, you like ponies, it works!" She giggled, patting his arm, "I'd bet...I'd bet ten protein shakes that even you'll be smiling after a pony marathon!"

He leaned his head against the wall, he was used to this level of casual intimacy with Nepeta. What he wasn't used to was the size of her dorm bed. Ordinarily they would be at his apartment, but she insisted that they pass the time in her dorm before she had to go to class. "What I like are actual horses, not children’s shows."

She pouted with wide puppy-dog eyes, "I just want to spend time together with something we both like, Equius! And this? This we can enjoy together. Is that so wrong?"

"I suppose there is little harm in you extorting an afternoon from me with this foolishness." He avoided her eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose under his sunglasses. 

She elbowed him in the ribs, "Besides, it isn't as if I haven't heard you humming the theme song." She giggled, casting a mischievous glance before turning back to the episode.

He failed to repress a grin, "I do find Twilight Sparkle rather admirable in certain respects, but nay, this show has quite a few aspects that have little appeal for me."

"Twilight’s pretty okay, but I like Pinkie Pie! She sounds like a lot of fun! Also I want a Spike of my very own. But I know you, and I know you liiiiiike the show. You just don’t like admitting it for some big dumb macho too-grown-up-for-it reason."

Equius shook his head, "Well of course you would like Pinkie Pie, with her excessively energetic demeanor and exuberant personality, she is the natural favorite of most fans of the show, isn't she?"

"I think it's a toss-up between her and Rainbow Dash, with Fluttershy in close third." 

"Why does no one have appreciation for Rarity? She is the most well maintained of all the ponies!" He gestured at the screen with a gloved hand, "Rainbow Dash is slapdash and gaudy at best."

"Rarity's popular! She gets some of the best songs, too! And her cosplayers are often the prettiest! Nobody cosplays Spike, though...that needs to be a thing. Don't you think? Yup, there needs to be more Spike."

"I have no opinion of Spike. He doesn't shine in comparison to everypony else-" He released the slip-up immediately. He turned quickly to her, "You heard nothing. Nothing, you understand?"

She giggled, pushing the laptop onto his lap and draping herself over his shoulder. "Heeheehee! It's fine, nopony needs to know about this. Shhhh, it can be our little secret."

"Nopony will. NOPONY!" Equius shook a fist dramatically toward the ceiling as the door opened.

Aradia entered and stopped in her tracks. Equius was in her room, sitting on Nepeta's bed--was he wearing Nepeta like a cape?-- and shaking his fist to the heavens. "Oh! Hi! Um... nopony will what?"

Equius froze in place, expression falling back to its default stoic nature, "I said nothing of the sort, Aradia." He neck twitched just slightly beneath Nepeta, a sure sign that he was inches from shoving her off in the least harmful--yet still enraged--way possible.

Nepeta was undeterred, though she climbed off of Equius, settling back by his side. "Hey! Didn't expect you back so soon! Come watch My Little Pony with us!" She left the laptop on Equius's lap and smooshed up to one side, knowing full well that if Aradia wanted a good view of the screen, she'd have to sit by Equius's other side. She smirked a little, heart full of matchmaker's glee.

Aradia snickered, setting her bag on her own bed and shedding her scarf. "Class was cancelled. Are you making the poor guy watch ponies? Neppers, you know I'll watch with you!" 

She eyed the spot next to Equius, wondering if he'd mind terribly if she sat by him, but he looked so panicked, she kind of worried about making him feel trapped.

Equius placed the laptop on the bed beside Nepeta, "It's fine, the both of you can watch it, I am able to hear just fine on this side." 

He was uncomfortable with the aspect of Aradia pressed up against him, warm and sweet and fragrant while he himself was already sweating. Did he smell all right? Most likely he was perspiring enough to be noticeable to the both of them. He inched away and sat himself at the edge of the bed, far enough to be distant, but not arouse suspicion in his mind.

Nepeta shot him a look, and Aradia, a little disappointed, sat on the other side of Nepeta. She leaned back to smile at Equius behind Nepeta's back. "Still, it's good to see you again. I hope you've been well?"

"Excellent." Equius nodded, remaining upright with his feet off the side of the bed as he looked about, "Rather uneventful week I've had."

Nepeta perked up, "Oh, but he got me some great photos for me to use for drawing! He looks really great in them! Wanna see?" 

"Photos?" Aradia asked, as Nepeta slid the laptop onto her lap and bounced over to her backpack. She pulled out a folder, glossy photos tucked inside in a variety of sizes, all of them of Equius doing action poses in a variety of angles. Nepeta thrust two eight-by-tens in her face, "He looks great! Right? Right?"

Aradia nodded, clearing her throat, her cheeks turning pink. He looked good, really, really good. She glanced over at the man himself, smiling, "I think the camera likes you."

Equius himself didn't look at them, instead staring up at one of Nepeta's posters as he nodded. With the compliment, Equius smiled slightly, a quirk of those thin lips, "Why thank you, Aradia."

Aradia smiled and nodded, and Nepeta put her photos away, giving them another look before slipping them back in their folder, "So much easier than making Equius stand still forever, you know?" She plopped back down on the bed, and took the laptop back from Aradia. Not that it really mattered; Nepeta was certain that everyone in the room had seen every episode at least three or four times.

He nodded with a slightly annoyed expression, "Indeed, we had explored that avenue before, I found that I would rather not bleed my patience dry on the simple task of waiting for you to capture my profile."

Nepeta leaned over and pawed at Equius' shoulder, "But you're such a good model! When you aren't being all cranky, anyway." She sat back up, putting an arm around Aradia and laying her head on her shoulder, "That's okay, though, Aradia's gonna model for me, too, aren't you?" 

Equius' eyes opened wide behind his glasses, the thought of her stretched out gracefully; limbs long, lips parted, possibly nude, hair spread about her bare shoulders, so demure and lustful at once... and then Nepeta giggling incessantly with her fangs bared. He had needed a towel up until that last visual, which seemed to dry up any perspiration he might have expelled.

Aradia nudged Nepeta's head, "Yeah, yeah, I remember. You get a portrait, I get a parfait. Vanilla ice cream with toffee crunchies and hot fudge between the scoops. Maybe whipped cream on top.” 

He cleared his throat, "How were you planning to undergo your modeling?"

“Not sure about that yet." Aradia replied, matter-of-factly.

Nepeta nudged her, and Aradia giggled. Nepeta explained, "She'll sit still and I'll get some polaroids of her face. We might put her hair up for some, but I'm really working more on faces and expressions than anything."

"Right, of course, those are extremely important for flourishing artists and all..." Equius subtly glanced at Aradia’s face, "I'm sure you're quite expressive."

Aradia smiled broadly, "So I'm told." She turned to Nepeta, "But no duckface."

"No duckface," Nepeta agreed.

"There is nothing aesthetically pleasing about that expression," Equius muttered.

Both girls nodded in agreement. 

Aradia cast her eyes over Equius again, wondering very briefly how creepy it might be to suggest later that Nepeta just sort of...leave his photos around. He wasn't conventionally handsome, but he was definitely pleasant in her eyes; his features enchantingly sharp, his jaw broad and strong, and she had detected a scent, not unpleasant but decidedly masculine, that seemed foreign to the room. 

Nepeta bounced slightly as Pinkie Pie's song started up, and Aradia giggled.

Equius rolled his eyes, letting down his guard long enough to drop onto his back on her bed, "These songs are repugnant. Honestly the downfall of this series, do small girls actually enjoy these?"

"Honestly, I liked Art of the Dress, best," said Aradia.

Equius turned his head to look at her, "I haven't heard that one."

Aradia opened her mouth to explain, but Nepeta interrupted her, "It's Rarity's dressmaking song, when she's making the dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala."

"Oh yes. I just had no idea that titles for such songs existed."

"It's easier than just saying 'that one that Rarity sings when the thing happens,' don't you think?" asked Aradia.

"Like I said, I don't make a note of the titles." It then occurred to him that it might be coming off coldly, "I mean, I don't make it a point to find them."

Aradia shrugged, "I like them. I think it's a fun show! I don't care if they do say it's for kids. It's put together well, and I like all the characters."

"Nepeta insisted that since I have a fondness for horses that I must be well-versed in this show."

Nepeta snickered, "Turns out I was right."

He grimaced and laid on his back, forehead wrinkling, arms folded and eyes shut. As though he hadn't aged past 10. "Nay."

Nepeta rolled her eyes and mouthed 'he totally watches it' to Aradia, who giggled.

They watched together for a moment, as a thought occurred to Nepeta. "Hey Equius, who did you say that photographer was?"

He stiffened and replied in a clipped manner, "One of the art students on campus. He had placed an ad in the newspaper for a model and I had responded."

"Does he take requests? I really need a picture for my art website, and he made you look pretty good!"

Aradia turned, "Hey yeah! That could perk up your ‘about me’ page!”

Equius shot upright, "No! You will not be working with him Nepeta, he is unprofessional, uncouth, and not worthy of your time or efforts!"

Nepeta shrugged, "Lots of photographers are jerks. It's the product I'm interested in."

Aradia mused, "I wonder if I could get a portrait or two, also?" She carded her hand through her hair, hoping that her attempts to fish for compliments weren't too obvious. "Do you think he could make me look nice?"

Equius bristled, the thought of Aradia, of either of them, in the same room as that most lewd, degenerate snake of a photographer making his gut churn wildly, "Nay! You will find a better photographer than he."

Aradia startled, but Nepeta pressed on. "Aw, but he did such good work with you! And that was just for some action references...what would it look like with a model that was sitting still and posing properly, huh? It'd be awesome, that's what." She nudged Aradia, "Come on, we should both get our pictures taken. Maybe some together!”

No no no no no! Equius winced, his mind was full with thoughts of dear Nepeta and lovely Aradia being coerced into the most improper acts, assailed by unwelcome advances, their virtues tarnished by the words and the hands of an unsavory ladykiller. He could not bear to tell them of his… exchange with the man, but he could not let them fall into his clutches!

Aradia glanced over at Equius, some kind of conflict twitching at his brow. Had there been a falling out or something? He was clearly uncomfortable... "Nep, maybe we ought to drop this for now."

Equius had been about to retort when Aradia had intervened. His expression softened, the beast tamed for now, "It would be for the best. I am certain that if you require pictures, you may extract them from elsewhere. My own exchange with this," He held his tongue from stating exactly what his thoughts were on the young man, "artist was indeed unsavory."

Aradia patted Nepeta's shoulder, "It's okay, Nep, Sollux knows a photographer. Maybe he'll lend us a camera and I'll take your photo. Heck, maybe he'll even take the pictures and I can get mine done, too!"

Equius ran a hand in his hair, "That is an excellent suggestion. There are many photographers of a shining caliber at this school, you will find someone."

Nepeta sighed, "Fiiiiine."

She turned back to the show, briefly, before musing again, "I wonder if he can really capture me, you know? Inner beauty or something. I don't know. Blaaaah." She turned to Aradia, "Do you think I need a haircut?"

Aradia raised an eyebrow, "What? Where's all this coming from?"

Nepeta grumbled, "I'm all worried now about how I look now that I'm thinking about getting captured on film, you know?"

Equius replied, "A truly proficient artist finds the beauty in whatever is placed before them. While you are a ragamuffin at times, an excellent photographer will make you a lady."

The seed of self-consciousness planted in her head, Aradia began to worry, also. Nepeta was adorable, she'd photograph well. Equius...well, look at him! Of course he would look good on film! But her? 

She peered over at the mirror across from Nepeta’s bed at her face.

She normally thought of herself as okay-looking, and she could clean up well enough, but... maybe her nose was a little too round and her cheeks a little too pudgy? Maybe she wasn't petite so much as merely short? And, be fair, she wasn't exactly model-thin, with her round hips and thick waist, her thighs and her arms that were just a little too wide, now that she thought about it. 

Before long she was picking and pulling apart every detail of her body with laser-focused scrutiny. After all, models were scrawny and usually blonde, right? Unless they were black or Asian, and here she was, with her unruly black mane and her wide and work-worn Latina body.. Had she ever seen a Latina model? She couldn’t think of one, and certainly never one with her dimensions. 

She peered down at her hands, turning them over with a pout; even her hands weren't so delicate as they might be, after years of farm labor and wool-working…

She was still staring at her hands when Nepeta prodded her in the cheek. "Hellooo? Earth to Aradia? You're spacing out, whatcha thinking?"

Equius' thoughtful stare appeared to be directed at her as well, hair falling over his shoulder.

Aradia blinked and smiled bashfully, playing with a lock of hair that had fallen into her lap. "Sorry, haha, did space out there I guess. I guess I'm just having second thoughts about getting my picture taken by a pro."

Equius scoffed, "There is hardly anyone considered professional on this campus. They would be glad to have experience with any model. You would do nicely for them."

"Yeah, but they probably want somebody, you know," Aradia gestured, waving her hands in a slender hourglass, "Model-shaped."

Nepeta sprawled out across Aradia's lap, almost knocking the laptop off her own. "Don't be a silly kitty. My drawing classes all want people of all shapes and sizes, photography classes are probably the same!" She paused, noting that Aradia was still looking upset, and scowled. "Don't tell me you're feeling insecure?"

Geez Nepeta, Aradia thought, could you not make this a thing when there's a cute guy sitting right there? She offered only the barest of nods.

Equius' eyebrow rose, "Insecure? For what reason? There is..." He sought proper, gentlemanly words for the situation, "Uniqueness, character, and intrigue to your features, everything an artist seeks."

Aradia was rather glad for the lock of hair that fell into her face, and for any other cover for the flush that blossomed onto her cheeks.

Nepeta sat up, raising an eyebrow at Equius. "A perfect gentleman would have told her she's beautiful."

He stuttered, forehead creasing with the stress of the situation, a new wave of perspiration glistening, "I, well, obviously such information was obvious and not necessary for me to state- by which I mean..." He cleared his throat, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking at his phone as though he had gotten a message, "Oh, Nepeta, I am sorry to say I need to take my leave now."

Aradia looked up, disappointment clear on her face, and Nepeta pouted. "Aw, does it have to be now? I've got another hour before class, I thought we--well, all three of us, since Aradia's off--could spend it together!"

"The both of you have my apologies, I will speak to you later." He shoved his feet into his boots and failed to lace them, having every intention of doing so when he was out in the hallway, "I enjoyed your company, Aradia." He began to walk from the room.

Both girls scrambled off the bed and saw him to the door, poking their heads out after him. They called their goodbyes and Nepeta waved, until he turned a corner and was out of sight. Nepeta turned to Aradia. "That was weird."

Aradia nodded, leaning against the door.

Nepeta flopped back onto the bed, turning back to the episode, continuing to actively ignore it as she watched Aradia, a parade of expressions across her face. Disappointment, curiosity, then a light blush, something akin to contentment, and a much brighter blush followed by Aradia burying her face in her hands and wiggling her hips. Nepeta snickered, quietly.

She knew her mission.

Meanwhile Equius knelt in the hallway, lacing up his boots and mentally cataloguing the humiliating details of that entire endeavor. As well as trying to ignore the details of the afternoon that they had continuously brought up again and again. 

While it had been consensual for the most part, he still felt rather... unclean about the affair. He found parts of his sexuality rather confusing and twisted at times, a fact which led to more than a couple of his relationships going sour within a few dates. Between his continuous sweating and his predilections toward domination and control...

He knotted his boot and walked downstairs. There was no way a sweet, innocent girl like Aradia would be interested in him. At least not in that sense. He would do whatever possible to keep her from finding out how strange he was.


	14. >Eridan: Compose Brilliant Fiction Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Eridan engages in some one-sided roleplaying and receives critiquing from his ex-girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We just had too much fun with this chapter. We hope you'll enjoy it, too!

_Dualscar grinned to himself as he drew out his picks. Only one more lock stood between him and a fortune in flawless Tahitian black pearls, and this lock would be no more difficult than those he had already bested. The combination lock had been a joke, the thumb-scan had taken little more than a well-placed welding torch to get past, and the security team assigned to the hoard? Tranquilizer darts had assured a restful evening for all, until they awoke with their prize stolen._

_He kneeled, ear against the door as he worked the lock, his mask knocked slightly askew. He had dressed light, as his long coat and hat would only complicate matters, but his leather boots were quiet, and, in trousers, belt, jerkin, and gloves, he sighed. Such a cutting figure he made, and none awake to see it, what a waste! Oh well, perhaps the pearls would sweeten his evening._

_A streak of white light appeared from seemingly nowhere, "Halt!"_

_Dualscar swore quietly, reaching for his tranquilizer gun as he turned around. "An' who's tellin' me to do that, then?"_

_There was only a slender silhouette clad in a labcoat in his line of sight. A youthful male voice emerged from the approaching figure, his footfalls loud as though his shoes were not as light as Dualscar's, "The voice of logic and reason of this city, I am The Psionic."_

Eridan looked over what he had written. Something was off, something not quite right. Oh, the characters were sexy, and he liked their interaction well enough, but it was missing... something. Was the prose too purple? He could see the scene so clearly in his mind, but was he portraying it clear enough for the reader? He labored over a line of dialogue, writing and deleting and writing again until a chat window opened.

_::::)  
Heeeeeeeey Skunk!_

Now there was someone he hadn’t heard from in a while; Vriska: his last girlfriend and biggest antagonist before Sollux fell into his life.

_hey vvris  
hey real quick is it possible to ovveruse the wword deceit_

_Of course not! It's the 8est word!  
What are y8u using it for?_

_got a story in the wworks an gettin fuckin tired a the wword lies  
but it aint a situation wwhere the wword slander is really called for_

_Ooooooooh!  
What kind of story?  
Is it another Neville/Draco thing? 8ecause I've read those and oh man! Those suck so 8ad!_

_no an also shut up_

_Team Drarry!!!!!!!!_

_wwhatevver  
draco nevville is fuckin perfect okay_

_Neville's a pathetic 8lu88ery sad saaaaaaaack!_

_its a personality thing_

_It d8esn't even make s8nse! Did they ever meet at H8gwarts or anything?  
Why would someone as awe8me as Draco go for him????????_

_nevville growws up though vvris  
he growws up into a pretty strong fucker an wwhy you might ask  
because hes the personal lovveslavve a one draco malfoy an hes tryin to be wworthy a his affection thats wwhy  
evven if hes fightin against him hes still proovvin himself wworthy  
it wworks  
an its fuckin hot_

_Hmmmmmmmm  
Nope! Still 8oring._

_wwoman you havve no sense a character dynamics_

_And you have no taste in anyth8ng good ever!_

_wwhatevver  
but returnin back to theme i aint wwritin anythin pottervverse this time_

_8888O  
You have a new fand8m????????_

_nope  
original story this time_

_Oh.  
Zzzzzzzz._

_wwritin my wway through a superhero yarn an its comin out fuckin fantastic i tell you  
evven brought out ol dualscar for it_

_Oh sh8t! I thought he was dead!  
Did he ever get a new 8oat????????_

_nah this time hes a supervvillain  
got himself a nemesis an evverythin  
some hero shit called the psionic_

_Niiiiiiiice!  
Does he m8ke him walk the pl8nk and k8ll h8m?_

_nah dualscar aint got any fancy powwers or anythin hes just badass as all get out  
once i get fanart a this i swwear it wwill be the tvvtropes picture a badass normal  
no powwers just sheer fuckin skill on this bloke  
a skilled thief wwith a pirate theme_

_I st8ll think he should push him off a 8uilding._

_thats your answwer to evverythin i swwear  
no vvris_

_See? Fucking 8oring Like I said! You don't like anyth8ng fun!!!!!!!!_

_pushin your nemesis off a cliff only wworks wwhen you dont plan to fuck him good  
thats just shitty plannin otherwwise_

_::::D  
They're gonna f8ck?_

_you knoww it  
an howw_

_Show me n8w!!!!!!!! I want to see!  
I know you, you totally wrote the sex scenes first! :::;)_

_kind a shocked you evven had to ask vvris i mean havve i wwritten anythin evver wworth readin that dont at least insinuate some prime fuckin  
okay yeah but im still wworkin on all the bits that come before that  
got to set up evverythin so the fuckin makes sense  
in a story kind a wway_

Eridan saved a brief excerpt of a particularly good scene to a separate file and sent it to Vriska. Nothing too spoilery, just a fight scene with a little domination, enough to tease and make a reader want more. 

_You're worr8ed a8out inconsistency 8n a fic a8out superheroes fucking?  
Come onnnnnnnn, you know everyone's just skimming the chapters until a dick ends up hard and up a guy's 8utt!_

_not a wwhit a grace or style in you i swwear_

_:::;D_

_if theres a wwell defined relationship goin  
like a real epic rivvalry  
then the reader can get into it so much more_

_8ullshiiiiiiiit! I'll 8elieve it when I see it.  
Gimme a few minutes so I can read this._

_sure  
hold on somebodys at the door anywway_

_Kaaaaaaaay._

Eridan saved the fiction and minimized it, as the long string of persistent knocks continued to rap at his door. Probably Sollux, he often knocked like that. Eridan answered the door, confirming his suspicions. "Hey Sol."

Sollux raised an eyebrow, "You locked me out of the bathroom again." 

Eridan stood for a moment...he had, hadn't he? "Wow, fuck. Sorry Sol...you can get in through my side an' let yourself back in your room." 

Sollux rolled his eyes, and sarcastically groaned, "Thanks." He walked through the room, barefoot. 

"What? It ain't weirder'n havin' you go over to your side an' unlockin' the door from inside the bathroom, is it?" Eridan called after him, sitting back down to his computer. 

He opened the short piece he had sent her and read through it quickly to himself.

_Dualscar rounded a corner. He knew these alleys well, he had hidden many times before, and he remembered the first place he would have thought to hide. "I know you're here, Sparky," he began, echoing eerily along the corridors as he paced down the alley. "You know what you did. Forty million dollars an' you kept me from it, Psi. You kept me from a fuckin' fortune..."_

_The Psionic tried to make the electricity build within him, tried to rub his hands together in vain, but instead shocked himself, a crack of lightning stroking the wall across from the alcove._

_Dualscar rushed forward, grabbing him by the tails of his coat and knocking him into the wall with a good strong yank. He was on him in the blink of an eye, shoving the Psionic's chest to the wall, one hand had both of his wrists in his rubber gloves, while the other was at the back of the Psionic's head, mashing his face into the wall. "You got any notion how much you fucked up my evenin'?"_

_Try as he might, The Psionic was unable to do a thing with his electricity, his wrists were together. He cried out before letting out a squealing, miserable growl, "Let me go..."_

_"Forty million dollars," Dualscar tightened his grip on the Psionic's wrists, growling right into his ear, "An' you expect me to just fuckin' let you go? You wouldn' let me go, an' you honestly expect more mercy out a me than you'd ever give? An' you dare to call ME the VILLIAN?"_

_The Psionic was torn between giving in and fighting, but he was so tired, worn, and wrecked, his body was bruised and there was nothing he could do to fight back. Dualscar could feel him physically wilt into the wall, muscles still somehow tense and completely loose all at once._

_Dualscar began to laugh as he threw The Psionic sideways to the ground on his back, falling upon him, pinning him. Dualscar supported himself with one arm, the other hand gripping the Psionic's throat. "You ain't got anythin' to say at all?"_

_The hero’s eyes were burning with unshed tears behind those goggles. He reached up and tried pulling at that hand around his throat, "Y-You're... evil..."_

_"An' you're a narrow-minded pain in my ass. You been more trouble to me than you been worth, an' I got a mind to change that..."_

_"You'll never get away with this, they'll know you killed me...!"_

_Dualscar threw back his head and laughed, "Oh, you poor boy...pain in the ass though you are, you still find ways t'amuse me."  
He leaned down, his eyes locked and mere inches away from those of the Psionic. "You ain't worth forty million. But let's see if I can find a reason not to kill you." With no more warning or fanfare, he mashed his lips to the hero's, pressing him against the pavement, straddling his hips._

_The Psionic's eyes slid shut as he was kissed so roughly, almost bruising his lips with the voracity of the kiss. The young man tasted of the salt of his frustration, bitter... with the slightest sweetness of pure honey._

Eridan grinned wickedly to himself, he loved the dramatics of that scene in particular, although it still needed more editing before it was fit to publish. He then noticed the instant messenger notification blinking.

_For the most part it's not 8ad.  
You should totally make a pun a8out Psi trying to 8olt.  
Get it?  
8ecause of lightning????????_

_vvris  
no  
god no_

_It'd 8e funny! And s8xy. Sexy humor!_

_you fail at sexy vvris_

_One more thing, why doesn't this chump's powers work? Is it 8ecause it's raining or someth8ng?_

_wwell  
evverybody needs some kind a kryptonite  
if his wwrists are put together then he cant do the zapzap  
like wwhen wwonder wwoman gets her bondage on wwith her wwrists wwelded together by men  
noww there wwas a fetishist if evver the fuck there wwas_

_Ooooooooh! I like that._

_also he got no recourse against rubber glass or leather  
you knoww  
insulators_

_Oh fuck, he's screwed against Dualscar. Literally. :::;)  
Dualscar's nothing 8ut leather and ru88er and fucking sh8t up._

_that’s kind a the point  
sexiest dowwnfall evver_

_Awwwwwwww yeah!  
Also why d8es this guy taste like h8ney? _

_no reason_

_That's reeeeeeeally specific. I mean, who the fuck just eats honey?_

_uh_

_He sh8uld taste like m8nt or someth8ng._

_kind a a long story_

_Hmmmmmmmm?????????  
Do t8ll._

_wwell see theres kinda this reason wwhy i got this inspiration for wworkin on somethin in the superhero genre okay  
me an fef an kan  
wwe got us a neww drinkin buddy an long story short fef got a horrible idea that honestly sounds wwicked fun_

_LARPing shenanigans?_

_somethin like that  
forget exactly howw it came about but fef wwants us all dressin up as superheroes for some kind a flash mob shit come the first a april an i pretty much stole the psionic idea off a the neww guy_

_I was wondering how some s8cker in a la8coat ended up fighting Dualscar._

_wwell the guys kinda hot  
complete an utter asshole but a hot one regardless  
though i guess he aint so bad exactly  
had coffee wwith him wwhen he helped me carry on my last booze run  
nevver saww a guy eat a wwhole cup full a honey before though_

_Ohhhhhhhh. I see where this is coming from now. :::;D  
You want a p8ece of that._

_i think im gonna wwrite you into this vvris  
as captain obvvious_

_Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
Do 8t!  
You know Mindfang can kick your ass!_

_i guess i can givve ol mindfang a shoutout or twwo  
if you ask nice enough a course  
an by ask nice i mean promise not to terrorize my readers by makin snarky comments wwhen they applaud my genius  
again_

_That's fucking awesome! Make her 8eat up The Psi Guy!  
8ut he sounds like a fucking pansy anyway, he's practically swooning everytime Dualscar comes a-knocking. Is he reeeeeeeeally that cool????????_

_dont evverybody like the stylish vvillain  
you read superman but you knoww that lex luthor is packin some serious swwag up in his penthouse_

_I'm not talking a8out superzeroes and their lame-ass complexes, I'm talking a8out Psi 8eing a scr8aming little 8itch!!!!!!!!_

Eridan wasn’t even sure how to answer that.

_evverybody got kinks vvris evven heroes_

Just as he feared, she wouldn’t drop the topic.

_Well is this guy this l8me in person or are you just having fun using him as a punching 8ag? Either way it m8kes sense why I dumped your wh8ny ass._

_you mean the douche i been drinkin wwith_

_YEAH!_

_he aint wwhat i wwould call lame but i got some suspicions about wwhat hes into_

_Ooooooooh, come on you have to t8ll me!  
Is he a cr8ssdresser too????????_

_like you aint got hobbies  
an for the record i look fuckin ace_

_STOP AV8IDING THE QUESTION!!!!!!!! XXXXO_

_okay so he mentioned bein into oral but he wwerent too particular wwhether he wwas on the business end a that an he likes hearin dirty talk  
an frankly considerin he eats honey all the fuckin time i got notions that he aint half kiddin about that fixation he has  
the wway he licks honey off a spoon ought to not be legal in public i tell you_

_Oh daaaaaaaamn! I want to see this now!_

_bad vvris  
i call dibs_

_Whaaaaaaaat? I'm just saying I 8et he's cute.  
Especially if he's got you writing 8lack romance smut fanfiction a8out him!_

_no  
im wwritin about his character_

_Mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmm.  
8ecause roleplaying totally isn't a way to act out things you want to do in real life, am I right????????  
I'll say th8s though, he must have a whole lot of pat8ence to put up with y8u and your whole skunkha8red prissy poofy prince pants att8tude._

_got that backwwards vvris  
in this lil exchange i am the paragon a patience an understandin here_

_Reeeeeeeeally?_

_fucker keeps lockin me out a my owwn bathroom for a start an sometimes i think its on purpose  
to say nothin a his personal upkeep_

_Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! That's hilarious!  
What kind of upkeep are you 8lathering a8out? What, does he roll in h8ney or something cr8zy like that?_

_hot vvisual but no  
guy got no sense a style an hes constantly wwearin shit that dont fit him an his personal care products are all basically crap_

_You complained a8out the same crap from me too, you know.  
Always 8luh 8luh you wwore that shirt already!!!!!!!!  
Wwash your hair you look like you’re homeless! All the time! Ev8ry d8y!_

_yeah wwell it wwasnt cute on you either  
normal people wwash vvris  
all this time an you still aint got an ounce a civvility in you_

_Normal people also have running water all the time!!!!!!!!_

_an youd havve runnin wwater if you remembered to pay your bills on time_

_Wh8tever, this is dum8._

_christ its like livvin wwith apes except less wwell groomed_

_Hey, I have sh8t to do! Do you have any idea how many irons I have in the fire as we speak?_

_all a them_

_Ex8ctly! All of them!!!!!!!!_

_so keep the iron that pays the bills in there too is all im sayin_

_Hey, I clean up gr8 wh8n I feel like it._

_true_

_I'll 8e especially squ8aky clean for this shindig of which y8u speak.  
Did you tell Terezi yet? _

_if only you felt like it more often  
wwait wwhat_

_Your LARPing thing you just invited me to!!!!!!!!  
Scr8ll 8ack up and check it!_

_that  
that sure is an interestin theory you got there  
casual mentionin aint the same as an invvitation vvris_

_Well why would you tell me a8out it if I wasn't invited????????_

_wwoww  
wwhere do i evven start correctin you on that_

_The party don't start til I walk in! ::::)_

_wwell  
guess that could be pretty fun actually but im layin dowwn some ground rules before it happens okay  
startin wwith wwe need vvillains  
fef kan an sol all are lookin at hero slots an kar aint made up his mind yet so wwe need more a us on team evvil_

_Of course you do! There's no 8etter villain than Spinneret Marquise Mindfang!  
We're going to 8eat them all down! The day will 8e ours!_

_second no pyrotechnics  
i knoww howw you get_

_Not even the f8recrackers???????? They're the 8est! ::::(_

_dont givve me that face you can havve your theatrics but nothin flammable okay_

_8ut how will they know they got hit 8y me????????  
What, am I supposed to use 8ase8alls or something l8me like that????????_

_dont knoww  
dont care  
its more a game a costume tag than anythin else at this point_

_You've 8een out of the game too long! >:::(  
You don't understand what it's like out there 8nymore!!!!!!!!_

_vvris  
there is almost nothin in this wworld i trust more than your ability to to wwreck shit  
evven if youre under a couple a restrictions_

_F8ne. Just for y8u, I promise I won't em8arrass you in front of your new 8oyfriend._

_if this plays out right he wwont be neww anymore wwhen april rolls around_

_::::D  
I smell a three way!_

_no vvris  
you just smell_

_8oooooooo.  
That was l8me and you suuuuuuuuck._

_meh  
saww an opening_

_What's th8s guy's name anyway? I want to see what he looks like!_

_sol  
aint much to him  
scrawwnier than some i go for_

_You'll do anyth8ng with a pulse!_

_wwhy does evverybody think that  
look just because i got different tastes dont mean i got no taste_

_Eridan, what color are my eyes?_

_blue  
strangely dark blue  
actually a pretty wwicked shade  
wwith lil blackish flecks in the left one if im rememberin correctly_

_Ok lucky guess!!!!!!!!  
What a8out Sol's?  
Or have you stopped staring at his 8utt to notice?_

_his eyes are blue an this kind a light browwn_

_Whaaaaaaaat? How does that work?_

_heterochromia  
twwo different color eyes_

_::::O  
Wooooooooow, I want to see!_

_fuck wwhat havve i wwrought_

_Damn, no wonder you want to nail him so 8ad._

_once again i assert the ancient an honorable rite a callin dibs_

_No faaaaaaaair! You are so selfish, you know that? Don't know how to spread the l8ve._

_nevver claimed i wwasnt vvris  
but then again bein a lil greedy noww an then may wwell be part a my charm  
theres probably wworse things to be than a self awware bastard_

_Like what? G8y? Unaware of how awesome you could have h8d things if you weren't g8y?_

_if thats wwhat you wwant to believve fine  
im tired a arguin wwith you about it  
an are you insinuatin i aint awwesome regardless a anythin else_

_Uuuuuuuugh! Whatever, I have to go now anyway._

_okay  
i wwill email you wwhen i publish the first chapter if you wwant  
maybe i wwill evven givve you the first look before i post it if im feelin generous_

_Sure, why not? Have to keep you from getting a 8ig head!_

_greater than you havve tried an failed  
take it easy vvris_

_Kay byyyyyyyye!!!!!!!!  
N8rd._

Eridan chuckled and closed the chat window. Vriska was a bitch, no doubt about it, but for all her talk she was still a decent enough friend in her own way and pretty fun at times. He didn't envy whatever poor sod she ever tried to get her hooks into, even if she was wild in the sack. For one thing, she was always trying to get the last word in...

...The last word in...

That was it! Eridan snapped his fingers and started typing furiously. Dualscar needed some good old-fashioned villain speeches in the first chapter. Spite and righteous indignation and a good peppering of innuendo…fantastic. Within the hour, he had a starting chapter worthy of posting.

But what would he call his masterpiece? His lips split into a wide grin.

“Viva La Villainy.”


	15. >Sollux: Humor Spooky Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Sollux recieves two messages, both are beyond belief.

Aradia sat in the university center, looking at the cards she had dealt herself. A simple reading on the matter of her romantic future, three cards to advise her, while she waited for Sollux. The Fool, Two of Cups, and King of Wands. A beginning of a journey, a stable and fulfilling relationship, and one who takes action. She couldn't help but giggle and squirm in her seat, wondering briefly if the cards were describing a man who takes action into his own hands, or if they were telling her that she must be the active force. She looked up and noticed Sollux approaching. She waved, smiling broadly, "Hi Sollux! Over here!"

He lifted his headphones and draped them around his neck, "Sup lambchop- Oh shit, you broke out the cards again."

"What? This is not an oh-shit situation, I'm just getting advice!" She motioned to the seat next to her. "How's it going?"

Sollux cracked a grin, sitting down beside her, "Not much, ED keeps leaving me love notes on my bathroom mirror in perfect calligraphy telling me to unlock the bathroom or he'll kill himself or some shit. He's gotten way dramatic lately. KK likes we're not fighting in the hallway anymore, though."

"I'm sure your neighbors appreciate it, too," she added, unscrewing her soda and taking a drink. "Hey, how come you don't call me AA anymore? Not that I mind, but I'm just wondering?"

Sollux shrugged, settling across from her and scanning over the cards, "I dunno. Kind of got too weird to say, I mean two vowels in a row? It's like eh-eh," He shrugged again, "Something with consonants works better to me. Besides, you look like a sheep."

"Baaaa humbug," she huffed, before grinning. "I guess there's worse things to be compared to. Sheep are great! Adorable, too!"

"Speaking of nostalgia trips, I didn't know you still did the tarot thing anymore."

"Sure! It's given me good advice too many times not to, and I felt like I could use some. This one was very helpful, I think! Things are looking up, Sollux, I can feel it." She swept up the cards and made sure all of the roses on the backs were pointed the right way, before starting to shuffle them.

He raised an eyebrow, "Right, totally. Power of the stars. You know these things are really vague just so you can mold it to make it say you want, right?"

Aradia shot him a dirty look. "It's not like that. I can't explain the how or why, but it works! It's helped me out so many times, I can't even tell you." She picked up the cards, beginning to shuffle the deck again, “Would you like a reading?"

He looked at the cards, up to Aradia, then back down, "Sure, I got time to kill. I gotta shuffle them, right?"

She shuffled once, then again, "First, figure out your question and tell me so I know what I'm answering. Then you shuffle the deck, concentrating on your question, and give me my cards back, I'll read them."

Sollux appeared impassive as he shuffled, but with the many questions swirling about his mind, he couldn't pick. Was his job safe? Would he continue getting commissions? How long until the feds tracked him down at school? And at the back of his mind, he contemplated, was Eridan flirting with him? 

She watched his face; he looked conflicted. She decided to throw him a line, offering, "Or, you could, you know, ask for general advice if you've got too many things you want to ask. I can do another reading later if you decide you want something more specific."

"Wait, I have to TELL you?" He looked up with a sigh, gnawing on his lower lip. The questions at the back of his mind were really more of what he was thinking of, but he couldn't tell Aradia about that... "General advice then, I guess." He placed the cards firmly in her hands.

Aradia nodded, closing her eyes and giving the cards one last shuffle, adding under her breath, "May Sollux receive guidance in all things."

Sollux snorted at her intensity, leaning back on his hands.

She began to deal out cards, one, another crossed atop it, four more circling the first two, and another four beneath those. She studied them intensely, beginning to smile. "Okay, how much detail do you want me to go into here?"

"As much guidance from the spirit world and your ancestors as you deem necessary," he said, voice thick with sarcasm.

"What's that? Talk your ear off? Sure thing, Sollux, anything for you." She set the deck aside, pointing to the first two cards. "These two are you, specifically, you and your influence. Ace of Swords--that points to intellect and reason, clarity and purpose--under the influence of Judgment. Things are in transition now that will change everything, though more likely good change, since if it was a bad change you'd probably get the Tower instead. What you do and decide now will ripple forward, how you react to what happens around you will likewise."

He stared at the card, and then back up to Aradia, "So basically things are going to change. Surprise surprise. Things always change, it's life."

She eyed the surrounding cards, ignoring him and pointing to one. "This is the past. Six of swords. Decision made with difficulty, embarking on a journey and walking a path that you'd rather you didn't have to take. And this one," she indicated another card, "is the present, ten of wands...you're trapped. Linked with something impossible, or at least hard to get out of. Something you'd really rather not be..." She furrowed her brow, thinking for a moment before looking apologetically to him, "...Is this about coming to this school? I honestly didn't think it was that bad a thing..."

His expression grew grave as he listened. He waved his hand absently, still looking down and muttering, "No, no, it's not about that, keep going."

"Sorry about that, anyway..." She cleared her throat, moving on. "Okay, this one? That's future. Knight of wands...someone who takes action, possibly a fighter. Now, this can mean you're going to be influenced by a fighter, or you're going to have to BE a fighter... not like a brawler or anything, just, out in the world and being assertive and active instead of just letting things happen. Knights are often more rash or extreme than kings or queens, though, and if it's somebody else, it could be either gender." She pointed to the final card in the ring, "And the outcome is two of wands, which can be either a struggle for domination or an agreeable stalemate. This could include anything from passive-aggression to hostility to begrudging respect."

Sollux's eyebrows furrowed, making sense of what she said, but not how it applied to him. A stalemate? With Eridan? "Wouldn't the fight make more sense to be happening now? I mean I fight with him all the time."

"Who, your bathroom guy?" Aradia sat up, thinking for a moment, folding her arms behind her head. "Maybe you two come to some kind of understanding? Or maybe you find something new to fight about? Or maybe your next bathroom-guy is even worse? I can't say that I know. For all I know, you two join in a battle of one-upsmanship...that kind of sounds like something you'd do. Don't bother arguing, Sollux, we both know how stubborn you can be."

His face went from bewilderment to a strange realization. He ran his hands in his hair and sighed, "Who knows. Maybe. I dunno, this was cute and the first couple of things might be true, but that last part's just weird."

"Should I go on with the rest?"

"I dunno, you gonna tell me how I die?"

"Nothing about dying here. No worries! Just the sidebar," she smiled, pointing to the last four cards at the bottom.

He quietly stared, not bothering to hide his curiosity.

Aradia turned back to the cards, pointing to the first one. "Here's you again. You as you are. The Moon. Wise, inspiring, but also illusory. Something is going unrecognized. Something you hide from others, maybe something you hide from yourself. The eighth card is an outside influence, four of wands. You've worked hard to get to where you are, including as a person. You've built a framework for your life, and it's a solid foundation that you can thrive and play in. That's good news!"

Sollux looked up with a shaky grin, "Yeah, you know I’m all about hard work."

"Okay, now, so your wild card," she placed a finger on the second-to-last card, "is the three of cups. Celebration and pleasure in abundance. Maybe wealth, maybe sex, maybe satisfaction with life, maybe simple contentment with yourself and those you associate with. And finally, the final outcome--this doesn't overrule the other outcome card, but can go either alongside or hand-in-hand with it--is The World. That's a very good card! Satisfaction and completeness and contentment. Over all, that's a really positive reading, don't you think!" She beamed as she swept her hands over the cards, "Really, anything that's kind of negative has already happened or is going on now, so everything is really looking up!"

"So according to this, my life is going to be awesome." He chuckled, "That'd be a first, wouldn't it?"

"Pfft, how can it not be awesome if you've got me?" she grinned. "But yeah, I'd say this is pretty good."

Sollux rolled his eyes and shook his head at her, but he still looked more relieved than he cared to let on. Aradia smiled and gathered up her cards, giving one final shuffle, before carefully wrapping them in a silk square and placing them in their pouch. 

“You’re too superstitious, there’s nothing scientific backing this up, you know.”

“You’re right, there isn’t, and I get good advice anyway,” Aradia grinned, standing up and shouldering her pack. “Just because it can’t be explained yet doesn’t mean it doesn’t have merit.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard this lecture before. So, you want to get lunch or not?”

Aradia shouldered her bag and walked with him, “Right! Coming!”

With the thoughts of a potential but not completely unpleasant future laid out ahead of him, Sollux walked in silence for a few beats. He then casually spoke, "So, Aradia. AA. Lambchop. Whatever; theoretically, and by that I mean this stays between the both of us, can I ask you a question?"

"Any time, Sollux! What's on your mind?"

How could he lay this out? He furrowed his eyebrows and shoved his hands in his pockets, "What do you like in guys? I mean apparently you got this huge ladyboner for NP's friend, but why?"

Aradia smiled dreamily, "Well, I guess he's a lot of the things I'm interested in! I like big, muscular types, but also smart and dignified, you know? And you know about my thing for long hair...plus, he's actually pretty fun and gentle, deep down, or so Nepeta's always saying, and I think she might not be exaggerating, even though I haven't gotten to know him that well; he’s not all that open with me yet, but, maybe if he got to know me better…" She turned to him, "Why are you asking?"

As soon as those eyes hit his face, he stiffened and looked the other way as his brain scrambled for a coherent answer, "Because I'm trying to figure just what the fuck you're supposed to look for in other people, I guess."

Aradia sensed he wasn't being totally honest with her; he was pretty easy to read. She wrapped her arm over his shoulder, "Aw, Solly! You aren't just covering because you're worried you don't measure up again, are you? I like one type, but that doesn't mean you're not good looking too! Lots of people would think you're hot."

He was jerked down to her height, forced for walk a few paces in her gentle stranglehold, "Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a fucking babe or whatever. This isn't about that, I was just curious and all."

She released him, taking his arm instead. "Well, so long as you're not getting down in the dumps again. I guess you look for what you like! I like people I can have fun with and I can be silly around, but I also like long hair and big beefy frames and sharp features. What about you?"

Clearly taken aback, he once again tried to think of a response that wasn't suspicious, what did he like again that wasn't completely filthy or perverted? He spoke sarcastically instead, hoping to divert attention from his predicament, "Oh, you know, the usual. I like hairy backs, unibrows, a sloping forehead if possible... midgets! Yeah, I like midgets too."

"Next time I find an Ewok, I'll give it your number. Seriously though, I'm curious! I mean, there's got to be a reason you're asking, right?"

"Like I said! I was curious! Jeez, you never know when to leave something alone, lambchop."

Aradia pouted. She knew a Sollux cover-up when she heard one, but she knew his stubbornness just as well. "I was just wondering if some pretty young thing had caught your eye. Anybody good enough for my Sollux, I'd like to know!"

Right away he responded; a little too quickly, "Nope. Nobody. No Ewoks or anything with an otherwise suitable fuckhole for me." He shrugged, "Such a pity."

Aradia stopped, pulling on Sollux's arm, her tone serious. "Sollux, something's bothering you. You can talk to me. You know that, right? I won't press if you genuinely don't want to talk about it, but if you need to, I'm here for you. Always. Got that?"

His defensive front fell just the slightest bit, face relaxing. He nodded in return, "All right, I'll keep that up my memory banks just for you."

She smiled, snuggling up to his arm. "Good. Now, I'm thinking a filet mignon with scalloped potatoes and a side of oh who am I kidding? Hot dogs and french fries, here we come."

Sollux rolled his eyes and let his head fall back as he walked, "Why the hell would I need a girlfriend, I already got a mom and a sister right here."

She shrugged, grinning, "So get a boyfriend."

He stopped walking for a second, only jerked along by Aradia's grip on his arm before countering, "Like I could put up with another one of me? Pass!"

Aradia thought for a moment. "Yeah, no. I doubt I could handle two Solluxes. Sollii? Sollicums?"

"Whatever you'd call us, we'd just hang around you to give you a headache and then you'd bleed from your ears and die. All because you thought I needed a boyfriend. Nice."

"It's funny how I say boyfriend, and what you think of is an exact copy of yourself. Isn't that like the textbook definition of narcissism?" she asked, brow quirked at him. "You're the one who said he didn't need a GIRLfriend."

"Yeah, funny thing about theoretical situations, lambchop, they aren't real. Remember? Everything's theoretical, as in, you're not telling a soul what we've been talking about, ok? Got that?" He poked at the side of her head as he finished speaking.

She headbutted him lightly in the arm. "Of course not! I can keep things in confidence, you know that! Your secrets are all safe with me until my dying day. But if I come back as a ghost, I can't promise I won't be a gossip then."

"If you come back as a ghost and spread fake rumors that I'm gay, I swear to God I'm pissing on your grave."

Aradia raised an eyebrow. He'd been fairly defensive about that particular word... "So I should just stick with the fake rumors about Ewoks?"

Sollux shrugged, "That's perfectly acceptable. Furry little fucks can ride my jock if they can reach it."

But human guys, Aradia thought, that's going too far? Suuuuure. She let the matter drop as they entered the cafeteria. "Good to know that even after I die, you still think I'll do what you say."

"Good sheep follow the herd, don't they?"

"Yeah, but once they kick the bucket, we really stop expecting them to do anything except decompose. Hey, you think they have hot wings today?"

"Probably. But also don't you Christians have a whole holy ghost undead walking around thing going on? What, sheep don't apply for that?"

"Meh, there's different theories on that. My family isn't all that observant, really more deist than anything else, so I don't exactly believe in Great Zombie Jesus exactly, but yeah, pretty sure the Holy Trinity involves a Holy Ghost. I don't think the Bible is terribly specific on what happens to dead sheep post-mortem, except for the ones that get sacrificed. Those, apparently, are simply tasty."

"L'chaim, bitch," He made a vague gesture with his hands at that.

Aradia snickered, "Shalom, nebbish."

==>

Later that afternoon, Sollux was back in his dorm room, working on a commission from his employer. He had to add a new client to the server and allow them into the firewall. Easy enough. For Sollux, anyway. After all, he was the only one with access to the program and its clients. After a steady hour of working; keys quietly clicking without stop, he took a short break. He minimized his program and checked his email. He had a few new messages, one of which was from one Feferi Peixes.

The email included an attachment with the message, ")(ere's the video, just as promised! )(ope you enjoy! 38D"

Sollux chuckled to himself at the weird quirk and downloaded the video. Oh how he'd been waiting for this. He had half a mind to gloat to Eridan when he was done. He opened the video and let it play.

The video was moderate quality; it looked to have been filmed with a fairly cheap handheld video camera. The scene was set in a field, with bales of hay and yellow-orange flowers everywhere. There stood Feferi, tall and bubbly as ever, in teeny-tiny skirt and looking a little tipsy. She giggled, as a voice off-camera said, “Okay, you have to either make me laugh or take your top off.”

Feferi pouted, fists balled to her sides, “Brian! The dare was to tell a funny joke!”

The voice off-screen sounded amused, “And I gave you a choice, and fair’s fair. You know the game, you have to do it.”

Holy shit, was he going to see her take her shirt off? His skin flushed slightly at the implication and in the hopes that she would. He leaned a bit forward, eyes glued to the screen. 

Feferi rolled her eyes and thought for a moment. She giggled, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, “Okay so, this guy, see? This guy, he gets a parrot as a gift, right? But this parrot, as soon as he gets in the house, he starts swearing and swearing!”

In the corner of the screen, a young Eridan staggered into frame. He hadn’t changed that much over the last few years, though the streak in his hair was a fiery red instead of platinum blonde. He was handed a beer by someone off-screen, which he promptly chugged, before inaudibly arguing with the mystery beer-fairy.

“…And the man, he doesn’t know what to do! So he tries everything he can think of to stop the parrot from swearing, he tries ignoring it, he tries playing soft music, he even tries reading scripture!”

In the background, Eridan began to strip, scarf first, then shoes, and on down until he was clad only in a pair of steel gray boxer-briefs. Sollux’s eyes widened more and more, he had recalled that he was supposed to have been in his underwear, but he didn’t think he actually stripped on screen or anything. His off-screen benefactor handed him a hockey stick…

“…So! One day, when the parrot is on this particularly foul—heehee, fowl—this particularly foul stream of language—“

Sollux jumped in his seat as Feferi was cut off by a high-pitched primal scream from Eridan, who ran out of the frame, hockey stick held high over his head. Feferi was apparently not he only one focused on him, as laughter bellowed from the cameraman and the shot followed Eridan as he rushed forward and lopped the pumpkin head clean off a scarecrow, a drunken and incomprehensible slur erupting from his mouth. Sollux, in shock, couldn’t do anything but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of what he was watching. 

Everything became very jerky, presumably because the cameraman was running after Eridan, who was now swinging at a second scarecrow, missing by a mile. Eridan punched the head off of that one, then swung his stick, an explosion of pumpkin guts and unintelligible profanity raining everywhere.

Eridan turned, leveling his hockey stick at a third scarecrow like fencing foil. “AN’ WHEN YOU GET TO HELL, TELL JACK SKELLINGTON HE’S A FUCKIN’ SELLOUT!”

He ran forward, stabbing at the scarecrow with sufficient force to break the wooden bench it leaned against, tumbling backwards, pumpkin head bouncing off. Eridan stomped and jumped on the head, screeching, “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE, BITCH! I AM THE HIGHLANDE—SHIT!” Eridan slipped and fell into the straw and pumpkin guts as laughter and victory cheers pealed from off-screen.

Eridan drunkenly rolled around, trying to regain some footing, covered in bits of straw and ex-pumpkin. Finally, he grappled onto a bale of hay and heaved himself on it like a life raft, and laughed, grinning at the camera like he had just beat the boxing champion at his own game.

Sollux caught his breath and stared at the ending shot. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but that was certainly a teenage Eridan beating the shit out of a scarecrow. Actually, a few. In his underwear. He pressed play again, watching through the video from the beginning once again, knowing better to turn the volume down this time around. 

Feferi looking cute, Eridan showing up like a drunk idiot, shotgunning a drink, and then taking his clothes off like someone was waving money in front of him to do it. Then he was pointed in the other direction, he screams like a psycho and murders a few inanimate objects and falls over and looks up in victory. After the novelty of Eridan’s teenage antics wore off, he pressed play once again, focusing on something that had become more fascinating to him.

Feferi looking cute, Eridan stumbling on screen and drinking; then pulling his scarf off, then his shoes, then his turtleneck; which he unceremoniously dropped on the ground, hair still miraculously intact. Either he used cement on his hair or his shirts weren’t nearly as tight as they looked. Off then came his jeans, which he shrugged out of and stepped out of without a shed of grace. From what he could see in the half fuzzy camera footage, his flesh was pale white and since this video had been shot, he had gained some weight. Either that or muscle. Whatever, he looked different now. His freckles didn’t really show up well on the video though; did Eridan have freckles on his shoulders? His back? His chest? Fucking low-quality video, he just couldn’t tell…

And then he got the hockey stick and ran off. He muted it at the point just before the scream, watching him go on to attack the scarecrows again. Hilarious. Although less abrasive on the ears, it wasn’t as entertaining to watch without his ridiculous voice to go along with it. 

“-A FUCKIN’ SELLOUT!”

Sollux snickered to himself again. Stupid, annoying prick could be funny when he wanted to.

His victorious expression was kind of appealing as well.

Shit. Why was he still watching this? Yeah, it was funny, but…

He pressed play again. Feferi, Eridan stumbled into frame and pulled his clothes off. He kind of wanted to see what his body looked like now. After all, he was a misunderstanding about an occupied bathroom away from finding out. He could play awkward; he’d been doing it since puberty. 

Did he really want to see Eridan naked? He bit his lip and swallowed, already knowing the answer. He wouldn’t have watched this 3 minute trainwreck as many times as he did if he didn’t. He wouldn’t have a strong, satisfying wank about it the other night if he hadn’t. 

Jesus, if the guy would just shut his mouth for five minutes- no. Scratch that. 

If he was saying the right things and not degrading him- no. Scratch that too.

It was more of- shit, he didn’t even fucking know. 

He just wanted to touch him.

He sighed heavily, walking over to the bathroom door and locking it, already somewhat regretting the hand down his pants and what he knew he was about to do.


	16. >Nepeta: Purrtake in Morning jog!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nepeta and Equius have a healthy friendship and discuss Equius' issues with everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meowrails. You know they're the best.

The morning was cool and the path was empty as Nepeta raced ahead. Equius was better for long-distance running, but she was an ace at sprints, and for a leisurely jog she could keep up with him easily. On reaching an old bench, she slowed to a stop and called back, "I'm gonna take a rest, okay?" She sat down, sprawling out on the bench, regaining her breath.

Equius chuckled at her as he slowed, approaching the bench, "I should have expected you to pull me over so soon. Allow me some room, I need to stretch out." His hair was in a loose, folded over ponytail at the base of his neck as he rubbed a towel over his neck. He took off his sunglasses and quickly rubbed down his face before replacing them.

She moved her legs for him to sit down, resting them back on his lap after he got comfortable. He made no effort to move them, but let his head fall back as he looked at the sky and regained his wind. 

"Heehee… predictable, am I? I gotta work on that. But you, you didn't even notice my haircut! I got a trim, and I have bangs now," she pouted.

Equius turned his head enough to get a look at her bangs, "They make you look younger, I suppose. That's what you like, isn't it?"

She scowled, "I don't care about that, I just want to look like me. And right now this is how I think me should look. But you could have said something." She sighed, stretching out, and swinging into an upright sitting position next to Equius, rather than on him. "I guess I wanted to try something different..."

"You'll have to forgive me, I'm not very astute at noticing small changes. As far as I'm aware, your disposition has been, as you’ve so often told me before, as 'bright and shiny' as ever. And your hair is always appealing." He reached back touch his own hair, "I myself am contemplating cutting mine."

"Don't you dare!" she squealed, startling upright. "Your hair is great! And, uh, it suits you!" She remembered Aradia's fluttering on about his hair, and her inner matchmaker screamed that trimming would be a bad idea. "I mean, why would you even want to?"

"It's gotten to be rather inconvenient. I'm not sure, I'm fluctuating on the topic," He turned to look back at her with a pensive expression, "Do women find long hair appealing?"

"Some do! But it suits you too much to just get rid of it. You look like you could be prince from fairytales, if you just had the right outfit. And a horse. And maybe some gnomes? Point is, you should keep it."

Equius chuckled, leaning his head back once more, "While I appreciate your inclusion of my love of horses into your fantasy, I fear I'm too off-putting to be a prince to anyone."

Nepeta chuckled, "Nah, you're plenty princely. You're hoity-toity enough, for sure! And any dragons that’re messing with the villagers? You can just punch them in the snout."

Equius made sharp, focused gestures in the air with his fingers as he slumped backwards onto the bench, "You are speaking of the actions of a knight. A knight would be the one to pursue action. I believe your views of how a prince should be are more shaped toward a woman's needs and desires. In the case of either, I don't believe a woman would desire me in such a way."

"In stories, princes do all kinds of knightly stuff! And they get to kiss the princesses, because they act brave like knights and wise and just like proper kings! Moreover, I know you can be both, ergo, you are princely. And why are you worried about this? A girl'd be super-lucky to have a guy like you!"

"You will cease with such foolishness. I am no prince." Equius shook his head with a resigned sigh, holding up a hand.

"Of course not, you're princeLY. Not an actual prince. Bluh, it doesn't sound like a word anymore! Prince prince prince. Back on point, you're a good guy, your girl will be lucky to have you, and your hair stays."

"My girl?" He raised his eyebrows, "I have no girl to speak of."

"Not yet, of course, but you will!" she giggled. She had no intention of telling him about Aradia's hilarious melt-down anytime soon, but she still knew that this would be a fantastic match. "A guy like you can't stay single forever, not if he wants a partner, I mean, and I'm pretty sure you do! So! You're going to have a girl, and she's going to be happy with you, because you're the kind of guy who'll make that happen."

"You make it sound so inexplicably obvious..." Equius looked away, "I am abhorrent to women. I'm off-putting."

She scowled, turning and kneeling on the bench to look at him, "Okay, so that's not possible at all, because there are as many different tastes-in-men as there are straight girls. Not all guys like the same kind of girl, do they? The ones that like girls, that is. I mean, look at me!" She sat upright on her ankles, gesturing to her face and chest. "Lots of guys wouldn't want anything to do with me, right? Short, silly, no boobs. But someone out there probably would, right?"

Equius' expression softened, "Of course there would. However... Women seem to be less forgiving to me. Am I doing something wrong?"

"I dunno. I haven't seen you court any ladies. I think it's ladies you like. Is it both? I'm pretty sure ladies are in there somewhere. But how do you go about it when you find one you like?"

Equius delivered an unusual look of bewilderment, "Of course I am interested in women! I just..." He paused, trying to think, "I am uncertain as to how to approach them."

"Have you ever courted one?" Nepeta asked, already knowing the answer. He had to figure out some things for himself, but as a true and loving friend and outside observer, she could still guide him towards his impending epiphanies.

Equius sighed; he hadn't in a long time. As a young, sickly boy, he hadn’t attracted any attention. It was in his teens that he decided to work out, build muscle, and actively become stronger. As a result of his diet and exercise, it seemed as though girls in his high school had grown interested in him. He went on many “first” dates, had lascivious hook-ups, but was never asked for a second go. Between his awkwardly abrasive personality and his ability to sweat at the most inconvenient time for the most inconsequential reasons, he had little hope that he would do well in a relationship.

Whether it was with girls or even boys, he could never find anyone who saw past his muscles and his wealth. Not that he made much effort; he didn’t even know how to start. If there were any children to be had, he had an older brother and sister who would fill that niche while he was on the sideline.

His family’s concerns with him were his health, morals, upbringing, and the family name, "Not yet."

"Okay, so how would you approach one that caught your interest?"

Equius made a face, "I'm not worthy." He sighed, continuing, "I mean, I don't know how I'd court a girl whom I had determined was worthy."

Nepeta raised an eyebrow, remembering how Equius had reacted when he met Aradia. "Is there a girl you feel particularly not-worthy of, then? Hmmmm?"

He ducked his head, "Perhaps." 

The thought of Aradia, her smile and her beauty, her sheer kindness, made his gut stir with warmth.

Nepeta settled back down on the bench, feigning obliviousness. "Hmmmm. Well, this girl, she must be very pretty."

"The most lovely." He said, with reverence.

Her lips crooked into a smile. "The most, huh? And is she nice?"

He nodded, "She is gentle and sweet from all I have gathered."

"Oh, wow, sounds like somebody wonderful! Is she smart? Is she funny? Is she kind?"

“I haven't had much opportunity to get to know her yet. I've only had a few conversations with her, but she is so full of life and beauty. When she smiles..." He looked wistfully for a moment, "But nay, I am not worthy."

"So you've found out her type, huh? What is it? You're so sure that her type isn't you, but do you know what it is?" Nepeta grinned.

"She becomes unsettled when I am near her."

"Unsettled, how?" she tilted her head, like a curious cat.

"As nervous as any other person I get near to. She will not look me in the face for long without looking away and she speaks at a rapid pace."

"Sounds like me around a boy I like," she giggled.

Equius scoffed, "Perish the thought."

"Well, how do you think she'd act if she did like you?"

"The more pressing question is why she would like me."

"Nope, we're going with mine first. How would she act if she liked you?"

Equius lost his patience, barking, "I have no conceivable idea!"

Nepeta was undeterred, "Then you have no way of knowing she doesn't! But okay, why do you think she wouldn't, then?"

"Like I've said, I am off-putting and I seem to intimidate people. I am not even certain how."

She shrugged, "Maybe because you're big and muscly. But that's not a bad thing! Lots of girls like big and muscly, even if they're too nervous to come out and ask you out."

"I suppose..." He looked over at Nepeta, "I've just never had a woman display genuine interest in me. I assumed it was because of my upkeep and name."

"How do you know if they weren't interested, though? Maybe they were shy. Shy like you are! This girl for instance, the pretty one. Maybe she's too shy to ask you out. Maybe she's as sure you wouldn't like her as you are that she wouldn't like you." She held up a hand, "And before you say that's not possible, take a moment and imagine what if that WERE the case."

Equius muttered, "But she's so..." He couldn't quite articulate the words to describe her. He sighed, "I fear I would hurt her somehow."

Nepeta softened, "Hurt her? What are you talking about?"

Equius sighed, "You recall when we were younger and I had made you cry? When you had told me I played too roughly and you never wanted to see me again?"

Nepeta remembered perfectly well. She was nine, Equius was eleven, and they had a minor argument that ended up with her trying to put him in a headlock. Equius had thrown her off, not realizing his own strength until he heard the shriek and the splinter of wood, when Nepeta had landed on and broken the wooden wagon she dragged with her always, full of plush toy cats. 

She had called him some choice phrases she had picked up from her father and all manner of things she would take back later, as he ran to her house and told her mother what happened. Nepeta was taken to the hospital and given stitches, and when she rolled up her sleeves, they both could still see the faint scar to this day.

She papped him on the cheek, "Clearly that didn't stick. And I was more mad that you broke my wagon than anything else. We were kids! That stuff happens!”

"But I've only grown stronger then! Besides, women are naturally more frail than men and I'd hate to push her away by physically harming her in any aspect!"

She draped herself over his shoulder, "Equius. Listen to me. You've gotten lots stronger, lots! But you've also got waaaaaay more control than you did when we were little. You've never hurt me since, have you? You don't just have strength, you have mastery over it. That's a big deal! I wish you'd recognize it."

"I'll be honest, that is not my only concern." He looked at his feet before answering, "I fear I've become somewhat... unclean as of late."

"Unclea—" Nepeta's eyes widened. She knew what Equius meant when he said words like "unclean" in that shameful tone of voice. "Do you...want to talk about it?"

He sighed deeply, "I've... recently had a lewd affair with... Do you recall how I did not wish to speak about my photography session? It was because it delved into something explicit between the two of us."

Had it been anyone else, Nepeta would have offered a congratulatory high-five, but she knew full well Equius's opinions (hang-ups, really) on any topics pertaining to sex or lewdness. 

Heck, the threats he made to that boy she got to second base with in high school... Nepeta shook her head. 

Focus, girl, focus! 

"I don't know what happened, and I don't know how much detail you want to go into, but you know I'll listen and not judge, right? Even if you feel bad about it, I won't judge."

Clearly this had been weighing on his mind for some time and he exhibited no hesitation in speaking so freely with Nepeta, "I assure you I did not go into this session thinking anything of this sort would happen. I just found myself becoming more and more excited by his orders and by the end of it, I found myself pleasuring both him and myself! It was not something I care to do again, but in any case, it was something that still happened and I'm uncertain of how to handle it."

She was honestly a little surprised to hear him talk, having expected something tamer, maybe something along the lines of 'I touched a butt and liked it.'

She held his hand, "How do you mean, you don't know how to handle it? You don't have to do that again if you don't want you, but...this doesn't change who you are, Equius. I'm sure she--whoever the girl you like is--is more interested in who you are than in whether you've been with someone or not."

He squeezed her hand in return, visibly relaxing at least somewhat, "Do you really think so? Because as I've mentioned I have no intention of doing anything of the sort again! Honestly!"

She smiled softly, giving his hand another reassuring pat. "I don't think that any girl who'd hold that against you is one that either of us ought to associate with. If she does, then you're too good for her! I know I don't deal with anyone like that. I mean, really!"

He nodded in what would almost qualify as a timid fashion for Equius, "I truly hope so. It would be greatly unfortunate if she did. I would not wish to lose any chance with her over something of this caliber."

She sprawled out across his lap, smiling, "Well, nothing's going to happen unless either you make a move or she does, and as a general rule, you can't expect the other person to read your mind! If the time is right, go for it! And if the time isn't right, you should probably still go for it!"

He found himself laughing at her antics, visibly more at ease, "Your foolhardy advice serves to remind me why you remain my confidant."

"It's good advice and you know it! But you're feeling better, I hope?"

He nodded with a much more noble air than before, feeling as if the world had been lifted from his shoulders. "I do believe so. I also believe I am strongly invigorated and need to continue my run. Will you accompany me? I am certain today I will outrun you!" A smile split his face as he stood, nearly taking Nepeta with him.

She stretched out her back, twisting this way and that. "I'm ready if you are. So, when are you gonna ask this girl out?"

"As soon as I am able! I lack your skills in pickpocketing so I do believe I must glean her phone number from your phone."

"Oho, so it's somebody I know, huh? Well, catch me, and it's all yours!" she squealed, taking to her heels down the path.

"I accept your challenge!" He took off after her, more than eager at this point to ask for Aradia's number.


	17. >Sollux: Encounter FF's Double.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Sollux's migrane is not helped by Eridan's complicated nature.

Wednesday mornings were going to be the death of him. Not only did he have his English requirement at 9 in the morning, but he had to walk uphill as well as take the stairs to his classroom since the fucking building it was in had a broken elevator. It was less than a month into the year, how was the elevator ALREADY broken? Sollux rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling the first onsets of a migraine building in his sinuses. 

When he walked back into his dorm building, he signed in and hoped that the elevator was at the bottom floor. It wasn't. He stood for about five minutes, the pulsing of his migraine only getting worse and worse with his impatience. He groaned and opened the door to the stairwell, beginning the ascent to the third floor. As he approached the second flight, he recognized a polished, clipped tone of voice. 

When he lifted his head, he noticed it was Kanaya... with Feferi! He went to say hi, but then noticed that, no, it wasn't Feferi, but a girl of almost her height and hair color.

The girl was chatting quietly with Kanaya, her voice high and light as they walked to the stairwell, though Sollux couldn't make out what she was saying. Her wavy, strawberry-blonde hair was much shorter than Feferi's, hanging down to just below her shoulder blades. She wore a modest black pencil skirt and a thin lavender sweater; her breasts were a little on the smaller side, but perky, and she wore a small denim jacket that ended above her slim waist. The outfit was completed with rose-patterned stockings and black low-heeled boots, and a thin purple scarf. She turned her head, catching sight of Sollux through her slim round glasses. 

"Hey," she greeted; a twinkle in her purple-lined eyes. She graced him with a little wave of her ring-covered hand as they approached him, coming down the stairs.

Kanaya nodded a greeting as well, a grin on her darkly painted lips. Sollux gave the girl a quick glance-over, hoping his stare wasn't too obvious. She really did look like she was related to Feferi. Sollux replied, "Hey there, are you FF's sister or something?"

Kanaya giggled into her hand at Sollux's question, "No, her cousin.” 

“Ariel.” A coquettish smile grew across her painted lips, “Should we send her your greetings?"

Sollux nodded dumbly, still staring at the girl's coy smile.

Ariel winked at Sollux, giggling a little before she turned away, swayed her hips as she skipped down the stairs.

"I'll tell ED I saw you." He called after them. He turned and ascended the stairs, having gotten his second wind from the short stop.

Sollux made his way to his room, unlocking the door. When he looked at Eridan's door, he happened to notice a fine, shiny layer of plastic on the door. Strange, hopefully he'd get some explanation later. He sat at his computer and booted up his laptop. 

As much as he wanted to fall back asleep at that moment, he had to add more clients to his program's server. Another reason why his Wednesdays were completely fucked. However, if all went well, he would have another paycheck in two weeks. He clicked open his work applications as well as his winamp and the sound of keys clicking was drowned out by Ajapai.

A few hours later, Sollux heard a knock on the door.

Oh great, did he lock Eridan out again? That was probably him about to bitch him out for it. Again. He left his headphones draped around his neck, made his way to his feet, and opened the door. His heart pounded a bit faster at the sight before him.

Ariel smiled at him, her lips sweet but her eyes mischievous. She toyed with her scarf as she fluttered her eyelashes. When she spoke, her voice was high and feminine, although her accent was unmistakable. "Hey Sol, I was wonderin' if you'd made the connection yet."

Realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He remembered the eyeshadow in the bathroom. Made note of the sheer amount of time he took to get ready to go out sometimes. How often did he ever actually see him leave his room? Sollux's eyes widened, looking her (him???) down and then up again, "You're shitting me."

Eridan laughed, keeping his voice high as he peered over his glasses at Sollux. Fuck all if he wasn't just too damned fun to tease! He dropped his voice back down to its usual tenor, "An' there it is. I never get tired a that look. You like what you see, Sol? I make a pretty hot dame, don't I?"

"Keep your mouth shut and you're good enough to bring home." Try as he might, he couldn't keep his eyes from darting between Eridan's girl-like physique and his face, finding it completely unnerving how well he passed. 

Oh, there was that throbbing migraine again, "I need some aspirin." He walked away from the door, knowing well that Eridan would just come in anyway whether or not he was invited.

Eridan’s voice rose back to his alto pitch as he helped himself into Sollux's room, a subtle scent of vanilla and lavender trailing in his wake. He sat on Sollux's bed, crossing his ankles demurely and setting his purse aside. "Oh, but ain't I sweet enough? Ain't I just the picture a bein' a perfect lady?" he asked, smoothing out his skirt.

Sollux retrieved his aspirin from his dresser closet and went into the bathroom to wash down four pills. He poked his head out of the door with a twitch of his forehead, "ED, you are seriously freaking me out with that voice. Does FF know that you tuck in and walk around as her double?"

"Who'd you think we was goin' shoppin' with? She thinks it's a hoot an' a holler, havin' me pose as her cousin or some shit." Eridan thumbed the strap of his purse. "Best shoppin' mate a girl could ask for, Fef."

Sollux hadn't realized he was still in pain after all these hours until he had opened the door. He turned the bathroom light off, thumbs pressing into the top of his throbbing eyesockets, "Well I haven't heard you swear yet so I guess that's a good sign."

Eridan harrumphed and leaned back, calling after Sollux, "You know, it ain't out a the question that I'd be a well-mannered lady." He smirked, adding, "A course, it ain't out a the question I might be completely unladylike, either. The right words can do funny things to a body, if you know how t'use 'em right."

"Oh yeah, because that distorted goddamn brogue must keep all the guys- Girls? Coming back for more? Which is it you're trying to get with in that getup anyway?" He sat back in his seat, seemingly closing out of his WOW game blind.

Eridan stood and crept over, leaning against Sollux's computer chair, false breasts brushing against the back of his head, "Oh come now, Sol, don't be like that...you're a fan a dirty talk, ain't you? So you know right well what I mean. Describin' what you want to do to someone, hearin' them say all the nasty shit they want to do t'you...not leavin' out any filthy little detail...it whets the appetite somethin' fierce." He smiled, a teasing purr in his voice, "Or is it an example you'd be wonderin' about?"

Sollux swallowed, suddenly feeling everything get a little too real; from the way that he actually kind of smelled and even FELT like a girl, how that low voice was actually kind of soothing in his pained state. He cleared his throat, trying to suppress the wicked shudder running through him, "Kinda yeah. Not that I'd really know."

"Mmmm?" Eridan dropped his false voice once more, "Shame, really. Experiencin' a wicked tongue an' a wicked mind, that's one a the great joys a life, Sol." He backed away, scooping up his purse from the bed, deliberately leaving Sollux in the lurch. "But me, I'm famished. You eaten yet?"

"Nope. Don't need to." He stayed facing his computer, stubborn and refusing to let this awkward boner of his get any worse.  
Eridan turned, "Right, forgot. You subsist on EXP an' Mountain Dew. C'mon, I'll get changed an' we'll hit the mess hall, if for no other reason than the short walk'll give you chance t’ learn to photosynthesize, too."

As much as Sollux wanted to stay away from him as long as he had this incredibly confusing boner, he knew that he should really, REALLY eat something. He sighed through his nose and gave a reedy, sarcastic chuckle, "Heheheheh. You can't be that strapped for company. Where'd your galpals wander off to?"

Eridan shrugged, "Some girltalk business they was all gigglin' over. Hitch is, it didn' include dinner, so I figured I'd leave 'em to it." He stepped lightly to the bathroom, "I'll only be a few."

"I didn't say-!" By the time he had even gotten the words out, Eridan had already shut both doors. Goddammit. He shut his eyes and turned his music on briefly, not even caring that it might make his headache worse.

Eridan, true to his word, did not take very long. He knocked on Sollux's door, in tailored jeans, peacoat, and scarf, a messenger bag at his hip. He had removed his lipstick but left the eyeshadow, although it was less noticeable beneath his thick black frames.

Sollux didn't open the door.

Eridan knocked again, "Sol? C'mon! We ain't gettin' any more fed here."

Sollux emerged a couple of minutes later; same clothes as before, but with an incredibly gaudy red and blue hoodie on. He didn't wear his blue and red sunglasses, but a pair of rather sleek black ones and a rather annoyed expression, "Fine, as long as it'll shut you up."

Eridan eyed him up and down, "Might as well take your chances." He led down the hall towards the stairwell. "You ain't upset about the whole dressin' up thing, right?"

"Even if I did care, it wouldn't stop you from doing it anyway. Besides, it's your business, I guess." Weird as it was, he thought.

"See, that's what I say! But some people, they ain't so free-thinkin'. Didn' know if I'd have trouble from it or anythin'." At the bottom of the stairs, Eridan held the door for Sollux, continuing, "Two years back, asshole suitemate just didn' get it, you know? I wasn' hurtin' anybody. Least he was only vocal about it, though. Last year’s was worse…took his opinions out on the bathroom door. Fucker saw fit to scrawl epithets all over once he figured out I was dressin’ up."

Sollux recalled the clear plastic on his door, "Shit, that's rough." He placed his hands in his pockets, not quite looking at Eridan, but not appearing openly hostile.

"Don't I know it. Kar was understandin' on my part, an' a blessed gent about it even for all his rantin'...I take precautions as best I can, but it's somethin' a relief t'know that ain't the case this year."

“Smart idea about the plastic though, your idea or someone else's?"

"Fef suggested it when that partic'lar asshole got friendly with a sharpie. Didn' do much good the second time he got opinionated, though. The dick du jour got drunk an' carved my door up right proper. Got his ass expelled, but...can't blame a bloke for worryin', yeah?"

It was tales like this that were making it difficult for Sollux to even consider telling anyone he liked... no, he was going to avoid that train of thought, "At least they caught the guy."

“Well, what was he gonna do? Say some other schmuck crept up an’ chose t'vandalize my door with exactly the same phrasin’ the whole fuckin’ hall heard him call me? Anyway, that shit don't stand 'round here. For all his discomfort with personal lives, Kar keeps this place as hassle-free as he can manage it."

"Good mediator it seems for all his bitching, too," Sollux couldn't help but ask, "So how do you just not give a fuck about all of... this?" He waved his hand about Eridan as they made their way up the hill.

Eridan looked confused, "Which this are we talkin' here?"

Sollux got impatient as he had to explain himself, "I don't know, people defacing your shit for being...." He couldn't quite think of the word he wanted to use; gay? A crossdresser?

"You.”

Eridan waved his hand, lazily, "I ain't about to let anybody stop me from doin' what I want; bigoted asswipes even less so." He turned and grinned over his shoulder at Sollux, "Besides, they never did find out who slashed that guy's tires after he done it."

Sollux's eyebrows rose as he looked over at Eridan's cheeky expression.

"Guess that doesn't surprise me. If anyone ever had shit to say about you, you're just all like 'I w's born this way asshole!' right?" Sollux had somehow come up with a strange cobbled together version of Eridan's accent.

"You mean absofuckin'lutely perfect? Hell yes I was." Eridan continued as they got closer to the dining hall. “Kan was good enough t’provide an alibi for me, an’ Kar knew, he fuckin’ had to, an’ never said a word. Heh, they both chipped in an’ bought me a new box-cutter for my birthday, as a matter a fact.” He held the door to the cafeteria open for Sollux. "Now, what're you in the mood for? Tell me you're havin' somethin' more'n an IV full a Mountain Dew."

Sollux raised an eyebrow, gaze seeming to pierce his sunglasses to glare at Eridan, "I scrounge. I'll manage." He walked away from Eridan, hands still in his pockets as he went into the cafeteria.

Eridan, not one to waste an opportunity, checked out Sollux's butt as he walked away. Sollux hadn't freaked out about the skirt, and he had definitely picked up on interest from the nerd while he was done up. Signs were pointing to good things. He got in line at the faux-Chinese place and got his usual.

Sollux meanwhile looked around at what there was to offer. As usual; not much. Well, not much that he was interested in consuming. He went directly to where the coffee and tea were and grabbed a handful of honey packets, immediately stuffing them in his pocket. He looked here and there, eventually settling on a glazed donut and some chicken noodle soup- for which he took about nine packets of saltine crackers. 

When he saw the soda cooler, his eyes immediately latched onto the Mountain Dew label he spotted. He then remembered Eridan's remark and furrowed his eyebrows, grabbing Sierra Mist in retaliation. He paid for his food and saw Eridan was already waiting for him on the other side.

Eridan waited impatiently with a tray of bourbon chicken on fried rice, a packet of Oreos, and a soda. "Fuckin' took you long enough, Sol, what was that? Like half an hour?"

Sollux's eyebrows furrowed, "Suck it, princess, I didn't see anything I liked."

"You look around proper, an' you can usually find somethin' worth samplin' no matter where you are," Eridan said, with the confident smirk he used for pick-ups. He nodded his head towards the elevator. "C'mon. I checked, an' the tables are all full. Upstairs on the balcony, though, usually there's room enough."

When Sollux usually came to the cafeteria, he grabbed any food he needed and went straight back to his room, not really one for exploring his surroundings. He grabbed a spoon and a straw, "This place has a balcony?" 

Eridan chuckled and pressed the elevator button with his elbow. When they got upstairs, they found it mostly empty, ambient chatter from below wafting up, but not so loud as to hinder conversation at all. Eridan slid into a booth that overlooked the overcrowded cafeteria below. "Here, an' I told you it'd be easier pickin's up here."

Sollux nodded, looking around at the area; spacious with dark walls and splatters of colored glass set in large windows. He slid into his seat, emptying his pockets of crackers and honey, making a pile.

"Shit, you wasn't kiddin' about scroungin’, huh?" Eridan said, baffled, as Sollux emptied his pockets. He shook his head, "I like it up here, though. Them down there?" he pointed over the railing to the mass of the hungry and the fed below, "Don' even bother lookin' up, much less trudgin' their shit up here, so they don' even know there's an up here to get to. All the better for us, though...quiet, classy, almost intimate."

Sollux started by eating his crackers. Not even putting them in the soup, but just eating the crackers by themselves. At that last word, a cracker from the second package he had opened flew out and clacked against the table. He snatched it back toward him, immediately eating it, "5 second rule."

Eridan sighed and shook his head. Philistine...

He opened his chopsticks and set to work on his bourbon chicken, popping the first chunk into his mouth and smiling at the taste. "There, an' I can't say this for most a the shit they serve here, but this? This they fuckin' get RIGHT. How's your, uh...crackers?" 

"Oh. Just fine. How's your non-Asian Chinese food?" Sollux snapped, raising an eyebrow. He opened his soup, stirring it with his spoon. He then lifted his legs and folded them upon onto his seat, looking suitably more comfortable.

"Fuckin' fantastic, traditions be damned. Want a piece? I wouldn' offer, but it's got a sweet tang to it, an' frankly? You're so rail-thin it looks like you an' proper nutrition ain't said words to one another in years; half the time I look at you I'm expectin' Sarah McLachlan to start singin' 'In the Arms a an Angel' an' it's gettin' a mite disturbin'." He stuffed another piece of chicken in his mouth, hastily adding, "No offense."

Sollux rolled his head back as Eridan rambled, folding his legs up onto the seat of his booth, "I have a fast metabolism and a very small appetite, you dick. Besides, it's not my fault you're a fatass."

"Fuck you, I ain't fat. I'm the perfect weight, statistically speakin', an' what I got is muscle. Nevertheless, I'll be the bigger man, metaphorically speakin'..."

He spun his chopsticks around, picking up a piece of chicken with the unused side and offered it to Sollux. "Last call. I'm offerin'; you want some a this?"

Sollux leaned back against his seat, hand held out palm up with a begrudging expression.

Eridan dropped the chicken into Sollux's hand, and turned his chopsticks back around. "A man livin' off honey like you do got no right makin' a face that sour. Makes a guy wonder where all that sweetness goes."

"Bloodstream. What, didn't you get that in your bio class or whatever? Do photography majors even have to take science requirements?" Sollux ate the piece of chicken and then licked his palm without thinking, being sure to get the sauce off his hand before wiping it on his jeans.

Eridan rolled his eyes, but his attention snapped back as he watched Sollux's tongue slide over his palm. He grinned, "There, now that wasn' half bad, was it?"

"Definitely not real Asian. I've had not-real-Asian for a good chunk of my life so I'd know." He opened up a packet of honey and began drizzling it over his donut. Soon enough he opened a second and did the same.

Eridan leaned back, one arm slung over the back of the booth, ring-covered hand draped forward. "What is it that gets your mouth a-waterin'?"

Sollux held up the now empty packet of honey in his fingers, eyes directed at Eridan before dropping it, "I like spicy things too. That fake green wasabi stuff that comes with sushi is pretty good too."

"Ah, a man who likes it hot. Always good t'find," Eridan grinned with a sultry quirk of his brow. Come on, Sollux couldn't be dense enough to not pick up on anything, could he? Sure, Eridan hadn't brought out his A-game, but something should be getting through at least.

Sollux chuckled at the corniness of that particular quip; was it 1946 already? "My mom tends to dump a fuckton of hot sauce on a lot of the food she makes. She used to make kimchi too when I was younger. You don't know how spicy something can get until you've had a Jewish woman's attempt at kimchi. I can't really be sure, but I think my tongue went numb by the time I was 9."

"That explains the lisp."

"Nah, they just don't have orthodontists in the ghetto. Or at least none that take EBT." His tone was half bitter, half joking.

Eridan shrugged, chewing and swallowing another piece of chicken. "That sucks, but in a way it ain't so bad. The lisp, I mean. Sort a charmin'; sets you apart, makes you memorable, I guess."

Sollux wasn't sure how to respond to that. He could distinctly remember the disdain and anger he had towards his mother when she flat-out told him that he was going to have to deal with his teeth the way they were. 

It was just another one of those things that was on the list of "cannot afford." Back to school clothes that were over $100, getting his teeth fixed, the expenses for a driver's license, college. At the moment, he didn't feel like having a social-justice rant about privilege and wealth in front of a guy who clearly didn't understand his issues at that particular moment, so he chose to drink a few swallows of his soup without the spoon.

Hm... clearly that was the wrong thing to say, thought Eridan. Time to back off and change the subject. "So...you seen Kar around lately? I been tryin' to figure out when he's gonna be free for the next drinkin' night, an' he's bein' hard to find. Ain't answerin' emails lately, either..."

Sollux looked up, head canted, "Oh, I think he had to get his laptop fixed or something. He tried fixing it himself and he fucked it up something bad. I offered to help him but of course it was just 'blah blah superiority complex fuck fuck fuck' with him, you know?"

"Sounds like him. Thought he might a been hangin' out with that girl with the cat hats some. Out a the two choices, cute girl an' broken laptop, clearly the former's the more favorable."

Sollux suddenly felt something like a series of pins stabbing him all at once in his chest. With a practiced lack of malice or jealousy in his tone, he chuckled, "Probably the latter. What kind of chick would like a self-hating idiot like that?"

Eridan shrugged, idly inspecting the stone of one of his rings, "I dunno, she seemed okay. Only met her once but I seen her around. An', be fair, Kar ain't a bad guy." He grinned, "Say what you like; end a the day, he still puts up with the likes a you an' me."

"Bunch of magnanimous pricks we are." Sollux gave a smirk with a reedy little chuckle.

Eridan snorted and raised his soda, "To Kar, who I'd gladly toast any day. You? You can get stuffed; you're worse'n me." He took a drink as Sollux threw an empty honey packet at him. 

"Long as I'm thinkin' on the matter, what's your schedule lookin' like? You got Friday free, right? I'm thinkin' that'll be it if it works for Kar."

Sollux contemplated for a moment, "I raid on Fridays, but fine, if you need me there that bad." Clearly he was not fighting this turn of events at all, "Does he approve of the whole drinking thing, you know being an RA and all?"

"Kar? I'd been under the impression you an' he was friends, but I must a been mistaken if you don' even know this much. Fuck if he ain't been friendly with a bottle here an' there. A li'l too friendly on occasion...you do not want him bein' your brother a the vine on a night when he been watchin' his movies, believe you me. If he watches somethin' that gets his goat, he gets pissed in more ways'n one. It's worse if he watches somethin' he actually LIKES."

"Of course we're friends, we hung out all summer! I was the only one in the hallway! And yeah, I'm aware of his love for fucking awful movies. Did he make YOU sit through 50 First Dates?"

Eridan shuddered. "Repeatedly. Don' let him near a bottle if he's been watchin' that or Hitch or you'll have to carry him home." He considered for a moment. "Okay, so maybe YOU won't have to, but me an' Kan'll have to an' we already done that shit enough for a lifetime." 

Sollux chuckled at the thought of the icy goth girl helping Eridan drag a weepy Karkat down their hallway, "You and KN are pretty close, huh? What, do you do each other's nails or something?"

Eridan leaned over, pointing with his chopsticks, "Two things you gotta know about Kan an' Kar; they're two a the finest souls a bastard can have in his corner. Kar, for all he'll rail at you, is a stand-up bloke who'd take a bullet or hide a box-cutter for you if it ever came to it. Pretty decent romance advice from what I hear tell, an' he'll listen best he can with whatever ails you, so long as you don' mind the abuse that garnishes whatever he's suggestin'. 

"An' Kan? Much the same but with less swearin' an' more sass. Oh, don' let that classy act fool you, she's as much a troublemaker as any, but never saw I a soul so willin' to help. Tell that dame anythin', you can, an' you won't find a better adviser nor friend."

Sollux stared at rapt attention throughout Eridan's ramble. When he was complete, expression unchanging, Sollux simply lifted a hand and waved his fingers with his nails facing forward as if to restate his original question.

Eridan snorted, "No she don't do my nails, fuckwit. We're friends, you heard a those, right?"

Sollux rose an eyebrow, "Oh, no. What is this emotion of which you speak? Because clearly I've been living under a rock for my entire life and haven't seen a kid's special or a fucking anime to figure out that shit."

"Friendship ain't an emotion, cockgobblin." Eridan opened his Oreos and offered one to Sollux. "Why're you askin'?"

Sollux hoarded the cookie and placed it on the side, "Don't know much about her. Just curious is all." He chose to take a bite of the donut he had been slathering in honey. He placed it back on the bag that served as a plate, sucking his fingers.

The little finger-sucking show definitely made up for Sollux's lack of manners, as far as Eridan was concerned. He smiled, "If it's nails an' shit you're wonderin' after, I mind my own upkeep, no matter what partic'lar gender I'm goin' 'round as."

"What're you, Patrick Bateman? Except, you know. A crossdresser?"

"Smooth an' sexy? Definitely. Murderous? Not so much. An' admit it, I look fuckin' ace done up as a broad. Not an everyday thing, a course, but it's a good time had by all when I go out with the girls. Only drawback is when bastards start gettin' handsy without my say-so...only so much pinchin' this ass can take, y'know?"

For the second time that day, Sollux was struck silent; jaw slightly dropped, brain seemingly short-circuited. Worst part is he could believe it. He certainly passed enough that guys probably would ‘get handsy’ over it. Maybe his other suitemate had even fallen for it like Sollux had. "So, you're gay, right?"

Eridan blinked, looking up from the last few grains of fried rice. "Not a whit a it. I ain't so limited as that; men, women, in-betweens. I got a taste for hot folk a all sorts."

Still with that bewildered look on his face, Sollux leaned back and said slowly, "Uh-huh."

Eridan unscrewed an Oreo and ate the bald half of the cookie. "Since we're gettin' personal, how about you?"

Sollux was thankful for the sunglasses covering the top half of his face, but Eridan could see how his face somehow blanched and blushed at the same time. He chuckled and deflected, "Yeah, that's definitely personal."

Straight guys don't react that way; Eridan smirked, deciding to play along, "Guess it is." He took a long lap at his Oreo's filling.

Ok, Sollux thought to himself, he had to have dodged a bullet there, hadn't he? Did he? Or did he know? 

He looked up at the absolute wrong time; when Eridan was licking at that Oreo just so. Fuck, he totally knew, he had to have, why the fuck else would he be acting like this? Sollux’s ears burned as he tried to take a sip of his soda as nonchalantly as possible.

Eridan ate the cookie bits quickly and licked his fingers. "The fillin's the best part, don't you think?" He twisted open another. "Funny how you find somethin' that suits your taste an' you can't get enough a it. I guess you'd know all about that, eh Sol?"

Sollux looked down at his donut and then back to Eridan, "Oh, what? My honey?" He shrugged, "It's cheap and I can find it just about anywhere."

"You sure that's it? They offer ketchup everywhere, too." Eridan gestured to the honey donut, "But you an honey...Christ! Pooh bear ain't got nothin' on you. Startin' to wonder if you wouldn' set your tongue to work on anythin' properly doused in it." He ate the filling-less half of his cookie and licked his fingers. "Not that that's a bad thing; there's good things in life for a man what knows what he likes." He regarded the Oreo wrapper, "Jus' wish they sold double-stuff here, y'know?"

Ok, there had to be innuendo going on here. Sollux took another bite of his donut, if for no other reason than to have an excuse for responding.

Eridan took a drink and licked the white creme from his last Oreo. Come on, Sol, pick up on a hint. Eridan didn't sense any actual disinterest, but dear God in Heaven was the guy oblivious. Would he have to wait for another drinking night before Sollux gave him something to work with? Fuck. "Now I think on it, whether or not Friday works for Kar, I got another booze run to make. You busy tomorrow?"

Sollux relaxed, almost glad for the topic change; he shook his head. Smudges of honey were on both sides of his mouth, lingering there as Sollux considered his schedule, "I'm free probably no later than...really whenever the hell I can leave my Digital Theory class. Shit's a fucking cakewalk but sometimes I have to stay the whole time."

“Cool. I got to pick up somethin' to suit Kar; we're dangerously low on rum an' that cheap vodka he prefers when he wants t'get blitzed, plus I got to stock up on that mead you all seem t'prefer." He wiped his hand and held it out, "Gimme your phone, I'll put in my number an' you can call me soon as you're set to go."

Sollux rolled his eyes and handed him his flip phone, "You live right next to me and you need my number. You're not going to spam me with bullshit forwarding things, right?"

"Yeah, like I'm gonna camp outside the door an' wait with baited breath t'see when you show up. I got other shit to do, Sol, an' it ain't goin' to kill you t'have one more contact." 

"Oh shit, you caught onto my scheme to ruin your life. Ehehehe!" Sollux leaned back against his seat, head thrown back as he cackled. He was seriously the most sarcastic bastard Eridan had ever had the misfortune of having to share space with.

Eridan typed in his number, "You want me to put in my full name, or you jus' want me puttin 'ED' in here?"

It was then that he licked the honey from the sides of his mouth. Once his lips were relatively clean, he replied, "Whatever, you'll be the only E in there anyway."

Eridan watched him lick his lips, and he typed in his name. He handed back the phone. "Now you don' go spammin' me either, fair? Jus' call me when you're done an' set to go."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna bug you. I'm also not accepting invites for you to model how pretty you are in your dresses or whatever. That's what you got KN and FF for."

"What the fuck ever Sol. You know you liked it."

"Oh yes. Look at the pretty princess in her natural habitat. You didn't even take your damn eyeshadow off."

"Don't you think it suits me?" Eridan batted his eyelashes, raising his voice back to alto, "Don't it just bring out the shine a my eyes?"

And there was the girl-voice again. Sollux squirmed back in his seat, making that same petrified expression from before, "That is seriously weird without all the girl stuff on."

"So you want me in a skirt when I come an' fetch you tomorrow, then?"

"Why? You looking for reasons to tuck and roll or something?" Sollux was still visibly squirming, drinking from his soda.

"Nah, you're just fun to fuck with." Eridan piled his trash onto his tray and took a long drag from his soda. "Ain't out a the question, though, but I don't usually like to overdo it."

"Oh yeah. Gonna need those balls for something in the future, right?"

Eridan grinned, "My my, the places your mind goes, Sol..."

Sollux pointed, "Hey, you're way worse about this than I am."

“Worse? Fuck no. I'd say I'm loads better." Eridan grinned, finishing his soda. "Welp, looks like I'm out. I'm gonna head back. Remember, my number's for social an' business; no spam. Deal?"

"Yeah, yeah, no chain letters or bootycalls, I get it," Sollux waved absently, still leaning back in his seat. He began to place his headphones on, searching his pockets for his mp3 player.

Eridan piled his trash onto his tray, "I didn' say anythin' about bootycalls."

Sollux jerked his headphones down and sat up, "I was joking!"

"Ah, but was I?" Eridan stood, taking his bag and his tray, with a wink and a tic of his cheek. "Catch you later, Sol."

Wait, what? "What?" Sollux sat up straight, "What?" He yelled after Eridan, untangling his legs in order to stand, but by the time he was actually on his feet, Eridan had left.

A flight of stairs below, Eridan's laughter could be heard as he threw out his trash and headed back to his room.

He was loathe to admit it, but Sollux was fighting the weirdest boner. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ajapei: Get Down Lay Down (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJFMKHUuuRg). Not ideal migraine music, but good enough to shut your brain off for a while.


	18. >Aradia: Answer phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Aradia gets many responses to a happy event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, there was some complication with the typing quirks, and...it was either post the proper quirk and lose half the chapter, or sacrifice the less-than signs and keep the rest intact. We think we made the right call.

Aradia left the coffee shop, her shift over, with a small bag of Nepeta's favorite cookies stowed in her purse; the manager always let the baristas take home day-old baked goods for free, and they always had plenty for her to take on Wednesdays. The day was growing cool, approaching seven o'clock, and she stretched as she walked back to campus. She was almost in sight of her dorm when her phone went off. She checked before she pressed the answer button: an unknown number. Oh! But she had gotten a call from this same number about forty-some minutes earlier, hadn't she? Being on the clock at the time, she had ignored and forgotten all about it. Oh well, no harm in answering now, right? 

"Hello?"

She heard a heavy breath accompanied by a rough, familiar voice, "Hello, Aradia?"

Aradia stopped in her tracks. It sounded like...but he didn't have her number, did he? That didn't stop the hopeful smile that crept into her face and her voice. "Yes? This is she. To whom am I speaking?"

"It is I, Equius." His voice was the same deep baritone it always was, but seemed to be quaking ever so slightly, "I, um, do apologize if I have intruded upon your time."

"Oh, no! No, no, not at all!" Aradia smiled brightly, stepping off the path and leaning against a tree. "How are you, Equius?"

"Excellent, quite well. Although, actually... there was an intent I had in calling you. A request you must not refuse." Quickly he rescinded, "Unless of course you do not wish to, but you should-" He cut himself off, taking a deep breath. There was a soft rustling of cloth at the other end.

Aradia's mind was abuzz with possibilities. Was he calling to talk to her? Was he calling because he was interested in her? Oh, but wait, what if it wasn't her at all? Maybe he was having trouble finding Nepeta? He probably got the number from her for emergencies...oh no, what if something happened to Nepeta? But no, that probably wasn't it, right? He seemed upset about something, but it didn't sound urgent either...She worried at her lip, waiting patiently...to a point. "Um...yes?"

He returned momentarily, "Pardon me, I needed a towel." He cleared his throat, "I am calling to insist you accompany me somewhere. With romantic intent."

Aradia beamed and wiggled, spinning around to face away from the mostly-empty path. "Equius, are you...asking me out?"

He immediately burst out, "Yes!" He reigned in his exuberance, "Yes, I am. I should hope that you will accept."

She thought for a moment…he had Thursday afternoons off, didn’t he? That was when he had come over for Nepeta’s pony marathon the week prior. And Aradia had the afternoon off as soon as class was done…smooth, Aradia, she thought, you’re doing brilliantly!

"I'm getting off tomorrow!" she blurted out.

Immediately she regretted her phrasing. She thunked her temple against the tree, "I mean, I have Thursday off, if that works for you."

"Yes. What would you be interested in doing?"

She wracked her brain...what should she say? Dinner and a movie? Was that to cliché? Oh, but she didn't know what he'd like to see or even if he liked movies. Dancing? She didn't know how to dance, not properly. The museum? She always liked the museum! But...did he? Oh! Wait! "I've been curious ever since you mentioned there were stables nearby...would you mind showing me them? And maybe we can grab a bite afterwards? I mean, if that'd interest you..."

"That would do nicely. I assure, the stables are a most beautiful sight. You will like them." He was authoritative once more, all nervousness bled from his voice.

Aradia had the foresight to pull the phone from her ear before making a high-pitched squeal and twirling around the tree, her skirts fluttering around her. She was being asked out! By Equius! And her Freudian slip didn't scare him off! She cleared her throat and answered him, "I'm sure I will. I look forward to it! See you tomorrow? Um, what time?"

"Once I'm properly showered and such, I'll gladly meet you at whatever time you see fit." Another rustle came from the other end of the phone; there was a good chance that in spite of his calm tone, he was still sweating.

Aradia did some quick math; something early enough for it to be sunny, but late enough to include dinner. "How about four?"

"All right, I shall plan to be seeing you tomorrow at four. I do look forward to it, Aradia."

"Me too. See you then, Equius!" Aradia made no move to hide her giggly-wiggles as she ended the call, and took off to her dorm at a run.

==>

Nepeta was on the computer in her dorm, roleplaying. She had a chat window with an online friend, introduced to her by Aradia, and the three would sometimes roleplay together. Today, she and he were doing a little mini-RP while Aradia was elsewhere.

A second chat window popped up.

D --> I've su%%eeded in e%tending my invitation to Aradia

Nepeta grinned widely as she typed her response.

:33 oh my gosh!!!  
:33 how'd it go? :33

D--> She said yes  
D--> We're going to the stables tomorrow

:33 *ac totally knew she’d say yes*

At that very moment, Aradia burst into the dorm room, all smiles and giggles, and nearly threw herself at Nepeta. “NeppyNep! Equius! He asked me out! You gave him my number, didn’t you? Didn’t you? Thank you so much!” she squealed, hugging Nepeta’s shoulders tightly. 

“Oh, really? Wow, that’s awesome!” Nepeta said with feigned ignorance and genuine excitement. “I knew he was going to soon, I just knew it, but eeeeee!”

Aradia shrieked again in girlish glee, and released Nepeta. “Oh my gosh, I just want to tell everyone!”

Nepeta giggled, “Tavros is online now.”

“Thanks! I’ll tell him first!” Aradia bounced to her bed and pulled out her laptop. Tavros, next to Sollux, was her oldest friend, and they had a long history together; the two were practically family.

Nepeta flicked her eyes back to her own screen, stifling a laugh.

D--> I'll admit I'm most e%ited  
D--> I needed several towels throughout the conversation however

:33 h33 h33 h33!  
:33 *ac thinks purradia must be supurr excited too!*

D--> I hope so

:33 don't worry so much equipuss! it's all going to go purrfectly!  
:33 *the clever cat f33ls certain of this*

D--> If you insist

:33 just remember your antipurrspurrant

D--> I have a STRONG feeling I'll need to wear more than usual if she gets anywhere near me  
D--> Which I suppose she will  
D--> Pardon me, I need a towel

:33 that's kind of the point of a date, yeah!

On the other bed, Aradia had opened up two chat windows, her fingers a flurry of excited keystrokes. In one, Sollux seemed to not answer. Aradia supposed that he must be busy; it was getting on towards dinnertime, anyway. Tavros, on the other hand, was online, just as Nepeta had said.

tavr0s!  
equius asked me 0ut!  
we are g0ing 0ut 0n t0m0rr0w!

yOU MEAN nEPETA’S FRIEND?

yes!

tHE, uH, rEALLY STRONG ONE?

yes again! 

tHE ONE WHO, aCCORDING TO HER, yOU HAD SOMETHING OF A MELTDOWN OVER?

did she put it like that 0r is that y0ur phrasing?  
anyway yes thats him

tHEN, pLEASE ALLOW ME, tO EXTEND MY SINCEREST HOPES, fOR GOOD LUCK! }:D

thank y0u!  
we are g0ing t0 s0me stables he said are ar0und here s0mewhere  
i have t0 figure 0ut h0w t0 get there fr0m nepeta  
but if he likes animals then thats a g00d sign that we can get al0ng pretty well i think  
i h0pe i can keep my spazzing under c0ntr0l

aRADIA, cALM DOWN, i’M SURE HE WILL LIKE YOU, aND THAT THINGS WILL BE OKAY,  
bECAUSE, rEALLY, i CAN’T REALLY IMAGINE ANYONE, nOT LIKING YOU,  
bUT, oN THE OTHER HAND, i MAY BE A BIT UNIMAGINATIVE, iN THIS REGARD,  
bUT, i STAND BY MY STATEMENT,  
eSPECIALLY THE BIT WHERE i SAID EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE,

h0w ab0ut if i refuse t0 be calm but be excited instead 0f nerv0us?  
best 0f b0th w0rlds!

i LIKE IT,  
lET’S BOTH BE THAT }:)

Aradia made another little squeal, to which Nepeta snickered. She did a little seated dance even as she sat cross-legged on the bed, laptop across her knees, before resuming her typing.

0h!  
but im being rude arent i?  
here i am g0ing 0n and 0n ab0ut my stuff  
h0w did y0ur sh0w g0?

iT’S FINE, aRADIA, yOU KNOW i ALWAYS WANT TO HEAR, wHEN YOU HAVE GOOD NEWS, tO SHARE,  
tHE GIG WENT REALLY, rEALLY WELL, aND, wE EVEN USED THE PIECE, tHAT i WROTE, lAST WEEK,  
aND, i WAS HAPPY TO SEE, wELL, wE WERE ALL HAPPY TO SEE, rEALLY, tHAT IT WAS A HIT WITH THE CROWD,  
aCTUALLY, i THINK THEY PREFERRED IT, tO SOME OF gAMZEE’S STUFF, bECAUSE, tHERE WEREN’T NEARLY AS MANY, bLANK, cONFUSED STARES, aS USUAL,  
sO, i AM GOING TO BE WRITING MORE, aND OFFERING MORE OF MY IDEAS, fROM NOW ON, }:)

that band has been n0thing but g00d f0r y0ur self esteem and i w0nt listen t0 anyb0dy wh0 says 0therwise

This was about when Sollux had finally responded to Aradia’s instant message. 

s0llux!

hey aa.

s0llux s0llux s0llux guess what!

what?

equius asked me 0ut!!!

the iindiana jone2 guy youve been lo2iing your 2hiit over?

cl0se en0ugh  
we are g0ing 0ut t0m0rr0w!  
im s0 excited!!!

clearly.  
well good on you, lambchop.  
break out the 2exy 2hoe2 and your condom2.

hmmmm  
n0pe i am in t00 g00d a m00d t0 even dignify that with a resp0nse  
but eeeee i cant wait!!!

Aradia waited for Sollux to respond, but he never did. This seemed strange for him, but she was far too excited and giddy over her impending date to press the issue.

The next day was going to be awesome.


	19. >Equius: Anxiously wait for Aradia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a date fails to go as expected, but neither one minds at all

The park itself was not large; only a mile in diameter. Equius had often come here for his runs in the morning, but had never taken the opportunity to stand still and examine the natural surroundings. The only other highlight to him than the path on which to run were the stables themselves. Much of the small park was an empty, grassy plane surrounded in trees rendered bright with autumnal leaves. The start of October had brought a crisp quality to the air, and the tittering of birds in the rustling trees made for a pleasant ambiance indeed.

Once more the opportunity to relax and examine the trees was wasted as Equius paced the park entrance anxiously. He was clad in a cerulean button-down shirt, dark slacks, a pair of black designer sneakers and fingerless gloves. He had made the effort to make himself presentable and clean but it had proved nearly useless considering how his hair was now slightly damp at the roots with sweat and tied back in a ponytail. He had even foregone his jacket in his car in order to stay his perspiration, but the effort was in vain. 

He was unbecoming at best and unsettling at worst. 

He contemplated taking off his sunglasses simply because he was tired of lifting them to stare at his phone. He had been waiting at least 20 minutes for her arrival and was almost expecting a cancelation from her. Unlikely given her enthusiasm, but still possible given how women were prone to changing their minds on such foolish whims. The glasses remained where they were; he wasn't sure he was ready to have her spot him without them on.

Meanwhile, further down the path, Aradia trotted and weaved past knots and groups of people, and she called out to Equius as soon as she saw him, running even faster to greet him. When he heard her approach, he whipped his head around, heart racing. She was absolutely...beautiful. 

By the time she reached him, however, she was completely out of breath. She doubled over, hands on her knees; her hair was loosely braided and hanging down to below her hips, a stark black stripe against the red of her short-sleeved sweater and the tan of her skirt. She tried to regain her wind, gasping out, "Sorry...bus late...tried to get...on time...stupid...late...sorry...hi!"

Equius swallowed and then coughed, "Um, there is no problem at all, I was hoping you would arrive soon." 

She breathed in, standing straight and smiling brightly at him. "I hope you haven't been waiting too long! It's just...public transportation, you know? Maybe you wouldn't do, I bet you have a fancy car or something..."

He looked at her; bewildered, "Don't you have your own car?"

"Can't afford one. Or the insurance, actually. It's okay, I make do," She tucked a stray unruly wisp of hair back, "The bus isn't usually this late. Typical, huh? Just when I want to make a good impression. Sorry to make you wait..."

"Had I known you had no transport, I would have offered to drive you. It would have taken less time than waiting." He stated bluntly, still somewhat confused about the whole situation.

She fiddled with her purse-strap, "Yeah, sorry, maybe next time?" she asked, hopefully, instantly wishing she hadn't. It was pretty presumptuous to assume that there'd be a second date, considering her lateness. Nepeta had mentioned he was a stickler for punctuality... "I mean, if you want to or if I haven't made a bad impression already or if you think that--" She cut herself off, taking another deep breath. "Sorry, I'm really nervous. You look really nice."

Unseen to her, his eyes grew wide behind his sunglasses, sweat shining on his forehead. An offhand compliment was not unusual to him, his dates always began with exchanged compliments and pleasantries, but sooner or later the prospective lady would come too close and smell evidence of his nerves as well as his hyperhidrosis. He stepped back and bowed his head slightly, hoping he would not scare her off yet, "Thank you. You look exquisite."

Aradia giggled, and offered a little curtsey in exchange. "You're too kind. So! I'm here, you're here, and this...really is a date!” 

Equius nodded curtly, standing awkwardly and looking off to the side in silence.

“Shall we be off, then? I am curious about these stables..."

A hint of a grin on his face, "Yes, they are this way." He pivoted and began walking in the other direction down the dirt road. 

Aradia jogged behind him, trying to keep up with his long strides. Had she come on her own, she would undoubtedly have taken her time. The scenery was lovely- as was Equius's back, now that she thought on it. His formfitting shirt flattered his fit physique; clearly he put a lot of work into his body. 

She was getting a pretty good view of it as she followed him, and she admired the way his sleek black ponytail moved as he walked, the broad sweep of his shoulders, his broad back, and, wow, even his butt looked muscular--she shook her head, this was not the time to perv out, she was still getting to know him! 

She jogged a little faster, trying to catch up and walk beside him, and all too glad when she noticed that the way was blocked by a group of people, and hopefully he would slow down as they passed.

As predicted, Equius stopped momentarily to wait for the group to move or disband. He turned and then noticed how she was panting. He asked, puzzled, "Aradia, are you all right?"

Again, she tried to catch her breath, waving her hand to show that she was fine, but a poor liar in this state. 

His eyebrows rose as it hit him, "Was I walking too quickly?"

She hesitated, and nodded, "A little bit, yeah, sorry..."

His eyebrows then furrowed in frustration, "Aradia, you will tell me if I'm walking too quickly for you to follow." He laid a hand on her shoulder a little too roughly, but it was a result of not really knowing his own strength. 

He realized his folly when she made a little “oof” noise and he jerked his arm back, "Fiddlesticks!"

She caught her breath again as the group of people filtered past them, "Well...would it be okay if we just kind of went slow and took our time? There wouldn't be any harm, and maybe we could talk on the way, too."

Equius nodded, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously, "Of course! That is an excellent suggestion..." He cleared his throat, beginning to walk once again. This time he made the effort to slow down so that Aradia could follow at a comfortable pace, "So, how was your morning before seeing me?"

Aradia walked beside him, taking his arm. Such a lovely place this was, now that they were walking at a more amiable pace; the crisp autumn air was neither cool nor warm but just right, and the shadows were growing longer as the daylight inched away. Even among the gibbering of park-goers and various tree-dwelling species, and even the rustling of the trees themselves, there was a calmness in the air; a peacefulness that soothed the mind and seeped in to the bones. In truth, none could have asked for a more lovely October day.

None of this, however, could overshadow the pleasant hum Aradia felt under her skin as she squeezed Equius's hand. "Busy! The coffee shop was packed this morning, but class went fine. How about you? How has your day been so far?"

He replied in a relatively steady voice, "Somewhat leisurely. I performed my usual workout regimen in the morning." His breath caught at the feeling of the girl pressing herself closer to him. 

Curses, fiddlesticks, these forward women he'd been surrounding himself with! First Nepeta and now her! 

His mind raced for the right thing to do; he could easily pull back and hope that she couldn't smell his perspiration. She herself smelled of coffee and cocoa and soft linen, with a dab of some floral perfume he couldn’t quite place. He did not wish to dislodge her from his side; nay, he was willing to risk embarrassing himself and if only to remain close to Aradia. He strongly hoped that his deodorant was still working. 

"Nepeta mentioned you work out a lot. It shows," She smiled, running a finger along the curve of his bicep. Wow, he was firm under that shirt, pleasantly so, although tense. She looked up, apologetically, "I hope you don't mind me saying so..."

Equius grinned pompously, relaxing somewhat, before intentionally flexing his arm under her touch. He was quite enjoying the attention, "Why yes. I make it a point to work out just about every morning. Nothing too strenuous, but enough to keep me strong."

She gently felt the curve of muscle, moving up towards and around the deltoid, "Well, it shows! You look healthy as a ram, I must say!"

She was doing just awful things to his ego. He chuckled at her odd analogy, "It's very flattering to have a lady like you notice."

She snickered as they walked, "If you think of me as a proper lady, then I apologize for misleading you! Haha! But you do have a fine physique. Quite the dashing figure, really."

"Thank you for noticing, but I do believe you are mistaken on your position." Equius continued to stare straight forward, "No matter your station, I see you as quite a becoming lady."

"You flatter me!" she laughed, pressing closer to him as they walked. Even in the open air, she couldn't help but catch his scent...strong, but not unpleasant, actually. An unusual mixture, musky and masculine, with tones of seawater and wet pennies. 

He was perplexed once more; she did not seem perturbed by him in the slightest. Gradually he relaxed, the muscles of his arm shaking just slightly as he slid it snugly around her waist. He swallowed and remained stoic, walking straight as the scent of her hair wafted up toward him. He inhaled subtly in bliss.

She nuzzled his side lightly and slipped her own arm around him, as the stables came into view. "Ah, is that where we're headed?"

The stables were moderately sized; quaint and home to several mid-sized horses surrounded by wooden fences. They were not trained to jump and were domesticated enough that a fence that nearly reached Equius’s chest would box them in. 

These weren't the mighty stallions that he himself was used to seeing when visiting the countryside, but enjoyable nonetheless to watch in a calm setting with his date. He was on a rather successful date with a girl simple enough to just want to watch animals with him. He smiled as the entire scenario in which he had found himself sank in.

Aradia released him and ran to the fence, a wiggle in her hips as she watched the horses in their pen. One chestnut-colored horse was close enough where she could reach out and pet it; she giggled when it turned and nosed her hand.

He stiffened for a moment, hoping that she wouldn't frighten off the horse with her abrupt actions and approached at a brisk, but not rushed pace after her. He was surprised to see that the horse did not flee, but had greeted her kindly. Very curious.

She clambered up onto the fence, sitting on it, petting the horse and cooing softly. "You're a pretty horse, aren't you? And so well-behaved! There, how's that?"

He wanted to warn her that it might not be a good idea to sit on the fence like that, that she might fall, but it didn't matter, he could easily catch her. He found himself staring a little too long; he decided to say something to attempt to break the tension, "She seems fond of you."

"She's lovely!" She turned her head, smiling at him as the horse wandered off. "I might not know horses nearly as well as I know sheep, but I still like them all the same."

Equius made the effort to take his hair down from its ponytail, as it was no longer damp with sweat. He cocked his head slightly, hair falling over his shoulder as he spoke, "When first I approached these horses, they fled. She naturally gravitated to you."

Aradia shrugged, "I guess maybe because I feel comfortable with animals? They don't sense fear or hesitation from me, so they feel comfortable…just a guess, though." She shifted, getting comfortable on the fence. "I was almost raised on my uncle's farm; I feel pretty peaceful among sheep and alpacas and wooly rabbits; chances are, if it bears wool, I've hugged it."

"You are a farm hand?" His eyes widened, suddenly slightly moist with sweat again. He knew she was working-class, but…was she utterly destitute?

"I help out over the summers, sure! My uncle has a big farm, so all of my cousins and I--even friends of mine, sometimes--could go over during the summer and play with the sheep and so forth. It's like camp, kind of; but yeah, we all help out where we can. My family's farm produces some of the finest wool around, here, feel." She took his hand and pressed it to her sleeve, "See? You can't get quality like that just anywhere. One hundred percent Megido wool, right there."

He stroked the shirt with the tips and backs of his exposed fingers. It really was a nice quality shirt, not nearly as extravagant as he was used to, but for what it was, it was very nice, "It's a lovely shirt."

"You can't beat quality sheep for quality products!" she smiled, turning back to watch the horses.

Equius could not tear his eyes from her. She was a farmhand; a country girl; a diamond in the rough. The most beautiful flower in a pot of soil. He could only wonder what his family would think of him being so enamored with a despondent girl from a farm family. He cleared his throat, flexing his arm as he scratched the back of his neck, "Are sheep what you feel the most strongly for?"

"I can't really imagine my life without them." She turned back to him, "You seem fond of horses, I noticed. Are they your favorite?"

"Quite they are. I've always found them to be the most majestic creatures; powerful and noble. They are also my patron animal, I am a Sagittarius, you see."

"Ah! I'm an Aries; not the reason I like sheep, of course, but it's still pretty neat."

"That makes the both of us fire signs. However, I find you much more attractive than something so homely as a sheep." He then realized that such a confession might offend her, turning his head back toward the horses strolling before them.

Aradia snorted and laughed; no frail chuckle or delicate snicker escaped her, this was true, rich laughter. "Oh wow, I should hope you'd find me more attractive than a sheep!"

He relaxed visibly, "I find it most reassuring you did not take offense to my statement. While you are simple, you are not too sensitive. Given your oft proximity to Nepeta, this does not surprise me."

She turned, swinging one leg over the fence, straddling it to level her eyes at him, a smile across her red-painted lips. "Maybe I should be offended, but mostly I just found it funny. You're a sweet man, Equius, I can't really imagine you intending to offend me. Even if you do think I'm 'simple;' I will have you know I'm perfectly bright, and I'm sure you're a smart enough guy to realize it. Right?"

"Yes. Yes you are." He nodded, tensed and prepared to catch her if need be. He was suddenly anxious that she would fall.

She swung her leg back around, again facing the horses; she was no stranger to climbing and sitting on farm fixtures that ought not be climbed nor sat upon, even if too long in one position occasionally made her butt fall asleep. She snickered and reached over, playfully shoving Equius' arm, "Although I might take offense to you implying that sheep are anything but cute."

His lips had a playful smirk across them as he pointed toward the horses, "Look at that spotted mare and tell me that its beauty does not surpass anything else of the farm."

"Very pretty," she agreed, but squinted, "Wait, mare? I think that's a boy..."

"You are mistaken. From this distance? How are you able to assess such?" His stare was focused on her competitively.

She blinked and pointed. "I'm seeing evidence that supports my theory, right where said evidence ought to be." She looked at Equius, "And it's not that far. Would it be easier to see without your sunglasses?"

He tilted his sunglasses down slightly, looking over the top of them at the horse and the obvious fact of which she spoke. His eyebrows rose as he noticed the horse's privates hanging between its legs, "Goodness."

Aradia giggled and swung her legs around, slipping off the fence to stand beside him, and Equius could see her calves as she slid down, his hands twitching upon the fence. Her hip brushed past his leg as she turned back around to watch the horses, and he swallowed as the lack of distance between them registered. It seemed she had no qualms with his body odor; perhaps she had a strong tolerance? He peered at her from the corner of his sunglasses.

She looked up at him. "I hope you don't mind me asking...are you light-sensitive?" She raised a hand to one eye. "I've never seen you without your shades, and, okay so I'm pretty used to that being a thing--my friend wears sunglasses all the time--but I'm curious."

Equius froze, this was another of his caveats, “I rather prefer to wear them. My eyes appear rather distorted due to a blood condition."

"Oh?" Aradia was curious, "I hope it's not too bad of a blood condition. I mean, you look pretty healthy!"

"I had rather advanced anemia as well as liver problems as a child. It is generally under control now, except the whites of my eyes are often yellow. I find it…off-putting." His ears rang with the echoes of dates past, disgust and dismissal and mockery of those who had seen his eyes.

Aradia blinked. "Would you be okay with me seeing them? I mean, I'm curious, but I can let the matter rest if you're not comfortable..."

He let out a sigh through his nose; were this a deal-breaker, he supposed this would be as good a time as any to allow it to happen. He closed his eyes and removed the glasses, turning to face her. His eyes were a deep cerulean blue, very nearly the same shade of his shirt. They were almost made dull by the fact that surrounding the irises; what was usually white in most people was a faint mustard-yellow.

Aradia had never seen such eyes. They looked almost inhuman, strange, beautiful in a way…she found herself thinking of citrines and sapphires. Oh, but the look of barely-veiled nervousness, almost bordering on fear, and so very vulnerable...she turned, saying simply, "Hold on, I need to be up higher for this," as she climbed up on the fence again, sitting down, nearly meeting him eye-to-eye. She reached over and took his hand, pulling him close, and softly kissing the tip of his arched nose.

"I like them."

He looked confused for a moment, the expression no longer veiled as it had been for the entirety of the date thus far. He was caught completely by surprise, pulled close and kissed by this strange girl. His eyes opened wide, heart pounding wildly in his chest, blood making every valiant effort to squeeze through veins constricted by sheer pleasure. 

His lips suddenly felt dry, mind completely blank aside from purely reckless urges. Equius slid an arm about her waist, supporting every bit of weight necessary to hold her nearly aloft as he brought his lips to hers with a low groan of pleasure in his throat. 

Their lips were somewhat mismatched by their angle. She giggled softly as the both of them tried simultaneously to adjust their angle and simply ended up back where they began. She instead slipped her arms around Equius’ thick neck, steadying and calming him as she parted her lips and pressed them to his sweetly. If Aradia noted the sweat on the back of his neck, it was a distant consideration; her attention was focused on the feel of his body under her hands and his firm mouth beneath hers.

He pulled away gradually, still cradling her as he watched her expression with attentive eyes. He breathed out a couple of times before his voice came, low and curious, "Was that all right?"

She giggled, bumping her nose against his. "If I said I wasn't paying attention, would you do it again?"

His rough thumb trailed down her jawline, unable to give her a vocal answer beyond a low chuckle. He quickly pressed his lips to hers once more; warmly, no tongues, just their lips sweetly caressing after a quick peck.

"A girl could get used to this, if you don't mind my saying so," She pushed him away slightly, her hands on his arms as she slid down from her perch, "Sorry, there's only so long I can spend sitting on fences in an hour, you know?"

"Yes, I was concerned about your choice to sit up there to begin with." His voice had a good degree more sincerity than it needed to.

She gave him a reassuring smile, "Equius, you don't spend a childhood on a farm without falling a few times and picking yourself back up. You're a sweetheart, but I promise you, I'm fine."

His eyebrow seemed to twitch at that little admission as he nodded, that slight grin still pulling at his stoic face, "Very well. Excellent." 

Aradia leaned against the fence, noting his smirk. Equius' smiles were few and hard-earned, so far as she could tell; rare and beautiful and fleeting as glimpses of a phoenix. She found herself wanting little more than to draw more smiles and out of those lips, to see joy in those now-unshielded eyes. She stood on tiptoe and pulled him down to peck his cheek, asking as he straightened again, "Thanks for showing me here. Want to grab a bite to eat?"

Equius gave a soft intake of breath at the sudden kiss, goosebumps on his skin and a flush rising in his cheeks. He struggled to maintain his composure as he nodded, "Exemplary idea." 

His hand twitched just the slightest bit before landing roughly on the fence he had been leaning on a moment before. One of the horses whinnied and trotted away as a result, "Oh goodness."

She turned, giggling as she took his arm again, "Skittish, aren't they?

"Yes they are," He looked down at her and allowed her to press closer, "You aren't though, are you?"

"No sir, I am not," she beamed up at him as they walked along down the path back towards the main gate, pathway gravel crunching beneath their shoes.

“Excellent.” Hope bloomed forth in his chest.


	20. >Kanaya: Prepare for the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Kanaya has a private moment, Feferi is clumsy, and they demonstrate an ideal suitemate situation.

As she did every night, Kanaya scrubbed the foundation from her face, made note of any blemishes she needed to medicate for the night, thoroughly brushed her teeth, and took her medication. Several ornately decorated pill containers lined the wall beside Kanaya Maryam's sink. Each of them had 7 pills within, but there was a very little chance that she would forget to take any of them. 

As she did every night, she removed each medication individually to be sure that she had the right dosage. Estrogen, Progestogen, Anti-androgen, and her GnRH agonist. Each was important for her development. 

There were few words to describe how grateful she was for the people who were making her transition so much easier than she knew it was for others. She was allowed to be herself without judgment, she had the resources to have her treatments, and she even had the resources to be able to share a dorm suite with her friend from home, Feferi. 

Kanaya stepped back and pressed her hands around her chest. If she was being optimistic, she would say that her breasts were coming in nicely. Were she not, she would say they were not coming in fast enough. Beggars could not be choosers; she would just need to be patient while her body caught up with her mind. Patience was a thing she had in abundance. There came a knock at the door.

On her side of the bathroom door, Feferi called in, "Hey, are you using the bathroom? I kinda need to get in there."

Kanaya looked to the other door, "You may come in." She opened her own door and entered her bedroom.

Feferi came into the bathroom and pulled a bottle of nail polish remover and a pack of cotton balls from the cabinet. 

She rummaged around in the cabinet for a moment, and then knocked on the still-ajar door to Kanaya's room, "Hey, do you have some tweezers or something? I kind of have a situation in my room. I knocked over my nail polish onto my desk, but I don't want to mess up my nails cleaning it up."

She peered back at Feferi, "I do. Do you require my assistance in cleaning it?" She went into her dresser and retrieved a pair of rhinestone studded tweezers from her nail kit.

"I wouldn't say no! Thanks so much!" Feferi led the way back to her room; her desk was marred by a pink splotch the shade of her nails. "I guess I could have waited or something, but I JUST got my nails perfect, you know?"

Kanaya shook her head, "You know I would have done them for you if you just asked. And isn't there some assignment of yours you're supposed to be working on? The one 'due by daylight' as it were?"

"Half done already, I'll have you know!" Feferi said, matter-of-factly, opening the bottle of nail polish remover and shaking two cotton balls out of the bag. "And I didn't want to bug you, but I guess I ended up doing that anyway? Sorry about that. I can't think where my tweezers got to, though..." 

"Vaporized from this plane. Or perhaps purloined by one of your pets." She gestured to her several fishbowls with her tweezers.

Feferi giggled and narrowed her eyes at a green beta fish in mock accusation, "Probably Eric. He's a shady one, that Eric." She poured a little nail polish remover onto the pink smear and, with the tweezers, wiped it up with a cotton ball.

"Naturally, seeing as though you're a paragon of neatness." Seeing how Feferi was attempting to clean the stain, Kanaya took the tweezers back. She herself got to work on the pink, dabbing gently, "You must be careful with these surfaces with a caustic solvent, you'll strip the finish otherwise." Regardless of how cheap the desks were in the dorms, Kanaya did not want it to be damaged.

Feferi sighed, blowing on her nails to speed their drying, "Yeah, I guess you're right...I almost never spill, though!" She pouted, carefully stowing the bottle of pink nail polish in a box with several other shades, happening to glance over a deep royal purple shade and remembering, "Oh! Hey, how are those sketches coming?"

"I've gotten a few done, are you appropriately ready to make merry with them?" Kanaya smirked, the desk now clean to her satisfaction.

"When am I NOT ready to make merry?" Feferi laughed, setting the nail polish box aside and carefully clearing space on her desk. "Can I see what you've got so far?"

Kanaya examined the cluttered space of Feferi's room, "Perhaps you should come to my room."

Feferi clapped her hands squealed, following Kanaya back to her room.

Kanaya's room was full of color; walls decorated in several bright tapestries, overlapping throw rugs on the floor, and several throw pillows in nearly every corner, even some in piles. She retrieved her notebook from inside her neat desk before allowing Feferi to sit, "You can place your laptop down."

Instead, Feferi sat down on the bed, her laptop next to her. She swung her legs excitedly, giddy. "Whose did you get done? Both of the boys? Mine? All of them?"

"Thus far I've gotten the profiles of The Psionic and yours, but only preliminary sketches of Eridan's character. I'm certain that he must have pictures of his own as it were. You know how excited he gets about his characters." She flipped through the notebook, showing her the first couple of sketches of Feferi's character. "The Empress" was written in the top corner in an elegant font.

Feferi snatched at the notebook, grinning a piranha grin as she looked at her own sketches. Kanaya had captured her well, and put her in long boots, elbow-length gloves, and a sleek one-piece swimsuit. A stylized Pisces symbol crossed the front of the swimsuit, and another sat in the center of a slim headband. The outfit was completed with a trident and a slim masquerade mask. Feferi turned to Kanaya, "Aww, you even remembered my sign..."

"It would only be appropriate to recall your zodiac sign; seeing as though you remembered mine last month." She smiled, peering at the pages and nodding to herself.

Feferi turned a page, looking at Sollux's design. She smirked, "Very nice, Miss Maryam. Very nice indeed." 

Kanaya had taken the concept of lab scientist and somehow made it sexy. The young man in her sketches resembled Sollux, aged up a few years with a bit of muscle added to his physique. He wore a white labcoat with a black catsuit beneath with a pair of black gloves and a pair of boots. He wore glasses similar to Sollux's as well as a pair of goggles perched on top of his head. In the close-up of his head and shoulders, he was looking to the side, expression neutral, but eyes hidden.

Kanaya pointed, "I could only make do with how I remembered he looked. I like to imagine that I did him justice, if you'll pardon the pun."

Feferi studied the page, imagination dancing as she muttered quietly, "Oh, I'd do him justice..." She looked up, "That...wasn't internal monologue, was it?"

"That it wasn't." Kanaya gave a knowing smile as her eyebrows danced.

Feferi shrugged, turning the page and looking at the next set of Psionic sketches, "Meh, he's cute. If Eridan wasn't so obviously into him I'd probably go for it. There's no harm in admitting that, right?"

Kanaya decided to have some fun with this, "As though he would be interested in Eridan. You know he can't play nice."

"I dunno, I think there was some back-and-forth going on there. Tell you what, let's see how it goes tomorrow. I'm going shopping with Sollux after class, and...is it eight? Is that when Eridan said to meet up?"

"Yes." Kanaya turned the page with a wry grin, "Since they were meant to be antagonists and all, I took initiative in recreating a fight between them." Pictured before them was The Psionic, cheek pressed to a wall, arm pinned behind his back by what Feferi could assume was Dualscar.

Feferi took a moment to take in the picture, smiling broadly and leaning into Kanaya, "Oooooh, is it my birthday already? Heeheehee! Tell me you drew more like this!” 

She pointed to the figure dressed in leather boots, purple leggings, thick belt, and lavender shirt. "I’m guessing this is meant to be Dualscar? Eridan'd like the design, I know that. I think his character prefers either capes or long coats, though, and sometimes he likes a vest. In fact...I think he still has his vest. You know, I think I remember where his old D&D sketches are, if you want to see?"

"I would not mind seeing them. I would also hope that he would not take offense to my initial renditions, given how I've drawn another picture of a similar fashion." She flicked the page, there being another sketch of The Psionic pinned to that same wall, their lips meeting passionately. Both appeared to be bruised and bleeding.

"Hot damn..." Feferi nodded in approval. She shook her head, "Kan-Kan, I should not be getting squiggly feelings from the ersatz version of my oldest friend. You know that, right?"

"I do apologize for the inconvenience and all subsequent feelings that arise from such." Kanaya's grin only grew, "Attraction to any form of Eridan must resemble a writhing eel of agony in the lower intestines, I imagine."

Feferi sighed, passing the notebook back, "You know our history, right? It's just...weird..." 

She pulled her laptop onto her lap, opening it and waiting for the screen to flicker back to life. "I think I remember his deviantart...wait, what the? Kanaya? Is it just me, or is my screen...upside down?"

Kanaya peered over, eyebrows raised, "So it would appear. What did you do?"

"I don't know!" She held her laptop upside down, "I don't know what I did! I didn't think I did anything!"

Kanaya was unsure of what to recommend, "Try restarting your computer."

"But my paper isn't saved! Shoot shoot shoot shoot!" Feferi pushed her computer onto Kanaya's lap and dashed for her room, "I need my phone! Sollux does computers, right? Maybe he can help!"

Kanaya only barely managed to catch her laptop.

Feferi returned with her phone, scrolling through her contact list, beginning to pace. She found Sollux's number, and dialed, bouncing worriedly as she waited for him to pick up.

There was an inquisitive lilt to the voice that answered. "Hello?"

"Sollux! Sollux, it's Feferi, I need your help! My computer is doing a weird thing and I don't know why and I have an unsaved paper and all my research is on it and I don't know what's wrong and can you come fix it? Please?"

"Jeez, FF- Fef! Calm down! Just, uh... just give me a few minutes and I'll come over. Where do you live?"

“Boxcars Hall. How soon can you get here? Is it a virus? Oh god, I hope it's not a virus, but my screen is all weird and I don't know how to work like this."

"All right, just don't touch anything. I'll be there soon." He abruptly hung up. 

Kanaya asked, "What happened?"

"He's on his way; what if it's a virus? I don't know how to do a virus sweep thing with an upside-down screen, Kanaya! I don't know how to a virus sweep thing at all!" She gently stroked the side of her laptop, "I'm so sorry, my poor, poor Icarus..."

"You couldn't have possibly gotten a virus in the 5 minutes you've been in here… Wait, Icarus?"

Feferi smiled, bashfully, "My computer! See, he does fine until he overheats, then he crashes."

Kanaya sighed and facepalmed, "I have no words. If it isn't too much effort on your part, I would appreciate your emergency computer procedure to happen in your own room."

"But, he said not to touch anything, but I guess it can't get any wo--actually, no, I'm not going to finish that. Here," Feferi took her computer back and plodded back to her own room. "Sorry about this. We can talk more tomorrow."

"I'm sure he will be able to remedy whatever malady you've somehow inflicted on your computer." Kanaya waved. 

As Feferi got her computer back on her desk and plugged in, her phone rang with a text.

_down2taiir2_

Feferi raced out of her room and down the stairs. She did not even bother to greet him, but grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him along, "Thank you SO much for helping! I don't know what's wrong, Icky's screen is all upside-down and I don't know why and maybe it's a virus and I'm afraid to touch anything and I have no idea what I'm doing!"

Sollux's forehead wrinkled as he was dragged along, nearly tripping over his feet as the shorter girl dragged him, "Jesus FF, just calm down, breathe. Breathe!"

Feferi stopped and took a deep breath as they got to her room. She unlocked the door and pulled him in, pointing at the laptop, screen still inverted, on the desk. 

Sollux chuckled, "Is that it?"

Feferi looked confused, "You mean Icarus? Yeah, just a laptop. Nothing fancy. Have you seen viruses like this before? Is it one of those trojan spyware worm phishing dealies? I used my credit card on this machine just last week- oh god, does someone have my bank account information?"

Sollux smirked, held his tongue, and walked over to her computer. He held three buttons and the screen was then righted, "Simple."

Feferi crept closer, cautiously looking at Icarus like it might suddenly bite. "...Is it safe?"

"It's not a time bomb; it's a function your computer has. Look." He held down three more keys and the screen was upside down again.

"How do you make it righty-upsy again?"

He held down three more keys and it righted itself again.

Feferi clicked around on her computer, and found everything just right as she left it. She turned and tackled Sollux in a big hug, "THANK YOU! My hero!"

Sollux laughed awkwardly, arms lightly looping around her middle, "It's really nothing, I could've told you what to do over the phone-"

"Ah, hee, sorry, I just didn't know!" She released him, "I mean, my screen is suddenly all," she gestured, twirling her hands around one another, "...upsy-daisy, and I kind of panicked, you know?"

"I can imagine. It's a problem if you keysmash a lot without thinking. KK had this problem a while back too."

"I'll be more careful...sorry you had to come all the way out here, especially at this hour. You're such a sweetie!" She gave him another quick hug.

Every time she hugged him, he made a breathless little grunt, "It's ok FF, really. I don't really sleep until about three or four, you can bother me anytime."

His body felt unnaturally warm.

She giggled, "Okay, good to know. I have to finish this paper, though; hey, tomorrow I'll get you lunch or something as thanks, okay?"

He raised an eyebrow, "For flipping your screen over? Really?"

"Screen flipped, and I flipped out. You fixed both. Besides, I felt bad anyway, dragging you out shopping...we are still on, right?"

He nodded, "Definitely. I guess I'll see you then, right?"

Feferi nodded and saw Sollux to the door. "See you then, and thanks again!"

He grinned, a rather cute expression given how he never seemed to smile, and walked out. 

Feferi closed the door behind him, and sat back down to her computer to finish her neglected paper. She cast a glance over to her fish. 

"Not one word, Eric. Not one word."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things to note in this chapter 
> 
> 1) Kanaya is MtF  
> 2) Flipping your laptop screen is the most inconvenient, terrifying experience when you don't know how to fix it.  
> 3) Feferi is going to continue naming things in awful, punny fashion.


	21. >Sollux: Plot Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Feferi and Sollux purchase accessories for their superhero costumes; Feferi gets boots and Sollux gets embarrassed.

“Itsudemo I love you kimi ni take kiss me wasurerarenai kara boku no daiji na MEMORY!”

Sollux bopped his head back and forth briefly as he loaded the ten hour version of the Kasane Teto song on his computer. He only hoped it wouldn’t stop to buffer at any point while he was out. As the song played, he decided to forgo his usual obnoxious, multicolored hoodie for his slightly sleeker black military jacket. It had been a splurge from his mother in September when she decided he needed a heavier coat for the colder weather. 

He hoped he could keep it on the entire time, given that he needed to do his laundry and the shirt he wore underneath was literally the last one that was clean. There was a reason he didn’t wear it, he was almost positive Aradia had gotten it as a prank or strictly to annoy him. He made a few last-minute checks before he set off. He made sure his laptop was plugged in before he left so his laptop wouldn’t spontaneously shut off before he got back. He locked his side of the bathroom door and walked down the hallway and the stairs.

He stood at the door of his dorm building waiting for Feferi to pick him up. There was a mall nearby and she had wanted to get her shopping done for her superhero costume run. He looked down the road, not even sure of what her car looked like.

There could be no question, however, when the bright pink beetle pulled up. Feferi rolled down the passenger window and called out to him. "Sooooollux! Over here!"

Good God. Speaking of obnoxious.

Sollux blinked, pushing his sunglasses up his nose as he walked outside. He walked up to the car and allowed himself inside, "Nice ride."

Feferi giggled, pulling away from the dorm and heading for the main road. "Isn't Marcy the cutest little car ever?"

Sollux chuckled, "I'm not sure why I expected something else."

"I think she suits me. Oh!" Feferi gestured to a folder on the dashboard, "I got a photocopy of Kanaya's character designs for you and me. Was that about what you were thinking? Because if so, we'll know what we're looking for!"

He opened the folder and looked inside, eyes widening, "Holy shit, she made me hot."

She snickered, "Sure did! I don't look too bad either! But I guess you approve of the design? I'm still not sure about the colors of mine. Or even if I'm going to be a hero--what kind of hero is called Empress?"

He checked out the pictures of Feferi; rendered curvaceous by Kanaya's pen. He stared between both of the pictures, "Yeah, that is kind of stupid. Sounds more like you're Eridan's sidekick or something. Or he's yours. Either way, it's bad news."

"So! Either a new name or I swap to villainy; either way, I want those boots." She turned, pulling into the mall parking lot. "Eridan's sketches aren't done yet, but he looks pretty good too." She let herself glance over as she parked, gauging his reaction.

Sollux rose an eyebrow with a snort, "Like he'd think so. Bastard probably has his outfit picked out and everything with matching nail polish. Did you know he poses as your cousin?"

"Actually, he's basing it off his old RP persona and D&D character, and Kanaya's kind of close. I gave her a couple pointers and linked her to his old sketches though, so she'll probably be done in the next couple days."

She stepped out of the car and led towards the mall, bouncing along in her mary janes, twirling around, and Sollux could see she was wearing a short pink dress and white stockings underneath a long open coat. "And yeah, I know. When he started being 'Ariel' he liked my hair color a lot, so we'd pretend to be twins sometimes."

Sollux canted his head in her direction with a toothy grin, "Twins, huh? He sure gives it away when he turns into a cocky asshole though."

"He's a better actor than you'd think, heeheehee, and sometimes we'll go and flirt with the same person just for fun." Inside the mall, she looked around. "So! Lunch first, or shoes?"

Sollux looked around with a shrug, thumbs in his pockets, "Don't really care. Whichever."

She bounced off in a random direction, "Well, I'm not hungry yet, so...let's see, there should be a shoe store right over...there! I need something knee-to-hip length, flat or wide heel."

Sollux laughed, following at his own leisure, "FF, I literally own two pairs of shoes, I don't know shit about them."

She turned, smiling broadly, and spoke slowly. "Okay, I. Need. Something. Hot. That clear enough?"

His breath caught for an instant, his face going hot, "Yes. Yes it is."

She grabbed Sollux's wrist and pulled him to the window of the shoe store, to which he grunted. "Do you see what I see? I see a sale. Boots for me and boots for you. Let the hunt begin! What's your size?"

"Uh, size 10, but it has to be under $60."

Feferi scampered off to the men's boots, looking at all manner of boots and shoes, "Ooh, steel toe...Oh! How about these? They're only thirty bucks!" She turned around to show Sollux, realized he hadn't caught up with her yet, and ran back to meet him, "Come on!"

It was evident that Sollux had the athleticism of a fat asthmatic pudding cup, "Shit, FF, how does ED keep up with you?"

"He often doesn't. Now come on! I'm not sure what style you want!" She bounced back toward the boots, muttering to herself out of Sollux’s hearing range.

"Wait, wait, what did you say?" A pair of boots then caught his eye. He knelt and gave them a good, long look at them, they laced up the front and seemed to be made of something durable. With a few months, he could probably break these in easily. He turned one of them around, only to notice a highlighter yellow streak up the back heel. Done. He immediately threw them in their box and held onto them.

"Oh, uh, I said that there's some thirty-dollar ones over here, and another set that looks nicer but I think they only come in brown...and that Eridan doesn't always keep up with me." She peeked at the shoes he had picked. "Hey, I like those!"

He grinned and held the box snugly under his arm.

"Yay! Try them on! They're no good if you can't run in them!"

"Gotta break them in first. Besides, aren't you getting thigh-high boots or something? You gonna be able to run in those?"

She wandered over to the women's boots, turning with a twinkle in her eyes. "You underestimate me, sir. Now come on, I need opinions." She busied among the boxes, looking at each set of boots in turn.

Sollux sat on one of the mirrored benches, "Like I said, I know nothing about shoes, FF. Should've brought your sister."

"Don't worry, you don't have to know anything, just tell me if things look okay or not. Hm, these are cute. How about these? Shorter than I'd like, but...no, no…hm. I guess these could work if I don’t find anything else? No, oh geez, definitely not. Not if I’m running in dirt…no, no, no…” She sighed, turning to Sollux. “I think this might be a bust for me. But hey, at least we got something for you!”

He nodded, "Buck up, FF, I’m sure you’ll find something improbable to wear. Anyway, I'm ready when you are."

Sollux purchased his boots and Feferi led the way again. "Okay, so that's one bit down! What's next? I need a swimsuit, but I heard there's a new costume store around here somewhere...hmm..."

"Oh, is that it?" Sollux gestured at a bright pink shop with a marquee that read “Devil’s Fantasy”.

"Looks like!" They made their way over, and Feferi noticed a "18+ Only" sign. She giggled, saying nothing as she led the way inside.

Sollux looked around curiously, "So, what kind of costumes are in here?"

Feferi looked around, grinning with mischief. "Fun ones. Look!" All around were adult costumes, some only clothing in the barest sense, others large and intricate. A sign on one wall stated that there were XXX movies upstairs, and there was a display of "toys" towards the back.

Sollux's eyes widened, sliding his shades down for just long enough to get a good look around, "Oh shit. Um, what kind of costume are you trying to get here?"

"Well, I was going to get a swimsuit, but maybe a catsuit would work better?" She skipped to one aisle, passing a display of sexy maid outfits. "Hm. Maybe I should scrap the idea and be a maid instead! I could work a skirt this short!"

“I don't know, can maids fight crime outside of Japan?" He looked down, stretching his feet and ankles around as an excuse to hide the flush on his face.

"Probably also in porn, but if I have some decent panties underneath, I should be okay. Heehee! Oh! Hey! That could be useful!" She dragged Sollux to some medical fetish gear, including large rubber gloves. "You need rubber gloves, right? You could get the red pair and the blue pair, and just wear one from each!"

"Hmmm?" Sollux visually examined the gloves with a cocked head, "Didn't consider that." He shifted slightly and itched his cheek, clearly just a bit awkward.

She picked up one of each and passed them to him. "See? This could work!"

He held onto them for a moment, becoming a bit more embarrassed as she kept staring at him, "I don't know, I was kind of hoping I could get more durable gloves than these- and jeez, FF can we just look for your bathing suit? I can take care of this later?"

"You're turning red! Heehee! That's so adorable!" She looked around, "You think they'd have bodysuits here? I'd think they would..."

"Oh fuck, no it isn't!" He yanked part of his jacket up to cover his face, revealing his t-shirt.

Feferi turned back around, catching sight of his shirt. She snorted, and actually managed to snort adorably. "Oh wow, that's some shirt you've got there!"

His eyes widened, looking back down at the cartoon dog with red and blue sunglasses saying 'Let's Hang Out!' before squeezing his eyes shut with a groan, "I need to do my laundry, it's not even my shirt! Don't you judge me!"

She laughed, bouncing towards one wall, "Sollux, you're already wearing the most embarrassing thing here. Oooh! Jackpot!" She pointed towards the wall, lined with bodystockings and catsuits of all kinds for men and women, some with strategically efficient holes built in.

Sollux was bright red at this point, staring out from over the top of his glasses and immediately shook his head no, "No. Fuck that shit. I'll just wear pants and a shirt or something."

"No, no, they might have something!" She stepped lightly down the length of the wall, "No, no, that's for women, okay there's too many reasons why not that one. Perfect if it wasn't fishnet! Hmm, no, no, not quite, oh, we're getting closer! Oh, this would be perfect if it was for men, maybe they have something--YES! Sollux, come here!"

Sollux approached cautiously, hand on the arm of his sunglasses in case he needed to examine something more thoroughly.

Feferi pulled a men's catsuit from the wall, black, the fabric thick enough to not just show everything; it was almost a scuba suit, with a V-neck and a zipper in the front. "We could just have Kanaya trim the sleeves down to the length you want, and take the hood off. What do you think?"

He fumbled with the glasses, ducking back a bit, "I dunno Fef, I'm not so sure. Maybe I'll come back another time to see it?" His indecisiveness was getting in the way again.

"Why wait? Isn't this perfect? We can get Kanaya to add some little details, maybe an insignia..."

"Well, it's just.... I was kind of drunk and might've said things I didn't mean to..." He scratched the back of his head with an uncomfortable grimace.

"I was drunk too, though! It just seems like it'll be a lot of fun, you know?" she giggled, keeping the catsuit with her as she turned and headed down an aisle, "Oooh, wow...Hahaha! I know where to go if I ever want to play a cop. Oooh, skimpy!" She poked her head back out, looking at Sollux, "Do you really not want to go through with this?"

He shut his eyes and looked up, "Let me try it on."

"Okay!" She tossed him the catsuit, looking around. "Oh! Fitting rooms are over there. I'm just gonna check this section out real fast."

Sollux held the tight suit in his hands, looking nervously at it while walking over to the fitting room. He paused, reading a large posted sign, “PLEASE LEAVE YOUR UNDERGARMENTS ON WHEN TRYING ON MERCHANDISE” and drew back the curtain of one of the fitting rooms. There was an advertisement for condoms next to the mirror—buy four packs get one free—and he wondered briefly at the kind of people who’d buy their condoms in bulk. Smart, but gross.

He stood, simply holding the catsuit and pondering his circumstances. He was in a smut store; specifically a smut store fitting room. For all he knew, countless women had stood in this very curtained cubicle and wrestled their tits into corsets and leather; countless men had popped boners thinking of the action they’d get in those assless chaps, and here he was, looking in the mirror and watching a scared twig of a man freak out over a little fabric and the presence of a hyper blonde and her proclivity to spontaneity. 

Speaking of whom, he distantly heard a squeal and knew Feferi had found something she liked. He shook his head and brought himself back; he could do this. He took a steadying breath and took his glasses off, before shimmying out of his jeans and shirt. He tried to slide into the catsuit; he couldn't believe he was doing this, he couldn't believe he was doing this, it was the weird and bizarre and uncomfortable-

Scratch that, it was strangely comfortable. The fabric was actually pretty easy to slide into and if he ignored the fact that he could see some of his junk through it, he didn't look terrible. Awkward and gangly as always, but not entirely awful.

Feferi called in, "How's it going? I found boots! And something else I can use, too!" as she stepped into another fitting room. A shuffling and bustle of fabric followed, with more tinkling laughter.

"Oh Sollux! You have to see this! I think I'm going to have to be a villain, but I think this looks good! Oooh! My God, boots, where have you been all my life?" Further shuffling, and then the drawing back of a curtain, "Ready! Can I see you? I want your opinion on my costume!"

He stuck his head out without thinking, Feferi seeing him before he even had his sunglasses back on.

Feferi twirled around, showing off. She was clad in a hot-pink-and-black one-piece bodysuit, scandalously low-cut at the bust, the legs covering her only about an inch below the crotch, with sleeves ending just below the armpit. About two inches of bare thigh showed before the long boots began, sleek and black with two inch heels that flared out into a wide base. "How do I look? I think I absolutely have to bat for team evil if I get these."

Sollux gawked awkwardly with a nod. He'd never seen a girl so dressed down in person, "Most definitely."

"What about you? How does yours look? Can I see?"

Sollux nabbed his glasses from inside and inched back out, covered from his ankles to his shoulders in tight, black fabric. His hands fidgeted in front of his crotch, "It fits all right, is this how latex is supposed to feel?"

"Spandex," she corrected. She pulled him in front of a mirror and half-bent over, checking out both of their reflections, "Come on! Show me your best hero pose!"

He stood awkwardly for a few seconds before jutting his arms out at his sides with a leg up, snarling, "Rawwwr!"

She straightened and swept her hair up behind her head, striking a pose that accentuated her breasts, "Oh, you can do better than that!"

He wrinkled his face and did his best Dragonball Z Super Saiyan screaming pose before thrusting his right hand out, five fingers spread.

"There you go!" She cheered, noting his reflection. He was thin and lanky, but definitely pleasant enough to see, and cuter when he wasn’t being so self-conscious. She turned around and swept her hair aside, looking in the mirror over her shoulder. "You think this is cut too low in the back?"

He shook his head, giving an appraising look to her back, her creamy flesh, her slim hips, "Can't be sure. Better ask KN or your twin cousin sister."

She struck another pose, hand on her hip, eyeing her own legs and hips and giving herself an approving nod. "Yeah. I look good. You look good! We look goooooood." She smiled at him, "So, shall we get these?"

He rolled his shoulders back, cracking his neck slightly as he stood up straight, "Sure, I look pretty awesome. It'll be better once I can cover my junk with something-" He stopped midsentence before turning quickly and walking directly back into the dressing room, pulling the curtain behind him.

From within she heard, "You didn't hear a thing."

She giggled and called after him, "You have lovely junk!"

Feferi got into her own dressing room and shimmied out of her catsuit to put her own clothes.

Sollux came back out fully dressed, box under his arm and black suit over his elbow, "You're going to give me a heart attack, you know."

She strapped her shoes back on and exited the fitting room, grinning like a jack-o'-lantern. "Should I say 'I'm sorry' or 'you're welcome'?"

"Depends. Kill me off and you'll have at least a few people to contend with, one of which being my friend Aradia. Maybe you can meet at the funeral, or at least the hospital where I'll lay in wait for death." Sollux grinned, "You know, if ED's costume is something he can't run in, it'll be easier to catch him."

Feferi took his catsuit and put both on the counter. "You're out of luck, I'm afraid. I know for a fact he already owns boots that are easy for him to run in, back from his LARP-ing days. Are you getting those gloves?"

Sollux shook his head, "Nah, I'm going to find something more useful than these. Also LARP-ing? Seriously?"

She nodded and quickly paid for both catsuits and her boots. "Never underestimate that guy's willingness to make himself look good. Seriously. It's like gravity, it's just a thing that happens."

"FF no! I can pay for it!" Sollux tried to stop her.

She giggled, "I'm a payment ninja. So! I think I still owe you lunch? You can carry the bags if you really want to."

He proceeded to do so, looking around one last time, "So was KN in your guild or was it just the two of you?"

"I never really LARPed that much. I just like dressing up in costumes and checking out other people dressed the same." She pulled him along, "Okay, that deli? Remember it. They make a reuben that'll knock your socks off."

He nodded absently, and she pulled him towards it. Feferi had not only a new drinking buddy, but now a new shopping buddy as well! And she got to see his eyes! By accident, but still, there was definitely progress somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It exists. Eridan had to listen to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqT0iFZifgw
> 
> That shirt is Sollux wearing actually exists too. http://dl.dropbox.com/u/54817447/shirt.jpg


	22. >Eridan: Suffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Eridan is not a fan of J-pop and Kanaya advises him on any lustful designs he might have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the best experience, listen to this for the entire time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqT0iFZifgw

Eridan twitched. That damned music had been wafting in from Sollux's room for at least forty-five minutes. No pauses, no breaks, no respite. Just the same. God. Damned. Song. Endlessly cycling, never even ending, just playing and playing and playing...

He needed to complain to someone, and he needed to do it now.

_hey kan are you on cause i think i gotta air out somethin an I wwould rather a wwillin ear than just shoutin into the wwind_

No response came.

Minutes ticked by, only for the song to continue playing, looping and crawling around Eridan’s ears like centipedes made of bubblegum and engrish. Although he could not place the song directly, it did remind him of some music game Karkat had been playing frequently, but dear god in heaven when did the song END?

Eridan flopped onto his bed. He tried burying his head in a pillow, under a pillow, under a folded up blanket, and finally under all of these with headphones on to boot but the blasted 'music' infiltrated his ears like a virus.

Eventually he did hear the chime of an instant message.

_Ive Just Now Gotten Back_

Eridan shot out of bed and bounded to his computer, eager to unload his grievances to a friendly ear.

_kan its inhuman wwhat he done to my poor abused auditory sensibilities_

_I Can Only Assume The Worst  
What With Your Disposition  
As Well As Your Penchant For Calling Upon Me As Your Crying Shoulder As It Were _

_theres some kind a jpop shit playin in there loud enough wwhere i can hear it in here an this one song been goin on for the last hour  
it just dont stop kan  
kars in class so he cant wwhip out his mighty ra abilities to go in an shut that shit dowwn_

_Tragic  
As I Have Been Led To Believe He Is With Feferi At The Mall  
Presumbly For Shopping Reasons_

Eridan twitched again, hunching over his keyboard and pounding the keys.

_you mean to tell me he set up this ear torture special just for me knowwin I wwould havve to just roll ovver an take it wwhile he wwent galavvantin about wwith fef_

_That Is A Distinct Possibility  
While I Am Not Privy To Those Plans Exactly I Know He Paid Her A Visit Late Last Night_

_wwhat_

_Once More I Am Not Privy To His Plans_

_that skinny bastard been makin social calls wwith my best girl after hours is that wwhat youre tellin me_

_Why Yes  
Although I Cannot Help But Wonder If It Is Her Company That You Are Jealous Of Not Having_

Eridan leaned back and took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. Fuck. He couldn't even properly say which he was jealous of. He told himself, old stories, old boy, just keep steady... first, deal with the aural assault.

_not my business i guess  
but his deliberate disregard for common decency insofar as noise pollution goes remains_

_I Cant Help But Be A Bit Impressed At His Foresight  
He Certainly Went Out Of His Way Didnt He_

_malicious is wwhat it is  
fucker knowws im an audiophile_

_Does He_

_pretty sure he does i mean honestly wwhy wwould he bother wwith settin up this torture if he didn’t think thered be any effect  
that wwould just be a wwasted effort if he wwas doin wwas just a shot in the dark so yeah almost certain_

_Really_

_wwell like maybe sevventy fivve percent certain but that aint the point  
this wwas clearly wwillful  
he did it just so I wwould suffer hes a cruel man kan you dont evven knoww_

_Is It Beyond Comprehension That This May Be How He Shows Affection  
The Metaphorical Tug On The Pigtails As It Were_

Eridan sat back and considered that for a moment. Even if Kanaya was being completely sarcastic, even some manner of flirtation in return would be welcome…

_wwell thats a nice thought an all  
dowwnright petty compared to the option a him bein nothing more than the most perfectly complete assnugget wwhat evver had gall enough to call itself a human bein  
but evven if that wwere the case there are some things you just dont do kan_

_Such As Play Pranks In Order To Establish His Desire To Touch You Indiscretely_

_wwhat really_

_I Wouldnt Be Able To Tell You Such_

_wwell this shit goin to get him exactly nowwhere  
jpop is a bonerkill okay hands dowwn an i wwill hear no argument on the matter  
seriously_

_Do You Want To Talk About It_

_honestly right noww i think i just wwant to get the fuck out a here  
sol nevver did help me wwith my booze run evven though he said he wwould  
so fuck that guy  
wwhat do you wwant anythin special  
wwe still got most a your favvorites on tap so to speak_

_It Is Not Me You Should Be Concerned With But Rather Karkat_

_yeah im goin to get his usuals unless you heard he suddenly got a change in his tastes or something  
if so i aint heard anythin to that effect so im just goin to get wwhat he usually prefers_

_If You Refuse To Confide Your Boy Troubles In Me You Could Try Him  
Assuming You Havent Taken Your Aggression Out On That Story Of Yours_

_i uh  
so you uh read that huh_

_Self Insertion Is The Lowest Denominator Of Fiction Writing Eridan  
Were You To Write Your Sexual Fantasies About Someone I Would Think You Would Be Intelligent Enough To Not Post It Online_

_theres nothin identifyin about it just blowwin off steam in a fictional landscape is all_

_Dualscar  
Enough Said_

_dualscar is an ace fuckin character okay an outside a some roleplay forums i aint really used him for anythin else an it aint like anybody but you an maybe one other friend a mine knowws the name  
an its an original story i cant vvery wwell be expected to just abandon perfectly good names for the sake a some small grievvance just because the aforementioned names happen to be used by amateurs  
not wwhen the characters wwork so wwell together in their fictional exploits_

_Theoretically If Sollux Saw This_  
 _Do You Think He Would Take The Hint_

_he dont really seem like the fanfic sort does he i mean really_

_Right  
So If He Happened To Glance Over My Shoulder At The Page I Have Open There Would Be No Issue  
Also He Says Hi_

_noww i knoww youre jokin_

_Am I_

_either you are or i got to invvest in a sturdy rope an tree tall enough to hang from  
youre killin me kan_

_So You Admit There Is Some Truth To This Being Somewhat Incendiary Material_

_i admit that sol is the kind a schmuck that wwould hold anythin he could against me up to an includin my proclivvities towwards wwritin fiction_

_So Are You Willing To Regard The Elephant In The Room Yet_

_wwhat elephant  
fine  
im guessin youre referrin to some attraction i may or may not havve for one emaciated asswwipe_

_Were The Hints Slathered In Crimson Across A White Wall The Mere Smell Of Them Would Be Enough To Alert The Blind Of Your Intentions  
Bear In Mind That I May Be Just More Aware Of The Signs To Sniff Out_

_you knoww wwhat  
yeah i wwant a piece a that  
sometime wwhen he aint bein the kind a shitwweasel that wwould torture a man wwith jpop all day wwhile he wwas out shoppin_

_And How Do You Plan On Addressing This_

_wwell like i said  
i got to pick up some more booze an maybe wwhen i get back either it wwill havve finished up or the jackass wwill be back  
ill be back later kan  
call me if you wwant anythin special or if your usual standbys wwill do the job_

Eridan logged off and grabbed his keys and his wallet. On the way out to his car, he wished that Sollux drank something other than Feferi's favorite, just so he could deprive him of something as punishment.

Two and a half hours later, Eridan returned with booze and bags of ice in tow, his mood greatly improved, until he heard the drifting jpop all the way from the elevator. He sighed and went into his room, and prepped the cooler for the evening.


	23. >Karkat: Initiate Rage Fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat joins Eridan, Feferi, Kanaya, and Sollux for drinking night, many allusions to incompetence on all fronts are made.

"...And so the sheer amount of tooth-scrapingly banal drivel that was just shooting out of this bastard's pie hole was seriously enough to make me want to summon the beast-like strength most commonly conjured by the weak and pathetic in their hour of dire need and throw my desk straight into his head an feast upon his innards."

"All because he gave you a C." Sollux said, walking a step ahead of Karkat.

"I'm not sure if those of the high-achieving, golden-haired master race of those who can hunker down and lick boot for their grades can contemplate this, but your professors are generally a hunk of self-adulating fucktards the likes of which any half-starved documentary writer can accurately depict to get the liberal media firing off into the massive shitstorm that is the college grading system."

Sollux was listening to Karkat seethe and growl over the latest issue he seemed to have with his semester's course. He had just gotten back his midterm paper from his Media Relations class and clearly his professor and he were not seeing eye to eye. Given Karkat's diminutive stature, this wasn't exactly a terrible metaphor, Sollux thought with a smirk. 

They were attempting to find their way to the drinking night that was promised to the both of them. Sollux could have sworn that he remembered the way through the underbrush to get to the theater they were at the last time they had pulled these shenanigans; unfortunately, it seemed that his partially drunken state did not translate well into proper navigational skills.

Sollux looked around for a moment before cutting off Karkat's rant, "If I could interrupt your completely justified fit of rage for a moment, can you call FF or ED or something?"

"What? Did you forget how to get to this den of illegal deeds?"

"That's definitely a distinct possibility."

Karkat reached into his pocket and flipped through his phone. He tapped out a few keys before lifting the phone to his ear, "Hey Kanaya, Copernicus can't remember how to get to your opium den."

Sollux snorted, "If you can navigate your midget ass back and forth from the woods and back, I'll gladly forgo my puffy asshole pants and compass to you."

Karkat smashed his hand over his free ear as he remained on the phone, "Yeah. Ok fine we'll go back. See you soon."

He shut his phone and turned around, leading them back the way they came. "Kanaya wants us to go back the way we came so she can show us the right way. Seems it would've been the smarter choice to begin with but your multi-faceted monster brain somehow made the assumption that it could make a simple three-minute journey through some temperate, half fallen deciduous underbrush on your own without Aunt Kanaya having to traipse back when she had probably just gotten there herself. Hope you're proud of everyone's time you've wasted."

Sollux followed suit, new boots providing a great deal of protection from the sticks and barbs of the ground, "Oh right, because I'm somehow the expert on secret coves in New Jersey because I've been here for a season. If there was some sort of wilderness survival test I had to have taken, I'm sure it would've been your responsibility to make sure I passed."

"You don't need a wilderness survival guide to make your way through less than half a mile of trees!" 

By the time they saw the lights of the buildings that bordered the woods, they saw Kanaya standing calmly in witness to their heated argument, "I suppose given the amount of time it took the both of you to get back here, neither of you were aware you were going in the opposite direction."

Karkat's jaw dropped, eyes burning with agitation, "Are you serious? Of all the head-splitting, cross-eyed agony-"

Sollux interrupted, "No. No we weren't."

Kanaya shrugged, "No matter, I hadn't actually made the trek myself yet. I had just left our building to make it to the get-together, as it were."

Karkat interjected, "If not for your meddlesome need to coddle the malformed lumps of abortion that form our little circle of friends, I'm certain we would all be doomed."

"What was all that earlier about survival skills in a patch of trees, KK?"

"Shut that lisping, saliva spraying mouth of yours before I nail it shut, got it?" Karkat pointed, making his way to Kanaya's side as she shook her head.

"This way, travelers." Kanaya's path was little more than a winding path that brought them to the familiar theater building.

Already inside, Eridan and Feferi were sitting on the stage with the cooler behind them, the two of them lying on their backs with their faces to the ceiling. Feferi was jabbering on when they heard the others enter. She sat up and raced up the stairs, tackling Kartat in a bear-hug. "Karcrab! I missed you!"

Karkat suffered through the hug, wriggling as little as possible while growling, "The mere fact that you've decided to bring back the crab puns is one goatse-sized indicator that my presence here is one huge mistake." Kanaya strolled down the aisle of the theater without looking back, a grin on her green-lipsticked mouth.

Feferi gave him another squeeze and released him. "But you're so crabby all the time. You need to lighten up! And if you won't do it for your own sake, maybe I'll just annoy you into it, heehee. Now come on, I haven't seen you in too long." She took his arm and led him down the stairs to the stage.

"Your constant begging and bitching was getting hard to ignore. If our friendship were anything like Fatal Attraction, I'd be a rabbit in a scalding kettle while you decided to stalk my entire family," he grumbled.

Feferi pouted, "You don't mean that, do you?"

Karkat merely snorted irritably, though he gave her a little squeeze before he climbed up on stage.

Eridan meanwhile greeted Kanaya, who had made it on stage already. He offered Karkat a hand, "Hey Kar. Glad you could make it this time."

Sollux followed the others down toward the stage, letting out a yawn without covering his mouth.

Eridan pointedly ignored Sollux, as he opened the cooler and handed Feferi a bottle of mead. "What's your poison, everybody?"

"Whatever you're willing to throw my way. It's the weekend and I'm looking to not have to remember the way back to my dorm." Sollux shrugged before sitting beside Karkat.

“You couldn’t even remember the way here!” Karkat promptly growled, "As to your question, Eridan I’d like just enough to make me forget that I have to babysit the cock-eyed shitmouth with the responsibility of an 8 year old father of two."

"Father of two? Really?" Sollux looked over in fake amazement.

Kanaya made the effort to pour her own drink, “I can find respect for a man who would raise his young in spite of making his way through the American educational system.”

Eridan mixed Karkat a rum and coke and passed it to Karkat, helped himself to a lager, closed the cooler and sat on it. He glared at Sollux. "You're gettin' nothin' until you apologize for crimes agin' taste an' for cruel an' unusual punishment a my ears an' sensibilities alike."

"Knowing you, there's at least five different things that could refer to ED, you're going to have to be more specific." He casually slid over to Feferi, who handed Sollux her mead and allowed him to snag a quick sip off the top.

"Don' encourage him, Fef!" Eridan squawked, standing up and jabbing a finger towards Sollux. "This bastard put some fuckin' J-pop on a five-hour loop an' cranked the volume, while you two was out gallivantin’ about, with neither care nor concern for his poor neighbors' sakes."

Nonchalantly, Sollux replied, "Actually it was ten hours, but I got back before it reached the end. Must’ve left it on by accident when FF just showed up so suddenly. ”

“Oh no, don’t pull me into this,” Feferi protested, “Anyway, that’s a total lie! You were waiting outside for me when I picked you up! It sounds like you were out of line anyway, even if Eridan could have left his room whenever he wanted." 

Eridan shot her a look of affronted betrayal.

Sollux replied, "It was an honest accident. I promise." His tone was flat, playful, and completely insincere at once before he cracked a grin at Feferi.

"Still waitin' on my apology, Sol," Eridan said, drumming his fingers on the cooler under him. He had no intention of giving up so easily.

Sollux cocked his head at Eridan, shrugging and making his way over to Karkat, "You mind hooking me up?"

Karkat held onto his drink, "Just apologize to the idiot, the authority of your RA holds sway here."

Sollux groaned, "Fine, I’m sorry I happened to forget to turn my laptop off in my hurry to meet FF to get costumes for our terrible April Fools’ Day idea."

Feferi looked satisfied, and took a sip of her drink.

Eridan blinked—so Sollux got parts of his costume? Ngh. He cleared his throat, expression still indignant, "Well, it's a piss-poor attempt at admittin' wrong-doin', but I'll be the bigger man here." He sat beside the cooler and handed the skinny schmuck a mead.

Karkat took a long sip from his drink before gagging at the strength of it; he had expected considerably less rum.

Eridan snorted, sitting back down on the cooler. "You okay, Kar?"

Karkat nodded, coughing, "Yeah, just, holy shit you mix these strong. Anyway, what are you talking about? Did I slip into a coma for the winter or something, because the last I checked it was only fucking October."

Sollux took a sip, grinning in victory, and pointed at Feferi, "All inquiries must be directed toward her. It was her idea."

Feferi was mid-sip, and Eridan explained on her behalf, never one to miss a chance to lead the conversation with his own spin.

"Trust me, we're goin' to need time to prepare this madness." Eridan gestured to Feferi, "Fef got it in her head that it'd be a hoot to fix ourselves up with some comic-style personas an' do up a flash mob come April Fools, an' the rest a us is clearly nutters, 'cause me an' Sol got ours lined up already. Meant to ask you if you wanted in, but I ain’t got 'round to it yet. So. I'm askin' you now, you game to join us in this impendin' travesty?"

"Oh, please say yes! It's going to be SOOOOOO fun, I just know it!" Feferi bubbled, bouncing lightly as she sat. "We've got one hero--that's Sollux--and me and Eridan are going to be bad guys!"

Karkat stared, slack jawed for a moment before looking at Kanaya, "Are you part of this shining beacon of maturity and downright fucking unsafe behavior?"

Kanaya swirled her drink, "I've restricted my role to spare costumer and matriarchal influence substitute."

Karkat bit out a cackle, "Well if Sollux is the only hero in this situation, no offense, but you'll end up in some sort of aquatic based torture dungeon basically shackled to an octopus and laid waste to by pirate swords and scurvy or whatever the fuck Eridan does. I'm in."

Feferi clapped her hands with delight, "It'll be an honor to meet you in the field of battle, sir hero, and by that I basically mean the quad."

Eridan smirked, "Fantastic. Anybody else you think'd be fun chasin' around campus in tights, you pull 'em in too, okay." 

Karkat jabbed a finger upward, someone immediately who springing to mind, "Oh, I know EXACTLY who you guys need. There's this girl I know who basically LIVES roleplay. Kind of a Japan freak though, I've actually hung out with her while she was in cosplay."

“You referrin’ to li’l miss cat-hats?” Eridan asked, and Karkat confirmed, gesturing to Eridan with his drink.

“Bingo.”

Sollux thought for a second before something clicked. He snapped his fingers and pointed, "Nepeta! You’re talking about NP, right?"

Karkat turned to Sollux, "Yeah! Her! How do you know her?"

"That's Aradia's roommate."

Feferi snickered, "Small world, isn't it?"

Karkat paid her no attention, "Wait, nekomimi hat girl is Aradia's roommate? How the- why the hell couldn't I have put THAT together?"

Sollux shrugged, "Either you're not observant enough or AA just doesn't shed enough for it to stick to NP's clothes." 

"Right because you know how I love to get close enough to girls to breathe heavily on them and inspect their clothes for any traces of their natural habitat on them. Because that's definitely what I'm all fucking about."

"Make sure you pee on her too. Keeps the other alpha males away," Sollux pointed.

Eridan interrupted, "If we could get through this with the least amount a urine possible, thank you...now, you mentioned this other girl before, Sol. Think she's game, too?"

Karkat gestured with his free hand, "No doubt. There is literally no doubt that she wouldn't clamber all over this like some fucking anime demon ghost that killed her entire ninja clan or something."

“Oh, she sounds FUN!” Feferi looked pleased as pleased could be. "Sweet! You guys, get Nepeta and Aradia in the loop...that's six of us, right? That's not a bad start!" She looked over to Kanaya, "Think you can handle all of us?"

Kanaya looked up idly, "If these supposed participants are able to conjure up the majority of their costumes and I only had to add certain details, it would be of little issue to me."

Karkat cut in, "Nepeta literally has a ninja costume, with paper mache fucking ninja knives and everything. Hell, she has—I shit you not—this pair of wood-and-clay katar she sculpted and built herself by hand."

"Wait, I haven't even told Aradia about this yet," Sollux looked back at Feferi.

"Can you?" Feferi fluttered her eyelashes and gave her best but-thou-must pout, "Pretty please? Last time you said you had a friend named Aradia who you’d ask…Pleeeeease?"

Sollux nearly flushed at the gesture and tried not to stare. Seriously, what human alive could say no to those lips-eyes! He meant eyes. "Fine! Fine, if I remember I will."

Feferi grinned, "I'll remind you!"

Eridan snickered, still visualizing a paper mache ninja catgirl walking around campus, "Kinda wish I'd seen that costume, Kar. Any particular occasion, or just for shits an' giggles?"

Karkat answered, "She has some kind of LARP group on campus a few times a week, and on my fucking god, she will wear her costume all god-damn day. Doesn’t matter what fucking time of day her meet might be, who she’s hanging out with before or after, or how heavy her props are; she’ll just go about her business like urban cat ninjas are completely normal. She showed me her whole prop arsenal a couple times, and yeah, okay, they’re actually kind of impressive, UNTIL YOU REMEMBER THAT THIS IS EARTH and catgirl ninjas with frighteningly realistic weaponry are NOT AN EVERYDAY OCCURANCE. Jesus Christ smack-talking Buddha on a Tuesday, it’s as though she was going to get randomly scouted in the middle of a fucking college campus or discover her true purpose as a fake ninja while going to creative writing. She's only worn it once or twice this semester though, guess the cold is getting to her sensibilities."

"I don' even care what else can be said a her, she's in," Eridan snickered, raising his bottle to the absent catgirl. 

Feferi crawled over, careful not to spill her drink, and sat beside Karkat. She put one arm over his shoulder, "But now for you. You need a character. Any thoughts? Hey Kanaya, any suggestions for Karkat?"

Kanaya looked contemplative from her seat across the stage, "Perhaps he could serve as a healer or a cleric-like character?"

Karkat waved dismissively in Kanaya’s direction, "No, fuck that. I'm a knight."

"A superhero knight." Sollux tried to imagine that, "How would that even work?"

“Clearly you’re an affront to your own goddamn nerd culture if you can’t even remember the original superhero knight. Batman ringing any bells?” Karkat rang an imaginary bell for emphasis.

“So you want to be Batman is what you’re saying.”

"No set themes or characters have been established as of yet, so Karkat could develop whatever he wishes of his character," Kanaya replied.

Eridan spoke up, "Hey now, a superhero knight don't sound like any more a stretch a the imagination than a pirate-themed thief, an' I'm sure we're all in agreement that there ain't a whit wrong with Dualscar, so why the fuck not? Not everybody has to be some generic psychic lightnin'-shooter like you, Sol." 

"Generic?" Sollux glared, "What the shit is 'generic' about a techie who shoots lightning?"

Eridan rolled his eyes, "Just another nerd with force push. We both know that ain't been an original idea in yonks."

"If Jack Sparrow woke up one day and decided, 'you know what? I'm going to throw all my shitty clothes overboard and wear purple and nothing else;" that would be your stupid character. And then he'd promptly hang himself." Sollux spat, and took a long pull at his drink.

"Shut your gob, will you Sol? Dualscar was in the conception stages long 'fore Depp perched the tricorn atop his head. Fef'll back me up on this."

Sollux’s glare could singe hair, "I'm leaving the narwhal song on tomorrow and leaving for the entire day."

Eridan turned to Karkat, "You heard him. He's threatinin' noise pollution that'll sully the whole fuckin' floor. We're all witness t' his admission; you're a fair man, Kar, tell him he can't do that without RA intervention."

"Fuck it, I already filled my quota for stemming the tides of your stupid pranking horseshit for the night. The horseshit depository is closed; please hold on to your respective horseshit until business hours open tomorrow at half past fuck you." Karkat took a drink from his cup and let out another gag at the strength of the drink.

Sollux spitefully grinned at Eridan, who promptly growled back at him. Eridan stood and took the bottle of coke, and walked over and poured some more into Karkat's cup to dilute his drink. "Here, give that a stir, see if that suits you better."

He glanced at Feferi, "Thinkin’ on it, though I ain't too clear on your deal, Fef. What's your character all about?" 

Feferi grinned, "I'm The Empress, and I look good while being bad." 

Kanaya chimed in, “Clearly much thought and effort must be made for her to fit the role.”

Eridan chuckled, "Of course, how could I expect anythin' else?" 

Feferi scrambled over to Kanaya, "Kanaya has some sketches! Wanna see?"

Kanaya took another dainty little sip of whiskey and handed a folder to Feferi.

Feferi grabbed the folder and pulled out her and Sollux's character sketches, facing Kanaya. She handed the folder back, nodding her head in Eridan's direction and giving Kanaya a knowing wink. She grabbed her purse, too, and scooted behind Karkat and Sollux, pulling a notebook from her purse and declaring, "Here Karkat, you can see mine and Sollux's, and we can figure out your character and costume." The two turned to face her, their backs towards Eridan and Kanaya.

Eridan scowled and started to follow after, "Hey! I ain't seen yours yet, Fef!" Nor Sollux's, he thought, and the thought of being left out and denied itched at him.

Kanaya subtly tugged on Eridan's scarf and opened the other folder that she had, expression completely impassive and innocent

Eridan glanced down at the open folder and promptly sat down next to her, taking the folder from her and studying the page before him. There sat the pictures she had sketched of Dualscar and The Psionic "in battle." He supposed that that was meant to be his character mashing The Psionic against the wall; a decent enough likeness in face and form even if the costume design was all wrong. 

He licked his lips and looked over at Sollux, who was grinning proudly as Karkat nodded approval at...something. Eridan cleared his throat, a slight flush in his cheeks. "...Quality work, Kan, no bones about it...you got Dualscar wrong, though. Needs a coat an' a fine hat, an' what is even goin' on with that shirt? Uh, the rest looks good, though. Mighty fuckin' good..."

Calmly, she replied, "I do apologize that my picture is not up to snuff with your high standards. Feferi had made the valiant effort to access your deviant art page, but caused some strain of trouble with her screen and required Sollux to come to her room late last night. Presumably to fix the trouble."

"Presumably. You're wordin' it like that just t' get under my skin, ain't you?" Eridan grumbled, adding, "Fuckin' tease..." under his breath. 

"Well given the hour, I could not very well invite myself into their business to see what may or may not have transpired." She took a sip of her drink and failed to hide a grin.

Eridan sighed, no less discomforted than the last time he had heard of Sollux’s late-night rendezvous, though he himself could not say if it was more by the thought of Sollux visiting Feferi or Feferi inviting Sollux. 

He shifted uneasily. He turned the page and found the sketch of the bloodied kiss, and his mood improved immediately. Two rivals, locked in a far more intimate combat...yes. Shame about the costume, everything else about this was perfect. He wiped the grin from his face, feigning indifference, and passed the folder back to her. "Up to your usual high standards. If you get 'round to fixin' the costumes, I'll thank you for a copy a each."

"Oh, so you're under the presumption that I would redraw not one, but two separate drawings of a character you yourself have multiple copies of? You expect much from a seamstress."

"Defiance!" Karkat loudly proclaimed, and Eridan and Kanaya looked over. "That's my name, it had to be Defiance!"

Feferi had sprawled face-down across Karkat’s lap, scribbling down ideas as she, Sollux, and Karkat brainstormed.

Sollux thought on that, "That's definitely a 90's era Marvel name is I ever heard one."

Kanaya smiled over indulgently, as Eridan looked over the thick frames of his glasses at her until she met his gaze again. "Kan, you’re pretty fuckin’ willin' to draw guys gettin' adversarially tangled in suggestive ways, considerin' the whole lesbian thing, but fuck if I'm goin' to complain about it. An' on that note," Eridan nodded his head over to Sollux, speaking barely above a murmur, "I'm guessin' you’re itchin’ to give me some advice on the matter a one certain bifurcated bastard. I know you, Kan, an’ how you love puttin’ your nose in matters. I’d give good odds that you drew these more out a hope it’d open up a chance to meddle when I poured out my heart—or possibly my liver—an’ asked you on how I could manage to get ‘em reenacted.”

Kanaya playfully rose her eyebrows, "Your assumptions are more or less spot on. However, the pictures also served as an excellent practice for the male form."

Eridan snorted. "Well, you do any more practice with 'male forms' that look like that, you let me know."

"I was unaware my talents were of such use to you."

He gave her a look over his glasses again, and smirked. He leaned back, legs outstretched in front of him, and drained his lager. "You tease as much as ever. Fine. Here, this is me, not beatin' around the bush, an' even askin' nice. You're observant, an' you're the finest meddle a man can hope t'know; so go ahead an' advise me. I been flirtin’ with Sol, an’ I’m sensin’ he’s interested, okay, but either he ain’t pickin’ up on the signals I’m sendin’ or he ain’t got sense enough to either make a move, flirt back, or at least do me the mercy a shootin’ me down."

"Given how you haven't accosted him with your camera or your privates, adulations are in order for the restraint you seem to have gained in the last few weeks."

Eridan glared at her. He sat up and fished himself out another drink. "I'm used to gettin' some kind a answer, okay? I want a piece a that, I ain't ashamed to say it, but I ain't got the go-ahead yet an' it's maddenin'."

She sipped at her drink, pausing thoughtfully, "Would you declare this need primary or secondary?"

He thought for a moment, "...Beg pardon?"

“Consider Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The most important ones lie strictly at the base of a pyramid in those that provide your life force, but the higher up on said pyramid you go, the more you approach the ones that help your self-actualization. However, my personal belief is that the most important ones lie solely in the primary and secondary needs, the second and third rung of the ladder so to speak. Sexual intimacy is generally considered a secondary need in most cases, but it appears that you declare it of the utmost, primary, need, Eridan."

He regarded her briefly, before taking a swig and laying down on the stage. "You're puttin' a lot a science into gettin' laid. I...guess you'd call it secondary, but it's admittedly high up. I like fuckin'. That ain't a wrong thing, Kan. I ain't dishonest about it, an' I ain't completely selfish either, I can give an' take as easy as you please. An' I like thinkin' I ain't too bad at it, not that anybody seems t'say otherwise...you can't really blame me for wantin' some play, an' if I said I was hopin’ to find me a steady fuckbuddy, could you really blame me?"

"A ‘steady fuckbuddy,’ you say? You haven't so much as broached his field once and you're assuming multiple times." She looked down at him with a questioning smile.

"Hope springs eternal." He idly waved his hand, "Anyway, how'm I s'posed to rule him out if he won't take himself out a the runnin'? He's an asshole, but I got notions on him, an’ I been workin’ on him…what more does a man have to do t' get a yea or nay? Throw myself at him in my shortest skirt?"

"Was that why I had to assist you in plastering your door in saran wrap?" She hunched over him with a hiss. She settled herself and sat back up with a sigh, "In order to prevent such further bouts of frustration, I recommend you take the initiative to outright make your intentions known. No games and no meandering."

He sighed, "I...yeah. Yeah, you're right, as usual." He sat up, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "Flirtin' usually does the trick. I ain't used to havin' to spell it out for somebody; I mean, nobody's this oblivious without bein' willfully so, right? Leaves me out a my comfort zone, y’know? But you’re right, an’ if I want anythin’ to happen then I got to make my move, ‘cause clearly hints ain’t the way to go with him."

"To be fair, if we're to speak from a purely objective standpoint, does he look like someone who often partakes in illicit behavior with another?" Kanaya nodded over towards Sollux.

At that moment, Sollux was making hand-puppet gestures at an infuriated Karkat, who proceeded to punch him in the arm. Feferi then rolled out of Karkat's lap with a surprised squeal.

"Yeah, fair point," Eridan admitted. "What the fuck, right? Nothin' ventured, nothin' gained; he who hesitates is lost, et cetera, et cetera."

She stared blankly, unamused, "Was that your effort at being poetic?"

He grinned, smugly, "No effort, I just got an artistic soul. But I'm at cross minds, now; I mean, fuck if I don't want to give it a go tonight, but do I really want to go givin' it a shot when we got such buzzes goin' on? If I'm goin' to fuck him, I want him choosin' a his own free will an' aware enough t' remember enjoyin' it. Liquid courage makes a fine social lubricant, but it turns into liquid regret so easy...there, an _that_ was poetic."

Kanaya, expression largely unchanged, rubbed her forehead with her palm, "Wait until the both of you are sober. Your second time can be as socially lubricated as you see fit."

Eridan nodded, falling quiet in sordid contemplation. Sollux had admitted, last time he had a liver full of mead, how he liked dirty talk. If there was one thing Eridan knew how to do, it was talk. He was already planning out his "conversation" in his head when he was snapped out of his reverie.

"--And I think you're being silly!" Feferi declared, as she stood and stomped to the cooler. Eridan and Kanaya looked up at her as she fished herself a fresh mead. "Boys. What are you going to do? I think a knight has to have a sword!"

"A sword?" Kanaya began before Karkat interrupted her.

"Seriously, you’d make one lousy knight if you didn’t use a sword.” Sollux proceeded to finish his second bottle of mead.

Feferi plonked herself back in place between the guys, "Swords are great! Who wouldn't be intimidated by a sword? Especially a broadsword! Swords are cool. Cool guys use swords. Cool knights use swords. Get used to it."

"Seriously, what the fuck else would you use as a knight if you don’t use a sword?" Sollux threw up his his hands in frustration.

"Only because you guys aren't smart or creative enough to have come up with the best weapon for me. Sickles! Like a sword, only split in half and I can use one in each hand and let evil bleed into the streets!" Karkat was pleased with himself and that analogy.

"What kind of a knight uses sickles?" Sollux rose his hands in sheer confusion.

Eridan chimed in, "Sickles are pretty ace, actually, an' swords are overdone."

Feferi rolled her eyes, "Well, what about a mace? That's accurate. Knights used maces and flails all the time!"

"All of those are too heavy! Unless you want me falling over or literally beating someone to unconsciousness in battle, you're going to want me to use something I can actually hold the fuck upright. I want something lightweight and easy to use!"

Eridan quirked a brow, looking to Feferi and Sollux. "You did tell him we're usin' props, right? No live steel, no actual lightnin', an' no genuinely pointy tridents. Right? Tell me he ain't thinkin' he needs an actual arsenal..."

“You’ve gotta be kidding me ED, why would you lie to our friend’s face like that? Haven’t you checked out my psionics?” Sollux twitched and wriggled his long fingers in Eridan's direction with a cocked eyebrow and an intent gaze.

Eridan only rolled his eyes at Sollux. "So what's the problem here? Fill me in. Whatever Kar's usin', we got to build, an' he can use anythin' he can either make or cajole one a us into doin' for him." He scooted over and held his hand out for Feferi's notebook, "Here, let's see what you got so far."

"Like I need your secret nocturnal self popping a nerd boner over on this project, Eridan. I can just get Nepeta to help me. She’s wanted to help me make something to fake-spar with her for a while anyway."

Sollux found himself between Feferi and Eridan at the same time as Eridan examined the book and Feferi seemed to forget the meaning of "personal space."

Feferi draped herself across Sollux's lap as Eridan studied the list, though really he had no cause to as Feferi opted to tell him and Kanaya everything that had been decided. "Karkat, aka 'Defiance' is going to be a knight, but he's going to be basically in brown from head to toe. Like, a chocolatey-brown, see? And a cape. A really nice, fancy cape, also brown. Maybe with a red lining underneath, or red trim. Across the shirt, a big red gash that looks like it's dripping blood. Karkat hasn't decided whether or not he wants the mask that he totally should have."

"Still say the cape's a bad idea though." Sollux replied, "If FF's got a trident or whatever the fuck she decided on, she can just spear him down and punch him while he's stuck."

Eridan looked over his glasses at Sollux, "I'll have you know capes are fuckin' boss. Kan, back me up here."

Kanaya seemed contemplative, "Both sides present fine arguments."

"About my cape!" Karkat butted in, "I didn't even want the fucking thing to begin with!"

"So Fef's responsible for the cape, then?" Eridan asked, with a chuckle. 

She nodded fervently. "Trust me, a hero needs accessories! A cape would be good! Sollux has a lab coat, but you don't have anything, Karkat! All we've managed to get for you is shirt and pants. That's not a hero, that's a sweat-suit with ketchup on it. We have to spruce you up!"

"Tell you what, he can have my jumpsuit and I'll just run around with nothing under my labcoat. Everyone wins." Sollux managed to say this with a straight face before Karkat squawked in protest.

"A what? You want me to wear WHAT?"

Kanaya replied, "That hardly qualifies as a costume or a compromise…"

Pleasant visual aside, Eridan smirked and smacked Sollux lightly upside the head, "If you was nervous enough t' try gettin' out a this by means a a public indecency charge, you could a just said so."

Feferi grinned, "I dunno, Eridan, this could be a fun idea, heeheehee..."

Sollux pointed to each of them individually, "No and no." He hovered over Feferi's face as he spoke, "You might not understand this, but running naked does not do well for a guy's junk, not matter how 'lovely' you might think it is."

Karkat's jaw dropped at the casual admission.

"That does not make it less hilarious," she replied, simply, taking a swig.

"There's a story here, I can smell it," said Eridan, handing the notebook back to Feferi. "Mind fillin' in the blanks before my brain gives it a go? Whatever you got to say can't be less embarrassin'."

Karkat slammed his hands over his ears, "No! I'm not listening to anything involving anyone's meat sword, especially Sollux's!"

"Right, because I was totally going to narrate an epic on yours, KK!" Sollux yelled back before slumping back somewhat, face tinged pink, "FF dragged me into a porn shop and made me try on a body sock thing and had shit to say about my junk."

Feferi opened her mouth to protest, as Eridan choked on a sip of beer and clapped his hand to his dripping nose. She was caught in the spray and quickly jumped upright and skidded away from Eridan.

"FUCKIN' SHIT fuckin' booze went up my nose! Holy mother a GOD it BURNS!"

At the same time, Karkat fell over with a scream, "BRAIN BLEACH! Need it now! Did not want!"

At that point, Sollux rolled his eyes and sat beside Kanaya and the cooler. He looked inside and noticed there was no longer any mead. He took a plastic cup as well as the cheap vodka that Karkat usually preferred after an infuriating movie and filled the cup halfway. 

"I do find it amusing that there seem to be so many issues with colloquialisms tonight."

Sollux nodded, unable to hold back a laugh at the two young men and their subsequent pain.

Eridan pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket to press to his nose, sniffling and with tear-filled eyes, while Feferi scooted over and fussed over him, "Eridan, are you okay?" 

He answered her irritably, muffled through his handkerchief, "Fuck no, I ain't okay woman, I just got nasally irrigated agin' my will. Sweet mother a god I think I invented a whole new realm a anguish..." 

Feferi wrapped him in a side hug, her head on his shoulder, "Your poor nosey..."

Sollux started laughing as Karkat and Kanaya exchanged a look.

Karkat responded, "Don't worry, your baby sister will take care of you."

Eridan grumbled inaudibly and Feferi gently papped his shoulder, "Shoosh, it's going to pass pretty soon." 

"Like Princess Ariel at a boyscout meeting." Sollux interjected from across the room.

Eridan shot Sollux a two-finger salute. "Heartless douchenugget."

Karkat growled from behind his hand, "I swear to god the sheer amount of use you get out of that word is astronomical."

"You are what you eat, I guess." Sollux shrugged.

Eridan ignored Sollux, turning to Karkat, "Y'know, Kar, you got to be the first mother's son ever accused me a havin' a lack a variety a language."

He sniffed and wiped his nose a final time, re-folding his handkerchief and setting it aside.

"Oh are you REALLY going there with me right there? Is the express bullet train to your everloving goddamn demise really pulling in so soon? Is that a yes? I'm not hearing any answers out of you!" Karkat leaned forward, eyes burning.

"What? I ain't said anythin' rude!" Eridan waved his hands, "I ain't about to pretend I ain't naturally inclined to jump feet-first into the in the most colorful depths the spoken word got to offer, but you pole-vault into 'em, Kar, an' comin' from me you know right well that that ain't an insult."

"You're using Olympics jargon on me? Well by that logic I've most likely lapped you three times on the goddamn sprint track of the English language? What's that? Is that the 'ing' connector? You say you haven't heard from Eridan Ampora in YEARS? Well isn't that the most shameful thing I've ever heard in my life?"

Sollux shook his head, the straight vodka already making his head swim, "Wait, I'm confused, what just happened?"

Kanaya replied, “I believe they’ve accidentally initiated an exercise in verbal verbosity.”

Sollux turned to look at Kanaya, “You get the honorary medal for that sentence.”

Kanaya smiled, peering over in his cup to make note of how much he drank.

Feferi gave Eridan a pat on the back. "Yep. You'll be fine." She stood, fetched her unfinished mead, and sat next to Kanaya.

Eridan leaned towards Karkat, a smirk playing at his lips, "Oh yeah, play for the dialect; it's a safe play, though a li'l beneath you, ain't it? Long as we're graspin' at the low-hangin' fruit here, when was the last time you ain't used a swear for a whole twenty minutes? Oh right, never, seein' as partin with the word 'fuck' for longer'n it takes to take a whiz gives you such separation anxiety it gives you physical pain. You got a mouth on you so foul your mam just whittled a bar a soap into the shape a a nipple an' let you have at it."

Kanaya walked over to each of them and lightly hit each young man in the head with the spine of her binder, "Boys, both of you are equally foul mouthed. Are you content?"

"Fine, fine..." Eridan rubbed the back of his head. He peered over at Karkat. "Could a out-talked you, though." He glanced at Kanaya, hands raised, "Maybe another time."

“Fat chance-!" Karkat looked to Kanaya before shutting his mouth with a grunt.

"So KK later on if neither of us is too fucked up, do you want to play more Project Diva? We can bring it to my room since I know how much ED loves the soundtrack." Sollux smirked over at Eridan.

Karkat replied, "Since the fucking unholy maggots aren't in my care tonight, I might be able to stop in and beat your ass into the linoleum."

Eridan flicked a bottlecap at Sollux, hitting his chest. Feferi lay down on her belly between Karkat and Sollux, drinking her mead and kicking her legs in the air.

Sollux flicked away the bottlecap, otherwise ignoring Eridan, "Can't believe you actually got that game anyway."

Karkat shrugged, "It's not mine, like I got the fucking cash to buy imported games instead of torrenting them onto my computer. Nepeta let me borrow it."

Sollux cocked his head, "Really? Shit, she must be an otaku if she had actual game disc and everything. And here she let you borrow it like it was nothing."

Karkat thought for a moment, "Fuck."

"Fuck indeed." Sollux took another drink, "Plus she must've been playing a while, she has all the fucking songs unlocked. Hope she's not pissed that I'm beating all her records."

"Excuse me? THE BOTH OF US are beating her records."

"I beat your ass like you beat your dick, KK."

"More like you beat your own unresponsive nuclear waste pile congealed into a pipe-shaped organ down south!"

Kanaya's eyebrows rose at that particular comment.

Feferi looked between the two. She looked over to Eridan, confused. "Translation?"

As if they'd forgotten there were people around them, the both of them looked at Feferi before Sollux sheepishly responded, "It's this video game where, uh, it's a rhythm game."

Karkat added, "Where you play as these preteen girls dancing around to stupid music and there's no subtitles so most of it was trial and error to see if we were doing it right."

“Actually, I didn’t understand what Karkat said, but okay.” Feferi propped herself up on her elbows, "Is it fun?"

"Wouldn't waste my time with it if it wasn't." Sollux grinned at her, "It's fucking easy though, music's catchy as hell, right ED?"

Eridan glared daggers at Sollux, but Feferi sat up and draped herself over Karkat's shoulder. "What was that name again? If it's fun I want to play!"

“Et tu, Fef?" Eridan groaned.

"Project Diva, it's like Stepmania except it goes all over the screen."

"Like Feferi knows what the fuck Stepmania is, you nerd. You're forgetting that she and Kanaya over there are the only ones here with social skills,” at which Kanaya gestured to herself with a shake of her head, “so why would they have the faintest idea what mole-people like us do to amuse ourselves."

"Fuck you KK."

Feferi scribbled down the name into her notebook, giggling. "Should I get that other one too? Stepmania?"

"Feferi, if you can manage with Stepmania I'll eat my goddamn hat." Karkat laughed.

Eridan crawled over and squeezed between Feferi and Sollux, wrapping an arm around her and scratching the back of her neck, "C'mon, Fef, don' let these two drag you into their  
struggle over who's the alpha nerd."

"Oh it's not that bad once you get used to it, ED. Let me sing you the song of my people." Only a couple feet away from Eridan, smirking like the devil, he bopped his head from side to side and hummed the infernal song that had played for nearly 5 hours from Sollux's room.

Eridan backhanded Sollux's shoulder, giving him the full brunt of five heavy rings. 

Sollux started laughing, holding onto his shoulder (fuck that had hurt), "Ow fuck ED, shit!"

Kanaya pointed a stare at Eridan and shook his head, "Was that entirely necessary?"

Karkat nodded, "They don't learn unless you teach them who's boss."

Eridan snickered, "Sorry Sol, here, I'll make it right." He slipped his rings off, letting them clatter to the floor between his crossed legs, and then slapped him again, bare-handed.

"Oh shit it's Sonic up in here." Just as the hit made contact, Sollux's hand darted out to grab the rings from the floor, "Free rings!" 

He jammed a couple in his pocket while he rolled two toward Feferi and the last toward Karkat.

Feferi snatched the rings as they rolled by, and Eridan pounced on Sollux, scrabbling for his pockets, nails clawing at his jeans, "Give 'em back, asshole!"

Feferi shot Kanaya a glance and a giggle. Kanaya facepalmed with a sigh as the boys wrestled on the ground, unable to interfere. Karkat also slid the single ring he had in his pocket while Sollux tried to fend off Eridan single handed, "Oh fuck I'm being attacked, KK! Use your leadership or whatever and stop him!"

"Fuck it, you asked for it, Captor." 

"Judas!"

Eridan pushed Sollux back against the stage and sat on his chest. Sollux’s laughs turned into protests, “ED? ED! What the hell are you-“

“Just takin’ what’s mine.” Eridan proceeded to loot his pockets, taking the stolen opportunity to feel the bony ribcage and nearly meatless muscles under his thighs. The curve of Sollux's hipbones was sharp and angular against Eridan's hands as he fished his rings from Sollux's pocket. He crawled off Sollux, scooting back next to Feferi, who handed him the rings she had caught.

He slipped them all back on, victory across his face until he realized one was still missing. "Hey, which a you fuckers got my rhodochrosite?"

Karkat withdrew it, "Right here, idiot."

Sollux meanwhile, skin uncomfortably warm, sat back up and crawled back toward Kanaya and the cooler. He took the opportunity to drain his cup with a strangled gagging sound. 

Kanaya watched Sollux, "You have to douse yourself in it to clean yourself, not ingest it. I'm afraid we don't have nearly enough to decontaminate you."

"Nope, just needed something stronger." Sollux took a quick drink before his face crinkled and cringed in pain.

Eridan graciously accepted his ring back, and gave them all a quick polish with his sleeve, regarding his now properly-jeweled fingers with a smug grin. "Nothin' personal, Sol, but you take my stuff, I take it back."

"FF you need to keep your twin cousin on a leash." And his hands to himself when everyone’s around, Sollux thought uncomfortably as he hid behind the cooler.

"You took my fuckin' rings!"

"You did take his rings, Sollux," Feferi nodded, laying back down on the stage. 

Sollux continued to hide with a grumpy grimace, Karkat responding with, "Looks like we figured out a way to accidentally get Sollux to shut the fuck up and stop being an asshole for five minutes, just have to get princess Ariel to work her charms."

"Nope. Do not want." Sollux complained.

"On the one hand, I ain't a whore an' you ain't my pimp, Kar. But on the other, even I confess to seein' benefit to havin' a secret weapon against our li'l douchebag here," Eridan said, throwing a thumb towards Sollux.

"You see this?" Sollux gestured to the cooler, "This is a wall. It's my secret fortress of solitude and only the girls are allowed here, by which I also mean KK."

Kanaya giggled, "Exclusivity, I like it."

Feferi laughed, giving Eridan a clap to the shoulder, "Go get changed, Ariel, and let's storm that wall!"

Eridan simply side-eyed her.

Sollux curled up on the floor, "Urrrrgh not her again!"

Kanaya replied, "Now, now, she's a perfect lady once you get past the drug store perfume and Southern belle sweetness."

“You wound me, Kan!" Eridan snorted, "You got any idea how much that shit cost me? You can't just fish custom-blended aromatherapy body spritzers out a some bin."

She seemed to look bored with his response, "I'm aware, Aveda is my apothecary of choice as well."

"Apothawhat?" Sollux tilted his head in confusion.

Eridan waved his hand dismissively towards Sollux, "Hush now, the adults are talkin', you uncultured clod." 

He turned his attention back to Kanaya, "Anyway, I found this new site, they make you do a personality profile before they agree t'brew you up anythin', an' then they make you somethin' specially designed for you an' you alone. I'm talkin' quality shit here, an' it cost a pretty penny, I ain't goin' to lie."

Stupid rich shitstain, Sollux thought, rolling his eyes and knocking back the rest of his vodka. He then made a vaguely sick sound, tongue sticking out as Karkat laughed at him.

Eridan listed off several constituent essential oils, "Amyris, Linden Blossom, Vetiver, Palmarosa..." and Feferi crawled over to Sollux. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, laying a soothing hand on his back.

Sollux nodded, licking over his teeth, "Yep. Just kinda..." He blinked, head swaying slightly before dropping onto her shoulder, "Yeah, I'm drunk."

She smiled indulgently and petted his hair. 

"Neroli, Sandalwood--shut up, I know it’s overused but it actually compliments the others pretty well an' rounds out the scent--an' Benzoin..."

Feferi interrupted, "Hey guys? I think maybe we should call it a night."

"What? Nooooo." Sollux mumbled, not lifting his head, "Also my recently acquired blind guy powers tell me you smell pretty."

Karkat drained his cup, "Fine, I suppose it wouldn't be smart to let the alpha nerd die."

"Fuck you in half, KK."

“Did you steal that one from Eridan, because I’m almost positive he said it to me at least once.”

Feferi scratched behind Sollux's ear, giggling, "Come on, let's get you up."

Eridan stood and stretched, then began to clean up. "Fair enough. Kar, help me gather bottles, yeah? You too, Sol, if you got it in you to stand."

Sollux managed to make it to his feet, "See, I'm fine!" He stood with only a slight wobble as he flipped Eridan off with both middle fingers, "Oh, oh wait, I'm seeing double here, I see four of these!"

Karkat took Sollux by the shoulder while he and Feferi led him down the steps to the theater seats.

Kanaya picked up bottles along with Eridan, “Just couldn’t keep your hands to yourself, could you?”

"He stole 'em! You know that don't fly; I'd a done the same if Kar had tried that shit with me, I'd a looted him too."

"Would you have pawed gleefully at his torso whilst he squirmed beneath you?"

Eridan paused, "Okay, I might a enjoyed it, but I'd a grit my teeth an' fetched back my property, regardless a who swiped my rings, all the same."

Kanaya kept an eyebrow raised as her stared burned through his glasses, "Should you want this to work, keep it in your pants for at least 24 hours."

Eridan scowled, "Wasn't you sayin' to seize the day an' go for it? C'mon, Kan, I got tomorrow off, an' I'm pretty sure same can be said a him. Now I ain't goin' to jump a guy that can't even walk reliably, that'd be fuckin' unconscionable, but a whole twenty-four? Ain't that a bit much?"

Her stare did not cease as she inquired, "Pray tell, how did things go with your last intimate encounter?"

Eridan kept his mouth shut.

"Twenty four hours. That's all I ask."

Eridan grumbled, checking his watch, "Fine! Fine... Yeah, okay."

"Good." She closed the lid with finality as she stood and brushed off her skirt. 

A few minutes later, Eridan peered over at Sollux, whose head was dropped down slightly as he sat. When Karkat came to the edge of the stage, Eridan said, “Sol don' look like he can make it back without help. You want to drag him or the cooler?" _…pick the cooler pick the cooler pick the cooler pick the cooler..._

"I got the beanpole, I'm sure it weighs less." Karkat walked over to Sollux without letting Eridan argue with him, "C'mon, idiot."

Sollux glared, "Seriously KK call me idiot one more time and I'll throw you in the dumpster."

"Like you could manage it, Gumby's more built than you."

Eridan bumped the cooler up the stairs, until Feferi rushed over and grabbed the other handle, lifting and helping him up the stairs. Outside, she and Kanaya waved and headed back to their own dorm. 

Sollux seemed to be trying to walk at arm's length and lean on Karkat at the same time, "KK you need a fucking shower."

"You're one to talk, asshole. You literally smell like a computer."

"Yeah, like that makes any goddamn sense."

"Like oil and dust and whatever filth is in your fucking room."

"Nah, his room smells slightly less a energy drinks, confusin'ly enough," Eridan chimed in.

"'Radia threw my garbage out."

"Well good on her. Baby sister taking care of her idiot onii-chan."

“I'm not Japanese, you idiot."

"Y'know, never even met the girl, but I think she may a just made my favorite people ever list." Eridan dragged the cooler along, the contents quietly clanking and sloshing. "Hey Kar, permission to spritz this fucker with febreeze or somethin' if he don't tend himself so he's fit for bein' around workin' noses?"

“If you can manage, why the fuck not."

Sollux lifted his head, looking over the rims of his glasses, "You think that's the only ten-hour song I can have playing the whole damn day? There's worse ones, princess. Worse."

"Hey, I got the RA on my side on this one, Sol. You cause noise pollution issues, an' I'm sure I'd be well entitled to wreakin' vengance a my own."

"No goddamn vengeance in my fucking hallway, you got it? Save that shit for the quad or something. Or hell, right here, I'll leave you two to duke it out and I'll get a fucking lawnchair."

Sollux rolled his eyes and dropped his head onto Karkat's before jerking back with a choked sound, "Holy fuck ED spray HIM with febreeze."

"I'm taking you with me, Captor!"

Eridan sighed and pulled a small atomizer out of his pocket, giving both of them a quick spritz. 

Both boys practically fell over in shock, jerking away in different directions as Sollux righted himself at the last minute.

"Motherfu-"

"Godfucking cocksuckers Ampora, what the hell!?"

Eridan grabbed the cooler and started towards the dorm, "It's all I got on me; but fuck me if either a you can truly appreciate the subtle blends a oils I just wasted on the pair a you."

Sollux shook his head, lungs full of the scent, eyes slightly wider than before. He gave another subtle inhale, swallowing and becoming slightly more relaxed, and walking on his own, "Jesus, didn't know you carried cologne on you. Kinda doesn't surprise me in retrospect."

"He'd carry his whole fucking vanity with him if he could."

"Typical. I vastly improved both a your scents, you should be thankin' me! Instead, what do I get for my trouble? Bitch, bitch, bitch..."

"Oh goody, I smell like a pretentious asshole's decollecte. Don't I feel fucking special." 

Eridan stopped and turned. "Smell like a what?"

"Decolatatage." Sollux stumbled over his words again, eyebrows furrowing.

"Decowhat?" Even Karkat looked confused now.

"Are you tryin' to say 'decolletage?' Mercy fuck, Sol, if that ain't the cutest thing I heard all night..." Eridan laughed.

Cute? Sollux's skin then flushed in the dark, "Fuck off, I've never heard it pronounced before!"

Eridan laughed at him all the more. "Clearly. No worries, Sol, we'll get you talkin' like a grown man, big words an' all, soon enough…”

Karkat then asked, "What the fuck is a decolletage?"

Sollux pointed to his own throat, "I think it's your neck or something."

Eridan rolled his eyes and gestured, demonstrating on his own chest. "Generally speakin' it's the kind a plungin' neckline that emphasizes the cleavage an' tits, though the term can just mean the area a the chest, whether or not any a it's bein' exposed."

"Super. We smell like ED's tits, awesome." Sollux gave a thumbs up sign over his head.

"No, you smell like my aura...or some shit like that. Fuck if I even care." 

Karkat shuddered all over, making the effort to scratch at his own chest and growl.

Sollux looked over at Eridan with a vaguely disturbed look before looking back at the path before them. He walked faster, passing a half-step before Eridan, trying not to think about the weirdly pleasant mixed scent that filled his nose; he kept trying not to think about it so hard he lost his footing and stumbled.

Eridan dropped the cooler handle and caught Sollux, righting him, and grinning just a little as his arm wrapped around Sollux’s waist; Kanaya could get stuffed, Eridan was keeping his hands off Sollux's naughty bits; no harm, no foul. 

His voice was almost gentle before turning saccharine, "Steady on, Sol. One foot in front a the other, you got it. That's it, an' so long as you don' puke on my shoes, we're all gold, okay?"

"Fuck you, I don't throw up from drinking, I'm not some goddamn teenager."

"You're built like a fucking stickbug, Captor," Karkat chimed in, picking up the cooler handle and dragging it along, passing the other two.

Sollux lifted his head, glasses falling partway down his nose before he righted them, "Yeah, yeah I get it! You’ve said it like 5 times since we got outside, got any more goddamn news updates for us, Vantas?”

"You just ain't got the body mass t' handle vodka like that." Eridan shifted again, his hand finding the edge of Sollux’s ribcage, "I mean, c'mon; even through this jacket a yours I can still feel these ribs.

Sollux inhaled sharply, realizing that once again Eridan’s hands were on his body, totally unbidden but not altogether unpleasant—wow, no, shut up brain—Karkat was RIGHT THERE, and there was no way he'd do anything in front of a witness... or behind him, as it were. He swallowed before squirming away from that hand, ending up pressed closer to Eridan by accident before breaking away entirely. 

He pulled forward, glowering at the ground, "Haters gonna hate."

Eridan let him go; he seemed to be handling himself okay. They stopped at the recycling and dumped the empty bottles in the bin and the ice water on the grass. As they headed back along the trail, Eridan eyed Sollux. "You doin' okay? No more fallin'?"

“Uh, yeah..." Sollux nodded, looking as confident as he was able to muster before walking ahead of Eridan but behind Karkat.

Karkat looked back for a minute, "See, he's fine, knew he would be."

"Good to know you always believed in me."

"Yep, blah blah friendship speech etcetera."

"For the last goddamn time KK I'm not Japanese!"

Eridan snickered and walked a half-step behind and to the side of Sollux, ready to catch him in case the vodka got tricky in him again. "Dunno, Sol. Weeaboo life cares not for the culture a your birth or blood, so far as I know."

"Liking a few Japanese things doesn't make me an otaku, that's what KK's girlfriend thing is."

"Girlfriend? She's not my fucking girlfriend!" Karkat turned around halfway, still dragging the cooler.

"She lent you an imported game, the PSP it would go with, and doesn’t care you’re going over her records, what the hell else could she want?"

Eridan raised an eyebrow. "Does she know she ain't your girlfriend? Or are you linin' up hearts t' break? Honestly Kar, I didn' think you had it in you..."

"Oh my taintchafing god, stop putting words in my mouth! I've never said anything of the sort! We just kind of hang out and watch shows and she deals with my shit and I listen to her babble on forever about... stuff. Not really sure what exactly, after a certain point it kind of turns into white noise especially when she starts babbling about her friends or her roleplays or some weird quest she has going, but whatever, it's important to her!”

"Observant." 

“Besides! Not everyone measures affection by the retail value of games you lend someone, not everyone is as shallow as you!"

“Oh yeah, so shallow. Been holding out for Felicia Day and will never take a-” Sollux tripped over his new boot and stumbling for only a second.

Eridan caught him by the back of his jacket, "Careful. One false move, that face a yours hits pavement, an' them shades a yours is toast."

"Fuck!" He hadn't even thought of that. His eyes opened wide, holding onto the arm of his glasses with a contemplative, focused expression.

"Wouldn't that be hilarious? 'Oh no my stupid fancy hipster sunglasses broke so now I have to look at everyone in normal colors!'"

“You know what KK? I might be feeling a little nauseous after all. And I’m aiming for you.” Sollux answered just as the three of them had reached the building. 

Karkat responded, "Too bad I left my umbrella upstairs, but I can probably outrun projectile vomiting.”

“Well this was fun.” Eridan tried to interject, not wanting this conversation to continue in the slightest.

“I’ve got a list of things I’ll need for next time. Lawnchair, an umbrella, and possibly some mace."

"Actually, come t' think on it, I think they blended in a li'l pepper in there, too..." He pulled out the atomizer, then realized the ingredients weren’t listed. "Shit, I got it listed on the main bottle in my room, anyhow..."

They walked over to the elevator; it thankfully being on the ground floor as they stepped in. Sollux pulled his jacket off, his fuzzy mind forgetting the dorky shirt he still had on, until Karkat’s braying laughter began between he and Eridan, "The fuck are you wearing!?"

Sollux looked down before pushing Karkat’s shoulder, "It's AA's shirt, she left it in my fucking room and it's the only clean one I had left!"

Eridan cackled, "Jesus! An' you went out into the world wearin' that shit? I take it back, I don't even care what else may a happened ever, ‘cause that shit is hilarious. Looks like I ain't the only one who likes wearin' girls' clothes, eh Sol? Least I got some fuckin’ taste, though."

Sollux flushed bright red and hit the both of them with his jacket before storming off down the hallway, wrenching his door open and letting it slam shut behind him. 

Karkat shook his head with another caustic laugh, "Fucking Sollux. You know, we can't let him have straight alcohol ever again, it turns him into idiot."

"It ain't that long a trip for him," Eridan snickered, and extended a hand to Karkat. "Anyway, you take it easy, man. Night."

"Good night psycho, try to not give Sollux an aneurysm." Karkat returned his handshake, and made his way back to his dorm at the end of the hallway.

Eridan went to his own room. He shoved the cooler into a corner and flopped down on the bed, exhausted. A smile inched its way across his face as he realized just how great his room was when there was no ambient J-pop.

Then faintly it came.

"Po pi po pi po pi po pi po! Po pi po pi po pi po pi po...!"

…Fuck.


	24. >Nepeta: Conduct Cosplay Photoshoot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Aradia plays photographer and Karkat covers his ignorance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epithimia: I'm going to be going to animeNEXT for the first time as a Homestuck! AAAH. All the excitement!

"How about over there?" Aradia asked, pointing to an abstract statue, all metal and jagged lines. Nepeta had insisted on having a photoshoot as soon as the paint had dried on her latest costume, and so she and Aradia were now scouting for an appropriate place to hold it. 

"Hmmmm..." Nepeta mused, appraising the statue, circling it, in her baggy khakki shorts and orange-and-black skull-and-crossbones oversized long-sleeved shirt. Her sneakers were black and yellow, painstakingly painted, and her black ribbed cap had a skull pin she had molded and painted to suit. "Yeah, I think this'll do!" she cheered, striking a bashful pose, pigeon-toed with her fingers laced behind her back.

Aradia made ready with Nepeta's camera-phone, and lined up for a shot.

Almost as if on cue, Karkat walked within viewing range of the makeshift photoshoot. He had his hands in his pockets and his eyes to the ground, but it was undeniably him.

"Karkitty!" Nepeta called out, breaking character and bouncing over, as Aradia turned to watch her.  
He looked up and stepped back a bit, looking over her outfit, "Grah! Again with the Karkitty crap?"

Nepeta rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay, sorry. Karkat." 

Aradia walked over, smiling. "Hey, this a friend of yours, Neps?" 

Nepeta nodded, grinning, "Karkat, who is definitely not Karkitty. Nope." She turned to Karkat, who gave a sharp, disgruntled look in her direction, "This is Aradia. I've probably mentioned her before? Anyway, this is her; she's the best."

Karkat’s eyes opened wide and he made note of her appearance, "Oh. You're Aradia! I've heard a whole fuckton about you."

"If you talk to Nepeta, I'm not surprised!" Aradia laughed. Nepeta gave her a glare, but Aradia put her arm around Nepeta, who nuzzled her cheek in return. "Anyway, I've heard a lot about you, too. Unless Sollux knows a completely different Karkat, but I think the odds are sort of slim...Nice to meet you!"

"Oh really? He talks about me? Why am I not surprised. How do you put up with that stick-boned, freak-eyed misery pile and all of his misnomers anyway? I hear you're basically his nanny."

"Hey! That's my best friend you're talking about, and I'll thank you to leave his eyes out of it." Aradia huffed.

He stepped back with his hands up defensively, "Eesh, all right, all right. Fuck, I'm sure he's said worse about me."

Aradia cleared her throat and smirked, "The rest was pretty spot-on, though."

He relaxed and cackled back, "Hah, good to know there's a sense of humor in there."

"How can you be Sollux's friend without one?" Aradia asked, snickering, and Nepeta nodded.

"You don't,” Karkat shrugged, “You die. Physically die. The oxygen evaporates from your blood and you drop dead."

"Well there you go. Anyway, nice to meet you," Aradia smiled, offering a handshake that Karkat reluctantly accepted. 

Nepeta interrupted, "So what brings you out here? Aradia's helping me take pictures of my latest costume, what do you think?"

To be honest, Karkat wasn't sure who she was supposed to be. Whoever she was, he could find it in himself to admit that there was at least some degree of charm and sweetness to it. "Looks like ordinary clothes, only brighter. Who are you supposed to be?"

"Oh come ON! Even Aradia knows this one!" Nepeta blurted, before pausing to pose bashfully. Her brow furrowed again, and she put her hands on her hips, "I'm Rhyme! You know, TWEWY! The World Ends With You? Tell me you've played it..."

"Oh right! Definitely, I mean any fan of TWEWY knows Rhyme!" Karkat lied with a half-hearted grin that was all teeth and no substance, "I just, you know, haven’t played it in a while, been busy with that game you let me borrow."

“Hmm, okay. I guess I can forgive you, heehee,” Nepeta smiled, satisfied. "Well, what do you think? I got all the details down, right? And don't I look just like her?"

Karkat nodded with that same smile, suddenly jittery, "You trying to get pictures, huh?"

Nepeta nodded fervently, and bounced back over to the statue, calling over, "Think this looks like a good spot?" 

Aradia got Nepeta's phone back out, fiddling with the features again, and quietly muttering, "You have no idea what she's talking about, do you?"

"My pathetic attempts to worm out of this fucking venue of humiliation were that noticeable, huh?” He looked over at the phone Aradia was using, "More to the point, how is exactly is this a photoshoot if you guys aren’t using an actual camera?"

"Just a guess, actually. I think Sollux has a copy he hasn't played in a while that he let me borrow a couple weeks back. Just...if she challenges you to Tin Pin Slammer? Don't. She will wipe the floor with you." She fussed with the phone, "And no, I can't afford one and Nepeta just hasn't got one." She looked up, calling out, "Okay, pose!" and snapped a picture.

"Well, ordinarily I wouldn't advertise such to someone I just met, but since you're Sollux's wet nurse and daycare coordinator, I guess I can mention that a friend of mine not only takes pictures, but has made known that his pictures are little more than the grace of the fucking Gods and his talents must be spread far and wide as gratitude for the paving into the illustrious world of pretentious artistes."

Aradia blinked in confusion.

“Well?”

"That…sure was a sentence you just said. Anyway, that wouldn't happen to be Sollux's suitemate, would it?" she asked, taking another couple shots as Nepeta shifted into other poses. "From what I hear, he's kind of at Sollux's throat, and I don't imagine Sollux would forgive me for fraternizing with the enemy."

Karkat stared back, eyebrows raised before they settled back down into an angry slouch, "Either you just know the same seven or so people I do or this world is getting smaller by the goddamn day. That world is small enough that I’d be able to encounter the only fish-brained imbecile with the lack of common sense and overabundance of perseverance to  
actually deal with his horseshit other than you and I, unlucky bastards that we are. Also from what I hear, Sollux started it."

"...You know, I hate to say it, but that would so not surprise me."

Nepeta bounded back over, snatching the phone and looking at the photos. "How'd they come out? Ooooh purrrrrrrrfect!"

Karkat was surprised at the quality of the camera in Nepeta's phone. He had expected the kind of scratchy, vaguely blurry pictures he had on his own phone, Shit, those are almost like actual camera pictures."

"A serious cosplayer knows the value of a good camera, and of having a reliable mobile device," Nepeta stated, simply, as Aradia's own phone went off. Hers was a considerably less high-end model, a simple flip-phone that had come for free with her cellular plan. 

Aradia giggled as she saw the number, "Excuse me, guys. Nep, you'll be okay to find your own way home?" Nepeta grinned as Aradia started backing away, "Go on, and say hi to Equius for me." 

Aradia giggled and answered her phone, practically skipping down the sidewalk.

Karkat watched her walk off for a moment before responding, "Blech, what was all that about?"

Nepeta shook her head, smiling. "My best friend just started dating my other best friend. They're still in that happy-dreamy-snuggly stage, it's pretty much to be expected."

"That's one awkward situation, it’ll get worse when sloppy parts get involved." Karkat contemplated the implications with a grimace.

"Awkward for who? They're too blissed out to care how they look, and I get to watch a real-life romance unfold. It's better than a movie! Especially since, if I see either one of them do something dumb, I can just smack 'em upside the head."

Karkat grinned, "That's a good point. I actually told my friend that if he tried to hook up with our mutual friend that I'd do that exact thing. Actually I said I'd follow him with a boombox blaring Someone Like You like the third-act montage of a miserable playboy who's lost the love he loved the most."

"I think they'll do okay, though. Like a love-at-first-sight story, you know? Also kinda like Beauty and the Beast, but sweatier and with more coffee grounds." 

Karkat affixed her with a bewildered, questioning expression.

She cleared her throat, "...long story."

Karkat then shrugged. "Right then. Love at first sight tends to be a load of shit anyway though. I mean who just reciprocates affection that quickly? You don't even know anything about their hygienic routines that soon."

"True...it's way better to know a person before declaring undying affection, but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?" Nepeta smiled, looking off distantly in the direction Aradia had headed, "And it's not a bad thing to want to get to know somebody you're attracted to. Sure, not everybody who hits it off quickly stays together, but I have a feeling those two might."

"That's a lot of ridiculous optimism to have for this. On the other hand, guess you just don't want to put up with coddling the both of them if they broke up, right?"

"Oh my GOD," she groaned, "Nonononono, I'm not even going to THINK about having two whiny wrecks battling for friend-custody of me. Nope, not doing it. They'll stay together and like it!"

Karkat then began to laugh; a gravel-ridden, but somehow less caustic way than she was used to hearing, "You're the fucking matchmatcker, you deal with that crap."

"Nooooo!" she squealed in mock anguish, dropping to her knees, arms raised to the heavens, "Nooo, you have to save me! Save me from the whiney Bee-Eff-Effs!"

"No! I got my own fucking plate full with an entire hallway of dumbass "froshes" and their inconsiderate asshole lord and savior respectively who each still with a straight face can call themselves my friends."

"That's what I have to deal with. You can play dollhouse with your roommate and her.... whatever he is."

"I'm just going with 'Beau' for now," she said, scrabbling back to her feet. "Tell you what. Either of us ends up with miserable friends, the other one will call now and then to provide a sneaky little excuse to get the hell out. Deal?"

"Deal. You've met Sollux, right?"

"Sollux? Of course! Wears those weird sunglasses, and talks with a lisp, right? Needs a sandwich desperately? Keeps eating honey, like, all the time, but gets kind of defensive if you call him out on it?"

Karkat nodded in contemplation, "Right, I call dibs on him. You can have the guy whose level of propriety, neediness, and fucking annoying is enough be a 1980's cartoon villain."

"Can I smack him upside the head if he's the one who screws it up?"

“Go nuts,” Karkat scoffed, "Fuck it, if he were left at the altar on his wedding day in his Vera Wang dress and classy hooker shoes, you could still smack him. The cathartic release that comes from hitting this dickhead is enough to grant serenity to war widows."

"Oooh, my own personal whipping boy? Just what a girl wants!" She laughed as she threw her arms around him in a tight hug.

Karkat gargled and squirmed in her embrace, then resigned himself with a sigh. There was no point in being defensive to her, she was just too.... moe.

Oh fuck, he'd actually just thought that.

He mentally kicked himself and Sollux for that use of terminology.

Nepeta released him, giggling, "So! Out of curiosity, how are you at Tin Pin Slammer?"

"Uhhherrrrrrrr...." He inched away, "Not that good?"

She pouted, "Darn. Aradia isn't that good, either...Oooh, I can teach you! Come, young padawan, I will show you the ways of Tin Pin!"

Karkat looked around and then reached into his pocket, "Oh! Oh fuck, I can't, I'm supposed to be running something in my hallway. I mean a program! An RA leadership program thing for my hallway and I was supposed to be there, and awwwww. Next time. Next time I swear." He was slowly backing away.

"Oh...well, okay..." Nepeta said, pouting just a little. She waved as he backed away, and turned and wandered off herself.

He sighed in relief, still holding onto his phone and he walked, but was then surprised when his phone actually buzzed in his hand. Kanaya had just texted him. Why couldn't she have been a little more goddamn timely, dammit?

He opened his phone to find familiar text.

_I Would Greatly Appreciate If You Texted Eridan For Me_

He snarled and mashed his thumbs against his phone.

_WELL FUCK ME RUNNING DOWN THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING SIDEWAYS. WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU TEXT HIM YOURSELF? YOU'VE GOT HIS NUMBER_

He was just about back at his building when he received her response. 

_Because If I Were To Do It He Would Suspect Something Was Amiss. I Am Trying To Keep Him From Doing Something Stupid_

Karkat raised an eyebrow.

_HOW STUPID ARE WE TALKING? I MEAN I DO LIVE IN THE SAME HALLWAY AS HIM. I CAN JUST GO TO HIS ROOM AND KEEP HIM FROM FUCKING THINGS UP_

Karkat then almost immediately got a reply. 

_You Know Eridan  
You Know His Impulses  
Just  
Make Sure He Hasnt Done Anything Stupid  
And Dont Say I Told You To_

Suddenly something clicked in Karkat's head. He felt his cheek twitch slightly as he texted Eridan. 

_AUBERGINE PRINCESS OF THE NORTH, DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID, GOT IT?_

_fuck you kar you think me continuin my habit a breathin is stupid_

_ALL RIGHT. JUST MAKING GOOD GODDAMN SURE BECAUSE I'M YOUR RA AND YOUR SOLE GUARDIAN ON THIS CAMPUS AND OUR HALL. SO THEREFORE I HAD TO BE SURE THAT YOU WEREN'T PLANNING TO DO ANYTHING THAT WE ALL MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH._

_wwhat are you insinuatin exactly kar  
did kan draft you into textin me  
cause you can just tell her fuckin highness i am bein perfectly wwell behavved an she knowws wwhat i mean by that so dont evven bother wworryin about it  
i am a man a my wword an i am honorin it an fuck her for thinkin i cant be trusted_

_SURE. FINE. WWHATEVVER. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON ANYMORE BUT AS LONG AS NO ONE'S KNOCKING AT MY DOOR BEFORE TOMORROW MORNING, EVERYTHING'S FROSTY AS THE GODDAMN WINTER'S DAWN, GOT IT?_

_wwhatevver_

At that point, Karkat just happened to pass by Eridan's door and didn't even want to imagine what the fuck might be on the horizon.


	25. >Eridan: Here Goes Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan takes a chance and Sollux makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dyzzyah: FINALLY.
> 
> We also got a preview art picture up on tumblr. (http://epithimia.tumblr.com/post/24863314956/preview-art-by-caveofjulez-for-the-latest-chapter)
> 
> Warnings for dirty talk, blow jobs, mutual wonking, and more dirty talk. 
> 
> Seriously, ED doesn't shut up.

_AUBERGINE PRINCESS OF THE NORTH, DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID, GOT IT?_

Eridan picked up his phone and immediately saw red. Had Kanaya told Karkat of his designs on Sollux? Why the hell else would he be texting something so specific?

Except it wasn't specific at all. Maybe it was about something else entirely. 

_fuck you kar you think me continuin my habit a breathin is stupid_

Almost immediately, he got a block of angry caps locked text.

_ALL RIGHT. JUST MAKING GOOD GODDAMN SURE BECAUSE I'M YOUR RA AND YOUR SOLE GUARDIAN ON THIS CAMPUS AND I OUR HALL. SO THEREFORE I HAD TO BE SURE THAT YOU WEREN'T PLANNING TO DO ANYTHING THAT WE ALL MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH._

Oh that meddlesome tart. He glowered and stabbed out a series of furious responses over the course of five minutes.

_wwhat are you insinuatin exactly kar  
did kan draft you into textin me  
cause you can just tell her fuckin highness i am bein perfectly wwell behavved an she knowws wwhat i mean by that so dont evven bother wworryin about it  
i am a man a my wword an i am honorin it an fuck her for thinkin i cant be trusted_

_SURE. FINE. WWHATEVVER. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON ANYMORE BUT AS LONG AS NO ONE'S KNOCKING AT MY DOOR BEFORE TOMORROW MORNING, EVERYTHING'S FROSTY AS THE GODDAMN WINTER'S DAWN, GOT IT?_

Eridan typed a dismissive _wwhatevver_ and checked his watch. The last three hours had really been the worst. He the texts only served to remind him that he swore to Mother Hen Maryam that he'd wait before taking a chance for that sweet Captor ass.

Three hours ago, he had taken a shower and jerked off, making sure he wasn't too needy and wouldn't fire off too quick if he managed to get lucky. 

Two and a half hours ago he styled his hair (was the blonde streak due for another bleaching?) and picked out his clothes, nothing too desperate, of course, but still ace threads: tight jeans that emphasized his ass, plain turtleneck under a pretentious band tee shirt, sneakers that cost extra to look beaten up, and yet another scarf.

One and a half hours ago, he worked on Viva La Villainy, a particularly spicy chapter with some delightfully gratuitous sex in an abandoned warehouse; one hour ago he did his hair again, carefully disheveling it just so. 

After that, he spent twenty-five minutes arguing with himself on the pros and cons of dousing himself with his aphrodisiac-laden body-spritzer, finally opting not to apply anything but his own charms. Five minutes he spent pretending to work on homework, and roughly half an hour checking himself in the mirror and going over his game plan.

Sollux had said, on their first drinking night, that he had been a fan of dirty talk. This was a fact that had never stopped being on Eridan’s mind; and if there was one thing Eridan knew he could do, it was talk.

He checked his watch again. Twenty-five minutes to go. He paused and reflected, slipping his watch off and tossing it on the bed. Fuck it all, it was probably daylight savings in Borneo or somewhere. He left his room and knocked politely on Sollux's front door.

The door opened, Sollux standing there in his usual red and blue sunglasses which, judging by the lack of light in the room, he must have just whipped on to open the door. He was barefoot and wore a pair of baggy jeans as well as the same shirt from yesterday and his military jacket. He raised an eyebrow at his caller, "Sup ED?"

Eridan looked him up and down. "Hey Sol, gotta talk to you about somethin'."

Sollux leaned on his doorjamb and spoke precisely, "Kay. About what?"

"You an' me, specifically. I noticed that ain't happened yet, an' I figured a more direct approach was worth a shot," he smirked, stepping closer and looking him in the eye, "You goin' to let me in or what."

The double entendre was not lost on Sollux as he stepped back, eyes wide behind his glasses. 

Eridan left his hands in his pockets, his posture cool and relaxed. "You got an answer for me? Or am I goin' to have to go assumin' things?"

"Kind of sounds like you're doing enough assuming for the both of us." There was the snark; meek and quieter than usual, but poking its head out of its hiding place.

"Nothin' ventured, nothin' gained," Eridan shrugged, and gave Sollux a smoldering look over the rims of his glasses. "See, I been tryin' to get a read on you, Sol; I tried playin' hard to get, I tried flirtin', an' none a it got me shit, so I mean to make my intentions known."

That stare. It was so similar to the one that he had when he flipped off his friends, when he was being a smug son of a bitch, when he was making fun of him. Teasing him, he corrected himself. Sollux bit at his lip, looking Eridan down and then back up in the span of a few seconds. This was actually happening. He was speechless; blood overheating his skin and face while his chest tightened. Why the fuck was he so nervous? 

He found himself mumbling, "Look, I... ED, you’re really putting me in a weird place."

Eridan shrugged, nonchalant as he held up a finger, "Make you a deal, then: one kiss. Just one kiss, an’ if you tell me to fuck off, then I'll know that tryin' anythin' with you is a dead end. But no cheek-shit, I mean one, honest-to-god, proper fuckin' kiss. Sound fair?"

Sollux tried to play cool and looked left and right down the hallway. He then leaned forward, hands still holding onto the edges of the door, lips were pushed out just so as his eyes behind his glasses were squeezed shut.

Eridan licked his lips wickedly as he pulled Sollux to him, one arm tight around his waist, the other harshly cradling the back of Sollux's head, as he crushed their lips together, kissing him hungrily. Sollux’s lips were plush and soft, a result of that damn Burt’s Bees lipbalm that Eridan periodically saw his side of the sink, no doubt.

Against his will a low, quiet moan seeped from Sollux's throat. His heart pounded faster, there was no other sound but his hands gripping the metal doorjamb as he did his best to remain upright. The ripple of pleasure that streaked through the skinny young man was easily noticed by Eridan, who let the arm around Sollux's waist fall to cup Sollux's ass. 

Eridan pressed against him, capturing and sucking on his lower lip, slowly guiding Sollux backwards into his room, kicking the door shut behind him.

Without thinking, Sollux let his hips push up before pulling them back, a sound of protest coming out of him as he opened his eyes. He then shut them tight again out surprise. His mouth was clumsy and unpracticed, he tasted vaguely of soda, or at least something caffeinated. The collar of his jacket and shirt smelled of Eridan's cologne.

Eridan backed Sollux against his dresser, pulled Sollux's glasses away faster than he could protest and pocketed them, working both hands through Sollux's hair. His heterochromatic eyes were exposed, leaving the owner feeling naked and exposed to Eridan's stare. 

Eridan looked Sollux in the eye, his voice low and his breath hot. "So. Do I fuck off, or do you want t’see what else can happen?" 

The room was dark, lit only by lamps outside, light filtering through the blinds, and the bright glare of Sollux’s laptop. Still, Eridan could make out the different shades of Sollux’s eyes, and the dark circles beneath them. Sollux tilted his head, breathing quickly, fingers gripping Eridan's shirt as he tried to acquiesce without breaking down his pride, "Fuck..."

"Mmm?" Eridan flicked Sollux's upper lip with his tongue, teasing him, as he pressed his body against him and pinned him to the dresser. "Fuck...what? Fuck off? Fuck me?" He leaned down and licked a swath from Sollux's collarbone to his ear.

Sollux couldn't stop himself from squirming, from leaning his head back as much as he was able. Another groan came from those lips, his voice softer than Eridan had ever heard from him up until now; calmer, sweeter. His hands flattened against the solid surface behind him for any sort of support, "ED..."

Eridan chuckled, puckering his lips and blowing cool air across the wet track he left with his tongue. He dropped his hands down, yanking up Sollux's baggy shirt, pressing firmly as he explored his stomach and chest. "So I guess I should just keep goin', then? If you want me stoppin', just say so an' I'm gone, but it sounds t'me like you got no intention on lettin' me go so easy..."

Sollux arched into those exploring hands, giving no further reply than the way his breathing sped up. His pale skin grew pink easily as he was touched.

Eridan smiled, murmuring, "Good boy." 

The sharpness returned, eyes piercing like nails, "You smug-"

Eridan pressed his lips back to Sollux's, tugging down the jacket and letting it flop to the floor. He pulled away again, pulling Sollux's shirt from him and throwing it indiscriminately over his shoulder, before roughly working one hand up Sollux's chest, fingers bumping over each rib on the way up. "Don't think I ain't noticed you wearin' that shit I got my scent on yesterday. Not to worry, Sol, I'm here now, an' you can smell the real thing."

At those words, something just caved in within him, forcing Sollux to lean forward and kiss him... in spite of him clearly not being sure how. His lips were soft and malleable, but just rubbed up against Eridan's with a soft, closed mouth peck.

Eridan licked at Sollux's lips, and tweaked Sollux's nipple between his thumb and forefinger, slinging his other arm around Sollux's shoulder and pulling his head to the side. "An' I haven' failed to notice that you ain’t so chatty as you typically are, now are you, Sol? I must be gettin' you into such a state..." he teased. 

Sollux's angular hips pushed forward just slightly, leaving him breathless and panting against Eridan's ear, "Don't fuckin' care, shut the fuck up..." Eridan nipped playfully just above Sollux’s collarbone, and Sollux leaned his head back with a desperate gasp. 

Eridan groaned and rocked his hips to Sollux, pressing his hip and thigh against him, as he lapped at the marks he had made in the man's skin. "No, Sol, I don't think I got any mind to stop talkin'. Got half a mind to stuff your mouth with somethin', though, but…I don't know...see, I got me a conundrum."

Were Sollux not so completely consumed in the moment, his brain a bit clearer, he would have fought him, he wouldn't have pushed his lower half up into Eridan's hips with that pathetic, needy force. He might not have been so intoxicated by the scent of Eridan's skin, of his cologne--no, that was different, was this his natural scent?--so much stronger than the faint remnants of spray lingering on Sollux’s clothes.

He reached up with nigh inhuman reflexes and dug his fingers into Eridan's lower back, clinging to him with a quiet moan, ear tilted up into the sound of his voice.  
Eridan grinned, slipping two fingers into Sollux's mouth. "Hmm, yeah, you'd look real pretty, wrappin' them lips around my cock, suckin' on it like you want the prize...or I could just stuff somethin' in there an' ram your ass like no tomorrow an’ listen to you whimper...helpless an' lovin' every god-damned second...What to do, what to do..."

Sollux was unable to answer at all, a tiny grunt in his throat as he bit down lightly and then sucked those fingers in his mouth, blushing deeper as the words sank in. He pushed his hips back up with another moan, the filthy words making Sollux lose the last of his composure quickly.

"On the other hand," Eridan continued to murmur into Sollux's ear, slowly sliding his fingers back and forth across Sollux's tongue, "Maybe I should tie up your hands an' leave that mouth a yours wide open, an' see what kinda sounds you can make while I fuck you so hard you think you're gonna split." 

He sighed, "Decisions, decisions..." 

Sollux drew back, starting to pant softly, eyes shut tightly as his cock only grew harder, starting to throb in his jeans. How... how the fuck was Eridan doing this to him? He then let out a long, drawn out moan, head as far back as he was able. 

Eridan failed to suppress a chuckle; this was the dry, bitter, sarcastic recluse he had been living next to for almost two months? He ground his hip against him again, smirking wickedly and savoring Sollux coming apart in his hands, teasing Sollux's tongue with his fingers. "What's a guy supposed to do, Sol? You don't look like you're in the presence a mind to do much besides stand there an' moan. Am I wrong about that? You think you can put that pretty li'l mouth a yours to work on me?"

Sollux tried to glare at him, a true and proper glare now that the sunglasses were gone. He blushed deeply, nipping at those fingers in his sharp teeth as he remained stubborn toward his captor.

"No? But no to what? No, you can do more than moan? No, I am wrong? No, you can't go down on me? What is it, Sol?" he grinned, nipping at his ear as he withdrew his fingers and wiped them on Sollux's jaw.

"You just love to hear yourself talk, don't you?" Sollux wiped his face with the back of his arm, wetting his lips quickly.

"Correction: YOU love hearin' me talk. Evidence is right fuckin' here." Eridan dropped his hand down, tracing his fingers so very, very lightly against the bulge in Sollux's pants, as he gripped his hair with his other hand, "You ain't told me to fuck off yet, so tell me what you got that you think can be worth both our time."

Sollux nearly melted at the touch of Eridan's fingers upon his hardness. He squirmed under his hands, still trying to keep composure as he growled, "You came here to see me, I'd think you should be pleasing me." His words were entirely too bold for someone in his position, hips still lightly pushing up into the touch.

"I ain't against the notion, Sol," Eridan admitted, "But I ain't got time for somebody that ain't up for makin' me get mine. You ain't gettin' out a this li'l rendezvous without gettin' off, so long as you give me somethin' too. There, an' ain't that a fair proposal?"

Sollux’s eyes flicked down for a moment before he nodded with a slight smirk, "All right then."

Eridan smirked, pressing against him, whispering in his ear, "Good boy," before mashing his lips to Sollux's, invading his mouth with his tongue.

Sollux gripped Eridan's shoulders, squeezing tightly as his heart pounding faster at the aspect of just what might happen. Eridan's tongue slid around Sollux's wetly as the scrawny young man tried to keep up. He bit Sollux's lip again, before pulling away, taking his touch and his heat away from Sollux completely, pulling off his scarf and throwing it on the bed. "You ever done this before? I seen some a what that tongue a yours can do, so I know you're gonna do just fine either way, but I'm curious. Humor me."

Sollux delayed in answering, staring at Eridan's neck as it was exposed from behind the scarf. Even in the dim light, he could make out freckles just below Eridan’s nape. He scratched his hand through his hair, mentally configuring the pros and cons of lying and decided on an honest policy, "No, never did anything that far with a guy."

His back still facing Sollux, Eridan looked over his shoulder and chuckled, "You're doin' fine, don't worry." He pulled off his shirt and turtleneck, tossing them in the corner, showing his lean and speckled back as he stretched. Next he flicked on the only lamp in the room in order to see better, before turning and sitting down on the bed, legs splayed. "Pants off. Now. Let's see what you got."

Sollux stared at the slim expanse of skin, blinking under the brighter light and marveling how the freckles dotted Eridan’s shoulders and chest, only being jerked back to reality by the other man's command. Sollux grumbled to himself but complied nonetheless, undoing the baggy jeans and boxer shorts, kicking them to the side.

Eridan looked him up and down, leaving his face mostly blank, before leaning forward to examine and scrutinize the bared and flushed flesh before him. Eridan took his time studying Sollux, every mark, every line, looking over the skin, the muscles underneath, and definitely at his package. He nodded, approvingly. "Turn around, slowly. Let me see all a you."

Sollux glared for a second before turning around slowly; he had a skinny, bony little white-boy ass, his spine was partially visible through his skin, his shoulder blades pronounced, a few incredibly dark birth-marks here and there, including a couple above his ass, one on his left hip, and now that he was able to look more closely, Eridan could see one just on his collarbone.

Sollux could feel Eridan's eyes on him and he visibly began to squirm in front of him, biting his lip.

Eridan smiled, his own wood pressing against the confines of denim. "Fuckin' beautiful; four stars. Now get that fine ass over here."  
If there was an expression that could encompass flattery, annoyance, and arousal, it was all over Sollux's face as he took a couple of steps forward. He licked over his teeth in anticipation, heart racing, cock half hard as he gave Eridan an appraising look as well.

Eridan swept his eyes up Sollux again, smiling, finally ending at his eyes. He laid his hands on Sollux's hips, tugging down, as he directed "Kneel. Bring those lips where I can get to 'em."

Out of shock, Sollux obeyed, tripping over his own knees as they hit the cold floor. "You always so fucking impatient?" Sollux spat with a petulant, but still rather nervous expression.

"I been waitin' weeks for a yes or no. Finally gettin' impatient is what got me a fuckin' answer, idiot." Eridan cupped Sollux's chin and pulled him to himself, kissing him deeply before Sollux could retort, as one hand worked its way from Sollux's hip to his ass, fondling the cheek, his fingers just dipping barely into the crack.

Sollux was struck silent except for a muffled moan, closing his eyes and tilting his head awkwardly to try and return it. He gripped Eridan's knees tightly for balance, accidentally pushing his ass out into Eridan's hand.

Eridan dug his fingers into the cheek, using his free hand to unzip himself and wriggle his pants and boxers down enough to free his hardness; he was fully hard, and of appreciable size and thickness.

Sollux recognized the sound and froze for a second before looking down to the source of the sound; every bit a frightened virgin in front of cock.

"It ain't goin' to bite..." murmured Eridan, his voice smooth as butter as he pulled Sollux closer and kissed the corner of his jaw.

It was impossible to mask the shiver that went through Sollux. As though challenged, Sollux leaned down, closing his eyes and letting the tip of his tongue drag up from the base to the tip. He withdrew just long enough to adjust himself before letting the tip of his tongue rub up the slit where liquid beaded.

Eridan leaned back, rewarding Sollux with a groan, "Good boy, Sol. That's fuckin' ace start, keep it up…" He let his hands rest on Sollux's shoulders, not holding him in place, but encouraging him warmly.

He didn't dare open his eyes, but continued swirling his tongue around the head of Eridan's cock. More confident now, and he began to suck on it, his tongue pressed to the underside. He let out a little moan in his throat, his hands shaking on Eridan's knees. 

Eridan bit his lip, his thumbs rubbing little circles above Sollux's collarbones, "Nngh, you're a dirty fuckin' liar, Sol...sayin' you ain't done this before...that or you're a fuckin' natural...fuck, that's good..."

Sollux moaned and pulled his mouth back up for a second, just to catch his breath before leaning all the way down to lick from the base of the shaft all the way back up to the head. He tried to assess the size, going back and swallowing an inch or so past the head, bringing a hand up to grip the base to keep it upright.

One hand carded through Sollux's hair; Eridan encouraged him every way he knew how, with firm-but-gentle touches, and with words. "Just like that, good boy...good, good boy... I'm only hard on account a you bein' so fuckin' hot, Sol, you know that? You like that you made me stand up like that? You like doin' that shit to me?"

Sollux groaned at the filthy words he was hearing, willing himself to bob his head harder. He squeezed the base and rubbed as he opened his mouth wider, licking the underside in a thick stripe. His breath flowed hot over whatever part of his cock was not enveloped by his mouth or hand.

"Fuckin' fellatio virtuoso here, if this is your first time...shit, you must have a mind dirty as shit, an’ I LIKE it. Maybe you like the taste. You like that, Sol? You want to just eat that forever? Oh my mercy fuck...just like that, Sol...Keep goin', you're doin' fuckin' fantastic..."

His eyes opened and darted up for a brief moment, catching sight of Eridan's face before shutting. Sollux ducked his head down as far as he could, trying to experiment with his cock, finding himself growing harder as well.

Eridan groaned, willing himself to stay still as the words tumbled from him like a lecherous waterfall, "Don't force it if it ain't gonna work, Sol, you're doin' fine, but you can play with it. That's it, make my cock your little toy, yeah? See what you can do with it. I bet you're enjoyin' this, huh? Fuckin' hell, you're prob'ly hard as a rock down there, ain't you? Bet you can't wait to have this dick a mine up your ass, either..."

Sollux lifted his head briefly, drooling all over the shaft only to suck it back up when he dipped his head back down. He groaned at the idea planted in his head that Eridan wanted to fuck him. He going to be fucked, shit, he was gonna be fucked as the bottom... He wasn't sure how he felt about that but the way Eridan was saying it was delicious; he was losing himself in the moment and couldn’t give a shit about anything else.

Eridan grinned, drinking in the beautiful sight of Sollux clearly enjoying the little tryst so far, if all this enthusiasm was any indication. He groaned, not daring to buck his hips, knowing better than to try to fuck Sollux's face just yet, but certain that he'd get around to that point sometime. He ran his hands from Sollux's neck to his shoulders and back again, "Fuck...you're good, Sol. You're just...good."

Sollux opened his mouth, catching his breath and squirming at the ticklish sensation upon his skin. He shifted his shoulders and licked up the shaft again, hands squeezing Eridan's thighs and those eyes meeting his face again.

"Fuck, an' you're enjoyin' this even more'n I am, ain't you? Look at you go, just lickin' on that like it tastes better'n anythin'...You like my taste? Fuck...I bet you do...God, you're beautiful. Just look at you, you just want your pretty mouth all over my cock, don't you? You can't get enough, you'd just eat that all day if I let you...an’ believe me, I ain't got a problem with lettin' you...you fuckin' love my cock, an' Sol, if you want it, you can fuckin' have it any time you like if you're gonna treat it this nice..."

Sollux pulled his head up and looked up, eyes hazy and heavy, lips swollen from all the pressure he put on them. He shot Eridan a smirk with a dizzy laugh.

If there was anything sexier in the world than seeing that smug snarkpot nestled between his thighs and smiling about it, Eridan was at a loss to think of it. 

"Get up here an' kiss me." Eridan cupped Sollux's chin, pulling him up, sucking on Sollux's lip before chasing his dirty, filthy, fantastic tongue with his own.

Sollux kissed Eridan back, his hands clumsily gripping at his blanket. He accidentally pushed Eridan on his back mid-kiss, bumping their lips and teeth together. Sollux gave a little, frustrated grunt, but kissed him again regardless as Eridan pulled Sollux with him, one hand on Sollux's ass and the other fishing in his pocket to get a packet of lube. He pulled away, nigh breathless, "Lemme sit up, an' you sit in my lap; lemme see if I can't make you squirm pretty."

Sollux pulled away as far as Eridan's reach would allow, breath catching, arms shaking as they supported his weight. He speechlessly obliged Eridan's order, having no real will to fight him or him or his own curiosity. 

If only he were so obedient about anything else in his damn life, he might be less of a pain to deal with for everyday conversation, Eridan mused. That was neither here nor there, however. He was in Eridan's lap; legs awkwardly coiled behind Eridan's back. His thighs were spread in such a shameless way.

Eridan poured lube into his hand and stroked himself, geting his own hard-on slick. He then traced a slippery finger up Sollux's cock, his touch feather-light as he teased him, circling the head and teasing the tip, before tracing back down. "You want this, don't you Sol? You want me to frig you, an believe me, I'm gonna...come on, Sol, tug me off like you'd tug yourself, an' I'll do the same for you. All you got to do is say you want it."

Sollux only barely registered any of those words, left mesmerized and moaning by that light, torturous touch upon him. His shoulders tensed and he leaned his head back, eyes shut as he rocked his hips up, "Yeah, yes dammit I want it..." 

His slender hand darted forward and gripped Eridan's cock, feeling his own harden further.

One arm wrapped loosely around Sollux, hand on his ass, as Eridan gripped Sollux's shaft with his other. He began to stroke him, roughly, watching the man's face and chest and lips as he did. "Yeah, you want this so fuckin' bad...you just been achin' for somebody's touch, ain't you? An' now you're gettin' it, an' you're so fuckin' out a your mind...Do it, Sol, lose yourself, an' hand-fuck me until we both see stars."

Sollux just squeezed his eyes shut tighter, biting his lip and panting though his nose. He squirmed with the first few strokes, releasing his lip just to cry out softly in that low voice of his. He bucked his hips; releasing his own frustration -his growing need to come- on Eridan's cock. His hand shook anxiously and he couldn't quite get the angle right, but there was a determination behind his movements to pleasure him.

Eridan rolled his own hips, watching Sollux...fuck, he was beautiful, all his barriers and defenses down...his touch was clumsy and uncoordinated, and while the angle was weird, he was doing well for a first-timer, and after all of Sollux's oral attentions Eridan knew he wouldn't last long. "Fuck, Sol, you're doin' wonderfully..." He unhanded Sollux's ass to gently readjust Sollux's angle, groaning out his pleasure as he continued to stroke his partner.

Being adjusted in such a way, Sollux hissed through his teeth, "ED I think I'm- I'm ah...!" His entire lower half jolted and in turn he twisted Eridan's cock smoothly in his hand, probably completely by accident. He peeked his eyes open for a few seconds, watching Eridan's as he squeezed and stroked.

Eridan's eyes rolled back as he arched back, crying out in pleasure, "Fuck, Sol, don't stop, I'm nearly…near...Ffffuuuck!" and he was gone, his seed splattering across Sollux's hand, member, and pelvis as Eridan gripped him tighter and kept pumping his fist for dear life.

Wide, mismatched eyes were locked on Eridan's face as he lost himself, gritting his own teeth as he soaked in the sight of Eridan; ERIDAN of all people at his most vulnerable. Because of him. Sollux only barely held back from screaming, instead gripping his shoulder and giving into the heat and pressure coiling tighter and tighter inside him; fuck it was better than it had ever felt on his own he couldn't even think straight--God he wanted him so fucking badly he was gorgeous and he... 

Sollux then shut his eyes once more, dropping his head forward and digging his nails into Eridan's shoulder as he shot off explosively; scorching hot, burning him up. He made no sound but a tiny crack that seeped through his harsh pants, allowing his breath to dwindle down to a normal pace.

Panting and flopping back against the bed, Eridan’s face split in a wide shark grin. He released Sollux's member, bringing up his hand, dragging his fingers through a splotch of come that had landed on his chest, and bringing the sullied digits into view. He chuckled, "Ain't you glad you didn' tell me t’ fuck off?" as he licked his fingers.

Sollux remained upright, supporting his weight on his hands. His eyes remained shut as he shook his head dizzily, head swimming and leaving him speechless still.

Eridan delivered a light smack to the thigh, arching his back, "Hey, move these ankles, will you? They're crampin' my lie-down."

Sollux's eyes popped open in surprise before turning into a burning glare as he unceremoniously pulled himself off the bed. He walked over to the bathroom, opened the door and all Eridan heard was the sound of the sink running.

Eridan stretched briefly before rocking up and to his feet. Holding his pants up with one hand, he made his way to the bathroom, feeling loose and relaxed all over. He pushed through the ajar door, grabbed a washcloth, tidied himself up, and tossed the rag in the hamper. "You never answered. Ain't you glad you didn't tell me to fuck off?

Sollux's words came out caustic and irritated; as he was slightly distracted and just slightly blind in the bright white bathroom, "Fine. Yes. It was splendiferously fucking amazing, you happy?"

Eridan flashed him a bright grin, as he wrangled himself back into his pants, "Can't you tell?"

Sollux's eyes flicked over to Eridan's face for a second before darting back to his hands under the faucet, which he then promptly shut off, "Can I have my glasses back now?"

"Oh, right." He drew the forgotten shades out of his pocket and handed them to Sollux. "You earned 'em back, an' then some."

Eridan left the bathroom as Sollux snorted to himself, “‘Earned ’em.’” 

Eridan retrieved the rest of his clothes from the floor as he called in, "I'm thinkin' this could be the start a one seriously beautiful thing, Sol. You wanna go again sometime?"

At the mention of a second time, Sollux froze, fingers twitching on his glasses. He wanted to scream yes. Yes yes yes in the name of all things hot and logical and delicious. He still found himself staring into the sink, grinding his teeth as he considered his verbal answer, "I dunno, maybe."

Eridan ducked his head back into the bathroom, grinning in victory, all dressed but for the scarf in his hands, "What was that, Sol? I didn' hear you."

Sollux turned back, stating emphatically, "I Dunno. Maybe.”

Eridan wound the scarf around his neck, reaching over and smacking Sollux square on his bare bottom. "C'mon, that was more fun than a maybe deserves."

Oh right, that was what was keeping him from giving a definite answer. That classic charm and wit he'd failed to grow an immunity from. 

"I-" Sollux struggled to come up with words, "Look, it was fun, I'll admit, I just... I'm a virgin, ok? Just kinda nervous."

"Pfff, that's fuckin' adorable." Eridan turned Sollux to face him and pinched his cheeks. "You're fuckin' adorable. Fuckin' precious even. I can't wait to ride your ass...an' I'm bettin' you'll be lookin' forward to it too, 'fore long if you ain't already."

"Fuck you!" Sollux flushed angrily and yanked himself back, setting his sunglasses back on his face and stalking back into his room with a slam of the door for emphasis.

Eridan's laughter echoed through Sollux's door as he crossed the bathroom into his room. He recalled that repressed little squeak of a moan he gave out upon his climax and grinned. That was the sound of someone who wanted- no. Needed more. 

There would be a next time. He was sure of it. Oh yeah, he thought, he was going to make Sollux cry out so pretty and want him to never ever stop...Poor guy just didn't know that yet.

Meanwhile Sollux yanked his pants and boxers back on, leaning against his desk and staring at his bed, his blanket, his shirt on the floor. He grunted and balled them all together and stuffed them in his hamper as best as he could. He got his laundry detergent and as an afterthought, grabbed his jacket from the floor and threw it on. He walked across the hallway to the empty laundry room and threw everything into one washer, barely getting it to fit, but not giving a shit. He even tore his jacket off, pushing it in with the rest of his laundry, pouring the soap in, and letting the cycle run. He went back to his dorm room and fell back onto his bare bed. 

He stared at the ceiling for a minute or so, rolling his tongue around in his mouth. He still tasted like Eridan. 

Crap. 

He swallowed and covered his face with his arms.

\---  
END OF ACT ONE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sollux? You mean-- wait, WHAT?? You WHAT?" Karkat's eyebrows twitched at that visual, "You... what did you somehow set your fucking bed on fire because last I checked, that's what happens when you rub two sticks together long enough."
> 
> (http://archiveofourown.org/works/440109/chapters/750304 


End file.
